Hold On to Me

by Lucia Franco

  John threaded his fingers through her tangled hair. Her sadness enveloped him. It pulled him under, forced him to feel her pain. Both were hurting, but he sucked up his own grief for her.

  “Let me be there,” he said hoarsely. Tension radiated beneath his fingertips so he massaged her in hopes of alleviating any strain she was dealing with.

  Alyssa reached up and gripped his wrists. She wasn’t sure if it was because she needed someone to lean on, or because she was scared of his next move. Maybe it was a combination of both. She began to relax, the fluid in her joints flowing through her bones. Her head lulled back, and then around in a full circle all the while John’s fingers never stopped with his intense kneading. His hands felt so, so good. Almost erotically good that she felt herself coming undone as a shiver broke out across her skin. Her breasts grew heavy and she rested her head on his nimble fingers. John’s breath tickled her neck. His lips scraped along her skin, igniting a fire deep inside. They trailed over her jaw and to her mouth, hovering in front for a very long second until he pressed his lips to hers.

  Dear God, her lips felt good on his. Like her kiss was a drug and something was releasing into his blood. His fingers glided down her neck, over her shoulders and roaming her body until they settled on her waist. John didn’t think she could get any better, but she did. Alyssa’s newly shaped body was sexy as hell and he wanted to feel more of it. He had to admit that he was secretly happy she wasn’t skin and bones anymore. Sure, he appreciated a skinny chick, but with Alyssa filled out? It worked him up every time he saw her. Way more than it ever had.

  Standing up, his lips never left hers as he pressed forward and urged her back. He wanted to explore every inch of her body with his fingers and tongue.

  Alyssa froze, suddenly remembering the stretch marks that tracked across her body like a map from the damage the pregnancy had done. Her body was worn and used, not supple and tight like it once had been. And what young man would want that? Surely not John.

  “I can’t … We can’t … Not yet.”

  Her fingers ran over her tingling lips. His kiss sparked a fuse inside of her, a flare of heat she always felt when it came to John.

  “Let’s take it slow and focus only on Brooke, okay? Nothing more.”

  “Nothing more,” he mumbled. Again with the nothing word he was beginning to despise. It was difficult to take it slow when it came to Alyssa. He wanted to touch her and feel her every minute of the day.

  Walking through the dim, blue tinted room, John felt out of place. His skin was crawling in the cold desensitized space. He wasn’t a criminal. Sure, he might have screwed around in his youth and had community service at one point, but he didn’t belong here.

  And he sure as hell didn’t look good in an orange jump suit.

  John spotted his target. Ben was the epitome of a piece of shit. He would love nothing more than to wipe him from the earth.

  But unfortunately that was illegal. And again, he didn’t look good in orange. So he had to make do with his options.

  After John left Alyssa’s apartment that night, he went to work when he got home. The following day he got in contact with her attorney and set up appointments for custody. He was exhausted most days since he wasn’t able to do any of this until after classes. But he arranged everything, all she had to do was show up.

  John sidled up to Ben and took a seat on the sterile, gray benches nailed to the cement floor.

  “Ben.”

  “Johnny.”

  “John.” No one called him Johnny but Alyssa.

  “Can’t say I’m not surprised to see you, but I am. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

  Ha. Laughable. His neck of the woods? So sad.

  “Well, I’m sure you’re aware by now that Alyssa wants full custody of Brooke.”

  John watched Ben grind his jaw, eyes darkening. He knew this was going to grate under his skin. Good. He deserved it.

  “I don’t see how this has anything to do with you since she’s my daughter, Johnny.”

  “It has everything to do with me, Benny. And seeing as you’re not even on the birth certificate …” He mocked, watching heat rise to Ben’s cheeks. “How about I make you an offer you can’t refuse?”

  Ben smirked and cocked his head to the side. “Oh, really? What is this? Godfather hour? Please. There is nothing you have that I could want.”

  John got straight to the point. Looking him dead straight in the eyes, he said, “Money.”

  “Money? Please. You don’t have two pots to piss in.”

  “How about five?”

  Ben contemplated for a moment. “Talk to me …”

  John huffed under his breath. He knew Ben would take the bait. “What if I told you I could give you five thousand dollars right this minute if you signed your rights over to Alyssa? You can never contact Alyssa again, or look for Brooke once she’s an adult.”

  Ben’s eyes narrowed. “Eight thousand and the little bastard is hers.”

  Deeps breaths. Deep. Breaths. John needed to take five deep breaths or else he would lose it on this scum of the earth and knock him out cold.

  “Eight thousand.” He upped it. “Not that it would ever be enough to put a price on her. Eight thousand dollars and I’ll make the call as soon as I leave here. You have my word.”

  “How do I know you’re not lying?”

  “You don’t. But at this point, what do you have to lose?”

  Ben pondered for a few seconds. “You have a point … but what makes you think I don’t want my kid after I get out?”

  John huffed. “Let’s be real. You don’t want your little bastard.” He hated to use that word to describe his cupcake, but he had to if he needed to stoop to Ben’s level. “Hell, you didn’t want her to begin with. I’m not here for myself. However, I am here for Brooke, and I’m trying to look out for her. This has nothing to do with me. I’m not gonna lie, wish it did, but this is more for that little girl.”

  “Eight thousand?”

  “Eight thousand,” John said, holding out his hand. “The moment I walk out of here, I’ll have the money wired to your account.”

  “And you have the papers to sign over my rights? What about a paper where it says you’ll pay me?”

  John smirked. As if he wasn’t prepared. “Not only do I have the custodial papers you need to sign to relinquish your rights as Brooke’s father, but I also have two copies of my offer stating you’ll never contact her again. One for you, the other for Alyssa.”

  Ben looked surprised. He could tell the guy wasn’t expecting it. “Show me.”

  John produced two papers from his green folder and filled in the amount before shoving them over to Ben.

  “This states that I am required to pay you eight thousand dollars. I’ve already signed it, so it’s your turn. Sign both and keep a copy.”

  “You just automatically thought I would take it?”

  “It’s not that I thought you would, I just came prepared, Ben.”

  Chewing on his bottom lip, Ben paused. John watched Ben hesitate, the pen flickered between his fingers. “Money aside, how do I know she will be okay?”

  Now he cares? Please.

  “They will have me. That’s how.”

  “But I thought you said you weren’t in the picture?”

  John shook his head. “I’m not in the picture, but I have no problem paying for everything. I just want her to be happy and Brooke to be happy.”

  Ben scribbled his name on both papers then slid one back to John. “Just so you know, I already planned on signing the papers before you got here. She can have the kid … One last thing I don’t have to worry about. It’s a good thing I waited though, since you bought her off and all,” he snickered greedily.

  John paused. “Just so you know, I was prepared to pay you even more. Not only that, I didn’t buy her off. That paper states you will never come into contact with her or her daughter again. Read the fine print, asshole. I was protecting them, not
buying them.”

  “Whatever you say,” Ben stood. “Are we finished here?”

  John scanned all the places he needed Ben’s signature. He stacked the papers together and stood. “We are.” Ben saluted then turned and began walking toward the steel doors. John released a sigh. He was glad it was over, but also that he came in Alyssa’s stead. The last thing he wanted was for her to be in this nasty place.

  Signing out, John turned his cell phone on and dialed Alyssa while walking to his car.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Alyssa … got a minute?”

  He heard some shuffling in the background. “I have a minute … What’s up?”

  “You might want to sit down for this one. I have a surprise for you.”

  “Oh goodness, you’re scaring me.”

  John chuckled. “This is a good thing, trust me.”

  Alyssa was quiet for a moment before she said, “I do.”

  “Well, I’m leaving Georgia right now. I had to visit an old friend.”

  “Who?”

  “Actually, I changed my mind. I’ll explain more when I get there. Can I stop by?” He wanted to see the look on her face when he told her the good news.

  “Of course, but can you give me a hint?”

  “Nope.”

  “Don’t tease me like that, Johnny. Give me something!”

  “Oh, I’ll give you something alright. Just wait. See you in a few hours and kiss my little cupcake for me.”

  Alyssa smiled, feeling happy for the first time in many months. “I will.”

  “See you soon.”

  Alyssa hung the phone up, wondering what Johnny had up his sleeve. What more could he do that he hasn’t already done? She was wracking her brain trying to figure it out, but she came up blank. John had been proving himself in more ways than one, and she wasn’t sure what to think of it other than she was one lucky girl.

  Three hours later, John was pulling into Alyssa’s neighborhood. The entire drive back he was trying to come up with different ways to tell her the great news. He was beaming from ear to ear and couldn’t wait to see her.

  He turned off the ignition, grabbed the papers and strolled toward the door. Knocking a hand full of times, he waited. Alyssa threw the door opened with a strapped Brooke to her hip. She looked refreshed, happy, and the dark circles under her eyes were slowly disappearing. Brooke spotted John and bounced happily on Alyssa’s hip.

  “Is that my little cupcake?” Brooke squealed, smacking her hands together. Her chubby hands reached for John, who looked at Alyssa.

  “Go on, take her,” she said.

  “Gladly,” he smiled, and grabbed Brooke. She smiled big and then went in for a wet kiss. “Still kissin’ my nose, I see.”

  Alyssa shook her head. “I’ve tried getting her to kiss my cheek, but she’s hell-bent on noses it seems.”

  “It’s all good,” he said, stepping into the apartment. “How’s my little girl been, huh? You being a good girl for your mama?”

  Brooke clapped her hands and kept smiling. He kissed her forehead then glanced at Alyssa. She looked beautiful, making his heart speed up.

  “Why are you all smiles?”

  Alyssa was smiling from ear to ear. “I have some good news for you, too.”

  “Is that so? You want to go first, or me?”

  “I’ll go,” she said. “Actually, I have two surprises.”

  Alyssa paused, trying to decide which to tell him first.

  “Well, get to it! What are you waiting for?”

  “Okay. Okay … but I need Brooke first.” Alyssa grabbed Brooke, but she turned away from her mother only wanting Johnny. She wined and Alyssa consoled her. It seemed Alyssa wasn’t the only one who loved being held by Johnny.

  Walking across the kitchen, Alyssa carefully placed Brooke on all fours, helping her balance. “Brooke,” she said sweetly, “Where’s Johnny? Can you crawl to Johnny for mama?”

  John’s mouth dropped. He quickly placed the papers on the island and squatted down with opened arms. “Is my little cupcake going to crawl to me for the first time?” He couldn’t believe he was going to watch Brooke reach one of her first milestones. “How is she crawling so soon?”

  “She’s very eager? I have no clue.”

  Brooke grunted somewhere between a wine and a happy cry as she stared at him the entire time. She picked up one chubby hand and placed it in front of her, and then she did it with the other. Alyssa slowly removed her hold and allowed Brooke to crawl on her own. She was wobbly, crying and laughing at the same time trying to crawl to Johnny who waited with opened arms.

  “Come on, baby girl. Come to Johnny,” he urged. Happiness spread through John so fast. Alyssa was allowing him this moment with Brooke, and he couldn’t thank her enough for it. Just two crawls away when she rocked back and forth. “Come on, you got this …” She edged closer at a snail’s pace, a few laughs, and Brooke reached him. He scooped her up and hugged her tight. She smelled like a new baby, so fresh and clean. Brooke rested her sweet face on his shoulder, and he was overcome with emotions. He fought back the tears burning behind his eyes. This little girl meant the world to him. Being able to watch her crawl for the first time was something he would never forget.

  Looking up, Alyssa was beaming from ear to ear that he could feel her happiness. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her smile so big and he liked seeing it on her. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “Thank you for that,” he said somberly. “I really needed it.”

  Alyssa wrapped both arms around his waist and squeezed. She leaned into Johnny, feeling his strength and took a deep breath. “You’re welcome. I’ve been working on it with her to surprise you.” Tilting her head up, she smiled. They stood there, staring into each other’s eyes with so much happiness they could burst. It was a big moment for both of them and all he wanted to do was press a kiss to her sweet lips. Alyssa was sharing Brooke’s milestones with John and that meant the world to him.

  “Alright, what’s your other surprise?”

  Alyssa bit her lip. “My other surprise isn’t a great as this one, but still good. I got a job at a diner. I picked up a few shifts and have a sitter already set up to watch Brooke. So I’ll be able to contribute more,” she smiled nervously. She was running out of money she’d saved, so this job was a blessing.

  John hated the idea of her working, but she was so excited over her new position that he didn’t want to ruin her mood. “That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you, babe. You know I don’t mind taking care of you girls, but I know how much it means to you to pull your weight, so I get it.”

  “You’re not mad,” she asked, biting her lip.

  He laughed. “No, I’m not mad at all. I’m not going to tell you what to do, Alyssa. Do I want you to work, of course not. Do I want Brooke with some random sitter that will probably be spending more time with her than me? No, but I’m not her father and I can’t make that decision.”

  Alyssa stepped back. “You’re upset.”

  Confused, he asked, “Why would I be upset? I’m not upset in the least. In fact, I’m happy for you. Now, come here,” John pulled Alyssa to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Looking her deep into her eyes, he said, “You’re way off if you think I’m upset.” John kissed her head to prove his point. The last thing he wanted was to bring her down. “Did you do a background check on this sitter? Find out who she is?”

  “I did.”

  “And she checks out? Have the locals heard of her?”

  Alyssa nodded. “Yes, in fact, she babysits for a few couples on the base and around town. She comes highly recommended.”

  “That’s good to hear. When do you start?”

  “Next week.”

  “You know,” he began, “I could always watch her if you ever needed.”

  Alyssa tensed in his arms. That was not the response he was hoping for.

  “Hey! What’s your surprise?” she asked, changing the subject.

 
; “Oh! I forgot all about it after seeing Brooke crawl. Can we put her down and sit on the couch?”

  After all the preparing he had done, John didn’t know where to start. What he was about to show her could easily backfire on him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, just a little nervous. Just know that I did it with you and Brooke in mind.” Slipping the papers from the folder, John handed them to Alyssa.

  “What are they?” she questioned, flipping through the stapled papers.

  “They’re custody papers. Ben signed over Brooke to you, relinquishing his rights.”

  Alyssa froze and her mouth parted. What … How …? Chills broke out over her arms.

  “I don’t understand … How did you do this? And without me there?”

  “You actually didn’t have to be there for him to sign. I knew you had the papers since I was there the day the attorney gave them to you, so I took them when you weren’t looking. And before you get mad and blow up, just know I did it for you and Brooke and no other reason. I didn’t think you were comfortable going to see him ever again, so I went to where he’s incarcerated and made him a deal. He did it with no problem.” John paused, swallowing. “She’s all yours now, Alyssa.” He said quietly, pushing back a strand of hair.

  Alyssa was rendered speechless. Too many thoughts were running through her head to form a single sentence. All she could do was stare at Johnny in amazement over his selfless deed.

  “I … I don’t …” she stammered. Tears welled in her eyes and her shoulders sagged. Alyssa’s jaw quivered as she said, “Thank you, Johnny. I don’t know what else to say other than thank you.” Overcome with emotion, Alyssa flung herself at John. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him as tight as she could. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she pressed her chest to his desperately needing to feel his warmth and goodness.