Labeled Love

by Danielle Rocco

  I failed her tonight.

  When the cops lift me off the ground, I don’t want to look at her or see the disappointment in her eyes. It’s no use, though. They stand me up facing everyone. Right away, my eyes lock with the only girl I’ve ever wanted to look at for the rest of my life. She gasps, putting her hands to her mouth.

  “He’s hurt!” she screams. I know she’s talking about the gash on my head. I’m not worried about it. The head always bleeds heavily. I try to get words out of my mouth to comfort her, but who am I kidding? She will find no comfort right now. “He’s hurt!” she repeats through frantic breaths.

  People gathered around yell out angrily, “Are you kidding me, Shay?”

  Cole starts spitting up blood next to her on the pavement. She shudders. If I didn’t have my fucking hands handcuffed behind my back, I would kick his ass all over again for making my girl scared.

  I bite my bottom lip hard for my stupid thoughts. I’m the one that should be getting my ass kicked for what I just did. Cole doesn’t look good. I think I really fucked him up. I should’ve kept my cool. Looking up at Shay with pleading eyes, I mouth slowly as the cop backs me up into the cop car, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Wipe his face!” she screams, trying to get to me. Landon puts his arms around her from behind, bringing her back. “Please,” she cries, “he’s hurt. Please, wipe the blood off his face.”

  I can’t take hearing her voice so distraught. I know nothing is going to make her feel better right now, but I have to try. “Baby, I’m okay… Please, stop crying. I’ll be okay.” We don’t break eye contact until I’m shut into the police car.

  “I’ll make sure she’s okay,” Landon says the last words I hear.

  Shay.

  Looking down, I wince from the pain radiating down my arms from the tightness of the handcuffs. Blood freely falls down my face.

  What the hell am I going to do now?

  WHAT THE HELL just happened?

  When I heard the commotion, I was sitting with a mouth full of marshmallow, just like Jace told me to do. I was filled with warm thoughts of my boy. People started chanting, “Fight,” and ran to the front of the house. I didn’t know what to think. I just ran when I saw Landon sprinting away from Brooke. He had her pinned against the house, tongue down her throat.

  We were just in the backyard. I was just sitting in his lap. He was just kissing me.

  Literally in shock, I don’t even register the fact that the paramedics have shown up until I see them tending to Cole. He doesn’t look good. They lay him down onto a gurney as he goes limp. I should care. I know I should go make sure the boy I’ve known all my life is okay, but somehow I can’t make myself do it.

  Everything moves in slow motion. Officers are asking kids what happened while I focus on one thing: my boyfriend is in the back of a police car in handcuffs!

  Landon loosens his tight grip on me. I spin around. “What are you all staring at?” I ask, looking at all my friends, most of them I’ve grown up with. They are looking at me, but their stare is filled with shock, sadness, embarrassment, and pity. It makes me sick. “You all just stood there. Every one of you let that happen.” I turn to my guy friends. “Why did you let that happen?” My gaze goes to Brett and Sean. “Why didn’t you do something?” They stand still, but I see Brett’s and Sean’s quiet gaze of regret. “And… you!” I walk toward Cole. I don’t know what I expect from him right now; he’s not even responding to the paramedics.

  Landon grabs me again, turning me to face to him as he says, “It’s not worth it, Shay.”

  My face softens. He’s my only connection to Jace right now. I break down in his arms, barely whispering because my throat hurts from screaming. “Landon.” I swallow heavy gasps of air while he looks pleadingly into my tear-filled eyes.

  “Calm down, Shay. Take a breath, girl,” he says calmly.

  “I can’t breathe, Landon… I can’t breathe. I need to go to him… Please, take me to him.”

  “I wish I could. They won’t let you see him right now,” he says solemnly. Shaking, I dive into his chest, just as soft waves of blonde hair surround me.

  Jules.

  “I’ve got you.” She comforts me. Lifting my head off Landon’s chest, I go right into Jules’ waiting arms. She rubs my back as she turns to the crowd. “You’re all so stupid. I can’t believe you allowed that to happen. Seriously, Cole never knows when to stop.”

  “Wow, Jules, look what he did to Cole.”

  Jules whips her long blonde hair in Devin’s direction. “You’ve always been such a classless bitch, Devin,” Jules spits out.

  Landon brushes the hair out of my face that is sticking to my trembling mouth. “Let me take you home, Shay.”

  “No,” I say with force.

  “Take me to Jace. I want to be there when he gets home. Please, Landon, take me to him.”

  “Shay, I don’t know when he will get home. I don’t know what the charges are yet,” he tells me as bile rises in my stomach.

  “Where are they taking him?”

  “I don’t know. We can go to the police station, and they can give us that information,” he says. I nod my head. Without turning around to any of my so-called friends, I walk away, leaving behind low whispers. Jules guides me to her car as Landon tells her, “Follow me.”

  I’VE NEVER BEEN inside a police station before. It’s exactly what I thought it would be like. You know, when you watch those CSI shows. It’s cold, quiet, and the officers are unkind and all about business. They have no emotion when they speak to you.

  Nothing.

  Absolutely stoic in their demeanor.

  They couldn’t care less that I just walked in tear-stained and shaking. They couldn’t care less that my boyfriend has a cut on his forehead deep enough to need stitches. That he’s probably bleeding. That his shirt is covered in blood.

  Blood.

  There was so much blood.

  They don’t care that the boy I deeply love is hurt. That he was just defending himself. They don’t give a rat’s ass right now.

  “Excuse me,” I say.

  An old man who obviously spends his time here for kicks, because he’s definitely in retirement stage, looks up at me from his desk with an annoyed expression. “Can I help you?”

  “Yes, there was an incident—”

  “There’s always an incident,” he interrupts me. I clear my throat. That was rude. Does he think I’m here for my damn health? Of course, there was an incident. That’s why I’m standing here with tears in my eyes. Landon sees my frustration and moves me aside with Jules.

  “Has a Jace James been brought in?”

  The man looks at the three of us, gets up out of his chair, and walks over to what I assume is a log of calls for the night. I wait with a pit in my stomach. Slowly, he walks back over to us, looking up at our waiting faces. “He’s been sent to Central County Jail.”

  “Oh shit,” Landon says.

  Jules grabs me by the waist as I start to fall. “I’m going to be sick.” Before my knees buckle, I run out the door and throw up everywhere. Jules comes up behind me, holding my hair as I empty my stomach. Once I begin to dry heave, Jules walks me away from the mess I just deposited all over the pavement at the police station entrance. I drop to my knees. “He didn’t do anything! He was provoked!” Landon exits the door, looking down and walking over my vomit so he doesn’t step in it. “When will they let him out?” I ask him.

  “I’m not sure when he will get released,” he replies somberly. “He’s over eighteen.” I gasp in horror at the thought of him in a jail cell overnight. “Shay,” Landon says, “he’s a big boy. He’ll be okay. Besides, this is his first offense as an adult.”

  I look at him, confused. “What do you mean ‘as an adult’? He’s never been in trouble before, has he?”

  “Um… I thought you would know.”

  “I’ve only ever known what Jace tells me.”

  “Well, it’s really not my p
lace.”

  “Landon, seriously,” I beg. Glancing over, I see Jules looking down at her cell phone. “Who are you talking to?”

  “Beau just texted me. He said you didn’t answer his text.”

  “Oh crap, I forgot Beau was going to check on me. He always checks on me when I go to a party.”

  “What did you tell him? And, how does he have your number?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t give it to him.” She shrugs.

  “Maybe he asked my mom,” I say, defeated.

  “Just tell him we’re fine, and that we are on our way to the house, so he doesn’t worry.” My gaze goes back to Landon. I know he is glad for the distraction so he doesn’t have to answer my question. “Well?”

  “Well… I think it’s Jace’s place to tell you what he does when he’s not with you.”

  “He didn’t do anything,” I say.

  “Yeah, Shay, tonight he did. He beat the shit out of Cole, and now it’s going to be up to the judge if he did anything wrong.”

  “Please, take me to his house. All these years together, Landon, and I don’t even know where he lives.” I take a deep breath, my fear replaced with anger. “Can you believe in eight years I’ve never known where my boyfriend lives?”

  Jules looks to Landon. “You know, that is pretty weird. Don’t you think?” she tells him. He shrugs his shoulders.

  “You don’t live like we do, Shay.” He glances at Jules, looking her up and down. Of course, she is in a dress and heels, even for a high school party. “That goes for you, too.” She squints her eyes at him.

  “I don’t care how he lives. I mean… I’ve never cared about anything, but how I feel about him. Where he lives makes no difference to me.”

  “He loves you. He really loves you. I don’t want to speak for Jace, but I know he wants more. He’s never wanted you to see where he comes from. He just wants to build something for himself, so he can show you where he wants to go. Things don’t come easy for us, and he can never catch a break.”

  I exhale a breath, knowing Jace has struggles he probably never tells me about. “I understand what you’re telling me, I do, but I’m done with him keeping me in the dark. He’s going to have to let me in.” I huff. “I want you to take me to his house first thing in the morning. I need to be there for him. He’s always found a way to be there for me, and now it’s my turn.” I touch my palm to my heart. “Don’t you see? It’s time I’m there for him. He’s never really had anyone to take care of him. I want to take care of him. I want to finally be the one that’s there waiting for him when he needs me. Please understand that, Landon.”

  He closes his eyes. “Okay.” Taking my phone, he adds his cell number. “I will call you first thing in the morning.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “I hate to leave you like this…” He pauses.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of my girl,” Jules chimes in, looking over at Landon. He comes up to me, giving me a supportive hug.

  “It’s going to be okay. Try to get some sleep.”

  I crack a slight smile. How am I supposed to sleep tonight?

  JULES DROPS ME off, and I head into my room as soon as I walk into the house. I told her not to come in. I just want to be alone.

  Alone.

  Just like Jace is right now.

  I don’t deserve someone’s company. It’s my fault. I should have known that Cole would mess with him. How could I have been so stupid?

  My teeth are chattering, but I can’t even will them to stop. I can’t stop shaking. I’m so angry with myself. Everyone just stood there and didn’t do anything to stop the fight.

  I’m scared Jace is hurt. I can’t stop hearing him get slammed to the ground. The image of the blood pouring from his face is making me want to throw up all over again. I start pacing, looking around my room.

  I look at every little corner. Why is my room so perfect? The moonlight is coming through my huge windows. It’s so perfect. I want to crawl in my closet. I don’t want to be in this perfect room when my boy is bleeding in a jail cell.

  Sitting in the darken silence of my perfectly kept room, I weep. I need to see him. I can’t wait until morning. I stand up quickly, with my teeth on the verge of cracking from clenching uncontrollably. I’m on the verge of hysterics.

  Turning on my light, facing the most important part of my room, I look at the countless photos with pretty paper behind each one that fills the wall alongside my bed. Every one of them is of my boy and me. Crawling on top of my bed, I touch each of them until I land on the very first picture we took together. Jace was so fresh-faced and adorably cute. Thirteen years old and already so easy-on-the-eyes. I loved him already at that moment.

  I want to rip the picture off the wall and hold it against my beating chest. Grabbing it, I try to peel it back with my shaky fingers, but it’s sticky. Come on. Get off the damn wall! I want this damn picture! It won’t budge. I scoot over on my bed, trying to get the one that we took at the zoo when we went with the community center. I try to be gentle and take my time, but I tear a little corner of the paper. “Dammit! I want that picture!”

  I lose it. My heart beats loudly as I jump off my bed and walk to my closet to get my box of homemade cards. My bedroom door slowly opens. “Shay?” Mom says quietly as she enters my room. “Is everything okay?”

  “It’s fine,” I say, wiping the flood of tears that is streaming down my face.

  “Why are you crying?” she asks, looking around the room.

  “It wasn’t his fault.” Going through my closet like a madwoman, I’m searching for my perfectly kept box with everything my boy has ever given me.

  “What’s not ‘his fault’? What are you talking about, Shay?” She comes up to me, grabbing me. “Look at me.” My eyes are so filled with tears that she looks like a blur. As I’m about to respond, my dad walks into the room.

  “What the hell is going on in here?”

  “Daddy, please don’t be upset.” I crumble to the floor of my perfect bedroom with my perfect soft rug to keep my room cozy and cry into my hands. “Jace was arrested tonight.”

  First, I hear my mom gasp, and then I hear my dad inhale the biggest breath I think I’ve ever heard him take. My mom kneels down to the floor beside me. “We need to know what happened, Shay.” She brushes back the hair that has fallen in my face, and I look up into my dad’s waiting eyes.

  “He got into a fight with Cole. It got out of hand.”

  “Is Cole okay?” Mom asks. Cole is the last person I’m worried about, but I answer the best I can, because I don’t really know.

  “I don’t know. An ambulance came.”

  “Are you kidding me, Shay?” my dad yells, making me jump.

  “Dad, I swear, everyone just stood there. Nobody intervened except Jace’s friend. By then, it was too late. The police showed up, and everything just happened so fast…” Dad walks out of my room. “Where is he going?” I ask my mom between gasping for air.

  “I’m sure he’s calling Cole’s dad.”

  “Mom, you have no idea how Cole is when it comes to Jace. I don’t know what caused the fight. By the time I got to them, it was already total chaos.”

  A few minutes pass, and Dad walks back into my room, as Mom is practically rocking me like a baby on the floor. “We have some serious damage control.”

  “What did he say, Steven?” Mom asks, concerned.

  Dad runs his hands over his scruffy face. I know that means he’s not happy. “They’re pressing charges.”

  “Steven?”

  He looks from my mother to me. “Aggravated assault,” he says seriously. Then, he repeats himself as though we didn’t register what he said. “Aggravated assault. That’s not good, Shay. Jace almost killed Cole.” He rubs his face again. “Cole is in the hospital, Shay.” I tuck my face against my mom’s neck, trying to find some sort of comfort in this disaster.

  “What does that mean, Dad?”

  “I can’t be certai
n. I just know Jace could be facing jail time if he’s found guilty.”

  “No! Cole pushed him! Cole always pushed him!” I yell.

  “That doesn’t matter to a judge, Shay. Jace chose violence.”

  I push through my dry throat from crying and ask, “Dad, what can we do?”

  “My hands are tied right now. I can’t do anything.”

  “What do you mean you ‘can’t do anything’? Celebrities get off all the time.” Anger bubbles inside me, taking the place of fear.

  “Jace isn’t a celebrity, Shay.”

  “But we have money. Can’t we bail him out?”

  “No. Until we know what they are going to do with him, we have to wait it out.”

  My mom looks down at me. “Why don’t you try to get some rest, Shay?”

  I break free from her embrace. “I can’t rest while Jace can’t!”

  “Don’t raise your voice to your mom,” Dad says.

  “I’m sorry… I know you’re just trying to help me.” I look up to her. “Mom, I love him so much.”

  “I know you do, baby,” she says, wiping the fresh tears that have fallen down my face. She looks up to my dad, as he stands in the doorway, arms crossed and troubled face. “I’m going to go put on a pot of coffee.” She gets up and walks toward the door. As she passes Dad, he stops her and kisses her cheek. When she goes down the hall, Dad looks back at me.

  “Take a shower. You have makeup running down your face.”

  I get up on shaky legs and walk straight into my bathroom. Turning on the shower, I get under the water and let the flood of tears go. I’ve never cried like this in my entire life. I’ve never had anything to cry about.

  My phone rings, startling me. I jump out of the shower to answer it.

  Jace!

  Holding it, I drip water everywhere. “Hello!”

  “Are you okay? Have you heard anything yet?”

  Jules.

  “No… nothing,” I tell her.