Private Dancer
Page 5
Kasen didn’t make a move. He was scared that if he moved, she would walk away from him.
He didn’t think he could hold her like this and just let her walk away. Too many things in life he’d cherished, too many things in life he’d wanted, and all the things that he wanted, he saw in Marise.
Marise broke the silence first.
40 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
“Kasen, I’m sorry for leaning on you like this. I wouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be doing this, but I feel safe. What I’m trying to say is thanks.” She bowed her head and settled enough to feel the air from his nostrils on her neck.
“No need to thank me. I’m sorry for grabbing you and I…” Marise whirled around and pressed her index finger to his lips.
“It’s ok, I needed it.” Marise cocked her head to the side and stared into Kasen’s eyes. “Kasen, I need to ask a favor.” She said with her head cocked to one side. His eyes grew cold, and he could feel his body tense. She grabbed him by his hand and pulled him, although he was extremely unwilling to follow her into his bedroom.
“Marise, you are distraught. I don’t think…” Kasen stammered as she pulled back the gray comforter and eggplant sheets.
“Kasen, that‘s not what I want. I want you to hold me. Do you think that you could do that? It is just comforting and I…” Marise’s voice trailed off. She didn’t know how much more to say to it than that. He just stared at her for a long moment. Marise must have assumed that silence was a rejection and crawled into the king sized bed.
*
*
*
She was under the covers when she felt a weight on the other side of the covers. She held her breath as she felt his hand snake around her abdomen and lay right underneath her breasts, again. It was if they belong there, Marise mused to herself. The warmth from his palm and his gentle breathing was almost a lullaby. Marise scooted closer to Kasen underneath the blankets and pressed her bottom against his crotch. It was unintentional, but it felt so right.
Marise let out a sigh and snuggled into the blankets. Kasen had just given her peace with just being there, and for now that made her content.
41 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
Absently, his thumb began to draw circles on her stomach. He must have heard her sigh and then a soft moan escaped her lips. He stopped rubbing and held still. She took his hand and guided it lower until it rested on the top of her cotton bikini. She led his hand until his palm was over her sex.
Kasen’s breathing became ragged and he held very still. He didn’t want to do something that she would regret. Kasen believed he’d everything under control until she spoke:
“Rub me, Kas…”
Kasen didn’t know what to think. He wouldn’t even dare to breathe. Of course, he couldn’t have heard Marise correctly. It must be his flights of fantasy working again. He’d always wanted to hear Marise utter his name, and he would’ve never thought that the innocent way that she’d shortened it would’ve turned him on as much as it did. Now, he was stuck. Stuck between trying to be a good friend to Marise, realizing that she was just in need after having her world dumped upside down, or giving in to his baser nature and succumbing to the temptation that was before him.
* * *
Marise knew that she was laying all her cards on the table, and had Kasen been Darryl, Darryl would’ve already been plundering her body with his cock and not even asked if she was sure.
Kasen, however, held back and it made Marise nervous. Had she said too much? Was he going to think of her as a whore? After all, he did catch her shaking her ass for a buck. Mortified at what he must think of her, Marise snapped out of her trance.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Damn, you must think…” Kasen held up his warm fingers to her lips. He could make out the outline of Marise’s round face in the moonlight. She was beautiful, and Kasen would never see her as anything but virtue, despite her circumstances.
“I don’t think anything but the truth Marise. I think that you are a beautiful, sexy yet innocent woman who has more strength than some men I know. I think that you are intelligent and have a 42 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
lot of mixed up emotions. I think that I made a mistake by leading you on to believe that what I feel for you is strictly platonic.” His words were nothing but a whisper, but the truth behind them were loud and clear.
Shocked into silence, Marise just stared. Kasen had been nothing but nice to her since she started working there. Sure, sometimes he’d a temper, but that was understandable in his line of work. He has sent her flowers for her birthday; he gave her this job so she didn’t have to dance on a pole. With that thought, the light came on for Marise. In all of his actions, the small gifts, the understanding, his smiles, Kasen had put himself in a position of a suitor who knew that he’d no chance in hell because of her marriage. Tears welled in Marise’s eyes when the magnitude of Kasen’s statement hit her. He wanted more, and always has.
“Kasen, I…” Marise would’ve gone into a beautiful speech if she’d not seen the tick in Kasen’s jaw. She knew well that the ticking in his jaw meant that he was holding back, that he was using his insane sense control to keep him from making a mistake. And that is when Marise’s heart took a plunge. She could not have described the moment to anyone, but the smell in the air changed, the atmosphere seemed to clear, and Marise knew exactly what to say. “Kasen, this, us, here now, is not a mistake. You are not some rebound thing, and I’m not all that distraught. I know, you might think that I’m making excuses for my body losing control, but my body knew a long time before my brain did. I want you Kasen. I’m not worried about tomorrow. I’m not worried about the next few hours; I just want to lose control with you. Please, let’s lose control together.” As soon as she said it, she knew that she’d hit a soft spot for Kasen. His eyes became wider and she could see the full circle of his irises.
* * *
“Marise, I can’t. You don’t understand.”
Kasen sat up in the bed and took a few deep breaths. Never had he let someone push his buttons as much as Marise did. She was always there, always soft, and even in the midst of a traumatic shift in her life, she was still looking out for him. What was he going to do with her? He knew 43 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
what he wanted to do. Kasen wanted to make love to Marise with the fierceness of his love for her. It was his desire to make her feel the very effect that she has on him. Could he let his guard down long enough to let her see the real Kasen Montgomery, uncontrolled?
Marise watched as Kasen clenched and unclenched his fists. He was taking in huge amounts of air again.
“Help me understand you Kas. I want to know you. Why must you have so much control all the time?”
“Control means that all successes as well as all mistakes lead back to you. It means that you don’t have to worry about people blaming you because you already assumed that role when you take control.”
“Yes, but has control brought you happiness?”
Marise raised her hand to the side of his face and caressed his jaw line. He was such a strong man, but when would he realize that strength sometimes came in the form of appearing weak?
Marise wanted his mind. She was thirsting for someone else’s thoughts besides her own now.
She knew there was so much to this man who sat across from her, but she wanted to know him for the man he was, not her savior, or not her boss. Just as a man.
“Control and happiness do not always go hand and hand Marise. Control has made me lose more things than gained, but I will not lose control with you.” Marise’s heart dropped, but she was determined more than ever to get Kasen to drop his guard.
Gone was the euphoric feeling of being touched by him; it was now replaced with the need to touch him emotionally. Marise had never allowed herse
lf to become emotionally engaged with anyone, but for him, she was willing to try.
“Do you know what it is like to lose control Kas?” Marise scooted across the bed to him. She laid her hand on his thigh and her thumb swirled absent-mindedly on his warm skin. His blond 44 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
hair was very fine on his legs, feeling like silk in her fingers. Marise knew she’d never even bothered to notice if Darryl had hair on his thighs or not.
“No.” Kasen said through gritted teeth.
* * *
Marise could not possibly know what she was doing. She was driving him insane, but he would not forget all of those lessons that his father had taught him. Giving up control means losing your balls, son. Never give up control. Claire had walked out on him for not giving up control.
He would never allow his ex to ride him during sex. He even introduced hand cuffs as a part of their ‘normal’ routine. Now that Kasen thought about it, perhaps it did seem real strange that he would never allow Claire to seduce him. It was always in his terms on his time.
Now, Marise sat and rubbed his leg, after telling him to rub her. Marise had taken control of the night. Marise was dangerous to Kasen. She made Kasen give up his precious control.
Kasen pushed from the bed and looked at the startled expression on Marise’s face. He would not and could not give up his control. Not for anyone and especially not for Marise who didn’t know what she wanted.
“Kasen?” Marise looked at him and wondered if she’d gone too far. She grabbed the crumpled sheets and pulled them around her body. It was insanity. Kasen had seen her in more states of undress in the past four months than her husband and she felt indecent now?
“Marise I don’t think that you know what it is that you want. You would be under duress.”
“Under duress? Kasen, what do you think I’m doing?”
“You don’t want me, you couldn’t. You are still married and you are just distraught.” Kasen was backing out of the room.
“What does me being married have to do with you opening up?” 45 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
“You just want to be comforted.” Kasen was barking at her. Marise, for the first time in years felt her temper raise its head.
“Comforted? You think that me asking about you is going to comfort me? Then you are wrong, I don’t need that type of comfort. If I wanted that type of comfort, then I would’ve tried to fuck you the first time I came here. After all, I haven’t had sex for almost a year, and only had it twice in the past two. You don’t know what I would be under. Lust, perhaps, but duress? Shit Kasen, do you think I want to be your on the side fling? Never mind, I was just trying to talk to you.”
Marise got up and shoved him out the door and closed it behind it her. Sliding down the other side of the wall, she finally let go and cried. Not hard tears, not even a sob. They were the quiet tears of a woman caught in limbo.
46 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
Chapter Eight – If You Can’t Beat It, Run
Kasen left for work at six am. He couldn’t want to face Marise that morning. He’d spent the night staring at the blackness that surrounded him in his living area. Never before had he come so close to losing control. Never before had he come so close to committing the very thing that his father had warmed him about not doing. Kasen’s mind was a muddled mess and he didn’t know what to do about it.
In his office, Kasen prepared to be out of the office for the next few weeks. He knew now that he needed to get away for a moment. Being around Marise had given him a case of temporary insanity. There are so many times around her that he was on the verge of losing control. And that would be the last thing that he needed when he went to face the Captain in a few months.
Kasen quickly placed a call to his business partner and told him he was going to California to drum up more business. It was a lie, but a little white lie where his life was concerned didn’t bother Kasen. As Kasen quickly arranged his ticket, booked his hotel and tied up all his loose ends, his mind began to move in the logical fashion he was accustomed to. He would vacate his place for a few months and allow Marise to get on her feet. He would stay in California and keep his distance and his control. By the time he came back, it would be time for him to leave again to Lake St. Cassien. It would be ample time for them both to get over what almost happened.
That would’ve been a perfect game plan, if Kasen could keep his thoughts from Marise’s welfare. He’d never seen her as vulnerable as he’d last night, and the man in him wanted to take advantage of the situation. There was also the carnal desire that he’d for her for two years that he’d allowed to fester instead of dealing with it. Kasen had to force himself not to care, and he’d to force himself out of Marise’s life, no matter what the cost to him.
* * *
47 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
Marise stayed up that night trying to figure out what to do with her life. What had almost transpired between her and Kasen was enough for her to think that perhaps she needed a different job. Darryl proceeded to call her cell phone but never bothered to leave a message. Marise wanted to pack up, leave, and start over somewhere. Odds were against her though, and plus, she didn’t know if she wanted to live without seeing Kasen’s face every day.
Marise went into work the same time as always, as if nothing had transpired. She sat down at her desk and began the day as she always did, checking her emails for anything that Kasen needed done early. She was shocked to see that he’d arranged his own travel plans and saw that he would be out of town for several weeks. Marise didn’t think that it had anything to do with her.
She was not someone worth all the trouble. Kasen was stubborn and sometimes a cold man, Marise thought, there was no way that their ‘encounter’ could’ve possibly made him make all of these arrangements.
She was engrossed in her own thoughts and the day moved without a pause. Marise called her mother and they met for lunch. Marise had no choice but to tell her mother everything. It felt good to finally unburden all the things that she carried, even though she was positive that her mother would not care. Her mother invited her to stay in her own room until she sorted life out.
That took care of the problem with having a roof over her head. But Marise was still reluctant to return Darryl’s phone calls. What would she say to him?
Her biggest dilemma was sorting out her feelings for him. He was never there, and she can’t remember the last time she told him that she loved him. Marise didn’t feel as though she loved him, or didn’t love him enough to go through this pain together. Did she want her relationship to work or did she just want to throw it all away? The variable was Kasen. If Kasen was not in the picture, would Marise even want a divorce. If she’d not had Kasen to lean on, or unwillingly seen the feelings that Kasen had for her, would she even consider the thought of leaving Darryl?
Marise didn’t know the answers to those questions. Her world was in turmoil, but she did find a bright spot. No matter what the outcome, she will never have to strip for the rest of her life.
She’d Kasen to thank for that. Now if she could just see him for a moment to thank him.
48 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
When Marise returned to the office after lunch with her mother, Kasen was already gone on his business trip. He left a few notes for her about what to do on a day-to-day basis, but he left without saying goodbye. He needed his own space Marise thought. Perhaps so did she.
Marise spent the first week of Kasen being gone reconciling her differences with her mother and father. There was a lot there that Marise didn’t know, and although Marise doubted that her parents and her would ever be close, at least she would be able to call them every once in a while and not have to pretend like they didn’t exist. She learned that her father�
��s ‘infidelity’ was a mutual thing, and in essence, there was never any cheating.
When Marise told her mother that what she’d found on her anniversary, her mother was actually sympathetic. Marise told her that whatever decision she made, she would stand by her side.
Unfortunately, Marise could not make any decisions because she’d avoided Darryl like the plague. Marise’s thoughts left her wondering that maybe if Darryl actually made some effort, perhaps sent flowers to say that he was sorry, she would be more inclined to talk to him.
Nothing, a few phone calls the next day, and even fewer the next. After a while, Darryl stopped calling. When Marise had not heard from him in a few days, her fears that Lenny had gotten to him plagued her mind. She picked up the phone and dialed Darryl’s cell phone.
“What?” came his rough voice from the other end.
“Hello Darryl.” Marise held her breath. She didn’t know what to expect from him.
“MarMar! Where the hell are you?”
“That isn’t important, I was just checking to see if you were alive or if Lenny had gotten a hold of you.”
“Lenny, how do you know about Lenny?”
“Darryl, please, I know a lot more than you think I do. And if you go racking up more loans, I can’t help you. My days of overtime are done.”
49 | P a g e
Nevea Lane
Private Dancer
“What do you mean? I never asked anything of you…”
“No, you didn’t. But I didn’t want to see my husband dead either. At least I gave a damn.”
“I do care Mar, but I don’t see what Lenny has to do with us?”
“Then you really haven’t been paying attention Darryl. I’m the one who paid Lenny off.”
“How? You don’t understand these dudes, they don’t…” There was a hard pause and Marise held her breath, “Did you fuck him?”