Seasons of Sorrow

by C. C. Wood

  Greg stepped forward so that her hips were pressed between the counter and his pelvis. “Know what?”

  Charlotte struggled to remember what they had been talking about as the hand between her breasts tugged lightly at the neckline of her dress, revealing more of her lingerie.

  “I don’t know how I missed this,” she answered. “Greg, please.”

  In one motion, he turned her and lifted her so she was sitting on the counter. His big hands gripped her hips, holding her still when she wanted to squirm. Greg looked into her eyes before slowly lowering his head. Charlotte panted as his lips trailed from the space between her collar bones down her breast bone, in the same path his fingers had taken earlier.

  When his lips reached the gap he had created in the neckline of her dress, he turned his face and lightly nipped the inside curve of her breast.

  Charlotte gasped and her head fell back and hit the upper cabinets behind her. At the sharp sound of the back of her skull hitting the wood, the spell that Greg wove was broken.

  “Oh God, Charlie, are you okay?” he asked, standing up straight so he could tilt her head forward and look at the back of her skull.

  Embarrassed, Charlotte tried to push him away a few inches, to gain a little space. “I’m okay. It isn’t that bad. It sounded worse than it is.”

  Greg allowed her to push him away slightly, but there was still not enough space between them.

  “Let me see, Charlotte.”

  She sighed and sat still so he could comb his fingers through her short hair, looking for a knot. He was as solid as a marble statue, so there was no use fighting him.

  He straightened and gazed down at her. “No bump. I think you’ll survive.”

  Sure she was blushing to the roots of her hair, Charlotte pushed against his chest firmly, wanting to get off the counter so she could get some space between them.

  Greg merely stood there, watching her, his expression shuttered.

  “Greg, I’d like to get off the counter now,” she said softly.

  He remained between her thighs, still watching her. Finally, he spoke. “Char, I didn’t plan for that to happen,” he said. “It’s hard not to act on my feelings now that I’m actually able to express them. I saw you standing here, like I’ve seen you do a thousand times before, and it hit me that I could touch you if I wanted, that I didn’t have to hide any longer. After that, I couldn’t stop myself.”

  Charlotte ducked her head, unable to meet his eyes. She kept thinking that she should need more time, that it was too soon to have these feelings, to need him so desperately. Her entire life was chaos and she wasn’t exactly emotionally whole.

  Greg put a finger beneath her chin so she had to meet his eyes. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  Charlotte tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. “Greg…” she protested.

  His grey eyes were warm and searching. “Charlie, don’t you realize that you can tell me anything? Nothing you’re thinking could shock me or make me want you less.” He paused. “You’re safe with me.”

  “I shouldn’t feel like this, Greg,” she said. Before he could respond, she continued, “I’m still…damaged. After I lost Adam and Derek walked out, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel like this again. It’s only been a few months. It’s too soon.”

  “Who told you that?” Greg asked.

  Charlotte blinked at him. “No one.”

  “Then why does it have to be that way?” He cupped her face. “Charlie, I want you to listen to me carefully. Grief isn’t a step-by-step process. Every person grieves differently and every person heals on their own time. Don’t put limitations on yourself because you think that’s the way it should be. Only you can decide when you’re ready to move forward with your life or fall in love again. You have to do what is best for you,” he said earnestly.

  He was saying something similar to what her grief counselor had said many, many times. It was so difficult to let herself think that way, though. It had only been a little over eight months since her life had exploded around her, leaving nothing but ruin. How could she even be contemplating beginning a romantic relationship with Greg?

  Greg rested his forehead against hers. “Think only of how you feel and what you want for a second. Is this moving too fast for you?” he asked.

  “Greg, I don’t want to hurt you,” she began.

  “Forget about how I feel about the situation. After ten years of waiting another year or two will seem like nothing,” he joked. “How do you feel about it?”

  Charlotte sat still beneath his hands and tried to think. It occurred to her that it felt right to be with Greg, that she was the happiest she had been in a long time when they were together. He understood her, and he helped her open up. The transition from best friend to lover felt natural, as though it were time for things to evolve.

  She met Greg’s eyes. “I’m happy with you. Right or wrong, I’m myself when I’m with you. I feel safe and I need that right now.”

  His mouth curved up at her words. “I’m glad I make you happy.” Then he stepped back and helped her off the counter. “Now, walk me to the door. It’s time for me to go home.”

  Charlotte started to argue but he placed a finger over her lips.

  “I know you’re not ready, Charlie, and, to be honest, I don’t think I am either. My only plan tonight was to take you out, maybe steal a few kisses, and then go home. I don’t want there to be any regrets between us.”

  She was experiencing déjà vu. He’d said similar words to her the week before. Then he’d left her alone and frustrated, both physically and emotionally. Still, he was right. Though she was beginning to accept that it wasn’t a betrayal to the memory of her little boy if she felt something beyond friendship for Greg, Charlotte needed to come to terms with it.

  Greg took her hand and walked to the front door, pulling her along behind him. Then he kissed her lightly on the lips.

  Before he walked out the door, he said, “Lock the door behind me, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Charlotte complied with his demands without thinking or arguing. The evening, while one of the best of her life, had also been emotionally exhausting, especially the last few minutes. After she saw his car drive away, she took her clutch upstairs with her and started getting ready for bed.

  Twenty minutes later, she was sitting on the chaise in her bedroom, pretending to read her Kindle, something she had been doing a lot lately. She tried to read, but inevitably began thinking of other things. In reality, she was staring at the wall of her bedroom, replaying the events that happened in her kitchen earlier.

  Her cell phone rang and she saw it was Greg calling.

  “Hey, did you forget something?” she said when the call connected.

  “Yes and no,” he answered.

  “What?”

  “I just wanted you to know how damn hard it was to walk away from you tonight,” he said.

  Charlotte blinked.

  “I know how you tend to stew,” he continued, “and I want to be very clear that you did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right.”

  “Okay,” she said. While she hadn’t been thinking that way, she appreciated the fact that he knew her so well and cared enough to call.

  “And I also wanted you to know that I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away from you a third time, so, the next time I put my hands on you, please say no immediately if you still aren’t sure.”

  Charlotte chuckled at the pained note in his voice. It was probably slightly cruel for her to enjoy the knowledge that she wasn’t the only one uncomfortable, but it did make her feel better.

  “I had fun tonight, Greg, from the beginning of our date to the end.” She took a deep breath and said the next sentence quickly because there was no way she could get it out otherwise. “Especially the end.”

  “God, you’re trying to kill me,” Greg said hoarsely.

  Charlotte laughed outright. “No. I just want yo
u to know that this isn’t one-sided, Greg. I feel something for you. It’s too complicated for me to understand right now, but I do know that I want to explore it. So please don’t give up on me if I seem hesitant. It’s been ten years since I’ve dated. I don’t think I remember how.”

  She could practically hear Greg’s smile through the phone line. “Trust me, you haven’t forgotten a damn thing.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay,” Charlotte answered.

  “Good night, Charlie.”

  “Sweet dreams, Greg.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Two weeks later, Charlotte was ready to explode. She and Greg had five dates and, each time, he picked her up, they did whatever it was they planned to do, he walked her to her door, kissed her silly, and left. They talked on the phone almost every day and texted all the time.

  She felt like she was going insane. It felt like high school all over again. Her hormones were screaming from frustration. Though she was still nervous when she thought about sex with Greg, she was physically ready. God, was she ready. Never had she been this obsessed with sex.

  Charlotte thought a lot about what Greg had said the night of their first date, when things had gotten hot and heavy. He asked her if she ever wondered how she could have missed the spark between them. Late at night, when she thought of the past, Charlotte had to admit that she knew the heat was there between them. Even then, she thought he was incredibly attractive. She had just been in denial. First, because she thought he was dating Brandy. Then, because she met Derek and she fooled herself into believing he was the right man for her.

  She relived that New Year’s kiss all those years ago in the dark of night and realized that she had been a fool and a coward. When he kissed her, Charlotte had felt it. At the time, it had been the most amazing kiss of her life. Instead of talking to him about it, Charlotte buried her head in the sand and married Derek. The exact reaction Brandy said she usually had when things got tough. Still, she couldn’t regret it completely because she had Adam with Derek and he was the best thing she’d ever done.

  Finally, on Wednesday, two weeks after the night Greg almost made love to her in the kitchen, Charlotte decided she needed to make the next move. It was obvious that Greg wasn’t going to push and that he wanted to let her make the decisions about when their relationship became physical.

  Well, Charlotte was fairly certain she was ready. Though the tiny, critical voice in the back of her mind didn’t agree. The knowledge that she would have to tell him she wanted more made her heart beat faster with anxiety. She wanted it enough to make the move, but she was so used to sitting back and letting the man make the moves, that it was intimidating to face the possibility of rejection.

  After they went to the movies on Sunday afternoon and Greg dropped her at home with only a kiss that made her legs feel like jelly, Charlotte made the decision and began to plan. Finally, Wednesday, she began the first part of her scheme.

  She called Greg after work.

  “Hey, Char, what’s up?” he said when he answered the phone.

  “I have a question for you.”

  “Okay.” He sounded slightly confused.

  “What are you doing this weekend?” she asked.

  She heard papers shuffling. “Nothing that I know of. I finally finished in California and I don’t have to go out of town again for the rest of the month.”

  “Great. I wanted to see if you wanted to go out Friday, but it will probably go late, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t have anywhere to be Saturday.”

  Charlotte hoped that he wouldn’t want to go anywhere Saturday or Sunday. If things went according to plan, they would hole up in her house the entire weekend.

  “Sure. We’re still on for Saturday night, right?” he asked.

  “Of course,” Charlotte replied.

  “So what did you want to go do?”

  She went with the easiest explanation. “It’s a surprise.”

  “Can I wear jeans?”

  Charlotte grinned at the role reversal. That was usually her question.

  “Yes. It’s going to be very casual.” So casual that nudity was appropriate.

  She only hoped that she didn’t lose her nerve. This would be the first time she tried to seduce a man. Charlotte tried not to think about what she would do if he turned her down.

  After she finished her conversation with Greg, she called Brandy.

  “Lo?” Brandy said when she picked up the phone.

  “Hey, I need your help.”

  “What is it? Have you heard from Derek?” Brandy asked.

  “No, no. Nothing like that. This is way more important,” Charlotte answered.

  Brandy sounded confused when she said, “What’s more important?”

  “I’m planning to seduce Greg. I have no idea what I’m doing and I need your help.”

  Brandy was silent for a moment then she screamed. “YES! Finally! What do you need me to do?”

  “Tell me how. I don’t know where to start.”

  “Well, the man has a penis and the woman has a vagina and, when they love each other…” Brandy said.

  “Shut up, B. I’m serious. Where do I even begin?” Charlotte asked.

  Brandy sighed. “You were married for eight years. What did you do when you wanted to have sex with Derek?”

  Charlotte didn’t say anything.

  “You mean you never initiated sex with him?” Brandy asked incredulously.

  Embarrassed, Charlotte said, “Well, it was always so hit or miss and he usually made it very clear when he was interested. Then, while I was pregnant, I tried, but he started turning me down.”

  “God, hon, I hate to say it when you probably already know it, but your husband is a dickhead.” Brandy sighed. “Okay, well, first, do you have any sexy lingerie?”

  “Not really,” Charlotte answered.

  “Start with that. Then, you need to set the stage. Candles are a nice touch, though most men don’t notice them, but candlelight is extremely flattering to the naked female form. Be sure to have easy to eat food, like grapes, cheese, and crackers, stuff that you don’t have to prepare. I have a feeling you’ll be in for a marathon session if you and Greg do the deed and you’ll need to refuel.”

  “Okay,” Charlotte said. “I can do that.” She paused. “But I’m not sure how to go about the actual, you know.”

  “Come on, Charlie, I know you’re not a virgin. You know how that part works,” Brandy said.

  Charlotte sighed. “That’s not what I mean. I don’t know how to be sexy. I don’t know how to make the first move.”

  “Being sexy is a state of mind. If you feel sexy, you will be,” Brandy started, “and I know you can handle that. As for the rest, the best way to get what you want is to tell him what you want.”

  “It’s just so hard for me to speak up, especially about this kind of stuff,” Charlotte said quietly.

  “I know, baby girl, but, if you really want Greg, you’re probably going to have to. He’s determined to give you as much time as you need. If you’ve had enough and you’re ready to take the next step, you have to tell him. The good new is, once he knows he has the green light, he’ll probably take over from there. But you will have to take the first step.”

  Charlotte knew Brandy was right. “Okay. Thanks, B.”

  “Good luck, Charlie. Call me this weekend and let me know how it goes, okay?”

  Charlotte laughed softly. “If I call you, then it didn’t go how I wanted it to.”

  “Yeow!” Brandy exclaimed. “You do have plans. Okay, if I don’t hear from you, I won’t start bugging you until Monday.”

  “Good,” Charlotte said. “Love you, girl.”

  “Love you, too. Go buy some sexy lingerie.”

  They hung up and Charlie glanced at the clock. It was just after seven, plenty of time left to make a quick run to the mall before Victoria’s Secret closed if she hurried.

  Two hours lat
er, Charlotte came through the mudroom carrying two bags full of lace and satin underwear. She carried everything up to her room and set the bags on her bed. As she took everything out of the tissue paper wrapped around it, she knew she had bought too much. Charlotte couldn’t resist it all, though. For so many years, she felt frumpy and very unsexy. While she browsed through the racks of bras, panties, and teddies, she started imagining Greg’s reaction to the pieces that she liked. It made her entire body feel hot.

  She went about the process of washing everything. Almost everything she bought was both sensual and functional. She did buy a few teddies that wouldn’t necessarily work beneath her clothes but did look incredibly sexy. Everything else could be worn beneath her work clothes. The thought of wearing a garter belt and matching panties and bra felt slightly illicit. It was something she always wanted to do, but never had the confidence.

  She just hoped that she could follow through. She wanted to, desperately, but her natural reticence made it difficult for her to make such assertive moves.

  The next two days passed by in a blink. Friday, however, seemed to drag on forever. Charlotte found herself checking the clock every thirty minutes after lunch. She barely got any work done. Every time she tried to focus, all she could think about was that night and what might happen, what she wanted to happen.

  Finally, it was 5 p.m. and Charlotte shut down her computer and headed out of the office. Greg was supposed to be at her house at eight. If she hurried, she would have time to shower and put on some of her new lingerie.

  Traffic was horrendous as she tried to get home. Finally, she gave up on the expressway and took side streets the rest of the way. The drive that normally took her thirty to forty minutes max, ended up taking an hour. When she made it to her house, she rushed inside, stripping her clothes off as she dashed up the stairs.

  By seven, she was fresh out of the shower. Naked and damp, she stood in front of her bed, hands on her hips, trying to decide what she would wear. Charlotte finally chose the lacy teddy in deep rose. It made her pale skin glow and her brown eyes seem darker and more mysterious. It was also made of sheer lace and mesh that revealed almost as much as it covered.