by Taryn Plendl
“Where is this coming from, Payton?” I could hear the hurt in her voice, but I couldn’t figure out what happened. One minute we were talking and smiling and then she put her walls up.
She turned around and looked at me. Her eyes were sad. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to leave your parties and things to come and get me. I’m okay to walk by myself.”
“What?” I reached out and grabbed her hand before she could back too far away, pulling her back to me. “First, Lucas and I spent the last two hours in the back yard away from Ryan and his friends. Second, I made it very clear that I was coming to see my girlfriend. There isn’t anywhere else I want to be. Sorry, baby, but you’re stuck with me.” I placed my finger underneath her chin and lifted it so she would look me in the eyes.
“Girlfriend?” A small smile broke across her face. “Me?”
I smiled back. “I sure hope so.”
She nodded slowly, looking up at me through her dark eyelashes. “I think I like that.” I could get lost in those eyes. I watched her finish up a few things, and then we were ready to go.
“We’re leaving.” We stood in front of Lucas and Shelly. They both smiled and said goodbye, but didn’t make a move to stop talking. Payton giggled and went over to give Rob a kiss on the cheek.
“See you tomorrow.” I smacked Lucas on the back and headed after Payton.
The walk was quiet and comfortable. I kept her tucked tightly against me with her delicate hand in mine. I was beginning to love this walk. Just being close to her, touching her. It was so much more than I could’ve imagined.
“Are you coming up?” She was still holding my hand as we reached her door.
“If you want me to, I would love to,” I admitted, trying very hard not to sound too eager.
Payton unlocked the door and tossed her things on the table. When she turned back around I pulled her into my arms and held her against me. She looked up at me with her blue eyes and smiled, and I couldn’t hold back any longer.
My mouth claimed hers, and the instant I felt her part her lips I lost it. Suddenly our hands were everywhere—stroking and rubbing. I kissed a path down her chin onto her neck, and she moaned as I kissed that sensitive place blow her ear. I pushed my hands just under her shirt, giving her time to stop me. When she didn’t, I gently caressed her skin as my hands trailed up the sides of her stomach. I felt the outer curve of her breasts, and then she gasped. I froze.
“Garrett, I can’t. I’m sorry.” I pulled my hands out from under her shirt and looked at her as she tried to hide her face.
“Payton, it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” I could feel her shaking slightly, and I pulled her back into my embrace, careful to not scare her by moving my hands too much.
“Will you stay the night with me?” I was sure I heard her wrong.
“What?” My voice sounded lower than usual.
“Just to hold me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.” She looked at me with hopeful eyes, and I smiled before I leaned down to kiss her on the head.
“God, Payton, I would love to hold you in my arms while we sleep.” I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more. I just wanted—no, needed—her next to me.
We walked down the hall to her room. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top and went to the bathroom to change. I kicked off my shoes and took my jeans off so that I was just in my boxers. I pulled the covers back and climbed in. Moments later, Payton walked back through the door and smiled when she saw me lying in her bed. I couldn’t help but grin back at her.
She walked back over to her dresser and set her earrings down before climbing onto the bed, she sat up on her knees reaching for the pull on the fan to turn out the light, stretching as she did. Her legs were pale and smooth—perfect. I trailed my eyes up over her narrow hips and stopped at the exposed skin on her belly, and then I saw them. Several small, round scars that looked so red in contrast to her pale skin. Burn marks. Son of a bitch! Someone had fucking hurt her. “Wait!”
Chapter 13
I froze. I didn’t realize what the issue was until I saw that Garrett was staring at my exposed stomach where my tank top had ridden up while I was reaching for the light.
I quickly pulled it back down and stepped off the bed, backing away from him and the look of disgust on his face.
“Payton?” he whispered as he reached out to me.
“Don’t.” I couldn’t look at him anymore. I walked over by the window with my back to him. “I think you should go, Garrett. I’m so sorry, I guess this was a bad idea.” I wasn’t ready to go there yet. I didn’t know if I could even begin to share some of the things I’d been through. I felt sick. The pain of those scars on my stomach weren’t anything compared to the pain I felt when I saw the look on Garrett’s face.
“Payton, please. Talk to me. Did someone hurt you?” I could tell he was close behind me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
“I don’t need your pity, Garrett.” I could feel my eyes starting to burn.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He put his hand on my waist, and his touch made me jump and caused my skin to tingle. I couldn’t be this close to him. I turned around and walked backward, still not looking up at him.
“It … it was never a se—… secret … just none of your business,” I stuttered. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, not over this damn it. “Go! Please!” I begged.
He grabbed his clothes and walked out of my bedroom. Moments later, I heard the door close, and I sunk to the floor, sobbing.
I begged for no emotions, no thoughts. My brain didn't want to deal so it shut off, too. Self preservation was something I was way too familiar with. I lay there in a crumpled heap until I couldn’t cry anymore. Eventually I fell asleep.
***
“Come on, Payton, it can’t be that bad.” Shelly put her hands on her hips and stared at me.
“He saw a glimpse into my past, and he didn’t handle it well.” I shrugged. I had been crying so much over the last couple of days that I didn’t think I had anything left.
The day after our fight, I was a complete mess. I made it through work by going through the motions, strictly by habit. I felt like a piece of me was missing. When we finished closing, I started walking across the park, alone, and it hit me even more then. Garrett had obviously washed his hands of me. Just last week, he wouldn’t even think about letting me walk home alone anymore, but I hadn’t seen or heard from him in over three days.
“He didn’t handle it well, or you didn’t?” Shelly raised her eyebrows at me before turning and walking to the other side of the bar.
I followed her until I was standing right in front of her. “It doesn’t matter, Shelly. I can’t be with someone who pities me. My past is mine to deal with. It doesn’t affect anyone else.”
“That’s bullshit, Payton!” I took a step back, shocked by Shelly’s tone. I couldn’t remember ever seeing her this pissed off at me. “You say it doesn’t affect anyone else, but it does. You let your past dictate how you live your life and who you let in. Garrett cares about you, and you’re the one pushing him away.”
“Maybe he did care about me, Shelly, but you didn’t see his face.” I covered my eyes, pressing the heel of my hands firmly against them, willing myself to keep it together. “He was disgusted by me and my scars.”
“That’s not true.”
The deep voice caught both Shelly and I by surprise. We both turned around and saw Lucas leaning up against the bar. I was so busy arguing with Shelly that I didn’t even see him walk up.
“Hi, Lucas.” Shelly smiled at him.
His face lit up for a moment. “Hi, Shelly.” Then he turned back to me.
“That’s not true, Payton. You didn’t disgust Garrett. He was overwhelmed and pissed off, but not at you.” Lucas looked me straight in the eyes while he spoke.
“What do you mean ‘not at me’?” I was on the verge of tears again. I missed him so much.
&nbs
p; “The thought that someone had hurt you pissed him off like I’d never seen him before. When he left your place he came over to the house and he was a mess—I mean a total and complete, irrational mess. He punched a hole right through the wall in the kitchen.”
I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. “Is he okay?”
Lucas looked at Shelly and then back to me. “No. He’s not okay. He’s a total asshole right now, and we are all walking on eggshells around him.”
This was too much to take right now. “Shelly, I need to get out of here.”
“Its okay, go. We were done closing anyway.”
I grabbed my bag and pushed through the door out into the cold. I needed to feel it engulf me. The frigid air burned my lungs as I inhaled deeply—cleansing the hurt and confusion away.
What Lucas had said back at the bar plagued my mind. Could I have mistaken the look on Garrett’s face? Maybe Shelly was right. Maybe I was the one who couldn’t handle it. Maybe I was so prepared for people’s negative reactions to my past, that when they didn’t react the way I’d expected, I would run. With the crap I’d been through, I wasn’t very good at leaving things up to chance.
I was in such deep thought as I walked home that I didn’t notice Garrett on the steps until I was almost walking up them. I wanted to do so many things at once. I wanted to run away, to throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness, to yell at him for prying, but I didn’t do any of those things. I just sat down on the steps next to him without saying a word.
Garrett’s gruff voice finally broke the silence, “Payton, I’m sorry ... I was caught off guard. I know you have a past, and I had a suspicion that it wasn’t all that pretty, but I never expected to feel such rage from the thought of someone hurting you.” He still hadn’t looked at me.
“It was at my second foster home.” I began softly, and Garrett reached over and put his hand in mine. It was just what I needed to keep going—his silent encouragement.
“My foster parents had a son. He was seventeen.” I paused, trying to figure out if I wanted to tell him everything. I didn’t want to lose him, but after this past week, I didn’t think I could get any closer to doing that, so I made my decision right then and there.
“He was very nice to me when I first moved in. Taking me out for burgers, driving me to school—you know, big brother things.” I shrugged. “One night he took me to a party with the upper classmen from our school. He kept giving me drinks, and then after we got home, he tried to force himself on me.” I felt Garrett’s hand grip mine so hard it was almost painful. I placed my other hand over his and felt him relax a bit.
“I was drunk, but not drunk enough to let him do that. I kicked him in the crotch, and he slapped me. He told me I would regret that and then he left my room.” I snuck a look at Garrett and saw him looking at me. There wasn’t any judgment or pity in those beautiful brown eyes. There was just love, and for once I allowed myself to be open.
“He left me alone for a couple weeks. I was sad that he and I couldn’t hang out anymore, but I was so relieved that he ignored me, too.” I took a deep breath.
“Eventually he started taunting me. If it wasn’t with words, it was physically. He would pinch me so hard I would get bruises. If I would cry, he would laugh, and the next time it was worse.
“Why didn’t you tell someone, Payton?” His voice sounded so tortured.
“He treated me so nice in front of his parents, but as soon as their backs were turned, he was hateful.” I felt Garrett’s fingers slowly rubbing back and forth on my hand.
“When you don’t have anyone who loves you, it’s hard to know who to turn to. I didn’t want to make waves. I just wanted to survive—just make it through until I was old enough to be on my own.”
“Where did the scars come from?” His voice was controlled—just barely.
“One night, I forgot to lock my door. I woke up with him sitting on the end of my bed. All I could see was a glowing cigarette in the darkness. I tried to get up, but he moved and held me down. My nightshirt had ridden up, and my stomach was bare. He looked at me and smiled and then covered my mouth. I tried to stop him, Garrett, I really did, but his knees were holding my hands down at my sides, and he was so much bigger than me.”
“So he burned you?” I could feel the muscles twitch in Garrett’s arm. His jaw was closed so tight I could see the strain on his skin.
“Yes,” I whispered. He took a deep breath and nodded, trying to take it all in.
“Please tell me you told someone.” His voice shook as he spoke.
“I tried, but he told them I did it myself. He made me look crazy, and considering what happened with my family, no one thought any different. Not until the night he tried to rape me.”
Garrett gasped and stood up. For a minute I thought he was going to leave, but after he walked a few steps down the sidewalk, he turned and punched a street sign. I closed my eyes. “Please, Garrett,” I pleaded.
My plea got his attention, and he rushed back to me, taking both of my hands in his. “I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then visibly relaxed. “You said he tried?”
I nodded. “His dad walked in. He couldn’t deny it that time. His dad beat the crap out of him, and the next day I was moved to a different home.”
“Did anyone else hurt you?” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on top of my head.
“No, not physically,” I said, because the homes I was in until I aged out were just that. Places to stay. There was no love—no family ... just a broken girl, and in many cases, just a paycheck for the families I stayed with.
“Are you okay?” Garrett sat back next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I was shaking. Maybe I was cold, or maybe it was just a release from my body—maybe some sort of relief. I’d never told anyone what I just told Garrett. I never expected anyone to care.
“The wounds can heal, but the scars will still be there, along with the memory of how they came to be, you know?” I whispered.
“This is why you have that wall built up around you.” He pulled me in closer.
I turned and looked up at Garrett and smiled. “Yeah, I guess so, but sometimes walls aren't built to keep people out ... sometimes they are built to see who is strong enough to bring them down.”
Garrett’s swollen hand caught my attention. “We should get some ice on that.” I stood up and held out my hand. We walked inside and up the stairs to my apartment. His hand was already starting to bruise, and I could see the scabs from what must have been the wall incident Lucas mentioned.
I grabbed the ice and sat next Garrett on the couch. I pulled his hand into my lap and placed the ice on it, watching as he grimaced. “You really should stop beating up signs and walls.” He laughed and leaned in, kissing me softly on the lips.
“Thank you for trusting me, Payton.” He cupped my face in his hands, kissing me again—softly.
“Hey, do you remember those kisses we shared before? The ones that can cause you to forget where you are or what you were doing? The kind you don't want to end?” I watched him nod and smile. “May I have another one, please?”
“What kind of guy would I be to refuse you that?”
Chapter 14
“Where are we going?” Payton looked over at me as we drove through town.
“I’m taking you out on a date.” I winked. “And then we are going shopping.” I laughed at the confusion on her face. I was planning on taking her out to get some dinner, and then we were stopping by the mall. I had a bit of a surprise for her in the trunk, and we needed a few things to complete it.
“I could definitely eat. I’m starving.” She rubbed her flat tummy. The girl could eat, that was for sure. I was certain she must have a tape worm or something. How else could she pack away so much food and remain the petite little thing she?
I took her to a small Italian restaurant that Jackson and I used to go to with our parents. It was cozy and intimate, and the food was amazing.
“Wha
t are you going to get?” I glanced over my menu. Her dark hair shimmered in the candlelight. She chewed on her lip as she looked through the list of meals.
“How’s the chicken parm?” she asked.
“One of my favorites.” I grinned.
She nodded and closed her menu. “Do you want to share with me why we are going shopping and what we are looking for?”
“Nope.” I winked and grinned when she glared at me. I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s nothing crazy. I just have something for you, and I need a couple things to complete it.”
“Hey, what’s the deal with Lucas and Shelly?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if she had gotten any more information out of Shelly than I did with Lucas, which wasn’t much.
Payton shrugged as she finished chewing a bite of breadstick. “I’m not sure. Shelly swears they are just friends, nothing more.”
“I don’t buy it. Lucas says the same thing, yet he insists on coming to the bar with me every time. That seems a bit much for a friend.”
“That’s what I thought, too.” She smiled in agreement.
We talked about school and our plans after graduation in the spring. It seemed like she hoped to stay close to town. There was a small accounting firm she was doing an internship with beginning in January. With any luck, she would get picked up there.
I was also planning on staying close. There were a handful of small engineering opportunities in our town and the surrounding cities. Most of the engineering majors left town to go to North Carolina to work in what was known as the “Research Triangle” or somewhere else. Not many people considered staying here. I needed to stay close to Jackson. I couldn’t leave him.
I took a hold of Payton’s hand as we walked into the mall, walking to the small home store. Payton raised her eyebrows at me, and I chuckled. I stopped in front of the picture frames.
“Why do we need frames?” she asked. I tapped my fingers to my chin as I looked over the different styles and sizes. After I had picked out all of the ones I needed, we made out way to the cash register.
