The New Owners

by Marilyn S

  I wish last night had not happened.

  Now I feel sad.

  I am also worried about if Mrs Barnabas will be okay with it. She told him he could use my mouth as much as he wanted while she was away. Did that included lending my mouth to her brother? Maybe she told him he could when I was not around? Maybe she didn’t. I guess I just have to trust that Mr Barnabas would not do something that will get me in trouble.

  I am not sure what to do about rent. Am I supposed to give her a cheque still even though I am not in my apartment? For the same amount? Well, she is not here anyway so I guess she will tell me what to do when we get home.

  Friday, June 30, 2000

  They just had a massive fight about me. I feel totally awful. I had a feeling she would not be happy about Kevin. Why didn’t I listen to it?!!

  I think Mr Barnabas knew she would be mad, too. He didn’t say it, but I just felt something was wrong on the drive up and don’t know what else it could be. About half an hour after we got here she asked for my journal. I poured her some wine and then massaged her feet while she read it. I could see in her face the moment she got to the part about Kevin. I could feel her feet tense, too.

  When she finished, she told me to “get the fuck into the bedroom”. Then they had a fight. She was really mad, saying she couldn’t trust him and he said she was over-reacting because she had told him he could use my mouth as much as he wanted and that was all he had been doing, using it on Kevin, and besides, it was no big deal since I enjoyed it so there was no harm done. She said it did not really matter whether there was any harm done because he is not responsible for me, she is, and she can’t leave me alone with him if she thinks he might put me in any risk.

  He said that she is trying to boss him around like she does me. She says she isn’t. She says he should think about how lucky he is that his wife left him “a slut to suck his dick all week” and she doesn’t think it is unreasonable that she should be able to set some limits. I think reminding him how lucky he is made him give in and say he was wrong.

  After they made up, she came in and told me that I was going to be punished. She made me stand in the corner and told me that I would get no orgasms all weekend. That made me feel awful. I mean, I already felt bad enough sitting on the bed as the room got darker and darker, listening to them fight over me. I KNEW I shouldn’t do it with Kevin, but I just let it happen. I hate it that they were fighting about me and the whole time I thought maybe it would be better if I just left, but I was afraid to leave the room to ask her.

  But when she said I had to be punished, well, I guess up to then I thought that maybe she thought it was all his fault even though I knew it was partly mine because I had that feeling that she would be upset but ignored it. Standing in the corner meant she was holding me responsible. It gave me the same horrible feeling that I had behind the furnace. I really, REALLY hate standing in the corner. When I am there I feel like I would do anything to not have you disappointed with me but I feel so alone because I can’t tell you.

  The cottage is not very big so I could hear them talking.

  She said that I am hers so she is responsible for making sure I get what is best for me so that was why she got so mad about him doing something she had not approved. That made me feel really good. First because she said I am hers. I felt like she had said she loves me. I AM yours, Mrs Barnabas. But second, I feel safe knowing she feels so responsible for me.

  After a while he asked her why I was being punished. She said, because I was a slut. That actually felt a little better. I really feel like I was a slut that night and I have been kind of disgusted with myself so it felt good to have her punish me for it.

  A while later he said it did not feel right that I was being punished because I had only done what I was told.

  She said he was right, it wasn’t fair and that I hate corner time. But because he had screwed up, I had spent the night sucking her brother’s cock without permission like a whore so now I had to be punished.

  I don’t think it is fair either, but I also feel like they would not have had the fight if it was not for me so I feel guilty anyway. I don’t mind being punished if only she won’t be mad at him any more.

  Better get to sleep now.

  July

  Saturday, July 01, 2000

  The cottage is so beautiful. I was afraid that it might be like camping but it is basically just like a normal house except for no lights. The propane stove is a bit scary.

  She laughed at my bathing suit. She says I look like I got lost from a grade 8 swim meet. She’s right. I like that she makes fun of me, but I think she really means it, too. Of course she has no idea what it is like to have body that got stuck in grade 8. I know how bad I look in my bathing suit, but I would look worse in a bikini. It is easy for her to make fun; she looks so hot in her bikini. I couldn’t stop from staring. I hope she didn’t mind.

  I am very grateful to them for letting me come on their vacation with them. I know that partly I am here as a nanny, but it is still very nice of them to share this beautiful place with me.

  I thought it would seem strange sleeping in a different room and in a bed, but it didn’t. I missed the closeness and feeling stupid sleeping on the floor at her feet, but it sure is a lot more comfortable.

  Sunday, July 02, 2000

  She wanted to sunbath again but she made me wear one of her bikinis. I looked so ridiculous in it. The cups get pulled out of shape so it is totally obvious that I don’t have anything inside and the bottom is way too big on me so I had to use safety pins to make it stay up. I look totally retarded in it. Like a little kid trying to pretend she is mommy. It is really embarrassing to have to wear it in front of Mr Barnabas and out on the deck.

  When we were lying there, I was wondering if it makes her feel sexier to look so totally hot in her bikini when she is beside me looking so totally stupid in basically the same bikini. I know it makes me feel way more inadequate about my body because I can compare myself to her, so I hope she feels as good about herself as I feel bad about myself. It would mean hating my body was good for something if it made her like hers even more.

  For a while when we were sunbathing I was imagining that some guys came along and wanted to have sex. She said she was married, but that I would suck them all. But they looked me up and down in that bikini and said, “no thanks” and went away laughing. It made me so horny that I asked if I could go to sacrifice an orgasm for her. She said no. It is always embarrassing that I have to ask her permission to do that, but it really felt degrading to ask her if I can give up my orgasm for her and for her to say no. It made me feel very small.

  When I sacrificed my orgasm last night I was remembering when Kevin and Mr Barnabas were sharing me. I still feel disgusted with myself about it, but it was really turning me on, too, I think BECAUSE it made me disgusted with myself. I think I may be able to get a lot of mileage out of that night.

  Monday, July 03, 2000

  Mr Barnabas left after dinner last night. It's too bad he doesn’t get Monday off, too, but I was happy to get some time alone with her.

  As soon as Alyssa had been put down for the night she had me pour her a glass of wine and massage her feet. Only after a while I realized that her one hand, which was resting on her leg, had moved up so her thumb was touching the crotch of her bathing suit bottom.

  Then her hand pushed a bit harder and rubbed it a little.

  Her eyes were closed and it seemed like it was almost absentminded as she sipped her wine.

  Then it rubbed a little more. And spread her legs a bit more.

  And kept on rubbing. It was so exciting watching that, wishing I was that thumb.

  Then the thumb moved from rubbing the side of her mound to the middle. And spread her legs a bit more.

  I don’t think I have ever wanted to rub myself as much as I did right then but I felt like I shouldn’t unless she told me I could and I sure wasn’t going to interrupt her to ask.

  After a while
she actually started using her finger, running it up and down the middle of her bathing suit crotch, pushing it in. It felt like the most exciting thing I could ever see and I was so glad that she kept doing it for so long.

  After a long while I realized she was looking at me. I don’t know how long her eyes had been open because I was so lost in what she was doing. I had long forgotten about her feet. Then she asked me how long it had been since my last orgasm. I said two weeks and she said I must be very horny. I said I was and she asked if I would like to go into my room and give myself an orgasm or if I would like to stay where I was. It was SOO unfair. I had needed an orgasm so badly for so long and now she was deliberately making me choose between one and something that might be better but certainly would not give me any release and with no idea how much longer I might have to wait for another chance.

  I knew what she wanted me to do and it was the same thing I wanted: to torture myself even more by giving up my one chance at an orgasm for...

  I didn’t know what. Even as I told her I wanted to stay there I was thinking she might immediately take her hand away and slam her legs closed. But she didn’t. She slipped a finger inside the crotch of her suit while she asked me if I remembered how upset I was the first time Gwen had seen me in my maid’s uniform.

  She didn’t say anything more for a while so I was just imagining what her finger was doing in there. It was like there was nothing else in the world except that finger.

  She told me she had been thinking during the week of something she wants to do to me that will be much worse, but the whole time she was saying this she was moving her finger inside her bikini so I was having trouble concentrating on what she was saying. I mean I understood it and knew that if it was worse than that time with Gwen then it would be way more than I could deal with, but I guess I was just too turned on and none of that seemed as important as it should be.

  She asked me if I wanted to know what her finger was doing. I nodded.

  She made me say “please”.

  She used her other hand to pinch the edge of the bikini crotch as if she was going to move it and then stopped.

  She asked me if she would let me do something even more embarrassing than the time with Gwen. I asked what but she said that was a secret.

  I knew she was playing me. I knew I would regret it. I knew whatever it was would be so horrible that nothing could make it worth it. But she kept teasing me and I was pretty sure she had her finger inside herself and she kept asking “Don’t you want to see, you lesbo?” until I just didn’t care what she did to me and said “okay”. She made me say that I would let her embarrass me. Then she pulled the bathing suit aside and her finger was inside her pussy. She said she was feeling a little tired and felt like shutting her eyes for a while but no orgasms for me.

  I knew what she meant. I was allowed to hump my wrist but not come. The finger kept moving in and out and spreading her pussy open and I rubbed myself until I was almost in tears from frustration.

  “sick pussy-loving dyke!” she said suddenly, putting her bathing suit back in place.

  _____

  On the drive home she told me that the reason I was being punished on Friday night was to make him feel bad, not because I had done anything wrong. She can’t make him stand in the corner but she can hope to make him feel guilty that I had to. She said I did what I was told and that is exactly what I am supposed to do.

  I really appreciate that she said that. I didn’t like the feeling that I did something wrong when I only did what he told me. I think what I hate most about standing in the corner is knowing that I have disappointed her. If I had known it was just to make him feel bad I don’t think it would have been so bad. I really don’t mind being punished instead of him. I feel like even if it wasn’t my fault, it would not have happened if I hadn’t been there and besides, if he is more careful not to tell me to do anything she would not like from now on then it was totally worth a little bit of crying in the corner.

  Maybe that is just another service I can provide for them: cook, clean, suck his cock, and take the punishments to help make things better when they fight. Whenever one of them is mad at the other they could yell at me instead so they never have to fight with each other.

  G_d, this is embarrassing, but that idea excites me. I don't think I would really like that, but the idea is hot.

  Tuesday, July 04, 2000

  I am worried about what she is going to do to me that is going to be so embarrassing. I just keep telling myself that no one ever died from too much embarrassment so whatever it is I will survive. I wish I knew when it was going to be. I feel like I may not get a good night’s sleep until it happens.

  Oh yeah, we also talked about my rent on the drive home last night. I am supposed to pay her the same amount as before. It seems a little weird since I don’t even have an apartment anymore, but I don’t think I should be living there for free either. On the one hand it is a lot of money considering I am sleeping on the floor, but I guess that is not really the point. I like my...

  I guess it is “my new home”, and I can obviously afford that much and besides, it feels a little like I am being exploited having to pay her to have her treat me like her servant and to sleep on her floor, and I kind of like that.

  Both last night and just now when I sacrificed an orgasm for her I started out thinking about watching her finger in her bathing suit but both times I ended up thinking about when Mr Barnabas and Kevin were passing me back and forth, pretending that there was a whole room full of guys sharing me like that. I feel very ashamed that that turned me on so much. Especially since I wasn’t supposed to do it. I hope it doesn’t make her mad.

  Wednesday, July 05, 2000

  Yay! I got to be the fluffer tonight. I lay on my back and he was on his hands and knees going down on her while I blew him. It was very hot and I wish I could have seen it, but I also like being lost in my dark world.

  That is the first time she has let me be part of it since before that thing with Kevin. I am soo happy that that didn’t ruin things forever. I was starting to think it had.

  I just sacrificed for her while looking at my magazines. I haven’t done that in a while. I think what I like the most was knowing I would have to write it down here when I was done. It is embarrassing to know I am going to have to tell you how turned on I got from looking at naked women.

  It really bugs me that I can't get two weeks of vacation together in August. I work all year and can’t just take two weeks in a row when I want them. Totally sucks. I am sure it will be fine, but it bugs me.

  Thursday, July 06, 2000

  Shona was here when I got home. It was very embarrassing coming downstairs in my maid’s uniform and she did not help at all by laughing so hard. I made them tea and coffee and then Mrs Barnabas told me to massage Shona’s feet before doing hers. Shona is funny. I have only met her a couple of times but she seems to get me. Not like Gwen. She asked me questions like if I like being Mrs Barnabas’s slave and if I feel like a lucky girl to be allowed to serve her. I wonder how much Mrs Barnabas has told her for her to understand me so well. When they were talking it was like Shona knew all about me and was giving Mrs Barnabas bits of advice about me.

  I liked being called her “slave”. I think I like that even better than “maid”. It seems lower.

  For a while they were talking about whether Mrs Barnabas would ever let me lick her and at one point I was listening so hard I forgot to massage her feet and she slapped my face and told me to keep going. Not too hard but it was embarrassing to let a basic stranger do that to me. I liked that she did that. It feels strange that Mrs Barnabas would let someone who knows me so little do that to me but it's like Shona understands about me and Mrs Barnabas trusts her.

  Mrs Barnabas said I am a dirty lesbo and she thinks it is better for me to dream about licking her but never do it. Shona said if I was hers I would be licking until my tongue fell off.

  I am not sure what I think about this. I don
’t think it is any big shocker that if she let me lick her I would love it. I mean, I think it would be totally gross and I would be disgusted to do it, but I would also totally die from disgusted bliss. But may be it is better to want it but never get it. It was so horny watching her last weekend and just getting to see it was this HUGE sexy thing and it might not be as special if I was licking it all the time. But if I could give her even a little pleasure doing that then who cares whether it is more or less of a turn on for me? If she would enjoy it then it seems weird that I do it for Mr Barnabas but not for her. I guess it does not matter what I want, but I would be happy to always want it but never get it and I would also be very happy to be made to do that for her “until my tongue fell off”.

  Friday, July 07, 2000

  Alyssa’s cold got bad last night so I had to sleep on the couch so I would be closer to her. I got up whenever she cried which was most of the night so I didn’t get much sleep. I have been exhausted all morning. It feels a little unfair that I had to be awake all night when it is her daughter and I have to come to work all day, but I just kept hearing mom telling me “Life isn’t fair.” Well, it sure isn’t fair when you let someone treat you like a servant or a slave, but I guess that’s what I get.

  _____

  I left a little early saying I wasn’t feeling well and Mrs Barnabas told me I could have a nap and they ordered a pizza so I could sleep right through until 9:30. I really appreciate that she is understanding that way. It makes it much easier to do this when I feel like she is looking out for me.