Seasons of Sorrow

by C. C. Wood

  Her friend just shook her head. “If I didn’t know better, I would wonder if you were a woman.”

  Charlotte laughed and followed her friend out of the store.

  A few hours later, Charlotte wished she had told Brandy no and left while she had the chance. Brandy dragged her to almost every store in the mall and pored over choices. She wanted to buy the perfect gift for each of her family members.

  Charlotte was also several hundred dollars poorer. Every store they went into she found something that she thought Greg would love. By the end of their shopping trip, Charlotte had bought him a wallet, a watch, and several movies in addition to the sweater.

  Finally, at H&M, she threatened to abandon Brandy at the mall if the woman didn’t get her shit together. They left the mall, weighed down with bags, and with extremely sore feet.

  Once they got into the car, Brandy looked at Charlotte and asked, “Pedicure?”

  Soaking her feet and having someone massage them for her sounded heavenly, so Charlotte nodded. Brandy drove them to their favorite nail spa. A few minutes later, they were both settled into huge massage chairs, drinking glasses of white wine, and having their feet scrubbed. It had been a while since they got pedicures together, so it would be a nice treat.

  “So, what are you guys doing for Christmas?” Brandy asked.

  Charlotte sighed. “I’m not sure. Greg’s mother will be in the Bahamas for Christmas, but she’s with her new husband, and Greg isn’t fond of him.” She plucked at her jeans. “I think we’re going to spend Christmas at the house, just the two of us.”

  Brandy watched her closely. “Why don’t you sound happy about that?”

  Charlotte suddenly had to blink back tears. “It’s just so hard, B. It hits me at random times that Adam isn’t here any more. He wasn’t very alert last year during Christmas time, but I can’t help but imagine how he would react if he were here now.” She sniffed. “Then I see other children his age and it breaks my heart all over again. Then there’s Derek and Danielle…and their baby.”

  Brandy reached across the space between their pedicure stations and grabbed Charlotte’s hand. “I know, babe. I’m here, Greg’s here. You should talk to him about this.”

  Charlotte nodded. “I know, and I will. It’s just that Greg is excited about the idea of our first Christmas together and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”

  Her friend gave her a look. “You know him better than that, Charlie. That man would move a mountain for you if he thought that’s what you wanted.” The looked became more piercing. “And didn’t you say that you and Greg just had a discussion about sharing your feelings openly this week?”

  Charlotte sighed and dropped her head. She was being a bit hypocritical. “Yes, we did. I’ll talk to him tonight.”

  “Good. I think it will all turn out fine,” Brandy said.

  She had to smile. Brandy was probably one of the wisest people she knew but her life was just as much a mess as Charlotte’s.

  They finished their pedicures and Brandy drove her home and dropped her off.

  “Talk to him, Charlie,” she admonished.

  Charlotte sighed and nodded as she walked Brandy out the front door. “I will.”

  Suddenly, Brandy embraced her tightly, nearly pushing all the air out of her lungs. “I love you, Charlotte. I only want you to be happy.”

  Charlotte hugged her back and felt tears prick the back of her eyelids. She was so tired of crying, but she couldn’t seem to control her tear ducts.

  “I love you, too, B.”

  Brandy released her and stepped back. “Call me tomorrow and tell me how it goes.”

  Charlotte nodded and shut and locked the door behind her friend. She went upstairs to hide the presents she bought for Greg. Though she really wanted to sit and brood, Christmas was only ten days away and she needed to order Brandy’s present, so Charlotte made a cup of hot chocolate and sat down at her computer. After about half an hour of searching she found the purse Brandy had been ogling on a website that could have it to her within five days and it was thirty percent off.

  After she ordered the bag, she went into the living room and vacuumed up the needles that the tree had shed. Charlotte knew she was trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t sit around and think about the things she’d said to Brandy. Unfortunately, an ornament caught her attention. Charlotte turned off the vacuum and went to the tree. Hanging toward the back of the tree was an miniature picture frame ornament in the shape of a baby carriage. Inside was a small picture of Adam from the Christmas before.

  Charlotte gently removed the ornament from the branch. She collapsed into the closest armchair. Reverently, she cupped the small silver shape in her hand, touching her finger to the picture in the center. Her son’s precious face stared back at her.

  The anguish she had been suppressing for the last couple of weeks overwhelmed her and Charlotte wailed. She clutched the picture to her chest, wishing it was her son’s round little body, but knowing it was a futile.

  She was barely aware of arms coming around her and lifting her from the chair. Without a thought she turned and wrapped her arms around the solid mass of muscle behind her.

  “Charlotte, what’s wrong?” Greg’s voice was tight with worry when he spoke into her ear.

  She couldn’t even speak. The storm of tears had her in its grip. Charlotte didn’t resist as Greg took the ornament from her hand.

  “Oh, God, Charlie, I’m so sorry. I thought you would want it on the tree,” he said.

  She sobbed harder into his neck, burrowing closer. Greg just held her and rocked her from side to side, whispering nonsense into her ear. After a long time, the ocean of tears subsided and Charlotte hiccupped softly, her head resting against Greg’s shoulder.

  He smoothed her hair back from her hot, damp forehead. “Do you want some water?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  He rose from the chair, still holding her in his arms, then set her on the couch before walking toward the back of house to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back with a cold bottle of water. He cracked open the lid and lifted it to her mouth.

  Charlotte took small sips until her sore throat felt better.

  “Thank you,” she said hoarsely. Her throat felt as though it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper.

  “What happened, Charlotte?” he asked, taking the bottle from her when she offered it.

  She wiped her wet cheeks with her hands. “The last couple of weeks have been tough. Especially since I found out that Danielle is pregnant. It hurts so much to see so many children Adam’s age every time I leave the house and to know that my baby is gone forever. I’ll never get to see him open his Christmas presents, sit on Santa’s lap, or read the story of Christmas to him. It’s not fair,” she cried. “I want my baby back.”

  Greg held her close again. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this, Charlotte?”

  She laid her cheek against his chest and listened to the steady thump of his heart. “It hurts, Greg. Thinking about it. Talking about it. No matter what I do, it hurts. I didn’t want to make it worse.”

  He merely held her, the picture ornament still in his hand. Charlotte took it from him and looked at the beautiful visage of her little boy.

  “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I can pack it away if you want. I thought you would want him on the tree. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

  “No, you were right. I just hadn’t noticed it before today and, when I did, it was too much. But I do want him here on the tree. He’ll always have a place in my heart and in my memories. He is worth every moment of sadness. Having him was worth any price.”

  She climbed off Greg’s lap and walked over to the tree. She placed Adam’s picture at eye level on the front part of the tree. Now that she had released all her pent-up emotions, Charlotte wanted to be able to see her little boy each time she walked by the tree. Whether she wanted it or not, his spirit and memory were everywhere in her home this Christmas. It was something sh
e needed to embrace rather than avoid. She went back to Greg and into his arms.

  “Will you hold me for a while, Greg?” she asked.

  “I’ll hold you forever if you’ll let me,” he answered, pulling her into his lap.

  To Charlotte, that sounded perfect.

  Chapter Thirty

  On Christmas Eve, Charlotte made Greg’s favorite dinner, homemade chicken pot pie. It was cold and there was a possibility of snow, so chicken pot pie sounded like the perfect meal for a cozy night in front of the fire.

  After her meltdown two weeks before, the heaviness that had weighed her down had lessened. Charlotte still ached when she saw children in the store but it was less. It seemed that her crying jag had released some of the pain so that she could move past it.

  Things were beginning to move smoothly in regards to her divorce. Nora, her attorney, was confident that it wouldn’t be long before they would be able to file the paperwork to finalize the end of her marriage.

  She made the chicken pot pie and a salad to go with it. For dessert, there were tons of Christmas cookies and fudge that she had received as gifts from her coworkers and her assistant, Laura. After they ate, she and Greg went into the living room.

  “What do you want to do tonight?” he asked.

  Charlotte sat her wine glass on the coffee table and went over to the tree. She crouched down and grabbed one of the wrapped presents she’d left there. Inside was the cashmere sweater she’d bought for Greg because it matched his eyes.

  “Before they died, my parents and I always had this tradition. On Christmas Eve, we each got to open one gift.” She smiled at the memory. “I think they did it in hopes that I wouldn’t wake them up at the crack of dawn to see what Santa had brought me. It never worked, but I did usually go to bed a bit more easily.” She brought the box over to Greg. “I’d like to continue that tradition with you,” she said. It remained unspoken that she wanted to do it because she considered him her family now.

  Greg smiled back at her. “That sounds perfect.”

  “Great,” she said, “I want you to open my present first.”

  She watched as he tore the wrapping paper off his present with the enthusiasm of a boy. When he opened the box and lifted the sweater out, his eyes widened.

  “It feels great,” he said.

  Charlotte ran a hand over the material. “I thought of you when I saw it because the color matches your eyes almost exactly.”

  He pulled off the sweater he was wearing over his white tee and put on the cashmere she bought him. “I love it, Char. Thank you.”

  Greg pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  When she pulled away, Charlotte laughed, “Though it feels so gorgeous I may have to steal it from you.”

  Greg chuckled. “As long as all you wear is the sweater, I won’t mind.”

  Charlotte smirked. “It would still look like a dress on me.”

  “Yeah, but it would be the sexiest dress ever.”

  She giggled. “Men are so weird.”

  Greg tickled her for a minute, causing her to squeal. “Yes, but that’s why you love me.”

  She sighed and rubbed her cheek against his chest. He was right. She loved that he could make her laugh.

  Greg pulled her away from his chest. “Now, it’s your turn,” he said.

  Charlotte watched as he got up from the couch. “I’ll be right back.”

  He seemed more excited about her present than she had been about his. Greg came back a few moments later with a palm-sized box wrapped in plain red paper. Charlotte peeled the paper off the box and opened it up to find another, smaller box. She looked at Greg in confusion, but he only gestured for her to open that box as well.

  Charlotte lifted it out of the first box and pulled off the lid. A small velvet jeweler’s box was inside. Her breath caught in her throat and a knot formed in her stomach. Maybe it wasn’t what she thought it was. She took that box out and flipped open the top. A gorgeous diamond ring in an antique setting was nestled in the black velvet.

  Charlotte stared at the ring, unable to believe her eyes. It was beautiful, exactly what she always dreamed about when she was a girl.

  Greg got on his knee in front of her. “Charlotte, I have loved you for ten years. You are everything I want and need and I want to be the same for you. Will you marry me?”

  She blinked at him. She hadn’t been expecting this. They had discussed the future, even marriage, but she thought it would be later. Much later. She wasn’t even divorced from her first husband yet, though it wasn’t from lack of trying.

  Comprehension crossed Greg’s expression. He realized that she was surprised. He stood up and cursed. Then he sat on the couch next to her.

  “I’m sorry, Charlie. We talked about marriage and I assumed that you were ready. You seemed so open to the idea that I didn’t realize that…” he trailed off.

  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “It’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.” She looked up at Greg. “But I’m still married, Greg. Even if I wasn’t, I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  He kissed her shoulder. “What if we just got engaged? We don’t have to get married next year, or even the year after. We can have an old-fashioned long engagement. No wedding date, just you and me when you’re ready.”

  That sounded exactly right to Charlotte. She loved Greg and she did want to marry him someday, but without all the hoopla of her first wedding.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He froze. “Did you say…”

  She nodded. “Yes. To the long engagement and a very small wedding when we’re ready.”

  Greg took the ring out of the box and slid it on her finger. It fit perfectly.

  Charlotte leaned over and kissed him, filled with happiness and trepidation. She wanted to marry him, but she was gun shy. What if she screwed it up? She carried so much emotional baggage. It would be easy to let things slip away from her without meaning to. She didn’t want to hurt Greg, but there was a large possibility that she would.

  Greg parted her lips with his tongue, making her forget all about her fears. He made love to her mouth with sure strokes of his tongue along hers. Suddenly desperate for him, Charlotte whimpered into his mouth and shifted closer to Greg.

  Before she knew what was happening, he stood and lifted her from the couch. Charlotte wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her through the living room. She nipped his bottom lip before sucking on it gently.

  He groaned and moved faster. Somehow, he managed to carry her up the stairs without breaking the kiss. Just as they reached the top, Charlotte did it again, her teeth sinking into his lip. Greg went down to his knees, laying Charlotte on the carpet in the hall at the head of the stairs.

  “I can’t wait,” he whispered. “I have to have you now.”

  Charlotte stripped the soft cashmere sweater she had given him over his head. Greg reached back between his shoulder blades and yanked his t-shirt off as well. Her shirt was next, leaving her in a lacy white bra.

  Greg’s mouth moved over her skin as his hands moulded her breasts. Charlotte arched her back, pushing her breast into his hand. He unclasped her bra and drew her nipple into his mouth, suckling hard. She gasped and her hips bucked against his.

  Greg lifted his head and began to unbutton her jeans. He peeled them down her legs, taking her panties with them. With firm hands, he parted her thighs and lowered his head. Charlotte felt him part her with his thumbs just before his tongue circled her clitoris with sure strokes. Her hips bucked again at the intense sensation. Her hands burrowed into his hair, gripping the short strands in her fists. Within moments, he had her hovering on the edge of climax.

  He slid two fingers inside of her, curving them to press that spot deep within her that catapulted her closer to her orgasm. Under the dual assault of his tongue and his fingers, Charlotte knew that she would come hard.

  Just before she could fall, Greg lifted his head and Charlotte moaned.

&nb
sp; “Please don’t stop,” she begged.

  He moved up her body and grabbed her thighs, wrapping her legs around his back.

  “Hold on to me,” he ordered in a guttural voice.

  Charlotte clung to him with her arms and legs and he stood and walked several steps to the wall. He braced her back against it, kissing her desperately. He moved a hand between them and began to unfasten his pants.

  Feeling wild, Charlotte sank her teeth into his shoulder while she dragged her nails down his back. Greg pressed her harder into the wall as he loosened his jeans. Finally, he was free from them. He lifted her slightly and lined up their bodies.

  He began to lower her onto his cock, letting her weight drop slowly until he was seated fully inside her. Charlotte gasped and writhed against him. The feeling was too intense, but Greg didn’t give her time to adjust. He began to thrust, moving harder and faster until he was pounding her into the wall.

  The orgasm that he denied her earlier detonated like a nuclear bomb, burning through her, destroying her, until there was nothing left but the intense pleasure. When she returned to reality, Greg had slid down to his knees and her back was still pressed to the wall.

  “Oh my God,” she sighed.

  Greg pressed a kiss to her throat. “You turn me inside out.” He lifted his head so that he could kiss her mouth next. “I love you, Charlie.”

  “I love you too,” she answered.

  He pulled back so that he could look her in the eye. “How about a shower?”

  Charlotte recognized the gleam in his eyes and knew they would be doing more than washing off. Apparently, their intense quickie wasn’t enough for him.

  “Sounds good,” she answered.

  He stood, pulling her to her feet with him, then tossed her, squealing, over his shoulder and headed to the bathroom.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Charlotte took the pen Nora held out and signed the papers on the table in front of her. Then she handed the pen to Derek and watched as he signed them too. Without another glance at her, Derek moved to the side of the room with his attorney, speaking softly.