Hemy

by Victoria Ashley

  It takes every bit of strength in me to pull my eyes away from his gaze. He’s looking at me as if he wants to wrap his hands in my hair and pull me into his arms. The pain in his eyes is so intense that it causes an ache in my chest. It’s the very look he gave me for the six years we had known each other. What started out as a friendship, turned into something passionate, wild and painful. Very painful. I really tried healing him. I did. But a person can only take so much before they lose control themselves.

  I take a step back to compose myself before bringing my eyes down to Hemy’s side where sure enough, Onyx is tattooed in big black fancy letters. I feel my throat close up as tears sting my eyes. I won’t do this here. I won’t show my weakness. I’m different now. I’ve changed. I’m no longer that weak woman that just let everything slide. I’m much stronger now and no one will break me down again and let me lose myself. Not even . . . him.

  “Onyx,” Jade squeaks. “Do you see this?” She runs her hand over Hemy’s skin causing instant jealousy that I quickly push away. I won’t let myself feel. I can’t.

  I bring my eyes up to meet hers and put on my mask; my game face. “Yup. That is definitely my name. How strange is that?”

  Hemy has finally come out of his frozen state and is now staring at me, looking me up and down. I look different. A lot different. But . . . I’m not the only one.

  Holy hell!

  He runs his hands through his long hair and takes a step away from Jade. His hair is much longer than I remember. It’s sexier, making me want to run my hands through it myself. “Onyx,” he says in a painful whisper. “What the fuck?” He goes to reach for my chin, but I move away too fast for him to even make contact. “You’re back and you couldn’t even tell me.”

  I watch as he rubs his hands over his face in frustration. Of course I didn’t tell him. He ruined me. Paralyzed my heart and soul. I wanted to live with him but the truth was, I was doing anything but. I was far from living. I was surviving and he was barely even doing that.

  “I’m not doing this, Hemy.” I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm to stop me. My heart skips a beat from his touch. “Let go,” I snap. “I don’t owe you anything. I told you I was leaving and I did. I had to. This is not the time or place.” I give him a quick once over, taking in his thick build, tattoos and piercings before yanking my arm from his reach and turning away. “Just do what you’re getting paid to do.”

  Why the hell does he have to look so damn delicious? Even better than before. Not good. Not good at all.

  “I’m sorry, Onyx. I had no idea.” Jade jumps down from the table and fixes her tiara. “I’ll grab another one of the guys. It’s not a big deal. You two umm . . . I’m going.”

  I grab her arm right before she walks away. “No. You won’t. He is getting paid good money for tonight and he better damn well deliver. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

  “Onyx, wait!”

  I hold my hand out in front of me and start backing away. “Don’t! Just please let my girls enjoy the night. That is all I ask. What we had was in the past. It doesn’t matter now.” I bite my tongue and walk away as fast as my heels will allow me. I can’t let him talk. I can’t let myself fall back into him.

  I take the stairs two at a time and rush into the bathroom without looking back. As soon as the door closes, my back is pressed against it and I’m falling to the ground with the door supporting me. My hands grip my necklace as I fight to catch my breath. The necklace that Hemy gave me eight years ago. The only piece of him I took with me.

  I’m not ready for this yet. I thought it would be different seeing him again. I thought I would be over us. I’m not. I’m so far from it. The truth is, if I hadn’t run away when I did, then I would be wrapped up in his arms, clutching him instead of this damn necklace. I came back too soon.

  Why do I do this to myself? Why am I still doing it?

  Four years of not seeing his face or hearing his soothing voice has been damn near torture. Not a day went by that I didn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing. The other problem was, I had to wonder who he was doing. I couldn’t allow that to bring me down so I found other things to occupy my time. I can almost see why he did what he did. Almost.

  After a few minutes, I calm down enough to push myself back up to my feet. I need to just suck it up. I can’t let him see the effect he still has on me. That will only allow him to hurt me again. I won’t let that happen.

  “Okay. You can do this,” I whisper. “He’s part of the past. He’s part of the past.” I try to convince myself but I suck at it. “Dammit.”

  I stand up tall and take a deep breath before exhaling and pulling the bathroom door open. What I see in front of me causes my breath to be taken away . . . again.

  Hemy is standing there still shirtless, just staring at the door as if he had been waiting for it to open.

  “Onyx,” Hemy whispers. His eyes are soft and caring as they meet mine. Something in them looks different but I can’t tell what that means just yet. It’s like he’s looking at me with different eyes than before. It makes me want to believe he’s clean but I know that’s almost impossible. “We need to talk about us.”

  “Hemy,” I breathe in frustration. I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes. “There is nothing to talk about. There hasn’t been an us in a very long time.”

  I try to step around Hemy, but he places one arm against the wall, blocking me in. “There is an us. There always has been and you know it.” He stops and brings his eyes down to my lips. He licks his own and slides his free hand in the back of my hair. “I’ve missed you, Onyx. I’ve tried for the last four years to find you but your family are stubborn assholes. I’ve ended up at their doorstep once a month for the last four years. They’re definitely dedicated. I give them that.”

  Hemy admitting he tried for years to find me shakes something loose inside me that I thought was long lost, but I must remain strong.

  I suck in a breath as his body presses against mine. “Hemy.” I place my hand to his firm chest to block him from getting any closer. “Please,” I plead. “Don’t do this to me. It’s only going to get you hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t make me do it.” My eyes land on his lip ring as he bites it. Damn! I want to bite it too.

  He takes a step back and untangles his hand from my hair before placing it against the wall so I’m completely blocked in. “You already have. You are right now, dammit. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were back. We were friends before we dated and you decided to throw that away as well. You left! You actually fucking left! ”

  I try to concentrate on what he’s saying but him being so close is making it nearly impossible. I can’t think straight. Especially when I have a clear view of my name going down his side. It’s not only there, but it’s huge. It’s definitely there for show.

  “When did you get my name on you?” I ask while staring at his naked torso. “Why? Why would you do that?”

  He drops his arms and takes a step back. “I got it a year after you left. Why? I got it because I couldn’t get over you. And I’m still not.”

  My mouth opens but I can’t speak. If I do then it will put me right where I don’t want to be. So instead, I just walk away.

  “Onyx.” I keep going. “Fuck!”

  I hear something crash as I walk down the stairs as calmly as I can and try to ignore the fact that Hemy is still into me. All I have to do is make it through this stupid party and then I’ll just pretend I never saw him. Pretend that seeing him doesn’t still take the breath straight from my lungs.

  “There you are.” Ash appears at the bottom of the staircase looking up at me. Shit. Not good. She brushes her brown curls behind her ear. “Why did you run off? The party is just starting. These boys are so sexy. You need a dance from Stone.”

  I reach for Ash’s arm and pull her around the corner just as Hemy starts walking down the steps. Today is definitely not the day for all this shit to happen. It’s too soon and I ca
n’t be sure that Hemy has changed. I need to think of something fast.

  I press Ash against the wall and force a smile. “Hey. I’m sorry. I was talking to Roman and he needs you to go into work. I would but I really have to be somewhere.” I brush her hair behind her ear and try to calm myself. “Is that okay? Would you mind going in? It’s Jade’s birthday and I-”

  “Onyx,” she cuts in. “Of course I will go in. I could use the money anyways. No worries. I’ll leave now.”

  She goes to walk away, but I grab her arm to stop her. “Thank you. I owe you.”

  She flashes me her perfectly sweet smile. “You’ve already done enough for me. I’ll catch you later at home.”

  I nod my head and lean against the wall as she walks outside. How the hell am I going to do this? I don’t know if I can.

  Hemy appears around the corner with a frustrated scowl on his face. He looks around for a few seconds before his eyes find me. And when they do, they go soft for just a brief moment. “Don’t run away again. I can’t do this shit, Onyx.”

  My eyes rake over his gorgeous, toned body before I pull my eyes away and walk toward the door. “I have to go. Just please go take care of Jade. Tell her I had to run out.”

  I pull the door open and start heading for my Harley. I pull the ponytail holder from my wrist and wrap my hair in it before straddling my bike.

  Of course that stubborn ass can’t listen and I feel his presence behind me once again. Hemy walks over with wide eyes as I grip the handle and start the engine. “You drive a motorcycle,” he says in disbelief. His eyes take in my ride before it finally dawns on him. “Is that my old Harley? You had it fixed up?”

  I toss my helmet on and kick the stand up with my foot. “I fixed it.”

  “Since when do you know how to work on motorcycles?”

  I give him a stern look and rev the engine. “I learned from the best.” I rev the engine again and force a smile, fighting back my emotions. “Actually, I’ve learned a lot from the best.”

  His jaw grinds as he watches me drive away. I don’t look back. I just drive, needing to escape.

  Crap! Crap! Crap!

  Chapter Four

  Hemy

  Onyx hasn’t left my mind once since last night, not that I tried very hard to forget her. After she rode off on my old motorcycle, all I wanted to do was chase after her. I fought so hard not to jump into my truck and chase her down. I know she needs time. I’m trying to respect that, but it’s been four damn years already. How much more time could she possibly need?

  I stood outside for a good twenty minutes, just staring out at nowhere, until Cale came outside looking for me. Without a word, I followed him inside and went back to work. Nothing about it felt right. All I could think was that I was doing something wrong. How can I feel that way when we aren’t even together? She practically hates me, yet I feel bad for stripping for other women. Now isn’t that some shit.

  “How’s that engine coming along?”

  I look up when Mitch snaps me out of my thoughts. He’s standing on the right side of me, chewing on a sandwich. He’s shirtless and equally as dirty and greasy as I am.

  “Good. It’s all good.” I toss down my dirty rag and grab for my t-shirt. “I’m going to head out so I can shower before work. I’ll finish this later.”

  Mitch looks between me and the red mustang I’ve been working on since eight this morning. He doesn’t look happy. He knows something is up, but it’s too soon for me to tell him. I don’t feel like getting into it just yet. “What’s up with you? You’ve been at this shit for the last eleven hours and now you’re about to head out to Walk Of Shame? Don’t you think you need a break? If I had known you worked tonight then I would have kicked your ass out of my shop a long time ago.”

  “It’s nothing, man.” I throw my shirt on and reach in my pocket for a cigarette. “I just wanted to get this shit done. This Mustang has been in the shop since last week and it’s not even ready to go yet. I’m sure the owner is ready for his ride back.” I brush the loose strand of hair out of my face that has fallen out from the rubber band before lighting my cigarette. “I’ll be back after work to finish it.”

  “Nah, I don’t think so. Not tonight. You can finish it in the morning.” Mitch takes the last bite of his sandwich before shutting the hood. “This car is off limits until you come back after you’ve gotten some sleep. I hope whatever is bothering you isn’t going to make you want to-”

  “It’s not. Shit, Mitch.” I take a long drag of my cigarette and grind my jaw. “I’m done with that shit. You don’t need to worry about it.” I grip Mitch’s shoulder before giving it a shove and walking backwards. “I’m outta here. I’ll see your ass bright and early.”

  “Alright, man. Sorry. Just looking out for ya.” He tosses his dirty rag at me and starts walking over to help some scrawny little dude with glasses. “See ya.”

  “Yup,” I mumble, while blowing out smoke. “See ya.”

  I arrive at Walk Of Shame early and with three shots of Jack and one shot of Patron in my system. The last thing I need to do is let thoughts of Onyx ruin my damn night. I’ve been doing this shit for too long to care about what someone else might think. Who gives a shit if I strip for the pleasure of women? Onyx left a long time ago. I shouldn’t feel guilty. This is me now.

  When I walk in, I instantly spot Sara behind the bar. She smiles, but then gives me an oh shit look before reaching for a shot glass. “Jack?” She doesn’t even wait for me to answer before filling up the shot glass and sliding it in front of me.

  I take it and quickly toss it back with a moan. I slam the empty glass down and look around the bar. “It’s slow as shit in here.”

  She smiles. “Because you just got here.” She reaches for a glass and mixes a drink for one of her regulars. “They’ll start piling in soon. I had at least ten girls ask me if you were working tonight. I told them you’d be in later ready to shake your damn dick. Damn vultures.” She hands her regular his drink and then returns to me. “You look like shit by the way.”

  “Thanks for noticing,” I scowl. I scoot my empty glass in front of her. “One more, Sara. You owe me now.”

  “Damn you, Hemy. I swear you boys have issues. Cale is the only one that doesn’t drink his dick swinging life away.” She gives me a curious look and gets ready to speak.

  “Just do it, dammit.”

  She rolls her eyes and pours another shot.

  The last thing I need is her prying into my business. This is something I need to deal with on my own.

  After I tilt back my fifth shot of Jack for the night, I swallow back my pride, stand up, and look back at Sara. “Give me a bottle of whipped cream.” Sara reaches in the fridge, tosses it to me, and I catch it and walk away.

  I stand in the doorway of the back room for a few minutes pushing my thoughts away, until a slow seductive song plays over the speakers. Without thinking, my body starts moving to the rhythm of the music.

  I run my hands down the front of my body while grinding my hips to the beat. My jeans are sitting low on my waist and my button down shirt is rolled up at the sleeves, halfway undone. The girls take notice and instantly start screaming while waving their money around.

  Stopping at the first round table I set the bottle of whipped cream down, grab the closest girl’s chair, and spin her around to face me. Her eyes go wide as I straddle her lap and grab the whipped cream off the table.

  I start grinding my hips to the music, pushing my erection into her as I grab her hands and place them on my chest. “Undo my shirt. Slowly.”

  She starts doing as told. I tilt my head back and spray whipped cream into my mouth. Reaching beside me, I grab for the sexy brunette close by and run my whipped cream covered tongue across her soft lips, slowly and teasingly. I love teasing these women. It’s the perfect distraction.

  When I pull away I see the brunette run her tongue over her mouth, licking off every last drop of cream. She sits back in her chair and watches m
e with hooded eyes, no doubt wanting to taste more.

  Noticing that my shirt is now undone and hanging completely open, I yank my shirt off and wrap one of my hands in the back of the blondes hair with one hand, while squirting whipped cream all the way down my chest, stopping at the top of my jeans.

  I grind my hips against her one more time before standing up and reaching for the brunette’s hand, pulling her to her feet. “On your knees,” I command.

  She gets down on her knees and all the women start screaming random things.

  “Take it off, Hemy!”

  “Grab his dick, Katy.”

  I block out the noise and smirk down at her. “Take my pants off.”

  Looking up into my eyes, she reaches for my jeans and slowly starts undoing them.

  “Faster,” someone screams.

  That must motivate her, because she yanks my zipper down and rips my jeans down the top of my muscular thighs. I place my hand on her head and push it against the thin fabric of my white briefs.

  After rolling my hips a few times, I pull away from her and smear a huge amount of whipped cream down the length of my hard cock. “You ready to get dirty?”

  She nods her head as I rub my finger over the fullness of her lips, getting a feel for what’s going to be wrapped around my cock. “Lick it off. All of it, from the dirtiest place first.”

  Running her tongue over her lips, she grabs my waist and leans in to press her tongue against my pelvis, rolling it in the trail of whipped cream. Her eyes watch mine as she slowly lowers her mouth, running her tongue down my defined abs and over my cock.

  I wrap my hands in her hair and close my eyes as I slowly rock my hips into her face. I feel her teeth softly nibble my piercings and I yank her head back before stroking my hand over my cock and stepping away from her.

  Ignoring the screaming women, I make my way over to the couch, and grab for the chick in a small black dress and heels that is standing up waving money at me.