The Mistake

by K. L. Slater

  I must refuse to even consider it.

  All of the wonderful things that Ronnie has done for me whirl round in my head like scraps of torn paper in a gale-force wind. I want to stop and to sweep everything into a neat box so I can feel in control enough to start the thinking process from scratch again.

  There has got to be a logical reason as to how Billy’s blanket could have been concealed here, in this tiny room, for so many years.

  I try and think it through again but the whole concept just feels too big. What I’ve discovered this morning is simply too obtuse to even begin to deal with.

  I bury my face in Billy’s blanket, and breathe in the fusty smell of Ronnie’s spare room again. It’s all that’s there now, all there is left to smell. But it doesn’t matter.

  It’s enough to know that my brother loved this scrap of cloth. Took it to bed with him each night and stuffed it in his rucksack to take out with him when he could get away with it. He was a bit of a lonely soul, hadn’t really got any mates to rag him about having it.

  After he’d gone missing, Mum had to scour his room and tell the police if everything was in place, if there was anything out of place. She saw immediately that his rucksack and blanket weren’t there.

  ‘I’ve found it now, Mum,’ I whisper to the blank, white walls.

  19

  SIXTEEN YEARS EARLIER

  Rose considered their first few dates to be a great success.

  Gareth turned out to be a big film fan so they’d visited the cinema on nearly all their outings.

  Cassie had been right on one detail; on each occasion, Rose had barely watched the film. But that was due more to her burying her face in her hands at the gory, stomach-churning scenes in Gareth’s favoured horror films than because he had his tongue down her throat.

  Quite the contrary, Gareth was a perfect gentleman.

  He often took her for drinks at an inconspicuous little bar near the cinema. Gareth had a pint and Rose had a small white-wine spritzer.

  She needn’t have worried, as she had in the beginning, about it being a sophisticated cocktail bar affair. The place was unobtrusive and quiet, and Rose felt perfectly comfortable there.

  To his credit, Gareth wouldn’t hear of her paying a penny towards the drinks or film tickets.

  ‘I’m working, earning a damn good salary as it happens, and you’re just a student. Let me look after you, Rose,’ he said firmly, the first time she’d tried paying for the popcorn.

  So she did. She let him help her into her seat, hold doors open to let her through first and she didn’t even mind when he insisted on choosing which flavour of ice-cream she’d have, after asserting that the chocolate and raisin would be far superior to the boring vanilla she’d initially chosen. And he was right; it was much nicer this way.

  It was a lovely feeling, letting him take charge and fuss round her like that, Rose thought. It felt as if he really cared about her, although she knew that couldn’t possibly be the case, so soon.

  It made such a change to her mood, getting away from what felt like the constant criticism she got from her parents at home. Rose neatly explained each time they met that she was seeing friends from college. It had been surprisingly easy to slip out undetected and enjoy time out of the oppressive atmosphere.

  She’d noticed Billy had stopped pleading to come with her and, although he’d been a bit quiet and withdrawn lately, he’d found a way of coping without her around.

  Gareth had said it would do him good and she believed him to be right.

  After the film, Gareth drove her home each time, dropping her off at the same slip road where they met, well before the eleven o’clock curfew her dad had set for her a year earlier and which he’d never changed.

  As Rose rarely went out, it hadn’t seemed to be a problem before now.

  ‘Don’t want to get you into trouble with your old fella, do we?’ Gareth grinned as Rose breathed a sigh of relief at arriving back on time.

  This time, he kissed her chastely on the cheek as usual and asked if he could see her again on Friday evening.

  ‘The weather is supposed to be fine. Any ideas for a nice walk around here, for a change to the cinema?’

  ‘Yes, we could take a picnic up to Annesley Church,’ she suggested. ‘There’s lovely woodland there.’

  ‘Oh. I thought we might have a look around the abbey and then take a walk in the gardens. And then you could come back to mine for a drink, if you fancy it,’ he said. ‘How does that sound?’

  ‘Lovely,’ Rose replied, nodding, excited that he’d invited her back to his place but already wondering what excuse she’d make to her father.

  Gareth tipped his head to one side, seeming to recognise her dilemma.

  ‘Are you going be able to escape Colditz, do you think, Rosie?’

  She shrugged, biting her bottom lip. ‘I’ll think of something.’

  She didn’t have to worry about her parents right now. She just wanted to enjoy the last few minutes she had with Gareth.

  He insisted on walking with her to the top of Tilford Road and, after scanning the street, he placed a single, gentle kiss on Rose’s trembling lips.

  She felt like skipping home but she walked steadily away, feeling the burn of his eyes on her back. He watched her all the way down the street and they both waved when she slid her key in the front door.

  This, their fourth date, simply couldn’t have gone any better. Rose had left the house feeling like a silly college kid and returned feeling like a real woman.

  Gareth would be a catch for any girl round here but he’d chosen her to date and to invite round to his home. He really did seem keen.

  Cassie was going to be so jealous.

  Rose had glided dreamily through college the next day. Returning home on the bus in the afternoon, she smiled as she replayed Cassie’s reaction when she’d told her all about their evening.

  ‘Seriously, do you think this could actually be love, Rose?’ Cassie had asked, her eyes wide.

  ‘How can I love him, you silly moo?’ Rose had snorted. ‘We’ve only just met.’

  But Cassie had always been in love with the idea of being in love.

  ‘Gareth sounds so intense and besotted. I think he might be in love with you, even if you don’t feel the same way yet.’ Cassie had squeezed her arm. ‘I’m mad with jealousy!’

  Rose hadn’t denied Cassie’s suggestion about Gareth’s possible feelings. In fact, she’d found she quite liked the idea.

  Cassie had wanted to know every last detail of Rose’s chosen outfit and make-up for the last date. She had been predictably annoyed when Rose had come clean and told her the truth.

  ‘Seriously? You basically wore your bloody college jeans and tee?’ Cassie had grimaced, aghast. ‘You need your head testing. What an absolute geek you are, Tinsley.’

  ‘Gareth said I looked lovely,’ Rose had pointed out.

  ‘Well, of course he did, it’s early days!’ Cassie’s voice had dropped lower. ‘Did you… you know, have a bit of a fumble in the cinema at last?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What about in the car when you got back?’

  ‘No!’

  Cassie had shaken her head slowly and stared at her, as if there was no hope for Rose.

  ‘Well, my advice is to definitely ramp it up next time. You’ve been out with him a few times now, and, well… you don’t want him getting bored, do you?’

  Rose had been forced to admit she didn’t want that to happen.

  ‘When are you seeing him again?’

  ‘Friday night. We’re going for a walk in Newstead Abbey and he’s asked me back to his, if I can think of a suitable excuse to tell my parents.’

  Cassie’s face had dropped. ‘But I told you last week, Mum’s at Auntie Noreen’s for the night, so it’s drinks round ours on Friday, remember?’

  ‘Gosh, I’m sorry, Cassie. I forgot all about it.’

  ‘Great.’ Cassie had folded her arms in a huff.

/>   ‘Don’t worry, I’ll rearrange with Gareth.’

  ‘Really?’ Cassie had given her a sheepish smile. ‘That’s sweet of you, Rose, thanks. It wouldn’t be the same without you. In fact—’ her face lit up ‘—why don’t you bring Gareth along with you?’

  ‘Oh!’ Rose had swallowed. ‘I don’t know, I mean—’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, he’s quite a bit older than everyone else who’ll be there, and he might feel a bit uncomfortable.’

  ‘Oh, I see. Aren’t we good enough for you now?’

  ‘Don’t be daft.’ Rose had shoved her playfully. ‘I’ll ask him, OK?’

  ‘You do that.’ Cassie had grinned. ‘We could do with some eye candy amongst all those spotty little college boys and our Jed’s no-hoper mates.’

  Gareth had arranged to call her again that evening at eight o’clock and Rose had giggled when he’d said they’d keep the same arrangement when she answered the phone.

  ‘I’ll put my frilly dress on again and be your little college friend.’

  ‘Beth,’ Rose had clarified.

  ‘Yes,’ he’d said. ‘I’ll be Beth.’

  As she hopped from the bus now, she thought about how to broach the subject of changing her date with Gareth.

  Truthfully, she wasn’t in the least bit fussed about going to Cassie’s house on Friday evening. She’d thrown these so-called ‘drinks parties’ before and they were boring as hell unless you got wasted, which Rose never did.

  Still, she felt guilty pulling out at such short notice because she’d already made a commitment to her friend.

  She felt sure Gareth would understand.

  20

  SIXTEEN YEARS EARLIER

  Gareth rang at the agreed time and Rose told him about the mix-up in plans right at the beginning of the call.

  ‘What do you mean, you want to rearrange?’

  ‘It’s not that I want to,’ she faltered. Her parents were both next door in the living room so she had to be mindful of her words but luckily the television was blaring. ‘I’d forgotten I’d promised to go round to Cassie’s house as her mum is away for the night.’

  ‘I see,’ Gareth remarked dryly. ‘And I suppose you’ve been worrying about what you’re going to tell your dad about our date, too.’

  ‘Well… yes.’ Rose felt quite relieved he’d managed to work out excuses were difficult for her. ‘That’s true. Even so, Cassie will be annoyed if I let her down.’

  ‘I can understand you preferring to see your friend than come out with me,’ he said tightly. ‘I suppose there’s nothing I can do about that but just be careful is my advice, Rosie.’

  ‘Careful?’

  ‘I know you and Cassie are good friends but think about it; a good friend wouldn’t stand in the way of someone they cared about like this.’ He sighed. ‘If you ask me, she’s just jealous that you’ve met someone who actually cares about you. Just be careful she doesn’t try to ruin things between us, that’s all.’

  He sounded really fed up and Rose felt terrible. ‘I don’t think she’d do that, she’s pleased for me, but I’m really sorry I’ve disappointed you, I—’

  ‘I just wish I hadn’t turned down the chance of a weekend in London.’

  ‘London?’

  ‘Yes, some friends of mine are leaving Friday lunchtime for a jaunt to London. Usually I’d be the first in line but I didn’t hesitate in turning this trip down. Seeing you was easily my first choice. Never mind.’

  ‘Oh!’

  ‘You mustn’t feel bad, Rose, I understand,’ he said kindly. ‘I suppose we’ll still see each other around the village sometime this week and I hope you’ll still help out with the project soon.’

  Rose thought about what a lovely time they’d had on their dates together and how, up until meeting Gareth, she’d just hung out at Cassie’s house every weekend to get out of the house. Bored to death and watching reruns of the Simpsons on television. Was she mad, even considering cancelling their plans?

  It was starting to sound as if this upset might change things between them.

  ‘Please, just forget I said anything,’ Rose said, feeling suddenly resolved.

  ‘It’s fine. I don’t want to force you to spend the evening with me, if you’d prefer to be in Cassie’s company,’ he said firmly. ‘I understand you want to see your friend.’

  ‘But I don’t prefer her!’ Rose bit her lip and lowered her voice to little more than a whisper. ‘I’ve realised that now. I’d much rather see you.’

  ‘And what about your old man?’

  ‘Don’t worry about him,’ she said. ‘I’ll think of something.’

  On Thursday, Rose smiled to herself as she got off her bus and began the walk home.

  It was hard to believe that, in the space of just two days, her life had turned completely on its head in a good way. Previously boring days and nights were now full of expectation and excitement for what the future might hold with Gareth.

  It had been a bit tricky for her today at college, telling Cassie she couldn’t make it after all on Friday evening.

  ‘Huh! Nice to know you’re ditching me already.’ Cassie pressed too hard while shading and snapped the pastel crayon she held.

  ‘Cassie, that’s not it at all,’ Rose told her. ‘I just made a mistake double booking, that’s all, and now Gareth has cancelled a weekend in London because he’s supposed to be seeing me.’

  ‘Bully for Gareth,’ Cassie mumbled.

  Rose looked at the top of her head as she bent closer to her drawing pad. She was pretending to be absorbed in her artwork but Rose could tell it was a smokescreen so she didn’t have to look at her.

  Maybe Gareth was right after all and Cassie really was jealous of them being together.

  ‘Boo!’

  Rose squealed as someone jumped out from nowhere when she neared the house.

  ‘Billy!’ Her hand flew over her heart. ‘I’ve told you time and time again not to do that. You’ll give me a flipping heart attack.’

  ‘Fancy a game of cards?’ he asked as they walked around the back of the house.

  ‘I’ve only just this minute got home, Billy,’ Rose said, sighing. ‘And I’ve got to—’

  ‘But you said we could do stuff together tonight,’ Billy whined.

  ‘And we can,’ Rose said, cleverly covering up the fact she’d completely forgotten about her earlier promise to her brother. ‘Have you thought about what you’d like to do yet?’

  ‘Well, we can’t play Monopoly because Dad’s busy in the living room,’ Billy frowned.

  ‘Busy with what?’

  ‘Dunno. He’s talking to someone in there.’ Billy shrugged. ‘Mum said I can’t go in.’

  ‘Well, we could set the game up on the kitchen table,’ Rose suggested. ‘After tea though, or we’ll get in Mum’s way. I’ve got a bit of college work I need to do first, anyhow.’

  Stella was in the kitchen rolling out pastry when Rose walked in the back door.

  ‘Hello, love,’ she said, wiping her brow with the back of a floury hand. ‘Good day?’

  ‘Yes, thanks, Mum.’ She nodded towards the closed living room door. ‘What’s Dad up to in there?’

  Stella smiled. ‘He said to send you through when you get back.’

  ‘Can I go in too?’ Billy piped up.

  ‘No, Billy,’ Stella said firmly. ‘Just Rose.’

  The boy scowled and sat down heavily on a rickety stool in the corner.

  ‘Who’s Dad talking to?’ Rose asked again.

  ‘I’m not sure exactly, love. Just get yourself in there.’

  Rose slipped off her trainers and left her canvas college bag at the bottom of the stairs. She stood listening for a moment, trying to identify the muted voices to no avail.

  When she pushed open the door, Billy slipped into the room behind her but she barely noticed.

  Rose caught her breath when her eyes settled on her father’s visitor.

  21

 
SIXTEEN YEARS EARLIER

  ‘There you are!’ Ray announced and both men stood up. ‘Gareth, this is my daughter, Rose.’

  Gareth stepped forward and held out his hand.

  ‘Hi Rose, Gareth Farnham. Nice to meet you.’ His eyes drilled into hers, dancing with mischief. ‘Your dad’s been telling me what a brilliant artist you are.’

  Her dad had actually said something nice about her?

  Rose’s face flamed. Her whole body felt as if it was overheating. How could it be that Gareth was here? He knew where she lived – of course he did because he’d walked her home enough times – but…

  ‘Where are your manners, Rose?’ her father asked sharply. ‘Cat got your tongue?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Rose said softly, reaching for Gareth’s hand. His fingers closed firmly around hers and he gave her hand a tight, meaningful squeeze and a surreptitious wink.

  Billy stepped forward and pointed at Gareth. ‘Hey, Rose. Isn’t that the—’

  ‘Billy!’ Rose said sharply, realising in an instant that Billy had clearly remembered he’d spotted the two of them together at the top of the street just a couple of days ago. ‘You’re not supposed to be in here. Go and help Mum set the table for tea.’

  Billy slunk out of the room. Rose was relieved to see her father hadn’t seemed to notice the implication behind Billy’s words.

  ‘Gareth’s involved in the new regeneration scheme, Rose. The one in the paper last week,’ her father said brightly. ‘They’re looking for experienced villagers to help them out and apparently my name has been mentioned.’

  Rose looked at her father’s flushed, hopeful expression and something pulled tight inside her chest.

  ‘Good news, eh, Rose? I can hardly believe it.’

  ‘That’s really great news, Dad,’ she replied, without looking at Gareth.

  ‘I’ve explained to your dad, it’ll be on a volunteer basis at first,’ Gareth said smoothly. ‘But we’ll be expanding quickly once we get going and there’ll definitely be some paid positions we’ll need to fill in the future.’