Waking Up

by Renee Dyer

  I knew at that moment I was going to pull Alex’s Xbox 360 out of storage for him to use the remainder of his stay with me. Yeah, that meant I wasn’t asking him to leave either. I didn’t want to be another person ripping him from the place he was happy.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my tattoo. I should have when you told me it was Alex’s birthday. I– I just didn’t want it to be another painful reminder for you and after what happened with the pie, I thought it would be.”

  “Tucker.” The words get lost in my throat. I can’t stop my eyes from finding his and I see the second something changes. A tenderness comes over his face and he stands up. He walks over to me, hand held out to me.

  “Dance with me, sweetness.” His voice is raspy, lower than normal, and I feel pulses between my legs. Placing my hand in his, the familiar jolt shoots up my arms and I want to jump into his.

  Pulling me close, he whispers, “This song is for you. Listen closely, Adriana.” Every time he says my name, I feel like he’s seducing me. Placing my head on his chest, I listen and smile when I recognize Daughtry’s Start of Something Good. I love this song. I make myself listen to the words and want to smile and cry at the same time knowing he picked this for me. Lost in the moment it takes me a second to realize that Tucker is waltzing me around my dining room. His strong body is flowing around the room with me following his lead and I was so in tune with the music, I didn’t notice. I throw my head back to stare at the beautiful, masculine, amazing man that I’m just starting to know and I’m scared to death.

  The song ends, but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, he twirls me in a circle and brings me in tight to his chest, wrapping his muscular arms around me. I wrap my arms around his waist, needing this closeness for a minute to think, to get my speeding heart under control. What do I say to him?

  “Sweetness,” the soft rasp of his voice draws me in a way nothing else possibly could. I lift my head and fall into the ocean of his eyes. “I know you’ll think this is crazy. Sometimes I think it’s crazy, too. I know we’ve only known each other a week but I need you to know that I want to continue being in your life even after I go back to Vancouver. You have gotten under my skin like no one ever has and I don’t want you to get out. I don’t know how we make this work, but I do know that I want to be the person you reach for when you wake up from your nightmares, the person you call when you have a bad day, the one you share your happiness with. I get that this is crazy. I really do, but I want to be the man you need, not just the man you want. Please tell me you’ll try, Adriana. I’m asking you to try.”

  I can’t stop the tears from falling now. That was gorgeous. After all the horrible things that have come out of his mouth he said… that. I’m falling for him so hard and I don’t know how to stop. Shaking my head yes because I can’t talk, I fall even harder for the full dimple smile he gives me.

  “Thank God, sweetness. I promise you I will do whatever I can to make you happy. It won’t be easy. I know that. I won’t be easy. Christ, I’m still a work in progress, but I will always be honest with you. We can talk on the phone and text and we can Skype and...” I start giggling around my tears because he sounds like a little kid making out his Christmas list.

  “And what do you think is so funny, Miss Thang?” He gets right in my face still smiling as big as he can. My God he is gorgeous. Running my thumb down his cheek, I place my lips to his. I need one small kiss.

  “Thank you, Tucker, for coming into my life.” I can see him about to question me so I place another quick kiss to his lips. He smiles and I realize he may start trying to interrupt just to get me to kiss him. Can’t say I would mind that, but I need to get this out. I grab his hand and walk him back to his seat and I walk back to mine. The pout he gives me almost makes me giggle again, but I somehow manage to hold it together.

  “The day you came into my life, I was trying to figure out how to tell my friends I wanted to sell this house and move away.” I see him about to say something and I hold my hand up. I need him to let me finish. “I had been suffocating here since Alex left. Every time I saw them, they were a reminder to me that he was gone. It killed me a little more each time. I couldn’t love them without dying inside. Then, you came here and, suddenly, I could talk about him again. And I didn’t stop breathing. My heart didn’t shatter. I didn’t panic. But with that came so much guilt because you were right. I never let them say goodbye and that is something I need to rectify. No, no please do not say sorry or try to say you said that out of anger. You were right, Tucker. Thanks to you, I want to have a memorial service for them to say goodbye to Alex. I don’t know that I’m ready to, but they deserve to. The other morning when you came in my room, did you notice the time?”

  “No, I’m sorry. Should I have?”

  “No, you shouldn’t, but I know the time because I have woken up from that nightmare at the same time every morning since the accident— 4:42 every damn morning. The shrink I used to see told me when I learn to stop blaming myself for surviving when he didn’t, when they all didn’t, then I’ll stop waking up like that. It will stop being a daily reminder that I lost the ones I love the most at 4:42 that day. I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know I’m tired of living this way. I’m tired of living my life only half-living, knowing that every night I’m going to sleep, I’ll be tormented by the worst day of my life and waking up the next morning to live in all this pain. It started changing when you got here. I started feeling things that scare me, things I don’t know what to do with and for one morning, I woke up with no nightmares. I know I still have a long way to go, but if you’re asking me if I’d rather try or continue waking up to the nightmares then I’m telling you, I’d rather be waking up to you.”

  He’s out of his seat faster than my eyes can keep up with and his mouth is on mine. My arms wrap around his neck. No words are needed to tell me how he feels. He’s kissing my face and neck and chest. I can’t keep up with him. His hands squeeze my thighs, push my dress up, and I feel wetness in my panties. Oh my God. In my dining room chair?

  He continues to inch my dress up, the satin of my dress sliding across my thighs, its smooth texture leaving a trail of fire in its path. I wish his tongue was following. I am so wet and I fear that he’ll be able to see it now that he has my dress so high, but his eyes are on mine. Slamming his tongue into my mouth, he swallows my moan. Our tongues war for supremacy and I’m inclined to let his win. The growl reverberating from his throat gains more wetness from my core and all I can think is I want him to fuck me now.

  Grabbing his dick through his pants, I jump when he bites my tongue, not hard, but enough to get my attention.

  “Anxious little minx, aren’t you?” The rasp in his voice has me twitching in my seat. He’s kneeling between my legs so I can’t clench or do anything about the ache. “Don’t worry, sweetness; I’ll take care of you.” I hear a tearing and feel a burn across my ass as he rips my panties off. His arms spread me wide before him and I hold onto the seat. He wastes no time diving in, his tongue delving in as deep as it can go.

  “Holy shit! Tucker!”

  Over and over he plunges his tongue in and out of me, teasing me before he runs it straight up my middle, eliciting a scream from me. Shoving two fingers in at once, he sinks them all the way in while his tongue continues trailing my clit. I can feel the tightening starting in my lower belly and working its way outward, stars cloud my vision. Oh fuck, I can’t hold out much longer.

  “Tucker… aaaaaaarrrrrrrhhhhhhh!” My world shatters around his fingers and tongue. I buck and writhe not caring that I just had an orgasm on my dining room chair.

  My eyes still closed, reeling from the aftershocks of the amazing “O” he bestowed on me, I hear his zipper. I peek out at him and see him dropping his pants. Oh, how I love that he goes commando. I go to grab for him and he slaps my hand away with a smile on his face.

  “I need in you, sweetness. With how beautiful you just looked while you came and you screaming m
y name, I won’t last two minutes if you start touching me.”

  I feel a blush creep up my cheeks. Funny that I still blush even after what we did.

  Grabbing my arms, he wraps them around his neck, lifts me up, wraps my legs around his waist, and sits back on the chair. I get onto my knees. I like this. Lifting me by my ass, he lines me up over his erection and I force myself over him. Dropping down, he’s sheathed in me fully in one thrust. He bites down on my shoulder, crying out my name at the same time. I want to orgasm from the sound of it. I’m so turned on, I ride him at a frantic pace despite him begging me to slow down because he won’t last like this. I don’t care. I want him to lose control and to know it’s because of me. His lips are on my neck, kissing and nipping as I rise and fall on him. Again and again and again, I rise up and push back down with all my might, reaching behind me to cup his balls.

  “Ah shit, Adriana. I’m gonna come.” I feel him thickening, knows he’s close. Pushing harder, faster, I feel him shoot his load in me, but I don’t let up till I know he’s completely sated.

  Pulling me into his arms, his chests heaving he asks, “Want dessert now, sweetness?”

  Chapter Fifty Four

  Tucker

  So much changed after our dinner. That night was amazing, but the next morning the paparazzi started showing up. I can’t believe Victoria actually called them. She was always a bitch to anyone who got in her way, but never to me. I didn’t think she’d actually do this to me. I had called my agent just in case, but I didn’t think the just in case would happen. Yet, here we are. I got trapped in Adriana’s house with two weeks left to be there. I probably should have left then, but I couldn’t stand the idea of not being with her. The fear on her face when the first bloodsucker showed up had me wanting to go back to Vancouver to hunt Victoria down and murder her viciously. I never thought I was capable of physically harming a female until I saw that look on Adriana’s face.

  I called Eddie, had him construct a security team to come here. I knew it would take them a few days to get here, but I wanted to be sure she would be safe. The paparazzi are bastards. They don’t care who they hurt to get a story. Luckily, the police made it very clear they are not to step foot on Adriana’s property or they will be arrested. Unfortunately, they remain camped out on the road waiting for a chance to photograph either of us or, preferably, both of us. It kills me that she has to sneak through her back yard to Alahna’s to go to work. All the curtains have to remain drawn blocking the sunlight which brings my mood down anytime she’s gone, and now that her stay-cation is over, that is most days. Alahna lets her leave early or take the day off if she can handle what’s scheduled.

  The day after our dinner, Adriana handed me a big cardboard box. She had a shit eating grin on her face, but her eyes told a different story. The sadness there told me whatever was in the box had to do with Alex and made me hesitant to open it. If she hadn’t been watching me so intently, I don’t think I would have opened it, but I could see she wanted me to. So, with shaking fingers, I slowly opened one flap and then the other. An Xbox 360 and a pile of games were the last things I expected to see and when I looked up, her beautiful hazel eyes were all I could see. The mixture of happy and sad in the depths had me reaching for her, thanking and kissing her. I knew why she gave me this. It was her way of saying she had listened to my stories and she wanted to give me back parts of what I lost when I was young. My heart was completely hers and I didn’t know how to tell her that so I kept kissing her, trying to pour all my emotion into that.

  We fell into a routine. I would see her off to work every morning, kiss her crazy, and try to talk her into staying and getting naked with me. Her glorious smile would nearly drop me to my knees. If she worked at the studio next door, she would come home for lunch and a nooner. I started making meals some of the nights for something to do because you can only play so many video games and watch so much TV before you want to rip your eyes out. I did use the gym and the pool too, but it’s not the same as being at your own house. You feel like an interloper and I didn’t want to move around too much or mess up any of her stuff. After dinner, we’d watch movies or I’d play games while she lies in my lap reading her Kindle. I liked those nights the best. I like watching the emotions play across her face as she’s reading, see her get lost in her head in the world she’s imagining. Even the times I see her fighting not to cry because the book has gotten to her that much. Her sniffles always give her away.

  Almost every night we make love, but not in her bed since that first night we were together. And she never stays the night with me either. It hurts to know she sleeps with me then goes to her room to talk to Alex. I know she does because I hear her. Some nights I tiptoe down the hall and eavesdrop. I know I shouldn’t, but I have to know if I’m wasting my time. I never thought I’d be in a three way relationship with myself, a girl I’m crazy for, and a dead guy.

  I won’t lie and say I don’t want to bust through the door when I hear her tell him she still loves him. I want to slam through her door and demand to know how she can say that when she had my dick in her only minutes before, but then I remember that she’s trying. I asked her to try and that’s what she’s doing. She’s not perfect and what we have isn’t perfect, but she is trying.

  There are moments of greatness like when she asked to photograph me. I thought it would be a terrible idea. The paparazzi are here, I can’t relax, but she knocked me in her pool fully dressed. She snapped a bunch of pictures at all different angles before telling me to lose my shirt and then started snapping again. She is a machine when she works. I started cracking up when she blew up a bunch of beach balls and threw them in the pool and told me to have fun. That is what I did, hitting and throwing them around, splashing the water. All the while she snapped picture after picture. I’ve never felt so at ease at a shoot before. I should have known it would be effortless with her. She has a way of putting me at ease.

  When I climbed out of the pool, she helped me out of my wet clothes, stripped off her clothes, and showed me how much she enjoyed our session. I enjoyed naughty photographer.

  Throughout the rest of my stay we found other opportunities for different photo shoots and I was thinking I needed her to do all my shoots. They were amazing. I couldn’t find a shot I disliked. Even when she had me put on a cowboy hat, barefoot with jeans. She really seemed to like that because of some books she had read and I went along for the ride. Whoever this Kelly Elliott lady is, I want to meet her someday to thank her because that night was one of the best of my life.

  Her friends came over several times for dinners and movie nights where I was mostly confined to Adriana’s house. We did sneak me out a time or two, but most times the paparassholes caught us. 4th of July was the best, not only because I got to see the famous stars and stripes bikini Mickayla wore in the calendar shoot, but because we effectively fooled the paparazzi and I was able to hang out with everyone the whole night having fun, drinking beer, eating great food, and watching fireworks next to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I stopped trying to sneak out a couple days later when they took pictures of Deidre and Kale’s kids because they were in the car behind us. We ended up back at Adriana’s ordering pizza, but the kids had been scared by it. More proof for me as to why I could never have kids.

  All of us guys built castles with the boys, but they didn’t have poop names this time. Guessing that’s because mom and dad were there. I was relieved that Deidre and Kale didn’t feel that they should go home and keep the boys away from me. I was finding I loved those boys as if they were my own nephews— not that I could have any being an only child, but they had found a place in my heart. I think all of Adriana’s friends have found a place in my heart.

  We told them that I was planning to keep in touch, that we were going to try the long distance thing. I waited for the lectures. I figured I would get the whole “yeah right, you’ll be real faithful when you’re surrounded by hoards of women comments”, but none came. In fa
ct, they all seemed happy by the idea.

  I spent the two weeks I had with Adriana, letting her get to know me, leaving little notes with facts about me all over. I made the mistake of sneaking in her room to leave a note on her pillow once and never again when I saw her snuggled up to a t-shirt that I can only assume was Alex’s. As much as I know she cares about me, I felt that day that I would never fully win over her heart and that crushed mine. I didn’t leave the note there. Instead I walked out, softly closed her door, and slipped the note under it.

  The notes ranged in messages from happy notes like ‘I know how to do most ballroom dances because my Grams started teaching me when I was nine’ to ‘I made the mistake of having a relationship with a member of the paparazzi. It didn’t end well’. I figured her knowing me meant I needed to let her know all sides of me, not just the good sides.

  I called Grams and Eddie several times to check in and to get advice. I did not want to screw this up. Grams kept telling me she wants to meet this girl who has me sounding so happy and Eddie… well, Eddie is skeptical of everything, but if I’m happy then he’s happy for me. He arranged for my truck to be shipped back to Vancouver so I’d get a couple extra days with Adriana. The paparazzi didn’t know that. We had them thinking I was leaving on a different day in hopes they would leave her alone.