Mockingjay thg-3

by Сьюзен Коллинз

  Before I’m halfway there, Boggs appears and pulls me from the line. He signals for Gale and Finnick to join us. People move aside to let us by. Some even smile at me since the Crazy Cat game seems to have made me more lovable. Out the door, up the stairs, down the hall to one of those multidirectional elevators, and finally we arrive at Special Defense. Nothing along our route has been damaged, but we are still very deep.

  Boggs ushers us into a room virtually identical to Command. Coin, Plutarch, Haymitch, Cressida, and everybody else around the table looks exhausted. Someone has finally broken out the coffee—although I’m sure it’s viewed only as an emergency stimulant—and Plutarch has both hands wrapped tightly around his cup as if at any moment it might be taken away.

  There’s no small talk. «We need all four of you suited up and aboveground,» says the president. «You have two hours to get footage showing the damage from the bombing, establish that Thirteen’s military unit remains not only functional but dominant, and, most important, that the Mockingjay is still alive. Any questions?»

  «Can we have a coffee?» asks Finnick.

  Steaming cups are handed out. I stare distastefully at the shiny black liquid, never having been much of a fan of the stuff, but thinking it might help me stay on my feet. Finnick sloshes some cream in my cup and reaches into the sugar bowl. «Want a sugar cube?» he asks in his old seductive voice. That’s how we met, with Finnick offering me sugar. Surrounded by horses and chariots, costumed and painted for the crowds, before we were allies. Before I had any idea what made him tick. The memory actually coaxes a smile out of me. «Here, it improves the taste,» he says in his real voice, plunking three cubes in my cup.

  As I turn to go suit up as the Mockingjay, I catch Gale watching me and Finnick unhappily. What now? Does he actually think something’s going on between us? Maybe he saw me go to Finnick’s last night. I would’ve passed the Hawthornes’ space to get there. I guess that probably rubbed him the wrong way. Me seeking out Finnick’s company instead of his. Well, fine. I’ve got rope burn on my fingers, I can barely hold my eyes open, and a camera crew’s waiting for me to do something brilliant. And Snow’s got Peeta. Gale can think whatever he wants.

  In my new Remake Room in Special Defense, my prep team slaps me into my Mockingjay suit, arranges my hair, and applies minimal makeup before my coffee’s even cooled. In ten minutes, the cast and crew of the next propos are making the circuitous trek to the outside. I slurp my coffee as we travel, finding that the cream and sugar greatly enhance its flavor. As I knock back the dregs that have settled to the bottom of the cup, I feel a slight buzz start to run through my veins.

  After climbing a final ladder, Boggs hits a lever that opens a trapdoor. Fresh air rushes in. I take big gulps and for the first time allow myself to feel how much I hated the bunker. We emerge into the woods, and my hands run through the leaves overhead. Some are just starting to turn. «What day is it?» I ask no one in particular. Boggs tells me September begins next week.

  September. That means Snow has had Peeta in his clutches for five, maybe six weeks. I examine a leaf on my palm and see I’m shaking. I can’t will myself to stop. I blame the coffee and try to focus on slowing my breathing, which is far too rapid for my pace.

  Debris begins to litter the forest floor. We come to our first crater, thirty yards wide and I can’t tell how deep. Very. Boggs says anyone on the first ten levels would likely have been killed. We skirt the pit and continue on.

  «Can you rebuild it?» Gale asks.

  «Not anytime soon. That one didn’t get much. A few backup generators and a poultry farm,» says Boggs. «We’ll just seal it off.»

  The trees disappear as we enter the area inside the fence. The craters are ringed with a mixture of old and new rubble. Before the bombing, very little of the current 13 was aboveground. A few guard stations. The training area. About a foot of the top floor of our building—where Buttercup’s window jutted out—with several feet of steel on top of it. Even that was never meant to withstand more than a superficial attack.

  «How much of an edge did the boy’s warning give you?» asks Haymitch.

  «About ten minutes before our own systems would’ve detected the missiles,» says Boggs.

  «But it did help, right?» I ask. I can’t bear it if he says no.

  «Absolutely,» Boggs replies. «Civilian evacuation was completed. Seconds count when you’re under attack. Ten minutes meant lives saved.»

  Prim, I think. And Gale. They were in the bunker only a couple of minutes before the first missile hit. Peeta might have saved them. Add their names to the list of things I can never stop owing him for.

  Cressida has the idea to film me in front of the ruins of the old Justice Building, which is something of a joke since the Capitol’s been using it as a backdrop for fake news broadcasts for years, to show that the district no longer existed. Now, with the recent attack, the Justice Building sits about ten yards away from the edge of a new crater.

  As we approach what used to be the grand entrance, Gale points out something and the whole party slows down. I don’t know what the problem is at first and then I see the ground strewn with fresh pink and red roses. «Don’t touch them!» I yell. «They’re for me!»

  The sickeningly sweet smell hits my nose, and my heart begins to hammer against my chest. So I didn’t imagine it. The rose on my dresser. Before me lies Snow’s second delivery. Long-stemmed pink and red beauties, the very flowers that decorated the set where Peeta and I performed our post-victory interview. Flowers not meant for one, but for a pair of lovers.

  I explain to the others as best I can. Upon inspection, they appear to be harmless, if genetically enhanced, flowers. Two dozen roses. Slightly wilted. Most likely dropped after the last bombing. A crew in special suits collects them and carts them away. I feel certain they will find nothing extraordinary in them, though. Snow knows exactly what he’s doing to me. It’s like having Cinna beaten to a pulp while I watch from my tribute tube. Designed to unhinge me.

  Like then, I try to rally and fight back. But as Cressida gets Castor and Pollux in place, I feel my anxiety building. I’m so tired, so wired, and so unable to keep my mind on anything but Peeta since I’ve seen the roses. The coffee was a huge mistake. What I didn’t need was a stimulant. My body visibly shakes and I can’t seem to catch my breath. After days in the bunker, I’m squinting no matter what direction I turn, and the light hurts. Even in the cool breeze, sweat trickles down my face.

  «So, what exactly do you need from me again?» I ask.

  «Just a few quick lines that show you’re alive and still fighting,» says Cressida.

  «Okay.» I take my position and then I’m staring into the red light. Staring. Staring. «I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing.»

  Cressida walks up to me. «You feeling okay?» I nod. She pulls a small cloth from her pocket and blots my face. «How about we do the old Q-and-A thing?»

  «Yeah. That would help, I think.» I cross my arms to hide the shaking. Glance at Finnick, who gives me a thumbs-up. But he’s looking pretty shaky himself.

  Cressida’s back in position now. «So, Katniss. You’ve survived the Capitol bombing of Thirteen. How did it compare with what you experienced on the ground in Eight?»

  «We were so far underground this time, there was no real danger. Thirteen’s alive and well and so am—» My voice cuts off in a dry, squeaking sound.

  «Try the line again,» says Cressida. «‘Thirteen’s alive and well and so am I.’»

  I take a breath, trying to force air down into my diaphragm. «Thirteen’s alive and so—» No, that’s wrong.

  I swear I can still smell those roses.

  «Katniss, just this one line and you’re done today. I promise,» says Cressida. «‘Thirteen’s alive and well and so am I.’»

  I swing my arms to loosen myself up. Place my fists on my hips. Then drop them to my sides. Saliva’s filling my mouth at a ridiculous rate and I feel vomit at the back of my throat. I swallow
hard and open my lips so I can get the stupid line out and go hide in the woods and—that’s when I start crying.

  It’s impossible to be the Mockingjay. Impossible to complete even this one sentence. Because now I know that everything I say will be directly taken out on Peeta. Result in his torture. But not his death, no, nothing so merciful as that. Snow will ensure that his life is much worse than death.

  «Cut,» I hear Cressida say quietly.

  «What’s wrong with her?» Plutarch says under his breath.

  «She’s figured out how Snow’s using Peeta,» says Finnick.

  There’s something like a collective sigh of regret from the semicircle of people spread out before me. Because I know this now. Because there will never be a way for me to not know this again. Because, beyond the military disadvantage losing a Mockingjay entails, I am broken.

  Several sets of arms would embrace me. But in the end, the only person I truly want to comfort me is Haymitch, because he loves Peeta, too. I reach out for him and say something like his name and he’s there, holding me and patting my back. «It’s okay. It’ll be okay, sweetheart.» He sits me on a length of broken marble pillar and keeps an arm around me while I sob.

  «I can’t do this anymore,» I say.

  «I know,» he says.

  «All I can think of is—what he’s going to do to Peeta—because I’m the Mockingjay!» I get out.

  «I know.» Haymitch’s arm tightens around me.

  «Did you see? How weird he acted? What are they—doing to him?» I’m gasping for air between sobs, but I manage one last phrase. «It’s my fault!» And then I cross some line into hysteria and there’s a needle in my arm and the world slips away.

  It must be strong, whatever they shot into me, because it’s a full day before I come to. My sleep wasn’t peaceful, though. I have the sense of emerging from a world of dark, haunted places where I traveled alone. Haymitch sits in the chair by my bed, his skin waxen, his eyes bloodshot. I remember about Peeta and start to tremble again.

  Haymitch reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. «It’s all right. We’re going to try to get Peeta out.»

  «What?» That makes no sense.

  «Plutarch’s sending in a rescue team. He has people on the inside. He thinks we can get Peeta back alive,» he says.

  «Why didn’t we before?» I say.

  «Because it’s costly. But everyone agrees this is the thing to do. It’s the same choice we made in the arena. To do whatever it takes to keep you going. We can’t lose the Mockingjay now. And you can’t perform unless you know Snow can’t take it out on Peeta.» Haymitch offers me a cup. «Here, drink something.»

  I slowly sit up and take a sip of water. «What do you mean, costly?»

  He shrugs. «Covers will be blown. People may die. But keep in mind that they’re dying every day. And it’s not just Peeta; we’re getting Annie out for Finnick, too.»

  «Where is he?» I ask.

  «Behind that screen, sleeping his sedative off. He lost it right after we knocked you out,» says Haymitch. I smile a little, feel a bit less weak. «Yeah, it was a really excellent shoot. You two cracked up and Boggs left to arrange the mission to get Peeta. We’re officially in reruns.»

  «Well, if Boggs is leading it, that’s a plus,» I say.

  «Oh, he’s on top of it. It was volunteer only, but he pretended not to notice me waving my hand in the air,» says Haymitch. «See? He’s already demonstrated good judgment.»

  Something’s wrong. Haymitch’s trying a little too hard to cheer me up. It’s not really his style. «So who else volunteered?»

  «I think there were seven altogether,» he says evasively.

  I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. «Who else, Haymitch?» I insist.

  Haymitch finally drops the good-natured act. «You know who else, Katniss. You know who stepped up first.»

  Of course I do.

  Gale.

  12

  Today I might lose both of them.

  I try to imagine a world where both Gale’s and Peeta’s voices have ceased. Hands stilled. Eyes unblinking. I’m standing over their bodies, having a last look, leaving the room where they lie. But when I open the door to step out into the world, there’s only a tremendous void. A pale gray nothingness that is all my future holds.

  «Do you want me to have them sedate you until it’s over?» asks Haymitch. He’s not joking. This is a man who spent his adult life at the bottom of a bottle, trying to anesthetize himself against the Capitol’s crimes. The sixteen-year-old boy who won the second Quarter Quell must have had people he loved—family, friends, a sweetheart maybe—that he fought to get back to. Where are they now? How is it that until Peeta and I were thrust upon him, there was no one at all in his life? What did Snow do to them?

  «No,» I say. «I want to go to the Capitol. I want to be part of the rescue mission.»

  «They’re gone,» says Haymitch.

  «How long ago did they leave? I could catch up. I could—» What? What could I do?

  Haymitch shakes his head. «It’ll never happen. You’re too valuable and too vulnerable. There was talk of sending you to another district to divert the Capitol’s attention while the rescue takes place. But no one felt you could handle it.»

  «Please, Haymitch!» I’m begging now. «I have to do something. I can’t just sit here waiting to hear if they died. There must be something I can do!»

  «All right. Let me talk to Plutarch. You stay put.» But I can’t. Haymitch’s footsteps are still echoing in the outer hall when I fumble my way through the slit in the dividing curtain to find Finnick sprawled out on his stomach, his hands twisted in his pillowcase. Although it’s cowardly—cruel even—to rouse him from the shadowy, muted drug land to stark reality, I go ahead and do it because I can’t stand to face this by myself.

  As I explain our situation, his initial agitation mysteriously ebbs. «Don’t you see, Katniss, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they’ll either be dead or with us. It’s…it’s more than we could hope for!»

  Well, that’s a sunny view of our situation. And yet there’s something calming about the idea that this torment could come to an end.

  The curtain yanks back and there’s Haymitch. He has a job for us, if we can pull it together. They still need post-bombing footage of 13. «If we can get it in the next few hours, Beetee can air it leading up to the rescue, and maybe keep the Capitol’s attention elsewhere.»

  «Yes, a distraction,» says Finnick. «A decoy of sorts.»

  «What we really need is something so riveting that even President Snow won’t be able to tear himself away. Got anything like that?» asks Haymitch.

  Having a job that might help the mission snaps me into focus. While I knock down breakfast and get prepped, I try to think of what I might say. President Snow must be wondering how that blood-splattered floor and his roses are affecting me. If he wants me broken, then I will have to be whole. But I don’t think I will convince him of anything by shouting a couple of defiant lines at the camera. Besides, that won’t buy the rescue team any time. Outbursts are short. It’s stories that take time.

  I don’t know if it will work, but when the television crew’s all assembled aboveground, I ask Cressida if she could start out by asking me about Peeta. I take a seat on the fallen marble pillar where I had my breakdown, wait for the red light and Cressida’s question.

  «How did you meet Peeta?» she asks.

  And then I do the thing that Haymitch has wanted since my first interview. I open up. «When I met Peeta, I was eleven years old, and I was almost dead.» I talk about that awful day when I tried to sell the baby clothes in the rain, how Peeta’s mother chased me from the bakery door, and how he took a beating to bring me the loaves of bread that saved our lives. «We had never even spoken. The first time I ever talked to Peeta was on the train to the Games.»

  «But he was already in love with you,» says Cressida.

  «I guess so.» I allo
w myself a small smile.

  «How are you doing with the separation?» she asks.

  «Not well. I know at any moment Snow could kill him. Especially since he warned Thirteen about the bombing. It’s a terrible thing to live with,» I say. «But because of what they’re putting him through, I don’t have any reservations anymore. About doing whatever it takes to destroy the Capitol. I’m finally free.» I turn my gaze skyward and watch the flight of a hawk across the sky. «President Snow once admitted to me that the Capitol was fragile. At the time, I didn’t know what he meant. It was hard to see clearly because I was so afraid. Now I’m not. The Capitol’s fragile because it depends on the districts for everything. Food, energy, even the Peacekeepers that police us. If we declare our freedom, the Capitol collapses. President Snow, thanks to you, I’m officially declaring mine today.»

  I’ve been sufficient, if not dazzling. Everyone loves the bread story. But it’s my message to President Snow that gets the wheels spinning in Plutarch’s brain. He hastily calls Finnick and Haymitch over and they have a brief but intense conversation that I can see Haymitch isn’t happy with. Plutarch seems to win—Finnick’s pale but nodding his head by the end of it.

  As Finnick moves to take my seat before the camera, Haymitch tells him, «You don’t have to do this.»

  «Yes, I do. If it will help her.» Finnick balls up his rope in his hand. «I’m ready.»

  I don’t know what to expect. A love story about Annie? An account of the abuses in District 4? But Finnick Odair takes a completely different tack.

  «President Snow used to…sell me…my body, that is,» Finnick begins in a flat, removed tone. «I wasn’t the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the president gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them for an exorbitant amount of money. If you refuse, he kills someone you love. So you do it.»