Waking Up

by Renee Dyer

  Leaving as quietly as I entered, I walk back to the bed, take my jeans off, and wait for her. I’m not sure what I was expecting when she came out of the bathroom, but a completely naked Adriana was not it. I instantly get hard and the thoughts roaming through my head would make a porn star proud. She gives me a deer caught in the headlights look and I know I have her. Naturally, I invite her back to bed. Watching her nipples harden and her skin flush as she backs herself into the bathroom, I know she wants to join me.

  She’s mine when she comes back out.

  Reaching for the nightstand drawer, I grab a condom, roll it over my dick, and go wait for her.

  The door opens and my angel stands before me, hair brushed out, body blushing, beautifully naked—she’s so close her stomach is practically impaled by my not so patiently waiting member. Her tongue darts out to lick across her bottom lip and the small hold I had on my sanity is lost.

  Lightening fast, I have her against the wall, lifted up, her legs wrapped around me, and I’ve entered her in one hard push. My name falling from her lips nearly has me coming. Her nails dig into my back. She’s so wet. It’s heaven in her and I’m lost to the pleasure. I push her harder against the wall, push faster into the divinity I’ve found in her moisture. All abandon is lost as I go at her as hard and fast as I can. Her breathing increases. Like a vise she tightens around me. Thank fucking Christ, I can’t hold out much longer.

  “Oh God, Tucker. Harder. Don’t… Ohhhh… Stop… Ahhhhh.” Her walls clench tight around me making me want to drop to my knees and worship her for the pleasure she’s giving me. Ripple after ripple flows through her over my sensitive cock and I’m getting so close.

  Pounding her, keeping up a relentless rhythm, her moans fill my ears. My balls tighten, my release boring down on me. I want to stay buried in her forever. I feel the strain all the way down my legs, in my back. I swear my brain is going to burn up from the orgasm about to let loose. Stars start to appear behind my eyes. I bite down on her shoulder, hear her cry out as my release takes over. “Fuuucck!"

  It’s not eloquent or romantic, but neither was the way I just took her. We’re both panting, her head lying on my shoulder as our breathing starts to come under control. I needed this, she needed this. Last night is forgotten, the bad parts anyways.

  Keeping her wrapped around me, I walk us both into the bathroom and as much as I don’t want to, I put her down while I start the shower and discard my used wrapping. The water perfect, I reach for her, and pull her in with me.

  Her body is perfection, but glistening wet, it’s beyond heavenly. I came in here to clean her up, not get her dirty again, but I’m not sure I can tell that to my dick that is starting to get hard again. Think nasty thoughts, Stavros, rotting food, dog shit… ahhh! Her arms over her head, rinsing her hair, shoving her tits in my face, so does not help! Where was I? Right, dog shit—stinky dog shit. This isn’t working. I’m stiff as a fucking board and fucking is what I want to be doing right now.

  Wet fingers wrap around my cock, driving all images of dogs, shit or anything, but Adriana and her well placed hand from my mind. “Whatcha doing, sweetness?”

  The mischief in her eyes is going to be my undoing. “He looks like he wants some attention, standing there, waving at me so nicely.” Her voice has dropped an octave and she’s staring at me through her eyelashes. She keeps her eyes locked with mine while her hands start a trek up and down, the water adding a layer of lubricant and warmth. Dropping my head back on my shoulders, I let the pleasure roll through me. I close my eyes, wanting to feel everything—the water spraying on my body, her hand stroking my shaft, her other hand cupping my balls, hear her breathing pick up, know she’s aroused from touching me.

  Her body, full body, rubbing against me jerks my head up. I gaze down at her. Need shines in her eyes. I want to take care of her. Fuck her till she’s sated and satisfied. “I don’t have a condom.” It pains me to say because there’s nothing I want more than to be balls deep in her sweet depths, but I’m no bastard.

  “I’m on the pill, Tucker. I’m clean.”

  “Fuck me,” I roar.

  “That’s the plan,” she giggles. She’s adorable and I’m turned on, bad combination. Hand around her waist, I turn her in my arms, bend her over so she has no choice but to hold onto the wall, and plunge into her from behind.

  Our cries ring out in unison. She wiggles her ass back on me and I swear I’m going to come like a prepubescent teenager if she keeps it up. Smacking her ass, I love the “ooh” sound that comes out of her mouth contrasting with the slapping of my hand off her wet skin. Soft whimpers continue to fall from her lips as I plow into her, her arms holding tight, keeping her in place. My hands are braced on her hips, giving me extra leverage, allowing me deeper penetration. I feel like a man starved and she’s my first meal in years. I can’t get enough of her. The feel of my dick buried in her wetness, filling her, burying myself until I can’t go any deeper—I’m crazed with my need to possess every part of her.

  Her muscles tighten around me. Holy Christ, it isn’t possible to feel better, but it does. She’s squeezing me, her orgasm working its way closer. Her whimpers turn to moans overtaking the sounds of the water. Our bodies slap together. I hear myself growling, my fingers are digging into her hips. My climax is close… so close… oh, Goddamn, it’s coming.

  “Adriana!”

  “Tucker!”

  We scream each other’s names as we fall over the edge together. Holy shit. I’ve never barebacked before and that was fucking amazing. I can’t catch my breath or slow my racing heart. I think this woman is going to be the death of me.

  But, what sweeter way to die?

  Slowly, I pull out of her and spin her to face me, placing a kiss to her lips, guilt swamping me that I took her twice without kissing her. I’m not an animal, even if I acted like it. I can’t help that I lose all sense of myself when she’s around. Her tiny frame molds into mine and contentment fills me. It’s a foreign feeling. It’s uncomfortable and overwhelming and I don’t want it to stop.

  “So, what’s up with the gigantic bedroom and bathroom?” I ask her, needing a break from the serious emotions rolling through me.

  Her laughter tickles across my chest. “You haven’t even seen the closet yet.” Her tiny laugh from before turns into full blown laughter, the kind that starts at your toes and works its way up. She’s holding her sides and wiping at her eyes. I’m trying to wash her up, but it’s impossible with the way she’s doubled over. I’m not sure what she finds so funny, but damn she’s gorgeous and seeing her laughing almost has me hard again. Laying my hand along her cheek, I rub my thumb over her bottom lip.

  “You are beyond beautiful.”

  Her laughter starts to subside and I see her face turn more serious. I miss the woman I saw seconds ago. “Alex and I planned to have a big family. That’s why this is a seven bedroom house. He always told me there’d be days the kids would make us crazy and we’d want to get away, want a place that was just ours. He wanted to create a space that was for us.” I see sadness cross over her eyes. “He said it would be our place to relax, to enjoy each other, a place of love and comfort. Our little kingdom. That’s why it’s so big,” she says on a false giggle. “To be honest, Tucker, now that it’s just me, I feel like I’m being swallowed whole. It’s too much for one person. This was our dream and he’s not here anymore. I was thinking of selling and moving, but our friends our here and. . . ”

  Wrapping her as tight as I can to me, I whisper, “It’s okay to be angry at him, Adriana. You know that, right?”

  I’m not ready for her to push herself off me or for the murderous look in her eyes. “I’m not angry at Alex. You’re out of line, Tucker. Alex didn’t do anything! He was taken away from me. He didn’t choose to leave. He didn’t have a choice!” Her voice is shrill, anger dripping from every word and I see the tears forming. Dammit. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I watch her turn her back on me and all I can do is sigh. I woul
d say I opened my mouth and inserted my foot, but really all I did was say something she didn’t want to hear. Adriana still isn’t dealing with her grief and it’s stopping her from living her life.

  Then, why do I feel so bad?

  Quickly finishing the shower, I dress and make her bed before returning to my room, replaying her conversation with Alex over and over in my head. She likes me and worries about letting me down. It means she cares about me.

  To what degree? Is her grief going to make her push me away?

  She’s going to want me to apologize and I can’t do that. I’m sorry what I said hurt her, but I’m not sorry I said it. Her friends have walked around for over a year on eggshells around her getting nowhere. She needed to hear what I said whether she liked it or not. Her one-sided conversations with her dead husband and her inability to let her friends talk about him without having panic attacks—it’s been going on too long. It’s time for some tough love and some brutal honesty. I’m the guy for the job because the one thing I am is honest.

  Nutting up, I run my fingers through my wet hair and make my way down the stairs. I stop dead in my tracks when I hear Skid Row’s Wasted Time coming through the speakers. My heart clenches hoping this song isn’t intended for me. Adriana is standing at the sink, eyes fixated on something beyond the window. The microwave dings, but she doesn’t move. I wonder if she knows I’m here.

  I know every time she’s in the room. The air shimmers with electricity. The hairs on my arms stand at attention, I’m sure hoping to touch her first. My ears drum with awareness of every sound, each nuance of noise resonating through me. I hum with anticipation whenever she’s near me, waiting for her to touch me, speak to me, grace me with any part of her beauty. I’m lost to everything that makes up Adriana.

  Clearing my throat, my heart sinks when she turns sad eyes to me. I could deal with the angry eyes that I saw when she left the shower, but this—this is the Adriana that pushes me away. The Adriana that shuts everybody out.

  “Smells good.” I try to smile, but fail. The knot in my stomach is growing.

  “I heated up some muffins from yesterday. Figured you’d be hungry.” She’s talking, but she’s not looking at me. She’s not looking at anything.

  “I could eat. Worked up quite the appetite,” I tease. It hits its intended mark because she blushes and a small smile curves her lips. I guess she doesn’t totally hate me. I don’t want to lose what we’ve started, but I know there’s a damn good chance she’s going to tell me to pack up and head out. The faraway stare she had a few seconds ago wasn’t a good one. If she tells me to go, I hope what I have to say to her helps her to move forward with her life because she can’t keep going like she has been and I don’t want to be the reason she goes backwards. Unease settles in my stomach and I wonder if I should say anything at all.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” I vaguely hear her ask.

  “Hmmm?”

  “You look pretty lost in your head over there, Tucker. Thought that was my job.” The sadness in her tone is almost my undoing, but it is also the fire I need to do what has to be done. No matter the outcome, someone has to be the bad guy and say it straight to her. Looks like I’m going to be that guy. What does Grams always tell me? What’s meant to be, will be. Let’s hope she understands why I need to say this when all is said and done.

  “Sweetness.” A little buttering up never hurts, right? Shit, my mouth is dry. Grabbing a glass, I fill it with water, downing the whole thing before I can start. She watches my every movement and I pray she doesn’t think I’m trying to come up with an apology. It will kill me if she thinks that because this is so not that. Guilt and unease are eating me up. I know she’s going to hate me and I still can’t stop what has to be done and I hate myself for it, but in caring for her, I know this needs to be done. And I hate that, too.

  She takes a step toward me. And another one. No. No, don’t do that, Adriana. Don’t soften toward me. You don’t know what’s coming. You have no idea the words about to come from my mouth.

  “Sweetness,” I start again, stopping her in her tracks. “I know you want to hear me say I’m sorry. You want me to say I was out of line and that I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, but I can’t. I won’t.” The gasp falling from her lips and the hurt flashing in her eyes nearly buckles my knees, but I force my spine to straighten and tell myself to be strong. This is for her. No matter the outcome— this is all for her. She tries to walk around me and I gently grab her upper arm. I don’t try to turn her, but I lower my voice. “Please hear me out before you walk away.” I hear the pleading, the desperation, in my voice.

  “I don’t think I want to hear anything else you have to say, Tucker,” she says, turning back to me. Her voice is angry, hurt. I knew it would be, but I thought she would let me explain. I thought I meant enough that she would let me explain. “You think because we fucked a few times you know me so well you can tell me how to feel about a man I have loved since I was six years old, a man I still love and always will.” I flinch at her words and the raising of her voice.

  She just made a classic mistake. She didn’t tell me to leave. Had she done that, I would have packed and left. Instead, she screamed in my face, threw insults at me. Now she has a fight on her hands because— well, I have a problem controlling my temper. Is it a problem? Yeah, it is. Should I get help for it? Probably.

  “Fucking you,” I throw back at her, “had nothing to do with what I said to you, Adriana. Hearing you talk to your dead husband in the shower had everything to do with it.” I spit the words out. I never meant to tell her I overheard, but I’m hurt that she keeps throwing Alex in my face and I can’t think when I’m hurt.

  “Y-You were eavesdropping on me?” she asks incredulously.

  Her attitude is pissing me off. Doesn’t she get it? Everything I’ve done has been for her. How the hell is she so Goddamn blind?

  “I followed you into the bathroom to tell that if you regretted what happened between us, I would leave. I didn’t want to be further pain for you.” Another gasp falls from her lips. Is that the only sound she knows how to make? “Hearing you talk to Alex made me realize two things. One, at night when I thought you were talking to your friends, you were actually talking to him. And, two, you’ve been enjoying hanging out with me as much as I’ve been enjoying hanging out with you. Apparently, that scares the shit out of you. Here’s some news for you— it scares the shit out of me, too.” My voice is rising now and I can’t help it. I want to keep my cool, but she gets under my skin.

  “So now you know how I feel, too?” She’s huffing at me, fire burning in her eyes, challenging me.

  “Someone has to pay attention and report back and God knows your friends aren’t allowed to.” Murder flashes in her eyes, but I keep going. “Jesus, Adriana, you said it yourself, the first time they truly talked about Alex was the night I showed up. Why weren’t they allowed to mourn him? Huh? Oh, that’s right. Poor Adriana couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t even handle hearing his name. So no one else was allowed to mourn or say goodbye either. They couldn’t say goodbye to the man they loved because you couldn’t.” I know I’m pushing her hard, making her face emotions she may not be ready to, that may make her hate me, but someone has to get her to finally live again.

  “You’re a cruel bastard, Tucker Stavros. I never said they couldn’t say goodbye to Alex. I…”

  “But, how did you act when they tried talking about him? How have you been since he died? I heard what you said to him this morning. You said you tried not living to be closer to him. You left your friends here watching you die. They lost him and they lost you, too. They were losing you every day. Wake up, Adriana. Alex died. Not you. You’re still here. You’re alive. You’re surrounded by people who love you. People who want to be involved in your life every day. Stop pushing them away.”

  “Fuck you.” Boy, she’s clever when she’s pissed. She’s going to have to come at me with better than that.

  “
Fuck me. Why? Because you don’t like what I have to say? Because I make you feel again? Because I know a secret you can’t tell the people closest to you? What is it, Adriana?” She finally looks at me, tears brimming in her eyes, and I get it, I see it. It hits me like a punch to the gut and as much as I want to let up and simply hold her, I can’t. I said I was going to be the bad guy no matter the outcome and I need to finish this. “It’s all of those things, but most of all, it’s because I make you feel like I did last night. It was me you were feeling last night, Adriana, not Alex.”

  I know how this is going to hurt her and using his name is deliberate. “It’s my name you were screaming, not Alex’s. It’s my body you were clinging to, not Alex’s. And it was my dick filling you, stretching you, that made you orgasm and want more this morning. You still want more. I can see it in your eyes, Adriana. Alex can’t put his dick in you anymore. He can’t fill you, possess every crevice until you feel like you’re being devoured from the inside out. I can and it’s time you accept that. Accept that you deserve this.”

  I trace my finger along her jaw, feel the shudder that runs through her body.

  The scream that barrels from her throat jolts me, stops me dead in my tracks, and I almost don’t catch her as her body goes limp and she drops before me. Holding her to my chest, I realize she’s more broken than I thought and I may have just shattered her.

  What did I do?

  “Adriana, I’m so sorry. I thought I was helping.” I repeat that over and over as I rock her back and forth.

  We stay like this, I don’t know how long, but her cries subside and a chuckle escapes her throat. Great, I’ve officially made her lose her mind. Hazel eyes, red rimmed and puffy, peek up at me. The pain I see in them slays me. I would give anything to take it away, take back everything I said. “Don’t apologize, Tucker.” How can she say that? She’s a sobbing mess because of me. Because I pushed too hard. Her fingers come to my mouth, maybe knowing I’m about to speak, protest her words. “You were right. I stopped living. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with Alex. A lot of times, I still do. Now you know both of my secrets, Tucker. I have to get ready to go photograph Bridezilla now. So, if you’ll excuse me?”