Promise To Keep

by Rainwater, Priscilla Poole

  Even though he had admired her spirit, he had never said much to her, even when she had a history class with him. She was smart, free spirited, and frankly, she intimidated the hell out of him. He had been fascinated with her, but admired her from afar. She was definitely not the kind of woman that he wanted to be saddled with, she was just too independent and forceful for his taste.

  Snapping back to the present, he saw the farm come into view. He knew their little girl was waiting for them, and a paralyzing pain swept through him. “What do we tell Abby?” he asked, almost to himself.

  Jenny reached over and patted his strong, work-calloused hands comfortingly. “Let’s just take it one day at a time, Ok?”

  Glancing at her, he could see she was smiling, but he could see right through it into the sadness her clear blue eyes really held.

  “I want Aisha to come, I need her here Connell.” she said out of the blue, knowing he wouldn’t refuse her under the circumstances.

  He said nothing, simply clamping his mouth shut so tight it caused his jaw to twitch. In the eight years that he been married to Jenny, he had developed a resentment with her friendship with the woman.

  She took the silence as his reluctant agreement. She had always wondered why the two never had anything good to say about one another, the closest they had ever came to a relationship was simply tolerating one another for her sake. She remembered meeting Aisha in college, when she had been transferred to UVA from a community college in Florida. She had been told the dorm rooms were full, but was given a list of people looking for roommates off campus. Jenny had gone to three people before she had met Aisha, and they had hit it off from the very beginning.

  Aisha had lived in a little cottage in a subdivision where several professors and various other faculty members lived. She had moved in and had learned that there were many sides to her. She hadn’t been the wild party girl most people thought she was, but quite the opposite. She had been a quiet bookworm who preferred to stay home, read, and watch good movies. And she had only charged her three hundred dollars for rent, and that money she used for their food and entertainment. She had always had the feeling Aisha needed her more for companionship than to help pay the rent.

  It was only after their third year at school that she had found out Aisha’s parents were still alive, and as she had put it, “Doing their church thing, and that doesn’t include me.” She obviously didn’t like talking about her family, and after awhile she had stopped asking questions.

  For her, deciding to go to UVA and meeting Aisha was only the start of a wonderful life, and it just gotten better after she had met Connell their second year there, during the spring semester. Ben had made Connell come over to the table where she and Aisha had been sitting in the dining hall. From the moment she had looked into his gray eyes she knew he was meant for her. So when Ben asked them to join them for dinner and a movie, she believed it was a sign that she and Connell were meant to be together.

  She had beamed, then looked Connell straight in the eye and said, “Sure!” Aisha had cut her eyes at her, then plastered that million-dollar smile on her face, like she always did when she didn’t want to do something but didn’t have the heart to say no. She had agreed to go with Ben, but made it clear she was going as friends only.

  Ben and Connell told them they would come and get them, after their last class.

  She had watched them leave, so excited about seeing the handsome Connell again that she had been willing to deal with her furious friend. Aisha had watched them leave, making sure they were out of earshot before saying anything. She had whipped her head around, her brown eyes narrowed. “Jen! You shouldn’t have said yes! Ben is ok I guess, but that Connell…he doesn’t say anything to me. You’re not getting me with those two red neck country boys, that Connell is a racist! He looks and acts like a poster boy for the KKK recruiting program. I bet if you traced that boys’ history he’s probably the long lost great great great grandson of some Aryan. And you want my chocolate tail hanging out with those guys at night in the freaking mountains? I can hear the news reports now, ‘Black woman disappears after partying with rednecks!” she hissed, while visions of an awful night of listening to Molly Hatchet blasting from speakers mounted in a monster truck, rebel yells, and two oversexed rednecks guzzling Budweiser danced through her head.

  Unfazed, she had learned that Connell wasn’t a racist though, her friend had been far off the mark for once. He was a quiet, reserved, honest man. Stubborn, proud, and very old fashioned. His old fashioned traits were another reason he and Aisha always avoided each other.

  By their fourth year Ben had met a black girl named Karen, from the Midwest, and had become smitten with her.

  Aisha had found out about it later, and had remarked, “You know Jen, that boy is just hung up on the myth of black women.” She had been sitting Indian style on her king size bed as she was cleaning one of her many cameras. She had fallen in love with photography and was doing well for herself already, working for several well-known news agencies, selling her photos.

  Sitting on the bed across from her, she had wondered what myth her friend was talking about, so she asked.

  Smirking, her friend had replied, “ You know, the one thing all white boys say after they’ve dated a black girl. Black women are strong, always there for their man, and wild in bed. Of course it’s all true.” She had then busted out laughing at the look on her face.

  She had blushed deeply, thinking about Connell. They had been talking marriage, and he would be her first lover. And, hopefully, her last. She knew that when it came to sex she was very naïve, something her friend had teased her about unmercifully at times.

  But Aisha had decided to let her off the hook. “Of course any fool would know women of all races are different. I hate being stereotyped. Every woman can be exciting and sexy if she has the right man to inspire her.”

  As their truck came to a stop in front of the large barn that housed their farm equipment, Jenny snapped out of her trance.

  “You want me to tell mother, or do you want to handle it together?” he asked as he leaned forward and rested his head on the steering wheel. It looked as if all the strength had been drained from him, but one glance at his huge strong hands told a different story. They gripped the steering wheel so tightly she thought he would crush it.

  “I’ll tell her, you have work to do. We’ll go see Ben and Helen later tonight and tell them. I’ll email Aisha tonight.”

  Connell grabbed his baseball cap and put it on, pulling it down so low she had trouble seeing his eyes. “You sure you can make it to the house?” he asked as he opened the door and stepped out.

  When she nodded he waited until she had slid behind the wheel. He leaned inside, his gray eyes meeting her blue ones. He quickly swallowed, then kissed her. “I love you, I’ll be up around dinner time.” he mumbled as he turned and walked towards the barn.

  She watched him go, his hands shoved deep into the front of his jacket pockets. He wasn’t walking as tall and proud as he normally did, his shoulders were slumped like an old, defeated man that had carried a lifetime of worries on his shoulders.

  Gathering what was left of her strength, she let out a long sigh and drove the long, winding gravel road to their house. As she drove she took in the beauty of their home, and felt her heart breaking once again. How many more times would she have the opportunity to drink in the beauty? How many more days? When her last day finally came, would she be able to somehow sense it, and savor every last second? The sight of her wonderful husband, daughter, and son? She wanted her last memories on earth to be of their beautiful faces, the images burned forever into her eternal consciousness.

  Despite her best efforts, tears sprang to her eyes and she had to pull over until she regained her composure.

  Connell had stood inside the doorway of the barn watching until the pick-up was out of sight. Only then did he drop down onto the wooden bench outside, letting his head fall in his hands. His body w
racked with grief stricken sobs as he cried out for God to let her live. He begged for his children and for himself. His cries became low moans, sounding like a huge, wounded wildebeest. He sat there for what seemed like hours, alternately praying, cursing God, and begging again. He had never felt so lost and helpless.

  He lurched to his feet suddenly and glared up into sky, rage etched into his face. He balled a huge, powerful right fist, shook it at the heavens, and screamed, “WHY HER??? Tell me, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER???

  **********************************************************

  Stepping inside the house Jenny called out to her mother-in-law, Megan. An aroma of freshly baked bread was drifting from the kitchen, and she could hear her daughter Abby singing an old Irish tune along with Megan. Reaching the kitchen, she stood at the door in silence, watching them, treasuring the moment.

  Shawn was seated in his high chair eating a cookie and blowing spit bubbles, jabbering, thinking he was singing along with them.

  Megan turned and saw her. “Well, there you are girl! So what did the doctor say, you’re having another baby? I bet that’s what it is, another Riley going to join our clan.” she asked, sounding excited. She had hinted more than once that she wanted several more grandchildren.

  Abby looked at her mother anxiously, holding her breath.

  “Ummmm, no, I’m not having another baby.”

  Relieved, Abby blew a sigh of relief. She was only now getting used to sharing her parents and grandmother with her baby brother, and she didn’t want more competition.

  Looking at Abby staring up at her with those gray eyes so much like her father’s, Jenny wanted to pull her little girl in her arms and weep. Weep for all the things she would miss, milestones any loving mother would want to see their daughter reach. Reaching puberty, her first prom, getting a drivers license, graduation, college, the list was almost endless. Instead, she asked quietly,” Abby honey, go do your chores and wash up for supper.”

  Not questioning her, the girl did as she was told and ran off to clean her room.

  Lifting Shawn out of the high chair and holding the child close, Jenny didn’t mind the cookie goo on his fingers, or the fact he was putting the same cookie covered fingers in her hair. She pressed her lips against a chubby cheek covered with cookie crumbs. She buried her nose in his strawberry blond hair, inhaling his baby scent, trying to hold on to the moment. Her eyes misted, thinking he would never remember her.

  Opening her eyes, she glanced around and saw Megan staring at her, an uncertain, worried, puzzled expression on her face.

  “I have cancer Megan. It’s a brain tumor, and it’s bad. It’s terminal.” she blurted out.

  Megan couldn’t believe what she had heard, it couldn’t be true, Jenny had said it as if talking about the weather. Feeling faint, she grabbed the counter to hold herself up, covering her mouth with her free hand. She watched as Jenny calmly put the baby back in the highchair, picking up the wet-wipes to clean his face and hands. Thunderstruck, tears began running down her cheeks.

  “Megan, I don’t want Abby to know just yet. I don’t think she’ll understand, and I want to have time to think before I tell her.”

  Seeing the distress on Megan’s face, she went to the woman and took her hand in hers. “No time for tears. Lets get dinner ready. After that I have some things I need to take care of.” she said.

  Megan was dumbfounded as Jenny went about the task of setting the table, humming a gospel song. She wondered if it was just shock. It had to be. How could she be behaving so casually otherwise?

  *******************************

  Connell was all cried out, and set about doing his work. He slammed a heavy bag of feed on the ground next to the chicken coop. He was still numb from shock. Up until that day his most pressing concerns had been to build a larger chicken house, how to keep wild dogs off his property, and how to keep his cows from jumping fence and wandering onto the road. After the terrible news, his entire existence had been changed in the blink of an eye. He kept telling himself he had to be a man for Jenny and the kids, that he couldn’t fall apart. He had to be strong, the way his father had taught him. His father had never cried or even showed anger in front of him, he had been a rock until the day a farming accident had taken his life.

  Picking up another hundred-pound bag of feed he tossed it over his shoulder as easily as a sweater and carried it to where he had placed the first bag, then slammed it down on top. Hard.

  Why does being a man have to be so damn hard? Why does LIFE have to be so hard? How am I expected to keep going…..? he thought bitterly as sweat poured from his face. He wished he could be a boy again and lean on his father, but that would never happen again, at least not on this plane of existence. He had to face the fact his wife was dying, and he wasn‘t daddy‘s little “slugger“ anymore..

  Working in silence for a bit, he winced when he heard the farms intercom crackle to life. It was his mother, asking him to come on in for dinner. Pressing the ‘talk’ button reluctantly, he lied, telling her he had to round up a couple of stray cattle, then told her to go on ahead without him. The truth was he just couldn’t look at Jenny and the kids right now, not without falling apart in front of all of them.

  ************************************************

  After eating dinner in silence, Megan kissed Jenny and her two grandchildren goodnight, got into her car, and drove off in tears.

  Abby could sense something was wrong. She looked up at her mother and asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Grandma? She was sad. And why didn’t daddy come in and eat with us?”

  “Oh honey, grandma is fine, and your dad needed to get some work done,” she said, scooping the little girl in her arms and planting wet kisses all over her face to comfort her.

  Shawn had already been tucked in for the night, so she helped Abby get ready for bed. “You sleep well, and think about this: your Aunt Aisha will be here to see you very soon.”

  Abby’s eyes grew wide with delight and she clapped her hands to show how pleased she was. Whenever ’aunt’ Aisha came to visit it meant gifts, and being spoiled rotten. Of course her dad was never around much when she came over, but that also meant she could get away with a lot more than she usually could. Nearly everything she did was cute to ’aunt’ Aisha, and she would talk Jenny out of punishing her. She closed her eyes with a big smile on her face; blissfully unaware of how drastically her life would soon change.

  Jenny stood watching her until she drifted off to sleep. Sighing, she turned the light off and quietly left the room, leaving the door cracked. Going across the hall she went into Shawn’s room, peeking in. He was curled up fast asleep, looking like a little cherub. She glanced to make sure the baby monitor was on before quietly closing the door.

  Making her way downstairs to the back of the house where she and Connell had their office, she stepped inside, looking at the walls that were full of pictures, all of them places Aisha had been. Beautiful places, some of them Jenny had never even heard of. Some were award-winning photos of combat areas spanning several continents, others of villages in remote corners of the world, all showing the struggles and hardships in the lives of less fortunate people.

  When she looked at the photos she could feel the pain and destruction that seemed so much a part of human nature, or see the beauty of areas relatively untouched by modern ‘civilized’ man. She recalled several months previous finding Connell in the room gazing intently at the newest photos her friend had sent from Brazil, ones taken while on the trail of some suspected terrorist that was using the same route notorious drug smugglers used. The guy was even rumored to be an American, from some wealthy, influential family. It was said the man had narrowly escaped the clutches of Homeland Security agents here in the states. In any event, her emails contained harrowing accounts of coming under fire more than once, being narrowly missed, once so close that the bullet had nicked the front the visor on her camouflage baseball cap. She knew Aisha was addicte
d to rush and danger, over the years she had went into some of the most dangerous parts of the world risking her life to get the “money shots.”

  She had also sent a picture one of her guides had snapped of her. She was looking out over a dense jungle with her camera bag over her shoulder. That was the one Connell had been gazing at when she came into the room. She had stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, then peered around his massive back to get a good look.

  “Aisha looks harder now,” he had said as he pulled her around and completely engulfed her in his powerful embrace.

  “Well, I would imagine all the walking, plus carrying all that heavy equipment around in those places was bound to make her even more physically fit than before” she had replied, rubbing his own washboard abs.

  “No, it’s not that, it’s in her eyes. Something is missing in her eyes. The woman’s not getting any younger, she needs to settle down and have kids. She’s still running around acting like she did when we were in college.” he had scoffed, then kissed her and left to go to bed.