Craving Control

by Kylie Hillman

  “Well, what do we have here?” I enquire, snapping my fingers at Maddi.

  She walks to my side straightaway. I smirk at her meek obedience while Mik shakes his head.

  “Not a thing, cockhead. Lainey and I were just saying goodbye.” He glares at me, then gets in my face. “I’ll give you one piece of free advice before I leave you two alone—”

  “And what would that be, biker scum?” My smirk morphs into a sneering challenge.

  He accepts without thinking. “If I hear one word about you hurting Lainey in any way, I’ll hunt you down and kill you. I don't give a fuck who your father is. He won't be able to save you.”

  Maddi draws in a sharp breath and shoots him a pleading look. I throw my head back and roar like it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. "Seems to me that the only person hurting Lainey at the moment is you. Do you leave every girl you meet in tears, or is she special?”

  My barb is pointed, and it buries its sharp edges directly in his guilt. Deep down, he must know that he’s played this all wrong, yet I can see that he’s too prideful to backpedal. I expected more opposition from him—this cowardly reaction is denying me the fight I wanted.

  He’s in love, and it’s made him weak.

  Which is funny because I think it’s made me an even bigger monster. I have something to lose now, and I will defend it to the death.

  Mik stalks out of the room. I follow him as far as the door, closing it behind me once I’m certain he’s not coming back.

  “Now,” I muse, turning to regard Maddi as I lean my back against the wooden door. “I’ve been waiting all day to have you to myself.

  She backs up. I shake my head and she stops short.

  Opening my arms, I tilt my head to the side and beckon her into my embrace with my only eyes. Maddi walks forward and presses herself against me. I run a finger over the make-up covered bruises on her face, then lean down to kiss them.

  “I need you.”

  My statement makes Maddi stiffens. She’s scared and on the verge of denying me. I couldn’t care less how she’s feeling right now. It’s time she paid the price for her slip up.

  “You told him you love him?”

  “I-I, he, it was,” she stammers.

  “Shhhh.” I press two fingers on her lips. “I have a much better use for your mouth than grovelling.”

  Flipping the lock on the door, I press on her shoulders until she falls to her knees. Her gasp is gratifying—proof positive that she still feels every minute of last night in her aching body. I free my hardening cock, palming him, working him over before I press the head against the thin line created by her tightly pressed lips.

  “Open wide, angel.” Her horror at what I’m asking her to do is apparent. It’s not a deterrent. If anything, it makes her upcoming violation sweeter. “I won’t ask again.”

  Maddi parts her lips. I slide my dick between the plump pillows of flesh, taking it easy at first, then increasing my speed and depth once her jaw has relaxed a bit. Hitting the back of her throat, I use both hands to hold her head still when she tries to pull back. She gags. Tears stream down her face. Her nails dig into the skin of my thighs until she realises it’s futile and falls still.

  “Good girl.” I reward her submission with a pat on the head.

  Letting the back of my head rest against the door, I close my eyes and allow the sensations caused by her mouth covering my cock wash over me. My release is building. I shiver. It’s intense. I’m on the cusp, deciding whether to make her swallow my seed, when she sinks her teeth into my dick.

  “Fuck!” I yell.

  Maddi scrambles backward. I chase her down. Catching her by the back of her T-shirt, I wrench her to her feet and toss her against the wall. She bounces off. Landing on her feet like a lioness, she spins to face me. Her eyes are wild. Her body vibrates with her desire to hit me.

  Maddi wants a fight.

  I’d give her what she’s wants, except now is not the time nor the place. Her family is out the back, too close for comfort. This is the moment where Maddi learns not to challenge me in public.

  “I’d think twice before you head down this road,” I warn. “I can ruin your brother’s life with one swipe of my thumb. And, then poof, there goes his biggest dream and it will be all your fault.”

  She swallows. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I want you bent over the back of that chair.”

  Maddi closes her eyes. Her lips move like she’s silently praying. When she lifts her eyelids, I’m greeted by a different girl. Gone is the innocent spirit that drew me to her. In its place, there’s hard-edged acceptance. She’s ceded this fight.

  Once she’s draped her body over the tall back of the chair like I asked, I step behind her. Unbuttoning her pants, I tug them halfway down her thighs. Her panties are no match for my determined fingers when I rip them from her body. I run my cock over her folds then press into her warm body.

  Holding her hips, I move slowly within her. My beast wants to take her hard, but there’s a new voice in my head. This one reminds me of the promise I made last night, so I tamp down on my need to dominate and take Maddi as gently as I can.

  It takes me longer than usual to peak. My body isn’t used to slow and sensual lovemaking, however once I’ve adjusted, I find myself enjoying the change of pace.

  Maddi is stubborn, refusing to take the pleasure I’m offering when I rub her clit. Jamming my hands under her T-shirt, I flick her nipples with my thumbs before returning my attention to the sensitive bundle of nerves at the junction of her legs. Her thighs shake, tremors wracking her body, yet she doesn’t find her climax.

  In my head, I vow to make her come with me next time.

  “Yes,” I groan, losing my rhythm as I spasm inside her, climaxing hard. “You’re perfection. Everything I could ever need.”

  Once I’m done, I pull my dick free and tuck him back in my pants. Turning Maddi to face me, I discover that she’s crying in silence. Tears runs over her face. She does nothing to stem the flow. She simply accepts their presence without a word.

  It’s bewildering.

  I’m confused and devoid of an explanation.

  I was nice this time. I took care of her. I put her needs first.

  So, why does she look like I hurt her more just now than I did last night?

  TWENTY-TWO

  “Do you like it?” Maddi asks, gesturing at the bedroom she’s redecorated for the fourth time since we moved into the house. When I don’t answer immediately, she lays her hand on my face. “Talk to me... what’s wrong?”

  She is solicitous. Worried more about my reaction that she is about her own comfort. This is how it’s been for the past four months. Since the day after her birthday, Maddi has fallen into line. There’s barely been a blip on our horizon once I neutralised all outside influences, and when’s she messed up, she’s accepted my punishments with grace.

  Our life has been nearly perfect.

  I’ve barely had to mention the dirt I have on Benji and I’ve been working on making her giggle like she used to. I’ve missed that sound more than I should have—losing it is probably the only low point of the past few months.

  Now, that’s all about to change.

  “I don’t understand why we have to share a house with Benji?” I ask for what feels like the fiftieth time. “I could quite easily afford to buy us a house of our own. We could move and leave him to his own devices.”

  Maddi runs her hands under my shirt until they’re resting on my heart. My pulse quickens. I lean into her touch, resting my chin on the top of her head. She slides her hands around my waist and hugs me. The contentment I feel when I’m with her rushes through me. An adrenaline surge that somehow calms me. It’s a contradiction, but it seems to be working.

  “I know this is hard for you,” Maddi replies. “But this is where I lived with my mother and I want to continue to share it with you. Now the draft is in full swing, Benji will barely be here. You know, he might ev
en end up moving interstate if he’s selected by one of the other teams. Worst case scenario, we end up spending more time in our bedroom when he’s home. Please, just give me time to see if this work?”

  Seeming satisfied with the arguments she’s present, she pulls back.

  Standing on her tip toes, she kisses me. “Please.”

  I look down at her, the muscle in my jaw working as I grit my teeth.

  Maddi kisses me again. “Please.”

  I swallow the lump her touch brings to my throat, fighting hard to remain aloof.

  Sometimes, I have to deny her my affections just to prove to myself that she’s not playing me. Occasionally, it feels like Maddi has discovered all the right buttons to press, so she can control me like a real-life Sim.

  Case in point, our new living arrangements.

  I’m still uncertain how we went from Maddi taking a year off university to stay home with me, to me agreeing that we would live in the old O’Brien house in the city and I would travel back and forth whenever my father needed me on the farm, to where we are now—having her twin move in with us last week.

  Biting her bottom lip, she blinks fast, dazzling me with her eyes and engulfing me with her delicious scent. My brain doesn’t work properly when she’s this close to me—most of the time, it’s only once we’re apart that I discover I’ve agreed to something I shouldn’t have.

  “You give me so much,” she purrs. “I want to repay the favour, even if it’s only tiny compared to what you do.”

  Ding. Ding. Ding. We have one giant sucker down. Clean up in aisle four. My demon groans while the second voice in my head claps with excitement

  “I want all of you,” I murmur, finally giving in and bending down to take her mouth with mine. “Unfortunately, I have a meeting with my father. I hate leaving you alone, but he made it clear that this is a business matter.”

  She smiles sweetly. “That’s okay. I have some errands to run anyhow.”

  Instantly my hackles are raised. I pull her arms from my waist and frog march her back toward the wall. Maddi hates being trapped which means it’s my number one go-to whenever she steps out of line.

  Like now—slyly dropping her need to run errands alone into our conversation.

  You would think she’s have learned her lesson yesterday. I wasn’t particularly kind in the way I dealt with her when she sprung her surprise about going out to dinner with her brother tonight.

  “I don’t recall you asking permission to go anywhere without me? I thought we agreed that you would run all future plans by me first.”

  “I’ll be quick,” Maddi promises, quickly recognising her misstep. “I only want to grab some groceries and put my resume in at a couple of places.”

  Wedging my knee between her legs, I lift her up the wall until we’re eye to eye. “I told you. I’ll take care of you. You don’t need a job.”

  The protest I expect to come isn’t mounted. Instead, Maddi wraps her arms around my neck and relaxes against me. A flicker of warning catches fire at the back of my neck. It burns. My hair stands on end and an electric shock ripples over my skin.

  Where is her fear?

  Why is she embracing the monster?

  Are my suspicions founded? Is she manipulating me?

  Thoughts tumble around my brain, splattering against my skull like an unboiled egg that’s been dropped on a hot sidewalk. Mistrust invades me. It poisons my mind and forces me to look at Maddi differently.

  I place her back on her feet and put some space between us. She stays where I left her. My gaze searches her form for an answer. I discover nothing. Rather than finding peace, I’m left feeling further adrift when every clue I discover contradicts itself with the next.

  She meets my appraisal with cool resolve, all the while worriedly wringing her hands.

  Her expression is placid, yet her lips are pressed together.

  Her posture is submissive, her stance unguarded, except her feet are facing the exit instead of me.

  “You can’t fool me,” I state, menacingly.

  “I’m not trying to.”

  Maddi’s response can be taken two ways.

  Has she truly yielded to me, or is she playing me like a violin?

  Beat the truth from her, my monster demands.

  Treat her with kindness and she’ll be honest, the second voice advises.

  It’s always easier to give into my baser instincts. Pushing the second voice away, I allow my demon to guide me.

  Seizing hold of Maddi by the front of her shirt, I tear it from her body and throw her to the floor. She lets out a startled cry before she rolls onto her back and crawls backward along the floor to get away from me.

  “Stop.”

  Her reluctance flickers across her face, but she obeys. Her shoulders heave, lifting up and down as she breathes hard. Her tits jiggle in her bra, the tattered remains of her shirt hanging from her shoulders, and the skirt that I demand she wears has ridden up around her hips. The triangle of white silk at the apex of her thighs calls to me.

  Maddi is exposed. Ripe and ready to reveal everything she’s hiding.

  I grab her ankle and drag her back to me. Taking hold of her throat I toss her on our bed and launch myself at her. This will be quick. It will be mean. It will hurt. My meeting with my father gives me little time to dally; however I can’t bring myself to leave before I’ve satisfied my doubts.

  “Brendan, please,” Maddi begs. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It’s too late for apologies.” Unclasping her bra, I strip her clothes from her body and straddle her waist. “It’s time to tell the truth.”

  Confusion clouds her face. She draws her eyebrows together, the vertical frown line telegraphing her concern about what’s to come. I grit my teeth, refusing to give into her emotional terrorism.

  She can worry all she likes.

  I’m not going to stop looking for answers.

  “Why aren’t you scared of me anymore?” I answer.

  A sharp inhale is her immediate response. Her eyes widen, and I watch her struggle to form the right words.

  I slap her chest. She bites back her scream and tries to curl into a ball. It’s useless. She can’t move from her back while I’m on top of her.

  She is at my mercy.

  Exactly like she should be.

  “Don’t lie,” I snarl. “Say what you truly think.”

  She hesitates. I slap her again. Her body bounces from the impact, swaying on the mattress. Still remains silent. The leash I have on my control is stretched tight. It’s about to snap.

  “Tell me,” I punctuate each demand with a slap, alternating between her breasts and her face. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Why aren’t you scared of me? Why do you smile at my monster? Why do you stand in front of me and take everything I dish out? Why haven’t you tried to run?”

  Question after question tumbles from my lips. I’m flaying myself alive. Ripping open my chest and baring my soul to her. Everything I ask comes from my fear of losing her. Maddi is seeing me at my most vulnerable. Weak and afraid. Confused and drowning under my own lack of understanding.

  I slap her and slap her and slap her. Every so often my hand curls into a fist, but I stop myself before I pound her with it. I almost out of control, one single strand keeping me tethered to reality just enough to stop me from destroying her.

  So far, Maddi has taken every strike in silence. Her eyes are screwed shut, her lips moving, but no sound comes out. I am relentless, my only concession is to unfurl my fingers whenever they close into a fist. I need her answers, but I don’t want to ruin what we’ve created together by hurting her too much. She just needs to give me the answers I seek so I can stop the voices in my head from turning every good moment we spend together into a new misgiving.

  “Please, Maddi,” I plead, slapping her face. “Tell me why. I’m going crazy here.”

  She opens her eyes. Hatred turns her blue orbs into a dirty green. A vicious hiss erupts from her
mouth, followed by the truth I seek.

  “I stay because I have to. I stand in front of you because I have to. I take everything you dish out because I have to,” Maddi screams at me from the top of her lungs. “I refuse to let you hurt my family, so I have to let you hurt me instead.”

  I’ve never heard her yell so loud. Her voice cracks from strain, yet she doesn’t skip a beat. She purges all her thoughts about me. Each one is a shot to my heart. Her answers are a condemnation. They prove that she’s seen the real me, and she found me lacking.

  “Everything I do for you, with you, to you is because I have to. The only thing I don’t have to do is be scared of you.” She pauses, peering up at me with a grin that wouldn’t be out of place on the face of the Devil lifting her lips. “Do you want to know why?”

  “Yes.” I swallow down the bitter taste of my own inadequacy and brace myself for more screaming.

  It doesn’t come.

  Maddi is quiet when she speaks, her tone a mismatched understatement, the calm antithesis to the final insult she lobs my way. “I’m not scared of you because you’re nothing. You’re an empty shell who hurts people to feel better about yourself. You deserve my pity. You warrant my scorn. You demand my compliance. I don’t have to give you my fear as well. And, you can rest assured, that I’ll never give it to you because you’ll never be able to break me. Yes, you might make me afraid for a moment, but I’ll wake up the next day undeterred and determined to bring you down. Every time you try to make me fear you, all you do is justify the price I’ll make sure you pay when I eventually defeat you.”

  My beast deserts me. He turns on his heel, runs back to his cage, and locks the door.

  The second voice in my head is silent.

  I’m on my own.

  Maddi has pierced my delusions. She’s stripped me bare of my self-proclaimed superiority. I am a shattered remnant of the man I once believed I was. A pretender. A joker. A mirage.

  Lifting my weight off her, I ignore the way she braces for another attack. She can live with her nervous expectations of my violence. She’s conclusively proven that she’s strong enough to survive them.