Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by Bohannon, Hipsy

  Rolling over onto his back, he pulled Penny along with him, until her body curled around his. Her breathing was still off but she was finally starting to come back down. The room, finally stopped spinning, just as a heavy silence filled the air.

  Penny wanted to say something, she just didn't know what. Whatever they just did, she didn't have words for. So the room set silent for a moment, and then another, until she was sure he had fallen asleep.

  "Why didn't you tell me about T.J.?"

  It was a whisper, but the depth behind it, made it sound more

  like a scream. Penny wanted to play dumb, but she knew that wasn’t an option. He, somehow, knew.

  "How did you find out?" She questioned, into his chest, her eyes darting around but not seeing anything in the darkness of the room.

  "Doesn't matter, " He said, in a soft tone, kissing her crown.

  "I was gonna tell you a million times,” She stilled her whispered tone, thinking back on every single time, she had almost said it, almost let her secret slip. “I was, I wanted to anyway, I tried.”

  “When, because I really think I would have remembered something like that. Have I always been so fucking blind to you?”

  Cole hated that he already knew the answer. He had, been blind to her, blind to her wants, and needs, and also, blind to her and Able. It was a kick in the face, to him. He had thought he knew the girl so well, and really, he didn’t have a fucking clue. He would have never thought her capable of keeping a secret as big as withholding his own son from him. Well, not withholding, really. They hung out all the freaking time. Hell, he spent more time with T.J. than most dads spend with their kids, and that was before he even knew, he was his dad. ‘His dad’, that’s what Cole couldn’t believe Penny capable of, withholding the fact that he T.J.’ was, his son. His own flesh and blood. A perfect child built by the two of them.

  “I told you way back then that I needed to talk to you, but you kept putting me off. I came all the way back to Cali just to tell you, but you were…," she let it linger, she didn’t need to say it, the truth, they, both, already knew.

  "So you just left, just like that? Back to New York, like I didn’t deserve to know, just because I fucked around on you? That’s a heavy price to pay, to get your dick wet, ain’t it?”

  Penny could tell that Cole was trying like hell to keep his voice even, as he spoke his questions into the thick night air. She could feel the tension in his body. Feel him trembling as he spoke.

  "I never went back to New York. I didn't even find out I was pregnant with him, until I was around four months, along. The school found out and I lost my spot. That’s when I came back here to tell you. I had this dumb idea that you could, somehow, make it all okay, somehow fix it. I thought maybe the baby would bring us back to where we used to be. It was so stupid.”

  Penny gave a, sick little scoff, of a laugh that hurt Cole’s ears to hear. He could tell by her voice, that she was fighting back tears. “Anyway, after I saw, what I saw, I didn’t know what in the hell to do. I tried to call my parents but they didn't want me…, us. So, I stayed here. I got a job working at a dinner, and stayed at a shelter until I could get a place of my own.” She stilled for a moment, her mind fading back to that trying time in her history. "Why didn't you tell me?" He repeated his question, as if none of what she had said, was a good enough answer.

  "Honestly, because I knew you weren’t ready for all that. You didn't even wanna be stuck with me, Cole, let alone a kid. That’s when you started getting big. You had this amazing career, this life, that I just couldn't compete with. You have real talent Cole, I knew you were gonna be something, something big. I wasn't about to force a kid in your lap and ruin all that. I was so twisted up about it but time passed, and I really started to believe that I just wouldn’t ever see you again. Cali’s a big place and it wasn't like we hung out with the same crowds or circled the same places. I just thought it was better this way. Then, you ran into us that day at the flea market.” Penny’s heart skipped a beat as the memory took her over. His eyes had been so damn green that day. She sucked in a breath, trying to pull herself back into the conversation at hand. “I thought for sure, you would just know. I thought you would take, one look at him, and just know. But, you didn't, so I lied. I couldn't tell you, not after all the time that had passed. I didn't think you even liked kids, but then you wouldn't go away, and you were so damn good with T.J.. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I just couldn't. I never wanted him to be the reason you stayed. I didn't want you thinking you had to be with me, just to be with him. Cole, I'm so sorry. I should have told you." Her words, were cracked by the end, as a tear slipped down her cheek, onto his chest.

  A million year moment, passed by, one that only added to the tension and heartache that was thick in the already suffocating room.

  "You should have told me, but I think, I kinda understand. You gotta promise me something, though. You gotta promise me, that no matter what happens, you won't ever keep him away from me again, ever. Don’t even try it.” Cole finished, making it sound more like a threat than a request.

  Penny nodded into his chest but, apparently, that wasn’t good enough as his arms jerked her body to his, holding her so tightly that it almost hurt.

  "Say it!" He ordered, his voice rising.

  "I promise!" She spoke up quick.

  He was being so damn cryptic tonight. She had a feeling it was more than just finding out about T.J. but she refused to question it. Something told her, she didn’t really want to know. A few moments passed, as his grip on her eased, just a bit. He was still holding her pressed right tight to him, though. Penny felt him take in a deep breath before letting it out slow.

  “It's so clear to me, now. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you really needed me. I've been a total fuck up but I'm gonna fix this. I got ya,"

  It was the same words, he had spoken to her all those years ago. But he, didn’t have her back them. The memory had Penny slamming her eyes shut, refusing to let anymore tears slip down her cheek.

  No more words were spoken. No more questions needed answering. Moments later, Penny finally drifted off, with the feel of Cole’s fingertips, floating over her skin in the most, gentle of ways as his steady and strong heartbeat thumped against her ear.

  Cole watched, Penny sleep, until the sun peeked in through her bedroom window, casting shades of yellow over her bare skin. He didn't make a sound as he left the warmth of her bed. Nor did he, as he slipped on his clothes and made his way to the door. Just before he made it there, he turned, looking her over one last time. She was sprawled out across the messy sheets, her naked body covered only by the sun that shown in through the window just above her bed. She was beautiful. She was everything he had ever wanted. But, he had to let her go.

  "Goodbye, Penny Lane."

  After leaving Penny’s, Cole was back on the convention circuit the very next day. He had obligations, that he had to fulfill. This was real life, shitty or not. He was happy to see that Able didn't feel the same way. He was a, no show, which, was just fine with Cole. He knew, he would have to see him again, there was no way around it, hell, they were already signed up to make a Brothers in Murder three and four. For now, though, it was better that they didn’t come into contact with one another. Cole wasn't sure, how well his restraint could hold up, if pressed.

  The fist fight at the last convention, had been explained away as a stunt for an upcoming film that they were both set to star in. In a few months, the news would go out that the production had been canceled. No one, would ever be the wiser. That’s Hollywood for you.

  Cole wished, that he could forget about it all, just as fast as the fans would, but he wouldn't. And, he never would. He had lost the love of his life, gained a son, and kicked the ever loving shit out of a friendship. His soul ached over it all. It was all he could do to keep his head up, but he had to. He had to go on, had to sign autographs, smile for pictures, had to keep being Cole Fucking Conners. It was all bu
llshit, but he couldn't stop now, not when he had given up everything for it.

  He knew that wasn't the whole truth. It wasn’t exactly like that. He hadn't chosen the fame over Penny. He had chosen her, over everything, including himself. He gave her her freedom. He just couldn't hurt her anymore, it wasn't fair. He wasn’t giving up on T.J. though, and he never would. He just had to cut ties with all things, Penny Lane. No more trips to the club, no more showing up unannounced, and no more calls or text at three in the morning, or ever, for that matter. He had to make the split hard and sharp. It was what was best for, Penny.

  For once in Cole’s life, he wasn't thinking about himself. All he wanted was for Penny to be happy. He had had thirteen years to give her that, yet, he never seemed to be able to pull it off. It was time to throw in the towel and bow out. It was time to catch her, in a way that only letting her fall, ever could.

  Chapter 27

  W alking into the hotel, Penny couldn’t get over how familiar this all felt, yet at the same time, so very different. Everything had such a strange feel to it lately.

  She had gotten a text from Able. All it said, was the hotel, room number, and time with ‘please’ after. She readied herself as her knuckles touched down on his door. She half expected him to rip it open and attach her like he had the last time but that never came. Instead, slowly, the door slid open, revealing him to her.

  "Oh my God, what the fuck happened to your face?!" She cried out, stepping to him, her eyes filled with concern as she took in all his damage.

  His eye was black and swollen shut. His cheek had a large bandage on it, and everywhere else on his body seemed to be covered in nicks and bruises. Before she could reach for him, Able took a step back. His actions, had her brows narrowing as she realized that he wasn’t looking her in the eyes.

  "What happened to you?" She repeated as he took a few more steps away before turning his back on her. “Holden, what’s going on?” Her voice shook a little as she made her way, further into the room.

  He wasn't wearing a shirt and his jeans were riding low on his hips. The man looked like he had been hit by a train. Turning back around, he kept his eyes on the floor.

  "I'm fine, but listen. I did something really stupid and you're probably gonna pissed at me, but I don’t care. I need you to take this." His voice was stern, his eyes never meeting hers as he pulled a thick envelope from his back pocket, shoving it her direction. "What is it?" She questioned, accepting it but not opening it to look inside.

  "It's money, a lot of money, and it's yours, all of it. You earned it." Able announced, his eyes still locked on the carpet below his bare feet.

  Penny's brows furrowed as she looked from him to the envelope, and back again.

  "What the fuck do you mean, it's mine and I earned it? What the hell does that mean?!" Penny’s voice went straight, ghetto hood rat, in 3.2 clicks of a seconds. Her head even did a little jerk back, her eyes showing fire. Just what in the hell was Able trying

  to pay her for? All that came to mind was prostitutes and leaving money on dressers.

  "No, no, no! The pic's, I meant for the pictures, the ones of us that I took, these!” Able quickly tried to correct, making his way over to the nightstand to grab a folder that held them inside. He tossed it on the bed, sending them to scatter over the messy sheets. "I edited them, I cropped out the faces and blew them up ten feet

  tall. I showed them at a huge gallery back home before I auctioned them off. Every last penny I made off of them is in that envelope. I know I shouldn't have, but please believe that I only did it for you. I don’t want you to have to struggle anymore. I don’t want you to have to work at that shitty ass club or wonder how you're gonna pay rent. Call it a model's fee, call it whatever the hell you want, but the money’s yours. It's enough for you to get your life together. You can get a new place, maybe go back to school. I don’t know, do whatever you want with it, as long, as it makes you happy." Able rambled it all off fast as if, there was a gun to his head and he needed to get it all said before the shot rang out.

  Penny's eyes scanned the bed covered in pictures, the envelope in her hand, and then Able.

  "Why won't you look at me? If it's about the pictures, I don’t

  care that you took them. You can't even see my face so what's the big deal? Holden, I get naked for a living, why would I give a shit about a few people at an art gallery seeing my ass?” She questioned, in a confused tone, taking another step his way, only to watch him take another step back. She repeated the action and again, so did he. She did it again and again until his back finally hit the wall. "Look at me!" She insisted, tossing the envelope on the bed, causing the cash to scatter out across the naked images of her and Able.

  "Livi, listen, I don’t know what you heard but I swear I didn't mean for this to happen like it did. I didn't mean to hurt… anyone. If I could fix it, I would. I just don’t even know where to start, at this point." Able confessed, looking everywhere but in Penny’s direction.

  Poor Penny was lost. She couldn’t understand why in the world he was stressing so hard over a few blurry pictures.

  "We can start with this." She offered, gently putting her finger to the bottom of his chin, pulling his face up, until finally, his eyes locked with hers. He looked so damn sad and guilty. It broke her

  heart. "I don’t care, about any of it, okay?" She assured, leaning in to softly kiss his lips.

  Her kiss hurt, like it literally made Able’s heart, ache. The last two days had been a living hell for him. He hadn't spoken to her, so he had no idea if Cole had told her what happened or not. He just ditched the convention and flew back here. He needed to

  figure this out, needed to see her, explain his side of things. "What about," He started, but she stopped him, pressing her fingertip to his lips.

  "Holden, I don’t care," She assured, slipping off her jacket to reveal that she was completely bare underneath.

  Penny didn't give a fuck about any pictures. She just wanted the man standing in front of her. Everything inside her wanted to fix that broken look in his eyes. Pressing her bare breasts against his equally bare chest, she heard him let out a pained, yet sexy, moan. She wanted to hear more of those tonight, lots more.

  A battle was raging in Able. A fight over what was right and what was wrong. Snapshots of the last two days flashed through his mind. All of it, the fight with Cole, seeing him crumble on the jails floor, and most of all, that look, Cole had given him from inside his town car, right before it pulled away. That look, still haunted Able to no end.

  He had warned Cole, that he wasn’t gonna be able to stay away from Penny. He had ripped apart their entire friendship, just for her. It would all be for nothing if he didn’t get to keep her in the end.

  What Able had to offer her, wasn’t good enough, though. Cole was right. She would never be happy with him, unless, he gave up the life that he loved…and hated, but most of the time, totally liked. Was he really willing to do that, and if he did, would that really be enough?

  "Livi, what do you want, like what do you really, really want?” His voice broke, just as her fingers managed to work open his zipper. Slipping her hands inside, she pulled his manhood free, stroking it as he gripped the sides of her face with, his palms. His eyes, hard on hers, blues to hazels, he never looked away. He was searching for the answers that he so, desperately, needed.

  Damn her, if she didn’t give him the sweetest, most earth shattering smile that he had ever seen.

  "I just wanna be happy, that’s it." She whispered, before smashing her lips to his.

  The kiss was tragic on Able’s end. The poor woman didn't even have a clue that her answer, had sealed their fate. Lifting her off her feet, he walked her to the bed, before turning, allowing his back to hit the mattress as she came down on top of him.

  "No promises, right?" He questioned, as she leaned over

  his body, kissing down his neck and chest.

  "No hope," she replied with the shake of her
head, pulling him free of his pants.

  He watched her, take him into herself. Sliding down on his thick shaft, with all the skill, of a dancer on a pole. Yet somehow, she still managed to look refined, sitting up, so proud, on his cock. His eyes scanned her bare body. She was beautiful and more than worth it. She was everything, he ever could have wanted, and so much, more.

  He laid back, allowing her to take what she wanted from him, no more, no less. He didn't pull at her hair, nor did he whisper filthy words into her ear. Instead, he memorized her curves with his fingertips.

  Only when she seemed ready, did he flip her over, pressing her back against, the pictures, and cash, that was spread out across the bed.

  Everything was so different. Able wasn't being himself, not the self that Penny had come to know, anyway. His touches were soft, his kisses feather light. He wasn't fucking her, he was making love to her. The change had Penny feeling on edge, this wasn't him,

  but it was. Something in the air, had her questioning, everything. She tried to concentrate, but couldn’t. Tried to sort it out but it was no use. His long, slow thrusts had her spinning. Then all at once, it just stopped.

  "Is this how you say goodbye?"

  She wasn't sure were the words had come from, she knew her lips had spoken them, but she hadn't, thought them up to say. They had just come out, all on their own. It was the weirdest thing.

  A moment passed, feeling more like a million years. A moment that had her wondering if she had said anything at all. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her, God knows, her heart had been lately. When he finally did break the silence it had Penny’s breath catching in her lungs.