No Longer Needed

by Brenda Grate

  “Okay, let’s eat.”

  Their entire lives had always revolved around their father, not even being allowed to eat until he made an appearance. She would never let herself be in a relationship where the man ran things that much and felt he was the most important person at the table.

  She picked up the nearest tureen and passed it to her mother.

  Alan talked about his newest acquisition and how he’d tricked the board into selling it to him. They thought he was going to turn their company around and make it profitable. But he’d never intended on doing anything other than parceling it out and selling it for profit. He crowed at how he’d bested them. Her stomach churned at his constant boasting.

  Her father had often hinted that once she became a lawyer, she could work for his company. He needed a good lawyer to get him out of sticky circumstances his less-than-stellar morals often dumped him into.

  Jen went back to school, determined that she’d at least be a good lawyer. One who righted wrongs and took down people who thought they were above the law. People like her father.

  “Honey, are you okay?”

  The bright Athen’s sun nearly blinded Jen as she turned.

  Emma moved to block the sun from Jen’s face and asked again, “You okay?”

  Jen got to her feet, brushed off her shorts and reached for the camera. “I’m fine. Let’s take some good shots of this amazing place.”

  Emma gave her a wry grin. “How is it that both of my children are so good with a camera and I’m terrible?”

  “It’s the product of our generation, Mom. We immortalize every moment.”

  They took at least fifty shots before declaring themselves exhausted and hungry. Jen handed the camera back to her mother, glad to be done with it.

  Her stomach rumbled and her skin felt hot from the sun, but that wasn’t what bothered her the most. She couldn’t seem to relax and enjoy herself. Her brain was determined to pull her into the vortex of swirling thoughts. Most of them about school, but a good portion about Dimitri.

  Why am I still feeling this way?

  She should be excited and enjoying herself even if she missed Dimitri. There was no schoolwork to do, no chores, nothing to occupy herself with except relaxation and interesting things to visit.

  Shouldn’t I be filled with joy? What the hell is wrong with me?

  Her mother watched her covertly, dismay on her face. Irritation rose up, swift and violent. Jen needed to get away before it broke over her mother, who was innocent and didn’t deserve it. Every time Jen snapped at her mother, she felt guilty and she just couldn’t deal with any more guilt today.

  “Let’s go get some food before I pass out,” Jen said. “Where do you suggest?”

  “Well, that place our hotel manager suggested was fabulous. Why don’t we try another restaurant in that area?”

  “Sure,” Jen did her best to sound upbeat. From the look on her mother’s face, she wasn’t as successful as she’d hoped. This tug of war with her emotions was going to knock her out soon.

  They made their way down to the main bus level of The Acropolis site, the entire area filled with people. It amazed Jen how happy everyone looked.

  The bus arrived and they took it to the Monastiraki stop, then made their way through the square and over to the row of restaurants that seemed to be busy every hour of the day. New waiters stood near the lane calling out to potential diners, hope on their faces. If they could only make eye contact, or tease a smile out of the passersby, they’d hook their fish. Reeling them in after that was nothing more than a formality.

  They passed several places filled with diners before coming to a half-full restaurant, set a little back from the lane. The man who stood in front stopped Jen in her tracks. He could be Dimitri’s brother. When he smiled, she nearly asked him what his name was.

  But she let his smile lure her in.

  “Come on, Mom. Let’s eat here.”

  Her mother looked surprised. “Really?”

  The waiter turned a full-wattage smile on her and that was it, she was hooked, too. She smiled back and, before long, they were seated at a small table under the branches of a spreading palm tree.

  “This is nice,” Emma said as they sipped rosé wine and waited for their food to arrive.

  Jen didn’t answer. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the waiter. He glanced over at her occasionally and sometimes gave her a smile that sent shivers down her spine. It wasn’t him specifically she was attracted to, but the man he reminded her of.

  Dimitri had kissed her goodbye as though he knew she wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon. He seemed to know what she hadn’t even decided yet herself. It was only today, up on the summit of The Acropolis, that she had made her decision. She wasn’t going back to Canada next week, maybe not for a very long time.

  She couldn’t go back to law school without doing a little soul-searching. Greece had such a laid back way of life that Jen figured it was the perfect spot to get a lot of thinking done, or maybe just some partying where she wouldn’t be able to think. She didn’t really know at this point which she wanted more.

  Emma cleared her throat as the handsome waiter approached their table. Jen jolted upright and moved her arms to her lap.

  “Here you are, the Greek salad and dolmades.”

  “Thank you,” Jen murmured.

  “And for you, Greek salad, dolmades and saganaki.”

  “Mmmm …” Emma said as their waiter moved away with the customary kali orexi. “Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

  Jen paused, her fork halfway to her mouth. “Why can’t I be happy?” She blurted before thinking about her words.

  Her mother stilled for a moment as she chewed a mouthful of food. “Well …”

  “Please be honest with me. I need honesty right now.”

  “Okay, I’ll do my best.”

  “Don’t be afraid you’ll make me angry. I’m always angry.” Jen shrugged, resigned to her nature.

  “Sounds like something Connie said.”

  “What? Really?”

  “Connie loves you so much, Jen, but she’s also not afraid to point out your flaws.”

  “That’s more true than you know.” She took a bite and waved with her fork. “Go on. What did Connie say?”

  “She said you were born angry.”

  A laugh burst out of Jen along with a few specks of food. “Oops, sorry.” She brushed the table off. “She said that?”

  Emma smiled. “Yes, she did. And she’s right. You were so determined to be successful at whatever you did, even walking. You started walking at eight-months old. And I think it was just because your brother already knew how to walk and you couldn’t stand someone outdoing you, no matter the reason.”

  “Wow. I had no idea. But, why does that make me unhappy?”

  “It doesn’t. People can be happy, very happy, even if they’re overachievers. But it would be because they’re fulfilled with what they’re doing. If you aren’t doing your life’s work for the right reasons, there’s no way you’ll ever be happy.”

  Jen thought about that. “You’re talking about law school?”

  “Yes. Is that what you want to do?”

  “Yes, of course it is.”

  “Well, if that’s true, then there’s another factor.”

  “What’s that?”

  Emma hesitated.

  “Come on, Mom, what?”

  “It’s your attitude, Jennifer.”

  Jen almost rolled her eyes before she caught herself. Her mother had told her since she was very young that she needed to change her attitude. She could remember the countless times she’d been hauled into her parents’ bedroom for a chat about her bad attitude. Here she was twenty-three and still being lectured about her attitude. She grimaced and nearly snapped at her mother. Then she smiled.

  “Wow,” she whispered.

  “I’m impressed.” Emma set her fork down. “You caught yourself.”

  “So you think that’s w
hy I’m not happy?”

  “It’s part of the reason, yes. You aren’t choosing to be happy.”

  Jen took a big gulp of her wine then set the glass down harder than necessary. “How in the hell do you choose to be happy? I’m either happy or I’m not.”

  “Actually, that’s not true. Think about your complaints about the hotel, the heat, and having to buy bottled water everywhere. You’ve complained about the crowds, the garbage in the streets and how there are so many stray cats. I’ve been listening to you complain ever since we got in the car to head to the airport back in Canada.” Emma looked exhausted by her outburst, as though she’d been storing it up for a while.

  “Why didn’t you say something before now?”

  Emma sighed and scraped the food around on her plate for a moment. She finally looked up, sadness in her eyes. “You’re a grown woman, Jennifer. I’m trying to treat you as one. It’s not my job anymore to correct behavior. I should have corrected it when you were young.”

  Jen’s shoulders slumped. All she could think of was, Why is everything so damn difficult?

  They didn’t say any more on the subject. The waiter came over to clear their plates. Emma hadn’t finished the meal she’d declared she was starving for.

  I sure mess everything up.

  They went through the ritual of the aperitif—ouzo this time—with smiles plastered on their faces. After they paid the bill, made all the pleasantries, they set off toward their hotel for an afternoon nap.

  Jen asked, “Is there more to this being happy thing than just having a good attitude?”

  “It starts there. But it finishes on the inside. If you have feelings and hurts inside that you aren’t acknowledging, you’ll never be able to be happy. Happiness means coming to terms with who you are and loving yourself exactly as that. Healing is part of that. No matter who we are, we have things inside that need healing.”

  “What if you can’t face those things?”

  “Then you’ll never be happy, my love. You can go on holidays and be just as miserable as when you were at home. That’s because wherever you go, there you are.”

  Jen thought about that for a few moments. They carried on to their hotel. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, even as she lay on her bed trying to fall asleep.

  I went to Greece to get away, but here I am. I can’t ever get away from me. Now what?

  Chapter 26

  The sun peeked over the city as Connie unlocked the front door of Il Giardino. She’d woken up with a scratchy feeling at the back of her throat and it seemed to only be getting worse.

  “I hope I’m not getting sick,” she muttered to herself as she locked the doors behind her.

  Connie had made a fresh juice that morning with oranges, ginger, lemon and carrots, hoping it would stave off a cold. She felt better after drinking it, but her spirits were still low. She had been a big believer in natural foods and juicing for many years. She got as much exercise as possible, although with working in the restaurant all day, she didn’t need much more than walking. She loved yoga and had been trying to get Emma into it, but so far no luck.

  She made her way to the kitchen as she thought back to the last couple of weeks and why her immune system might be down enough for her to get sick. She couldn’t remember the last illness she’d had.

  Darkness shrouded the kitchen, which awaited the staff to bring it to life. Connie stood near the door and hesitated before flipping on the lights. She’d done it this way for years. Until she turned on the lights, the kitchen seemed to be in a sort of animated suspension, all energy held in check until it burst forth into cooking, baking and marinating. She had always loved this moment. Today it didn’t hold the same thrill for her.

  Why?

  Then it hit her and she flicked on the lights with a brush of her hand across the panel. She was denying her feelings. She’d learned long ago that you can feed your body all the healthy food it can stand, but if your mind wasn’t healthy, it’s all for naught.

  Connie slumped onto a stool near the freezer door. She gazed around the wonderful place she’d created and sighed. She loved it, was proud of it, but no longer felt inspired by it. She’d been dancing around the feelings, putting a toe in the water now and again, such as when she’d mentioned it to Emma and to Rick, but thus far she’d been afraid of diving straight in.

  She poised at the edge. Then dove.

  Okay, so I’m no longer happy running Il Giardino. Is that a crime?

  Connie hung her head for a moment as tears threatened.

  No, it’s not a crime. Maybe there’s something better out there for me and I’m missing out.

  She thought about that. She’d always been the adventurous sort. And yet she’d been running this restaurant for going on ten years. The routine had been the same. People had come and gone, but some had been there the whole time. The truth, she was bored. There was no challenge for her anymore.

  Connie’s spirits lifted as she contemplated taking on a new challenge. She had no idea what it would be or where, but it definitely needed to happen. Now she was sure of it.

  The door opened and Connie shot to her feet. Rick grinned at her from the doorway. “Didn’t hear me come in?”

  She gasped, her hand on her heart. She’d been so deep in thought that she probably wouldn’t have heard a crowd.

  “No. Wow, you scared me.”

  Rick tossed his backpack into the corner and advanced on her, a wicked gleam in his eye. “I wanted to catch you alone.”

  Connie stepped back, pressing against the wall. “We have to prep, Richard.”

  He laughed, not pausing at all. “Now you sound like my mom. But you sure don’t look like her.”

  She pressed her lips together, trying not to give him the satisfaction of making her laugh.

  Connie’s head tilted back as Rick wound her long hair around his fist and tugged backward.

  “Now that’s how I like you,” he growled low in his throat.

  She let him nibble his way down her throat and then pushed him back. “I’m serious, Rick. The other staff will be here soon. I’m not going to have a repeat of the other day, especially to the detriment of the restaurant.”

  At Rick’s pained expression, she caved. “Okay, come over tonight. We’ll spend some time together.”

  “I’ll pick you up at eight. We’re both off tonight.”

  “Pick me up? Where are we going?” Connie asked.

  “On a real date.” Rick moved in again, kissing her firmly. “We’re going on a real date. I want to spend time with you and treat you like a lady.”

  Connie had to admit, it sounded wonderful. She knew she shouldn’t be taking up with him again, but there was no one else around and she really enjoyed his company.

  “Just a date, though, okay? I still don’t think we should be doing this, but I can’t seem to say no to you.”

  “I know, I know.” Rick put on a pained expression. “You only want me for my fabulous cooking skill.”

  Connie gave him a shove. “Go on, you goof. You know it’s actually your incredible ass.”

  At his surprised expression, Connie laughed. “Got you.”

  They both turned toward the prep stations as they heard the morning staff entering the restaurant. Connie thought she heard Rick whisper, “Yes, you do have me. Heart and soul.”

  She shook her head, hoping she’d misheard. She didn’t need the responsibility of his heart on top of everything else. If she could make a choice and fall head over heels in love with him, she’d choose it. She knew it as well as she knew she’d never give up cooking. To live and laugh with your best friend every day. Connie couldn’t think of anything more perfect. But now she was considering leaving and going on a new adventure. Where did that leave her and Rick? She had no intention to explore that question just yet.

  She would go to Greece first, have some much-needed relaxation, then decide what would come next.

  The kitchen soon bustled with the staff prepa
ring ingredients for that day’s meals. They chatted amongst themselves and asked about each other’s weekends. The new girl, Kira, passed by with a tray of buns and Connie braced herself. But Kira just gave her a grin and put the buns on the prep table. She looked completely relaxed and at home. When Connie gave her shoulder a quick squeeze as she made her way to Rick’s station, Kira looked up with a pleased and grateful smile. Connie was glad she’d given her another chance. She had a feeling Kira would end up becoming a wonderful chef.

  Connie stood behind Rick, watching him fry eggs. The restaurant hadn’t opened yet, but they had a tradition of eating a good breakfast together. She’d spent too much time working with underfed, overstressed staff and had instituted the tradition several years ago. It had made a massive difference. Well-nourished staff made much better meals and didn’t gripe as much.

  “Pick me up at seven. We’re going to need more time,” she whispered.

  Rick looked up from his cooking with a lascivious grin. “Oh really?”

  “We need to talk,” Connie said.

  His face fell. “Oh.”

  “Don’t worry.” She patted his back before moving away. “It’s a good thing.” Connie tossed the words over her shoulder before heading to her office. She needed to do some thinking.

  As she sat at her desk, with excitement brewing for her plans, Connie noticed her throat was no longer scratchy.

  “Okay, okay,” she said out loud, “I’m listening.”

  Chapter 27

  “Hey, what do you think of this?”

  Emma turned and clapped. “You look like a Greek goddess, Jen.”

  Jen held the sky-blue dress just under her chin. It draped her body to the floor. “Does the color work?”

  Emma stepped in front of her and adjusted the dress a little. “Yes, I think it’s perfect. I think you should get it along with the gold jewelry they have up at the front. You know, the kind that looks almost like coins.”

  Jen tilted her head. “Okay, I’ll try it on, but only if you try one on, too.”

  Emma laughed. “If you insist.”

  She looked through racks of dresses while Jen made her way to the tiny change room in the back corner of the shop. The sales clerk approached her and they chatted. Jen appeared to be enjoying herself.