Dead Romantic
Page 25
‘I’ll try my best,’ I said and turned to leave.
‘Camille,’ said Zoe.
I turned back to look at her. ‘Yeah?’
‘Thank you.’
‘Lutwyche’s BRAIN? You gave the thing Lutwyche’s brain?’
So I told Louis when we were in the hospital car park waiting with Damian while he finished his cigarette. I didn’t mean to. I just thought he ought to know. So he’d know what to expect.
‘Oh my god. There’s a madman on the loose. He’s gonna be a madman, just like Loopy Lutwyche! You should have told us this, Camille. This changes everything.’
‘What do you mean, changes everything? It doesn’t change anything. I always knew that I would need to look after him once he came to life.’
I looked around the car park. Nothing but cars and wheelie bins and a strong midday sun beating down onto the concrete. Pee Wee was sniffing inside a chip box. But beyond that was the hills. And the woods. And somewhere, the human formerly known as Sexy Dead Boy. Now, I guessed, his name was Thomas, like Zoe’s dad.
Louis walked up to me and held my wrists. ‘He’s going to be off his head. Maybe dangerous. We really don’t know what we’re dealing with now.’
‘He won’t be mad,’ I said. ‘He might be scared though. We’ve got to go and find him and look after him.’
‘Camille, you should have said something . . .’ He looked across at Damian. I looked at Damian too. ‘What do you think?’
Damian took one long drag on his cigarette and blew smoke out slowly through his nostrils like a dragon. ‘As I see it there’s only one thing we can do.’
‘What?’ said Louis.
‘What?’ said I.
‘Kill it,’ said Damian.
‘What?’
‘WHAT?’
‘Well, no one knows he exists except us four,’ he explained. ‘Princess, you said the quack had no idea there was someone else in the gym, right?’
‘No, she didn’t know anything about . . . ’
‘Right, so the cops don’t know about him. And Zoe’s in no fit state to know what’s good for her so I suggest we leave her out of it for now. And we go and find him. And we end it.’
‘Kill him?’ said Louis. Pee Wee scurried over to him and hopped up and down by his boots to be picked up. ‘You can’t just kill another human being, Dame.’
‘Oh look, we can all get happy-clappy and Friends-of-the-Earth about it later if you want but the fact remains that there is a dangerous dude on the loose and that is our fault. We’re all to blame for whatever he does. And the right thing to do now is locate the target and frag it. End of.’
‘He’s not a target, he’s a real live boy and he’s called Thomas!’ I shrieked. ‘We’ve just spent the last I-don’t-know-how-long putting him together. There’s no way I can kill him. There’s no way I can kill anything! And there’s no WAY I’m going to stand by and let you kill him either. No wayski.’
‘We ain’t got a choice, darlin’,’ said Damian, flicking his cigarette into a wheelie bin and lighting up another. ‘We don’t know what Oliver Twisted’s capable of, do we? He could be out there right now, tearing people limb from limb. Kids. Old dears. You really want that on your conscience?’
‘. . . or he could be crying somewhere or shivering underneath a bush or something,’ I argued.
Damian shook his head as he took another long drag. ‘I say we finish the maniac before he gets started.’
‘No, I want to help him,’ I said.
‘And how do you plan on doing that, princess? Reanimated psychos don’t tend to go in for all that soulsearching rehab cobblers you’ve got in mind. The only language they understand is a shovel to the face. That’s my kind of therapy.’
Louis laughed and then he stopped laughing when he saw my face.
‘Come on,’ said Damian, looking straight at me. ‘You’ve read the books. And you’ve seen the movies.’ He looked at Louis. ‘You know how this ends.’
‘Aren’t you in enough trouble?’ said Louis, as Pee Wee licked his chin. ‘You’re already odds on for a criminal record and a few months’ community service. You really want to add murder to your charge sheet?’
‘It won’t be murder, will it?’ said Damian. ‘How can you murder someone who’s already dead? Everything he’s made of is dead. He’s a dead head, a dead body, dead hands . . . no one knows he exists except us.’
‘And those cops. They know,’ said Louis.
‘They know nothing,’ said Damian, folding his arms. ‘We can get away with that if we just stick to our story and say Zoe was the only one in the gym. Right? So who’s with me? Who’s gonna help me kill a killer before he kills?’
I took a deep breath. ‘I’ve promised Zoe I’ll look after him and take him back to the house. I can’t go back on a promise.’ Louis was looking at me like he wanted to tell me how big my arse looked without hurting my feelings. Damian was looking at me like he couldn’t wait to tell me how big my arse looked. ‘You’re just afraid of him because he’s fitter than you are,’ I snipped, folding my arms.
‘Do you really think I’m that shallow?’ said Damian, his face darkening.
‘No,’ I said.
‘Is he?’
I shrugged. ‘You’ve seen him. He’s pretty cute.’
‘Look, we just need to find him for now, before the police get to him and before they start asking awkward questions,’ said Louis, putting Pee Wee on the ground and reaching for my hand.
‘Awkward questions like what?’ I said.
‘Awkward questions like why he’s naked or why his hands are falling off.’ said Damian.
‘They won’t fall off,’ I said. ‘Zoe is a brilliant surgeon. She doesn’t make mistakes like that.’
Damian pouted and looked at Louis. ‘Lou?’
‘What?’ Louis frowned.
‘Kill or cuddle? What’s it to be?’
Louis looked at me and took ages to answer. ‘Maybe Dame’s right. If he’s off his head, we need to stop him. We can’t explain this away to the police. They’ll want to know who he is and . . . ’
‘Please, Louis,’ I said.
‘I’m going home to tool up,’ Damian announced, folding his arms. ‘You two can sit here having a coffee morning about it if you want. I’m going.’
‘Tool up with what?’ I called after him.
He swaggered back to us. ‘Weapons, of course. We got ourselves a real live dead guy to bag and tag. Now, for the last time, who’s with me?’
This wasn’t right. This wasn’t what Zoe wanted. This wasn’t even what I wanted, not after all our hard work. I hadn’t even seen Thomas properly yet. I felt sure if I could catch him and get him into Zoe’s house, into that padded room, we could train him to be something good, something human. Like I’d trained Pee Wee to bring back balls and eat doggy treats and Pot Noodles, not poodles.
I felt my spine straighten. I felt myself grow an inch taller. I felt my heart pound stronger than ever, like a big brass band marching down the street, knowing exactly where it was going, exactly what tune it was playing. I knew what I had to do now.
‘I said, who’s with me?’ Damian repeated, putting his hand out in front of him.
Louis put his hand on top. ‘I’m in,’ he said with a deep sigh. I could tell that killing things was not in his nature at all. Dead things he could deal with, but he wasn’t the sort of boy who was used to making things get dead.
‘Camille?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I’m in.’ And I put my hand on top of theirs even though I didn’t mean it at all, not one little bit. I threw Louis a look as I rubbed his hand in the hand pile, then took mine out of it. I would make my excuses and as soon as the boys were out of the way, I was going to go straight to the woods and find Thomas, on my own if I had to, and lead him to safety. I’d never been more sure of anything ever ever. Maybe I’d be good at it too, working with the recently undead. Zoe had said I was good at caring. Maybe that was my vocation.
‘Dame . . .’ Louis began.
‘No, I don’t wanna hear anymore, Lou. The time to hesitate is through. We’ve got a town to save. Come on, let’s fucking DO THIS, people!’
Acknowledgments
To Barry Cunningham for shocking this book back to life many times.
Imogen Cooper, Rachel Hickman, Rachel Leyshon, Esther Waller, Elinor Bagenal, Tina Waller and all at Chicken House. Miranda Baker, for her totes excellent editorial support. And my friend Laura Myers, for your endless enthusiasm for Louis.
My sister Penny Skuse, for always reading and always laughing, even when you’re not supposed to.
The Snead Crew – Maggie, Roy, Emily and Matthew who always reads it early and always enthuses, even when it’s crap.
The Skuse Posse – Jamie, Angie, Alex and Josie Skuse who helped me to work out how heavy a corpse was. And to Joshua Skuse, because you ask with every book when you’re going to be in it. So the Three Joshes are in this one, just for you.
To book bloggers the world over who have reviewed my books and helped to spread the word, particularly Laura Heath at Sister Spooky Book Fangirl. Consider yourself totes awesies.
My internal soundtrack masters, who this time round were AC/DC, Avril Lavigne, Boyce Avenue, The Chemical Brothers, The Cure, Dizzee Rascal, Dresden Dolls, Ed Sheeran, Embrace, Evanescence, Ke$ha, Lissie, MGMT, My Chemical Romance, The Naked and Famous, Nero, Nicki Minaj, Oingo Boingo, Owl City, Paramore, Pendulum, Pink, The Prodigy, RHCP, Rihanna, Sleigh Bells, Zero 7.
Robert Louis Stevenson, H.P. Lovecraft, Mary Shelley, Stuart Gordon, Peggy Webling and John Hughes, because they all got there first and did it mucho, mucho better.
Frances Bean Cobain, Lisa Blackwell, Jack O’Connell, Josh Hutcherson and Gerard Way. Although you didn’t know it, your body parts gave life to Zoe, Camille, Damian, Louis and Professor Lutwyche. So cheers for that.
Praise for ROCKOHOLIC
... intensely funny ... Laugh-aloud slapstick with a dash of romance. It’s terrific.
BOOKSELLER
Pure brilliance! I loved this one ... If you want to read a British book this year make it this one.
BOOK MOGUL blog
... funny, and accurate about the way teens think and speak.
THE TIMES
... I absolutely loved it ... I truly recommend the novel. Be prepared: you will want to listen to a lot of rock music while reading this novel ...
THE BOOKETTE blog
Oh Man – I loved this book! ... Superb!
I WANT TO READ THAT blog
I am in love with this book. It makes me smile ... the last line is absolute perfection! And it made me cry.
WRITING FROM THE TUB blog
... seriously? A teenager who KIDNAPS HER FAVOURITE ROCKSTAR? ... dude, who *wouldn’t* want to kidnap their favourite rock star?! ... YOU HAVE TO READ THIS.
LOVEREADINGX blog
... a heart-warming tale of what it’s like to love something so much it hurts, the reality of coming face to face with what you love and realising that sometimes you have to stop having a dream and start living the dream ...
SISTER SPOOKY BOOK FANGIRL blog
... Rockoholic is a really fresh YA novel that will have you absolutely gripped ... If you’ve ever been crazy about a celebrity or you simply love to read YA, you must get a copy.
MOSTLY READING YA blog
... a whole lot of fun. Jaw-droppingly off the wall in places, I lost count of the times I laughed out loud while reading it ...
I WAS A TEENAGE BOOK GEEK blog
... very excellent ... I am a big fan of Ms. Skuse, who also wrote the superb Pretty Bad Things. Give Rockoholic a whirl – it is incredibly funny.
MY FAVOURITE BOOKS blog
... pretty darned awesome ...
CICELY LOVES BOOKS blog
... Rockoholic is one of the funniest, most entertaining and highly original books I’ve read in a long time... I can’t recommend Rockoholic highly enough ...
NARRATIVELY SPEAKING blog
This is one of those books that made me laugh and cry... The relationship between Mac and Jody is just gorgeous ... I really did love this book ...
SERENDIPITY TEACHER blog
A rip roaring story about the perils of fame and the reality of all that glamour.
JULIA ECCLESHARE, LOVEREADING
... humorous and touching, shocking and reassuring, this story is a joy to read.
BOOKTRUST
Praise for PRETTY BAD THINGS
... Skuse’s fast-paced, edgy debut ... conveys the twins’ powerful connection through their affecting dialogue and recollections of childhood. Readers should be fully invested in their whirlwind tour of the Vegas strip, right up to the unexpected ending.
PUBLISHER’S WEEKLY
... a cultural pick ’n’ mix of influences spanning the decades ... There is an impressive filmic quality to the novel – you can literally see it rolling out before you as you read ... altogether a pretty damn good read.
TELEGRAPH
... skilfully drawn teenagers, street smart but vulnerable. Their complimentary but strikingly different voices, coupled with exuberant dialogue and a fast-moving plot kept this reader enthralled ... An impressive debut.
GLASGOW HERALD
... the best YA thing I’ve read in ages ... Fantastic story, wonderful writing, and the characters are just SO good ... It’s so good, I’d even recommend it to people I don’t like.
KEVIN BROOKS
... vastly enjoyable debut ... does a great job of establishing voice – laconic, teenage, contemporary – and attitude – disrespectful, impatient, funny ...
KEREN DAVID
... almost bursting with its own driving energy ... excellent ... its pace and ambition ... carry it triumphantly through. The author is clearly someone to watch.
NICK TUCKER, CAROUSEL MAGAZINE
... a fast-moving and exciting novel ... sassy, clever, pacy ... sings off the page...
ADELE GERAS, CRIME CENTRAL blog
This breathtaking, rollercoaster book flings the reader head first into the action from the opening page and doesn’t let up until the closing paragraphs. This is teenage rebellion and recklessness in its rawest form...
INIS, IRELAND
Pretty Bad Things is one of the most important YA debuts of 2010. It was refreshingly funky, pacy and rude. I loved it!
JOHN MCLAY, BATH KIDS LIT FEST
... slick, hip and anarchic ... this is fresh and effortlessly readable.
BOOKSELLER
Dynamic characters, wisecrack jokes and exhilarating read, Pretty Bad Things is a brilliant novel ... and I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys Young Adult fiction with a twist.
CHICKLISH
... this book could do what Catcher in the Rye has done for more than a generation of readers but unlike J.D. Salinger, let’s hope the author continues to deliver a knock-out punch with each new book that’s published ...
LOVEREADING.CO.UK
... C.J. Skuse’s writing is among the best I’ve read in the past few years, and her words are brimming with snark, wit and humour ... cool, edgy and daring ...
WONDROUS READS BLOG
... a fabulous debut ... Skuse, female, writes with a lot of balls ... she has arrived on the scene with a voice that I for one will be longing to hook up with again.
ACHUKA
... bat shit crazy awesome ... Full of sass and sweet-toothed criminality ...
IN THE LIBRARY OF LADY VIOLET blog
From the Chicken House
I’ve never lost my head, or any other part of me for that matter, to a girl. Honest.
C.J. Skuse shows us how finding the best bits of a boy is surprisingly difficult – especially when it’s a heart of gold that you truly, deeply want. This i
s a hilarious, moving, tiny bit sad, gloriously redemptive (yes!), unique mix from a totally brilliant new talent.
You’ll never ask for a . . . hand . . . with anything again!
Barry Cunningham
Publisher
Published by Scholastic Australia
Pty Ltd PO Box 579 Gosford NSW 2250
ABN 11 000 614 577
www.scholastic.com.au
Part of the Scholastic Group
Sydney • Auckland • New York • Toronto • London • Mexico City
• New Delhi • Hong Kong • Buenos Aires • Puerto Rico
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
Text © C.J. Skuse 2013.
Cover design by Helen Crawford-White.
First published in Great Britain by The Chicken House in 2013.
This electronic edition published by Scholastic Australia Pty Limited in 2013.