Smoldering Heart_Fleming Brothers [Book 1]

by Jennifer Vester

  I gave her a nod. “Well, good thinking. I heard about the fire. I’m not sure anyone would think to come here if it was random, but it never hurts to be on guard. Even if it is with a flimsy racket.”

  She twirled the handle in her hand like it was either habit or a nervous gesture. She looked both relieved and a little irritated. I was honestly too tired to care.

  “Well, I’m going back to bed. Let me know if you need the bat,” Rachel said. She ambled back down the hallway and shut the door loudly.

  I felt a tug on my arm and let Maddie pull me out of the room. Closing the door behind us I looked down at her in the dark hallway.

  She was still just as beautiful as I remembered. Tangled hair and all.

  I pulled her hand away from my arm and led her back into my room. Giving her a gentle squeeze I let go and stepped back to give her space.

  “Get back in bed, Madison. I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

  She stood in front of me and didn’t move an inch.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m too tired to play this game. Get back in bed.”

  She still didn’t move and kept staring at me. Her eyes were roaming over my face, and I wondered what she saw there. Exhaustion? Heartache? Maybe just the same asshole she left two months ago.

  My eyes dropped to her lips for a moment before I caught myself and looked away. God, this woman. I reminded myself that I needed to shut that shit off.

  I bent down and picked her up, one hand behind her knees and the other around her back. Walking over to the bed I deposited her on the blankets unceremoniously. She bounced once and let out a small squeal.

  “Owen—”

  “I’m exhausted, woman. I need to sleep before I say or do something fucking stupid. Just sleep, and we’ll talk in the morning.”

  “Stay. Please?” she asked.

  Her eyes searched my face for something again. There was a hesitation, a moment. Maybe she was looking for kindness or confirmation that I still cared for her. I had both where she was concerned, but I needed to stay away. Those fucking feelings came at a price she wasn’t willing to pay.

  Sighing heavily, I shook my head.

  “I’ll stay until you fall asleep, Madison. That’s it.”

  “You don’t have to go, Owen. You can sleep in here.”

  I looked at the ceiling and begged for patience. Stalking to the side of the bed, I gave her a harsh look.

  “Why? So, you can feel safe? Your own personal bodyguard? I’m not in that line of work anymore.”

  “No. I just thought you could stay with me if you wanted. Your letters—”

  “Lay down, go to sleep. I’m not staying. You want to feel safe? I’m here right now, and I’ll be downstairs later. But don’t ask me to do this with you. I came to make sure you and Rachel were okay, and you obviously are, so I’m headed back tomorrow. You can stay here as long as you need, because I won’t be back until after the holidays.”

  I sat down on the edge of the bed near the bottom corner and turned away from her. The last thing I needed right now was to look at that woman curled up in my sheets.

  “Owen, you need to talk to me. I need to tell you something and it’s important.”

  I groaned. Fuck it. I needed some shut eye, and I really didn’t want to have a heart to heart right now. I didn’t have the fucking patience.

  Leaning over, I untied my shoes and kicked them off. They skidded into a corner where it looked like she had some clothing.

  “I don’t want to talk right now. Just lay down.”

  Rolling over onto the sheets, I crawled up the bed with my eyes half closed. I grabbed her waist and pulled her down beside me making sure that my comforter remained between us.

  It was going to be a hell of a night. I shouldn’t have come home.

  Her tense body told me she wasn’t sleeping. I heard her breathing but knew she was as wide awake as I was. The rhythmic sound of it reminded me that I hadn’t ever actually slept with her. We’d had sex and taken a nap, but this was different. Despite the shitty situation, I enjoyed having her beside me.

  When neither one of us said anything for a while, my eyes closed on their own. Sliding into oblivion, I knew I would have the best sleep in weeks. All because of this small woman that felt so right against me.

  I would feel shredded on the drive back to the Academy. That was going to suck. It wasn’t like that was new to me though, and I knew that I had the strength to endure it.

  As much as she wanted to feel safe with me laying beside her, the feeling was somewhat mutual. It was strange, but the tension I felt every day since the beginning of the academy started fading away. She was always safe with me. That much I could guarantee. Her proximity made my body hum with an awareness that she was the one woman that could truly make me happy. It was comforting even if it was misplaced.

  Oddly, memories of Ava danced through my sleepy brain. Her little smiles and giggling joy. She brought light into every room when she entered.

  Of the siblings, she had been the only one with light blonde hair. Something that my family couldn’t quite get over. We all had dark hair. We teased my mother frequently that she must have brought home the wrong baby. If she hadn’t had those murky green eyes like Brock and me, we would have given my mother a lot more hell. As she grew, she started to look more and more like all of us. Strong features, tall. Even her rowdy, boisterous comments were straight out of the Fleming gene pool.

  She was ten when she disappeared. There are defining moments in families that either make or break them. Fights that were unnecessary, maybe a death. Events that tore families apart or brought them together in a greater fusion. Her disappearance nearly crippled all of us. It hurt us all deeply and affected all of us differently.

  Noah closed himself off. Determined not to think about it, he threw himself into studies and work. We could all feel the cold shutoff where his heart had been. It was only recently that he'd opened up again. Brock became paranoid and obsessive about the safety of his family. To the point where he'd gone into intelligence and the military. He’d us all chipped, unwilling to lose another person in his life.

  And then there was me. Adrift. Searching for something that would fill that hole. Trying to find the right fit in jobs, and in choice of women. Unable to find peace to the burning itch I felt. True and deep happiness had always been elusive since Ava had disappeared.

  Until Maddie.

  Even if we were together, I couldn’t promise not to trample all over her. I could see arguments happening over her safety and my unwillingness to compromise if I felt she was in any way threatened. She was mine. A part of my body and seared into my soul. She had been since the moment I had laid eyes on her.

  I could be an asshole, though. Something that wasn’t likely to change. Stepping away from her was probably better in the long run. And yet, here I was. Laying beside her, probably for the last time in my life, and I was selfish enough not to move or go downstairs.

  She moved beside me, and I felt her arm slide up my chest.

  “Owen?”

  “Hmm,” I responded. My hand reached out to cover hers and move it away from my body. I was struggling with this as it was, but her touch was too much.

  “I read your letters.”

  I let out a deep sigh, and with quite a bit of effort opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling.

  “Yeah, saw that.”

  “I didn’t read them until tonight,” she whispered. “I just wanted to let you know that. I would have written back or called.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I think I just needed to write them, Madison. I was hoping they might have changed your mind on some things. But I’ve had some time to think about it, and I think you made the right choice.”

  Her face came into view beside me, and I turned to look at her for a moment.

  “I think by the time I wrote that last letter, I’d said what I needed to say to you.”

  “But you’ve got it wrong.”

  Weary, I s
at up and swung my legs off the side of the bed.

  “Go to sleep, gorgeous. Whatever I got wrong or right doesn’t really matter at this point. I thought I could handle sleeping in here with you, but I just can’t. You need your rest and so do I.”

  “Owen. Look at me. Right now.”

  I stood up and turned to look at her. “Fuck, you don’t give up, do you? When is enough? I fucked up. You said you read the letters, and I’ve apologized. But the thing is, half of me isn’t sorry at all. That part will never feel sorry for what I did. I tried to bully my way into your life. Tried to force your hand by thinking a baby would make you stay.”

  She opened her mouth to say something and I held up my hand to stop her.

  “I love you, Maddie. Deeply. Fuck, if I’ve ever felt that before in my entire life except with my family. I’m a selfish asshole that wanted you. I didn’t want Jason’s memory between us. Hell, I would have fought off your dad if he had gotten in the way. That’s how much of an asshole I am.”

  The ache in my chest felt like it was just getting worse as I looked at her. Those beautiful eyes of hers were shadowed in the darkened room. Her face was a mix of sadness.

  “I get why you walked out. No problem. You need someone that won’t think about beating the shit out of every man that looks at you. That won’t try to hold onto you by any means necessary. One that’ll be rational, and everything you described.”

  I stalked over to my dresser and pulled a change of clothing out. “You left, and I spent that time stalking you, following you, and trying to give you some space. Which wasn’t really giving you space at all, was it? That’s the kind of man I am. I keep what’s mine. Protect the people I love. Then I saw you one night right before I left. You had someone at your house and that just ripped me apart.”

  I picked up my shoes out of the corner and nearly threw them across the room. My anger over that moment had faded with distance but was now fresh in my mind.

  When I looked back at her to see her face covered in tears, it hit me in the gut.

  “You have it wrong, Owen. I wasn’t with anyone. And you’re not an asshole.”

  I let out a frustrated chuckle. “Oh, babe. I really am. You have no idea.”

  “Stop it! You’re not an asshole. I just needed some time. I’m not stupid and I can make my own decisions! What you did hurt me. But it wasn’t so irreparable that, with time, we couldn’t have maybe talked through it. It wasn’t Jason between us. It was taking control away from me in two things that were life changing.”

  My head started to hurt, trying to understand what she was saying. Even if things had been salvageable at some point, she hadn’t addressed a big issue.

  “The guy going into your house. I don’t see how you can say things were able to be repaired at that point, when you had a late night visitor. You blew me off and moved on!”

  Barking at her wasn’t my intent, but the words came out of a dark, hurt place that wasn’t ready to stop being angry about that night.

  She climbed out of bed and walked over to stand in front of me. Her face was furious as she pointed at my chest.

  “I didn’t move on, you idiot. How could you even think like that?”

  I grabbed her hand and bent over to look her in the eye. We were nearly nose to nose and I could see her angry, stormy eyes. They looked similar to the eyes she gave me in bed. Passionate, painful, beautiful.

  “I. Saw. Him. I was sitting across the street with Noah. Watching your fucking house. I don’t think that way about you. I hoped it was just a friend, but seeing the lights turn off was a damn good sign that he wasn’t there to read a book. You can do whatever the fuck you want. I’m clearly not the guy for you.”

  “It was Kelly, you jerk!” she yelled.

  I flinched at her answer. Kelly with the tennis racket? Not possible.

  I shook my head. “How?”

  “I know what you saw, because it was about the same time Kelly came to stay with us. Otherwise, I don’t have a whole lot of people that come over that late. She was wearing a jacket and a baseball cap. It’s her thing. Her look. I can see why you might have thought that way, but it was Kelly. She stays with us every fall.”

  I straightened and backed away. Mistaken identity?

  Fuck.

  Chapter Nineteen

  ~Madison~

  Seeing the emotions play over Owen’s face as he backed away from me, I knew that he had just realized his mistake. It broke my heart hearing that he thought I had just gotten over him and moved on with another man, but it made so much sense.

  It was why he hadn’t reached out to me, called me or tried to mend things. His letters had been painful to read. The first was angry as he had mentioned in the last letter he had sent. The others bled off the page coming from a place within in him that had been dark and painful.

  I had cried for hours. Mixed with the emotions of losing a lot of my things in the fire it had been one of the worst nights of my life. His pain had mixed with my already bruised heart and had become a firestorm of grief and regret.

  Rachel had held me for the longest time, trying to soothe her own emotions and heal mine. I’d already forgiven her for keeping the letters. At first, it’d been a shock, but it had fled my mind as we'd viewed our house from a block away. The flames were a sight I never wanted to witness again in my lifetime. Memories of losing Jason had come flooding back, mixed with my fear for Owen.

  I wanted so badly for him to come walking down the street with a uniform on or not, just to tell me that things were going to be okay.

  When we reached his house, carrying a couple of bags of clothing, I'd been emotionally drained. Until I read the letters.

  It was as though he'd cut small pieces of his heart out, putting them into words. The honesty progressively tore at my heart. His anger at first, then his loneliness and regret. But with every page, the magnitude of his love could be felt. It was both possessive and passionate. I felt like every word had been written with care. Thought on with me in mind. At times deeply apologetic, and other times drenched with pain.

  This was Owen. He said he was a simple man once, and I'd taken that at face value in many respects. Whether he was before he walked into my life, wasn’t something that I cared about. It was the man that, for whatever reason, had fallen in love with me that I wanted in my life. I suspected that his passion had honestly been there all along, but he just didn’t show people outright.

  It was frustrating to see his heart so broken when everything could have been fixed sooner, if he'd only communicated the same way in person.

  Recalling something he had said, I hung on to the belief that it was possible for two people that were hurting to mend themselves. Even when they didn’t always know what to say or what to do. In that regard, I was just as guilty at not communicating with him.

  “Everyone has a path, and even in our darkest moments we need to remember that these things that work to drag us down, can also teach us the way to rise above,” I said to him.

  He frowned and looked away from me.

  “Those are your words, Owen.”

  “I meant it,” he said in a low voice.

  “You understand the things that mean the most to me. Courage, honor. Heartache means that you have lived and loved well.”

  He nodded, without looking back at me.

  “Your words.”

  “I meant it about Jason.”

  “I call bullshit. You said that about your heart.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a steady gaze. “Your point?”

  “Moving beyond loss—”

  “—is a feat that only a person whose love is unfathomable can accomplish.”

  His shoulders dropped slightly, and he sighed. After a moment he extended his arm and motioned for me to come closer.

  I took two steps and he wrapped both arms around my body in a tight hold. His musky scent enveloped me as I buried my face in his chest. His hand ran over my hair for a moment th
en found the side of my face.

  When I looked up at him, his thumb gently slid across my tearful cheek.

  “I meant it, Maddie. You have so much to give someone. Even if that’s not to me, you should never hide that away. Your kindness and joy should be shared with someone.”

  “Owen, I’ve never wanted to give anyone that much of myself until I met you.”

  He looked confused for a moment then shook his head. “But, Jason—”

  “No. I’m not the same person I was five years ago. He meant the world to me back then, and I won’t lie about that. But that version of me wouldn’t have learned what it truly meant to love someone if he hadn’t died.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Maddie.”

  “It may not have been what you meant, but I’m giving you my response, so you better listen up.”

  He pursed his lips and smirked. “Go ahead.”

  “That version of me wouldn’t have loved any deeper than what was easily attained. That version was young and hopeful but didn’t have to work at loving someone. He was my best friend, and it was just there. When he died, I missed him and mourned him. But it wasn’t like what I felt when I needed to walk away from you. It was a hurt that lasted a while, and I still miss my friend. But when you and I split, it was like half my heart stayed with you.”

  Owen bent his head down and hesitated before planting a small kiss on my temple. My body sank into him and felt at peace with that small gesture.

  “I’m sorry, Madison. I assumed you didn’t want anything else from me, after I saw Kelly walking to your door. I just want you to be happy. And I don’t want to be the man in your life that can’t give that to you. Your heart deserves so much more. I fucked up, and it wasn’t until I left that it really hit me. I don’t want you to hurt or grieve for me.”

  I opened my mouth, thinking of the occupation he was about to go into. I’d been overly rash in thinking that I couldn’t handle it. Had pushed him away in the process without telling him how I felt.

  I'd been afraid to jump into a relationship with him from the start, because I didn’t want to get hurt. And in the end, had hurt both of us.