The Way Back to Erin

by Cerella Sechrist

  She drew a deep, shuddering breath and held Kitt tightly to her. He hadn’t budged during the entire episode. She planted a few kisses on the crown of his head, which was damp with her tears.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m not sure what came over me.”

  “You’re sad,” he said, his voice soft and concerned.

  The funny thing was that she wasn’t sad. At least, not as much as she had been. The crying fit had relieved some of the pain in her chest, the pressure of grief. For the first time in a long time, she felt cleansed of mourning.

  “I’m better now,” she reassured him. “Much better.” She squeezed him tightly and drew a deep breath. “But I have some bad news.” The words came easier than she had expected. “Aunt Lenora is selling the Moontide. It means that we can’t live here anymore.”

  She ducked her head to see her son’s face. His expression was thoughtful. “We’ll have to leave.” It wasn’t really a question. Kitt had clearly been expecting this announcement.

  She brushed the hair off his forehead. “Aunt Lenora already has a house in mind that she’d like us all to rent together, until we can find something more permanent.”

  “Uncle Burke, too?”

  She paused. Burke. What would happen with Burke? Especially now?

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Uncle Burke was only going to live here for a little while, remember? Just until he could figure out what he was doing next.”

  “But he loves us,” Kitt pointed out. “And we love him.”

  Erin stiffened at her son’s logic. She didn’t love Burke. She couldn’t love him. Her head wrestled this point with her heart. “Your uncle Burke will always love you,” she replied lamely.

  Kitt frowned. “Can Scout come live with us, too?”

  “Scout is technically Uncle Burke’s dog, and I don’t know if the house we’ll be renting allows pets. So I think he’s better off with Uncle Burke right now.”

  She refused to acknowledge how much this hurt her, an additional blow to her already ravaged emotions. She’d grown attached to that dog, and she knew that Burke couldn’t very well take it with him on his travels. Maybe, after they were better settled, she could offer to take the dog off Burke’s hands. Once he was traveling again, he wouldn’t be able to care for Scout anyway.

  The thought of Burke leaving and not knowing when or if he’d come back tore a hole through the remainder of her spirit. She had to bite down hard on her lip to keep from breaking into tears once more.

  “Scout needs us,” Kitt unexpectedly announced. “So does Uncle Burke. And we need him, too.”

  Erin bit down so hard on her lip that the skin broke, and she tasted the bitter tang of blood. She didn’t answer Kitt but shifted him off her lap so she could stand and grab a tissue from the nightstand to blot against her stinging lip.

  “Mom?” She looked down at her son, who stared up at her with wide-eyed optimism. “It’s going to be okay.”

  He looked so much like Gavin in that moment that she expected her heart to break all over again. She was stunned when she realized she felt a twinge of wistful longing but not the painful ache she expected.

  She scooped her son up into her arms and squeezed him tight.

  “As long as I have you, Kitt, then yes. It’s going to be okay.”

  * * *

  ONCE AUNT LENORA made the decision to sell, things proceeded swiftly. Allan Worth was obviously eager to finalize the sale, and as soon as the paperwork was signed, Aunt Lenora began the tedious work of packing up a house that had been in her family for generations. She was ruthless as she directed Burke on what to box up, donate or place in storage. He followed her directions to the letter and kept himself busy with all the tasks she’d given him.

  Because the busier he was, the less time he had to think about Erin or wonder how she was doing. They were still living in the same house, but they were no closer than if they were two separate guests staying at the inn. They saw each other for meals, kept their conversation to a minimum and went about their assignments on their own.

  From what little he saw of her, she seemed despondent. He hadn’t asked Aunt Lenora how it had gone when she’d told Erin about her decision, but based on how Erin had avoided them all that day and her subsequent silence, he could guess her feelings well enough. Not that he’d expected differently. He knew Erin’s feelings wouldn’t change. She’d made that clear fifteen years ago, and it was even clearer now. She was still clinging to what she’d lost, unwilling to open her heart to love a second time.

  Or maybe just unable to consider love with him.

  Her rejection still hurt, in a far deeper way than Tessa’s had. Maybe, deep down, he had known that he and Tessa weren’t meant to be. But with Erin, he no longer had a single doubt. He felt as if he was missing out on something precious, a love so incredible that it had been worth the wait. But whatever longing he experienced, Erin obviously had made a different choice. He would have to live with that until the end of his days.

  But he’d decided not to run. He’d made an offer on the house at Fallon Point, and the seller had accepted. He’d live there alone, unless you counted Scout, who was coming with him. The house Aunt Lenora had arranged to rent for a few months for her, Erin and Kitt had a firm no-pets policy.

  In a way, Burke was glad for that. It gave him the excuse to take Scout with him with the offer that Kitt could come and visit the dog, and him, anytime he wanted. It would give him a reason to keep spending time with his nephew and maybe, occasionally, he’d be able to talk to Erin as well.

  He didn’t tell Erin about purchasing the house on the point, though. He let Aunt Lenora share that news. It wasn’t as if they talked much these days anyway, he thought as she brushed by him in the upstairs hallway without a word. Sometimes, he wondered if he was really a ghost, haunting the halls of the Moontide.

  And no matter how hard his heart beat when Erin came near, she seemed not to hear it at all.

  Findlay Roads Courier

  Local News

  On August 1, the Moontide Inn closed its doors to guests for the final time. The inn has been a landmark in the Findlay Roads community for generations, dating back to 1789, when it was first built by Irish immigrants, Cormac and Grainne O’Beirne. The Moontide passed hands several times during the nineteenth century until it was purchased by Hugh Daniels in 1901. Several generations of the Daniels family have lived in the home since that time, ending with “Aunt” Lenora Daniels, a lifetime Findlay Roads resident.

  Ms. Daniels recently sold the inn to Allan Worth, owner of the Delphine Resort on Dublin Avenue, so that he might expand the resort’s offerings with a clubhouse and golf course that will take over the inn’s acreage. When asked how he felt about acquiring the longtime local treasure, Worth responded, “I couldn’t be more thrilled that the Moontide has come into my possession. The upcoming renovations will boost the economy of the area and continue to elevate Findlay Roads as a resort destination.”

  Ms. Daniels declined to comment, but her great-niece by marriage, Erin Daniels, replied, “I trust Allan knows what a treasure the Moontide is, and he will treat it with the same love and care that previous generations have instilled in it. I’m sure many future Findlay Roads residents will continue to value its place in the community.”

  Erin Daniels is the widow of Sergeant Gavin Daniels, hometown hero who passed away two years ago in a car accident while driving to the airport to return to his army base. Gavin Daniels, along with his brother, Burke Daniels, had lived at the inn as teenagers after their adoption by “Aunt” Lenora. When asked what her late husband would have thought of the inn being sold, Ms. Daniels said she didn’t know what his thoughts on the matter might be, were he still living.

  The Moontide Inn is located at 1214 Eamon Lane.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ONE WEEK AFTER they’d all moved out of the
Moontide, Burke to his house on the point and Aunt Lenora, Erin and Kitt to the house they were renting together, Burke received a call from Tessa. It was unexpected, but when she tactfully mentioned all his boxes still sitting in her garage, he realized he’d better clear them out. Besides, now that he had his own place again, there was no reason for his possessions to be taking up space at Tessa’s. He planned to spend the remainder of the summer fixing up the house and settling in before he jumped back into some work projects in the fall.

  As he pulled up to the cottage Tessa had inherited from her grandmother, he considered how much could change in the span of a couple months. This house was supposed to have been his home. He’d looked forward to it, settling down, finally making his peace with this town and putting down roots here. And he’d done just that but without Tessa at his side. He’d learned his heart’s true north was the same as it had been fifteen years ago, even if Erin was no more in love with him now than she’d been then. He’d come to some sort of peace about that, too, even if he still longed for what could never be.

  But at least he and Tessa had been able to part amicably. While he still felt great affection for Tessa, he was not in love with her and wasn’t sure now if he ever had been. Or at least, if he had, it was a pale thing compared to what he felt for Erin. He should have known when he moved back here that he had never really shaken Erin from his heart. He’d tried. He’d traveled the world, immersed himself in different experiences, made an effort to date other women, to fall in love, to move on.

  But the truth was, it was her. It didn’t matter where he put down roots. She was his home. She was the one who anchored him. He didn’t mind giving up his dream of a life with Tessa. And he certainly didn’t mind if the Moontide was sold.

  But Erin?

  Her rejection was the thing that made him feel untethered, lost. He couldn’t dwell on that right now, however. He turned off the car and stepped outside into the late summer sunshine. He barely made it to the porch when the front door opened. Tessa must have been watching for him.

  “Hi,” she greeted.

  “Hey.” She looked no better and no worse since he’d seen her last. There was still a strange and sad hollowness to her eyes. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. How about you?”

  “Good.” He didn’t know if he believed that Tessa was fine, but he no longer felt as if they were in the type of relationship where he could press her on the subject.

  So he said nothing as she stepped inside and gestured for him to follow her. They ended up in the garage, where they’d stored most of his possessions. He had never had much stuff, given the nomadic nature of his job, and he hadn’t really accumulated a lot since moving back to Findlay Roads.

  He had a few seasonal clothes in bags,and a small box of the mementos left from his childhood. He and Gavin had lost most of their family keepsakes in the fire that had claimed their parents’ lives. There were two more boxes filled with various items from his travels and not much more than that. He’d sold his limited collection of dishes and household goods since Tessa already had everything they’d need. Aunt Lenora had offered him quite a few things from the Moontide so he shouldn’t have to spend too much money to stock the point house.

  He and Tessa didn’t speak much as they carried everything to the car in two trips. He didn’t mind the silence. He was used to it, after Erin.

  As he prepared to close the car door, Tessa said, “Rumor has it that you bought that pretty little house up on Fallon Point.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “How did you know about that?”

  She shrugged. “We may have grown a lot in recent years, but Findlay Roads is still a pretty small town. Or at least, it gossips like one.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I guess I’d forgotten that. It’s good to know that no matter how far she progresses, some things never change.” He was surprised to realize he spoke with fondness. Tessa must have heard it in his voice because she cocked her head.

  “That doesn’t bother you?”

  He shrugged. “Not really.”

  She studied him. “How do you feel then, about Aunt Lenora selling the inn?”

  He hesitated, and she smiled her warm, reassuring smile. It was one of the reasons he’d felt so comfortable around her, so early on in their relationship. Her smile had a way of putting him at ease.

  “You don’t have to sugarcoat how you feel, Burke. And you don’t have to tell me either, if you don’t want to.”

  He relaxed a little. “Truthfully, I’m fine with it. I think it’s time. The inn...it needs a new purpose.” He felt the parallel in that statement. The inn needed a new purpose...just like he did.

  “But?”

  He caught her eye. “But what?”

  “There’s something you’re not saying.”

  Her intuition unsettled him. “You’re not supposed to be able to do that anymore.”

  “Do what?”

  “You’re not supposed to know if I’m not saying everything. Not if we’re not going to be husband and wife.”

  She appeared startled, and he laughed softly.

  “I’m just kidding, Tessa. It’s a joke.”

  But it occurred to him that maybe Tessa wasn’t ready to treat their relationship like that—as something in the past. He knew he’d moved on pretty quickly, but even though Tessa had been the one to end things, maybe she wasn’t as far along in her feelings as he was. He rushed to fill the awkwardness.

  “Erin is pretty torn up about it. It’s been her home for so long, and she shared her life with Gavin there. She’s devastated at the thought of losing it. But it’s not as if the inn isn’t going to be there anymore. I know it won’t be the same, but she can still go there, if she needs to. Maybe she’ll have to take up golf to have a reason to visit, but the old place will still be part of the community.” He laughed, but it died off when Tessa didn’t join in.

  “Burke. I know I shouldn’t say anything, but...” Her eyes were filled with some emotion he didn’t recognize. “My father’s not converting the inn into a clubhouse.”

  He frowned. “What?”

  She licked her lips and wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. “He plans to level it as part of the golf course.”

  Burke felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. He leaned against the car.

  “But, he said that he planned to convert it into a clubhouse. I thought he liked the house.”

  “He does.”

  “So he lied?” Burke prickled with irritation. He may not have had any great love for the inn, but Allan lying about his plans seemed manipulative.

  “No, it really was his plan, at first, to keep the house. But his contractor did the numbers, and it’s cheaper to just level it and build elsewhere rather than renovate the inn and bring it up to the appropriate construction code for his plans.”

  Burke’s fingers tightened into fists. “Did he decide this before or after Aunt Lenora signed the paperwork?”

  Tessa hesitated, and he had his answer without her uttering a word. He swore, slamming his palm on the roof his car.

  He shook his head. “That building is a historical icon, Tessa. It has stood for over two hundred years. It’s been through wars, marriages, births, deaths. It houses hundreds of chapters of history within its walls.”

  Tessa frowned. “I thought you didn’t care about the inn or what happened to it.”

  “Maybe I’m not its biggest champion,” he insisted, “but that doesn’t mean I want to see it torn down, as if it never existed. Your father has no right.”

  She didn’t say anything, but her expression conveyed her sadness.

  He expelled a breath. “Sorry. It’s not your fault, I know that. It’s just...not what I expected.”

  “I understand.” She didn’t say anything for a moment. “But Burke, if the inn truly doesn’t matter to you
, then why are you so upset? I mean, I get that you want to see a landmark preserved, but you seem pretty passionate about it. And in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never spoken about the Moontide with any great sentimentality.”

  The question made him uncomfortable. He knew Tessa hadn’t asked it to get under his skin, but it did.

  “Does it have something to do with Erin?”

  The question struck too close to home. Just how much had Tessa observed? She’d had plenty of opportunities over the last year to witness him and Erin together, but he didn’t think he’d paid Erin any particular attention during that time. At least, no more than any brother-in-law would have provided to a sister.

  Or maybe Tessa was simply asking for the obvious reasons—the fact that Erin would be losing the inn she loved so much.

  “Erin loves that place. It was hard enough for her to see it sold. But finding out it’s going to be demolished will wreck her.”

  “Hmm. I see.”

  Tessa’s tone said more than it should have, and he grew uneasy. He tried shifting the conversation.

  “I know he’s your father, Tess, but he doesn’t deserve everything he’s gotten from this town.”

  Allan had swooped in and bought up land for his resort as property values began to rise. He’d put the Moontide out of business. And now, to add insult to injury, he was going to rip it down, a fact he’d failed to mention when Aunt Lenora agreed to sell it to him.

  “What will you do?”

  This unexpected question made him stand a little straighter.

  “What can I do?” he asked. “The deal is done. The Moontide doesn’t belong to Aunt Lenora anymore.”

  Tessa frowned. “I’m sorry. I...I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”

  “No, I know. I’m glad you told me. I just wish...” He trailed off. He’d never been one for wishing. Wishing wouldn’t bring his parents back, it wouldn’t erase the years he’d felt unwanted and unloved. He didn’t believe in wishes. But if he did... “I wish there was a way the Moontide could continue to stand, to be part of the community, like it has been for years.”