Forbidden Desires

by Banerjee, Madhuri

  She had thought that once it happened he would be a little more relaxed. But the last two years, with her own career taking off, he had been home even less. There was politics in the workplace to take care of. It wasn’t easy. He needed to bring in clients. He was always working. He got home tired. The Bengali man who used to have sex on his mind all the time, now could not even think of having sex once a week with his sexy wife.

  His parents spent more time at home than Kaushik did. They looked after the children when she was busy. Naina wondered when was the last time just the two of them were together. Then she had an idea. She would plan a holiday just for Kaushik and her. Maybe even surprise him. She was sure it would bring back the romance. She called Kaushik’s PA, Tara.

  ‘Hey Tara, it’s Naina. Can you please tell me when Kaushik has a lean period anytime soon?…Yes I know there are no lean periods but when will something get over or when can he take a long break?…Maybe three or four days, not too long…?’ They spoke for a while and finally Naina hung up with a few dates in her hand.

  She went online, quickly found her dates and booked tickets and a hotel in Bora Bora. She couldn’t be more thankful for the income she had earned from her cooking shows and her cookbook; she had saved up enough money to plan a surprise for Kaushik. It was the only way they could save their marriage. Her parents would manage the children for those days and Kaushik only needed to take three days off. Combined with a weekend, it would make for a long glorious vacation where they could reconnect. Maybe she would show him that dance again, let him know that her wild side had never really died. It had taken just a break because of two small kids. They needed time away to rekindle their romance. Naina was feeling very excited about her plans and she couldn’t wait to tell him.

  But Kaushik didn’t come home early enough, and by the time he did she had already fallen asleep. He crashed in the guest room. It was a habit that Naina didn’t like. She believed that whatever happened, couples needed to sleep in the same room because the more you slept apart, the more distance you’d create. She had told him it didn’t matter how late he came in, he needed to sleep in the same bed with her. But many nights he had crashed in the guest bedroom and would come in later in the morning before the children woke them up. He would shower before he fell asleep and he would say that having the whole bed to himself helped him sleep better; exactly what he needed after an 18-hour day. But Naina resented it.

  This morning, though, she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

  ‘Kaushik, I have a surprise for you,’ she beamed brightly as she brought him his morning cup of coffee.

  They were in their bedroom and Kaushik was reading the papers. Dark-rimmed glasses perched on his nose. Grey around his temples. A few lines slowly showing around his eyes, signs of maturity, experience, life. Light falling on his olive skin that made it gleam. He sat casually, legs crossed on the bright rust coloured sofa Naina had bought in London. He was still so handsome, Naina thought.

  ‘I’ve booked us tickets for Bora Bora for two weeks from now. It’s all done. You don’t need to do anything. And I checked with Tara. She said you had an easy period coming. She checked with Kalinda, your boss’ secretary. He’ll also be travelling so it’s going to be an easy period. We’re going to stay in this beautiful place…maybe we could…’

  ‘You what?!’ Kaushik snapped. He almost jumped out of the sofa, the papers flying out of his hands and landing in a heap on the ground. Suddenly he was wide awake, fuming mad.

  ‘I…booked…us to go…just the two of us…,’ Naina couldn’t speak straight; she was instantly flooded with guilt.

  ‘How could you do that!’ his voice was hard, ruthless. ‘I have no time. What do you mean Tara told you? I’ve not told her all my plans.’

  ‘But…’

  ‘You’ll have to cancel it, Naina.’ There was an edge of panic in his voice. ‘This is not the right time.’

  Naina didn’t speak, too stunned by his bluntness. She knew she would lose money on the air tickets but thankfully, she had not spent on the hotels yet. She still couldn’t figure out why they couldn’t go.

  ‘Kaushik, we need this. It would be nice to spend some alone time…remember how we were in London?’ She moved closer to him and tried to touch him on the chest but he moved her hand away, as if it was a hot iron scalding his torso.

  ‘Now is not a good time, Naina. Please. Just check with me before you do any of this stupid stuff again.’ He gave her a sideways glance of utter disbelief before he went into the bathroom. She heard the lock click. He turned the shower on.

  She was puzzled. The shock caused the words to wedge in her throat. ‘I thought you wanted me to take initiative,’ she thought she was speaking loud enough but could Kaushik hear her through the door? ‘I thought it would be good for our marriage.’ She held back her tears. Why was he behaving like this? She had given him everything in their marriage. She loved him tremendously. But maybe he wasn’t seeing that. Like last year on his 35th birthday when she and the girls had worked so hard to pack 35 presents for him, all he had said to them was, ‘What was the need for all this?’

  ‘Don’t you like them?’ Naina had asked after putting the girls to bed.

  ‘Sure. But it’s such a waste of time.’ And with that he went off to sleep, leaving Naina disappointed that he hadn’t seen her effort. Expectation and disappointment; a roller coaster ride of marriage that leads to depression and distance.

  After this incident Naina could only come to the conclusion that he had stopped loving her. Why did he want to stay in this marriage? But she didn’t want to be unhappy any longer. She would plunge herself in her work and make something of her life. She would prove people wrong and show them that even if your personal life is not set, your professional life can still be successful. She no longer had any idea how to fix her personal life.

  4

  Naina got to work on her new cookbook, her second one since winning the television cookery competition. She already had a few recipes and had a few more to go. But after the debacle of her anniversary and her failed attempts at bringing romance back into her marriage, Naina felt emotionally drained. She wanted some advice, some relief. She needed someone she could open up to who would not judge her. While her mom’s group was great, they all seemed to have blissful marriages and liked gossiping about those who didn’t. She needed to talk to someone who would not tell on her secrets.

  It was one of the mornings when she was lacking female company that she decided to go visit her friend, Pinky. Pinky ran a beauty parlour in Naina’s colony. She was an entrepreneur and they got along famously.

  ‘Well hello, sexy,’ Pinky said as soon as Naina walked through the door. She got up from her corner-table and met her. They gave each other a peck on the cheek.

  Pinky: 40. Born and raised in Delhi. Short. Plump. Boisterous. Punjabi. Exquisite clear honey-kissed skin. Dark green eyes. Coloured blonde hair. Bore a strange resemblance to Kareena Kapoor but claimed they weren’t related. Wore loud clothes. Extremely warm and friendly. Queen bee. Had three children.

  ‘You look terrible,’ Pinky said as soon as they settled on their chairs. ‘I think we need to do the whole package for you today.’

  ‘Nice try madam, but I have no money for the entire package. You looted me last time. I’ll stick with a head massage today. Or maybe I’ll just sit and chat with you. By the way what a lovely suit you’re wearing.’

  ‘Hai na? I got it at that exhibition at Hotel Ashoka that I told you about but you couldn’t come. They had beautiful stuff. You should have come with me!’ Pinky spoke with a heavy accent.

  ‘I know!’ Naina loved going for exhibitions with Pinky. Pinky had a great eye for designer ripoffs. She would make Naina buy an outfit that she had spied in Fashion Week but which was made by a tailor at an exhibition for half the price.

  ‘You toh were busy with your child’s birthday party na?’ Pinky called the maid and asked her to make two cups of tea, ‘Do chai
dena. Achchi adrak wali.’

  ‘Yeah, Pinks,’ Naina replied. ‘I took three months to prepare for that.’

  ‘Why do you do so much? Pizza Hut mein le chalo. Sabko khilao aur bhaga do,’ Pinky said with a wave of her hands.

  Naina laughed merrily. ‘I wish I could. The other mothers I know all throw parties at farm houses and hotels. They have theme parties with magicians flown in from Paris and all yaar. If I send my children to those parties then I have to throw a party on the same level right?’

  ‘It’s all your fault for sending your children to high flying schools. DPS, Modern, all these fancy schools na.’

  Naina shook her head. ‘But they don’t go to these schools. They go to a private international school.’

  ‘Leh!’ Pinky said dramatically. ‘Aur bhi mushkil. Aur lakhon ke party karte raho phir. By the way what did you do for your kid’s party this year?’

  ‘Circus theme.’

  ‘Baap re. Where?’

  ‘I rented a large ground near Mehrauli. And I invited a big circus to put up tents so kids could do acrobatics and play. There were bouncy rooms for the smaller kids and bungee jumping for the bigger ones. There was a small area for petting animals also like a mini zoo.’

  ‘Were you one of the animals? Because you’re an ass for spending so much!’ Pinky laughed. She wouldn’t take so much liberty with Naina if the two of them weren’t so close. They had known each other for years now. Naina was very fond of her.

  ‘You should have come,’ Naina said, taking a sip of her tea. ‘The kids would have loved it.’

  Pinky smiled and said, ‘It was good we were away for our holiday then. Otherwise my kids would also want such parties. But Switzerland was amazing. Thank God all of us like the cold weather. Varna hum kabhi bhi kahin nahin ja paate.’

  Naina nodded. ‘Ab chod na. I have to do these things. It’s a vicious cycle. If I send out an invitation to go to Pizza Hut, none of my kids’ friends will land up. And then they will feel bad. And they will be ostracized from their group. All because I want to save money. And then they won’t be invited for their friends’ lavish parties. Maine toh kuch nahin kiya. Last year there was a mother who did an entire Princess theme where she flew down all the “Frozen” princess lookalikes for the girls to take photos with. And she did an entire make up and costume party with real costumes of Disney princesses for everyone to dress up in. Then there was a performance by some singer also. I think it was Sunidhi Chauhan. That was for the adults who attended the party.’

  ‘Baap re. How old was this child? 18?’

  ‘Seven.’

  ‘Seven?!’ Pinky almost fell off her chair. ‘My three kids know nothing about these princesses. Chota Bheem and one cake that everyone cuts. Samosas and chips as snacks.’

  ‘Seriously, Pinky? And your children are happy with that?’

  ‘Ab what to do? Sunny lost a lot of money in the last IPL na. And I need my annual vacation with the whole family. So whatever money is saved goes in that. Not birthday parties.’

  ‘How did Sunny lose money?’

  ‘Betting!’

  ‘He bets?’ Naina was horrified.

  ‘No no.’ Pinky shook her head vehemently. ‘He takes money from people and puts it in teams.’

  ‘You mean he’s a bookie?’ Naina had gotten more curious.

  ‘You could say that. But everything is legal nowadays.’

  ‘No baba it’s not,’ Naina said quickly. ‘Be careful.’

  ‘If it’s not then how come all these politicians and film stars are doing it? Won’t they also get caught?’

  ‘Which film stars?’

  Pinky started telling her what she knew from her husband’s stories. Naina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Then suddenly Pinky’s mobile phone rang and as she picked it up her voice turned lower. ‘I’ll have to take this. Pati. One minute.’

  She stepped outside and Naina could only hear snippets of what she was saying to the person on the line. ‘Baby. I’m not in the mood to party today. You go alone na. But why? Okay I’ll come. But this time we’re not doing what we did last time. Kyonki bruises ho gaye! Haha. Chal theek hai!’

  As Pinky came back in Naina thought she was looking a little flustered. ‘Are you alright?’ she asked Pinky. ‘Is everything okay?’

  ‘Chod na.’ Pinky shook her head. ‘You tell me. What’s happening with you? Writing a new cookbook? Flying off to new places?’

  Naina knew that Pinky would tell her what the problem was when it was time. She didn’t want to pry into her friend’s life. She said, ‘I am so bored. I can’t think of any new recipes to write. I have no new batch of cooking students. And as usual my kids find me tedious.’

  ‘Where is the husband? Shouldn’t he be taking care of you?’

  Naina shrugged her shoulders. ‘Nahin. Apparently if he doesn’t put in a certain number of hours at the law firm, they’ll get very upset.’

  Pinky threw up her hands. ‘Men and their jobs. It’s as if we need all their money. Maybe if they worked less and spent more time with us, we’d be happier housewives huh?’

  ‘Maybe we wouldn’t need to work.’

  ‘I think we work because we love it. I love my parlour. I’ve made so many friends since I opened this parlour five years ago. It kept me sane through my post-partum depression. I could come here to get away from the children, get away from my in-laws.’

  Naina laughed out loud. ‘They’re that much of a pain?’

  Pinky laughed too, ‘No I didn’t mean it like that. It’s great living with my in-laws. They help with the children. But sometimes I need my own space. I love being a mother. Chintu, Bittoo and Guddi are growing up so fast. I think I want another one now.’

  Naina almost choked on her tea. Pinky laughed. ‘I’m kidding! I already have three. And since the twins were born I never lost any of that weight. Though Sunny doesn’t seem to be complaining,’ she winked. It was so easy talking to Pinky. She could go on about her life, her opinions and chat away without boring you.

  ‘Tell me about your new cookbook or class?’ she asked Naina.

  ‘Oh I have nothing right now. It’s a vicious cycle. When I have a batch of people, it motivates me to try new things and then I come up with new recipes and then I feel like writing and cooking more. And when I don’t, I don’t feel like cooking new dishes. I can’t eat all that. I’ll have to run a marathon every morning to burn it off.’

  ‘Well I know one person who wanted to get private classes. He can’t join a group because he has limited time. But he’s a bachelor and head of this big event management company. He wanted to learn how to cook.’

  Naina looked mildly interested. ‘Will he come to my house?’

  Pinky shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know. You can ask him. I can give him your number if you like.’

  Naina was uncertain. ‘Okay I guess there’s no harm in calling.’

  ‘Of course. And he will pay you well. You can buy yourself a new car!’

  ‘That much he’ll pay or what?’ Naina asked with a smile.

  ‘Pooch toh lo. Ultimately everything in life is about having fun. Pushing your boundaries. Discovering more from life. Maybe he could be that new aspect that could help with your cookbook na?’

  ‘Yes but where does he stay? Is it safe?’ Naina asked.

  Pinky put a hand to her heart and let her jaw drop open. ‘Would I even recommend it if it wasn’t safe? What kind of a question is that? He’s the sweetest, most innocent man you’ll meet. He has a lovely, large farmhouse in Mehrauli and another place here close by somewhere. His name is Arjun.’

  ‘Doesn’t he have a cook?’

  ‘You’ll have to ask him. All I know is he’s been wanting to learn how to cook.’

  Naina pondered while Pinky attended to her customers. Naina could see she was going to get busy. She picked up her bag and whispered to Pinky, ‘I’m going.’

  Pinky raised her eyebrows as if to ask what Naina had concluded about thei
r conversation.

  ‘Okay, give him my number.’

  Pinky smiled, ‘And you can charge him vada vada paisa. Bohat loaded hai.’

  Naina smiled. The thought of earning always cheered her up. Maybe she needed that drive again. It was time to start feeling independent. She needed to find the balance between home and career. Maybe this could help her.

  5

  ‘Hi, I’m Naina. I’m here to see Arjun.’

  Naina had reached her new client, Arjun’s home. The maid allowed her to enter and led her to the living room from where she could see most of the house. It was a large apartment in Hauz Khas. It had large paintings on the walls, dark wooden floors, soft comfortable white couches in the living room, a gigantic TV on a clean wall in the drawing room and a brick wall effect around a bar that was in a corner in the balcony, which overlooked a vast expanse of greenery all around. It had beautiful modern floor lamps and an open kitchen with an island. Similar to the one that they showed in magazines with a marble counter in the middle of the kitchen which was open on all sides to walk around, with bar stool chairs on one side. The kitchen had white wooden cabinets with light wooden flooring and black and white paintings around. Clearly this man was into art. He had refined taste. He was rich and unmarried. On one of the cabinet counters she saw photos of him with a young girl. His daughter?

  Naina walked around the open living, dining and drawing room areas. The space was huge and breathtaking. A maid came and gave her a glass of water and asked her if she wanted some coffee or tea to which she replied, no.

  A tall, dark figure stepped out from the shadows. Arjun came out from a corridor, wearing a designer yellow shirt and dark navy-blue jeans. His salt-and-pepper hair was wet as if he had just stepped out of the shower. Drops of moisture clung to his damp forehead. He was well built, with mahogany skin and dark piercing brown eyes. He was devilishly handsome with an innately captivating presence.

  ‘I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, Naina,’ Arjun said as he extended his hand towards her, keeping a safe distance and not making her feel uncomfortable. The magnetism of his smile captivated Naina. His hands were beautiful, long fingered, and strong; his voice, deep and raspy. His Gio Armani aftershave settled around his aura as he showed her to a couch. ‘Thank you so much for coming over. I didn’t want to take classes in someone else’s house. I wanted to get more familiar with my own kitchen.’