The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction
Page 9
Reference: Anonymous
Reader Comments
“I told you that dancing was evil!”
“A nearly fatal case of the clap.”
At-Risk Survivor: Cats Land on All Fours
Unconfirmed
Featuring work, vehicles, and gravity
8 MAY 2008, CALIFORNIA | Twenty-four-year-old Andrew, an operator for a gravel company, did not intend to perform a death-defying stunt with a forty-ton construction machine. He was only trying to free a bulldozer stuck atop a fifty-foot-high pile of dirt that it had been pushing. Despite several better options, Andrew decided to pull the stuck machine backward with an old front-end Caterpillar loader.
Driving up a dirt ramp at a forty-degree angle is nerve-racking enough without doing so knowing that your vehicle’s brakes are inoperable and in need of repair. The operator in question knew that when he decided to use the machine to free the ’dozer, something he should not have been doing with any loader under any circumstance. To compound the risk, Andrew decided to improve traction by loading the Caterpillar’s bucket with dirt to give it more weight.
At the top of the hill, Andrew did as he was trained: He took his foot off the throttle and hit the button to engage the parking brake—forgetting that, on CAT loaders, setting the parking brake automatically puts the transmission in neutral. He unfastened his seat belt and began to exit the loader, which was imperceptibly rolling backward.
When Andrew noticed, he jumped back into the cab and hit the brake pedal, but nothing happened. The loader continued downhill.
Beyond the edge of the property was a steep drop down to the next property. A five-foot dirt berm protected the edge so trucks would not accidentally drive off the cliff. At twenty-five mph, this berm did little to slow forty tons of rolling steel and dirt, but it did give the loader a good launching height. In a stunt that would make Evel Knievel sweat, the machine careened up the berm and launched into the air, clearing the cliff and landing on the adjacent property thirty-five feet below and fifty feet away.
Andrew was thrown through the rear windshield and onto the engine compartment. Miraculously the loader landed on all four tires, and he was able to walk away with just a few cuts and bruises. Looking back at the incident, Andrew laughs and says he proved that a CAT always lands on all fours.
Reference: Pending OSHA Report
SCIENCE INTERLUDE LEFT BEHIND: VESTIGIAL STRUCTURES
By Stephanie Pappas
The human appendix is as active as a drowned worm. Just three or four inches long, this dead-end tube dangles off the large intestine in the lower right side of the abdomen. If you were born without one, you will likely never know. Surgically remove it, and you’ll carry on eating and excreting without a hitch. Charles Darwin himself declared the thing “useless.”
Vestigial structures—body parts that have lost their original function but linger on in a rudimentary form—are everywhere. One species diverges from another and no longer needs those pesky gills, extra teeth, or that third eyelid, but the developmental pathways that build those structures soldier on. Unless the vestigial bits and pieces actively harm an organism’s chances for procreation, they simply stick around.
Charles Darwin himself declared the appendix “useless.”
Whale Legs, Pili, and Pinnae
Vestigiality explains weird stuff like whales with leg bones under their blubber, and blind cave fish that form embryonic eyes only to have those eyes collapse and vanish before the fish hatch. We humans experience the effects of evolutionary leftovers every time we feel the prickle of gooseflesh. When we’re cold or scared, tiny erector pili muscles at the base of each hair follicle snap to attention, and—BAM—goose bumps. It’s a nice reflex if you’re a German Shepherd, but doesn’t do much for Homo sapiens.
The erector pili is not the only body part whose heyday has passed. Certain small muscles in our forearms and feet are vestigial remnants of larger muscles that helped our ancestors swing on branches. Wisdom teeth are a reminder of a time when jaws were larger and teeth more likely to need replacing. Muscles around our ears helped a long-ago ancestor swivel the organs toward faint sounds, but today they’re useful only for the occasional ear-wiggling party trick.
Ear muscles are today useful only for party tricks.
Peer Into the Past
While vestigial structures are a fine tool for evolutionary biologists trying to tease out the connections between species, if you really want to understand our ancestry, it’s best to peer into the genome itself.
As it turns out, that genome is a messy place full of evolutionary leftovers.
Our DNA is a hodgepodge of mutations, recombinations, and genetic cut-and-paste. Among the remnants of this process are pseudogenes, which resemble functional genes but don’t code for proteins the way functional genes should. Some pseudogenes are broken pieces of genes that have since vanished—no functional versions are found. Other pseudogenes are old copies of genes that have evolved into newer, functional versions. These “backup copies” are a snapshot of what once was.
Pseudogenes are fossils of old DNA that show us what once was.
Pseudogenes are a big chunk of our genome: We have an estimated 25,000 protein-coding genes and 20,000 pseudogenes. Pseudogenes are almost as common as genes!
Pseudogenes and the Blight of Scurvy
Pseudogenes provide a fossil record of how the modern genome came to be. Here’s an example:
Most animals make their own vitamin C. Humans cannot. We have to eat vitamin C-rich food or suffer the blight of scurvy.
Scientists traced this human disease to a single pseudogene, the broken remains of a gene that once enabled our ancestors to synthesize vitamin C. Pretty neat, huh? They found the fossil remains of the very gene that enabled our furry forefathers to synthesize vitamin C. The gene stopped working approximately 40 million years ago; since then its pseudogene fossil has been perched on chromosome 8, quietly accumulating random mutations.
At the time we lost the vitamin C gene, any individual that avoided vitamin C-rich foods such as citrus would die. That’s what happens when natural selection is operating on a species: A large number of people without the necessary gene or attribute die before they can reproduce. All surviving animals were genetically wired (and perhaps culturally inclined) to eat juicy oranges and pineapple and tomatoes and so forth.
Retired Pseudogene Caught Working
It’s not easy to be sure that a gene is inactive. Some so-called pseudogenes are actually pretty busy. Research in pond snails and mice shows that some stretches of DNA formerly labeled pseudogenes are actually transcribed into RNA that regulates their protein counterparts. One of these was discovered accidentally in the course of genetically engineering lab mice.
Researchers inserted a gene sequence into a mouse pseudogene (Makorin1-p1) intended as a control—a blank—nothing should happen. But to the scientists’ surprise, the resulting babies died, for the most part. The few survivors displayed terrible deformities: Bones cells were laid out wrong, leading to weak and brittle skeletons. Multiple cysts grew on their kidneys and livers. And they had skin defects—for instance, the epithelium that covers the embryos’ eyes didn’t form properly, so their eyes were open in the womb.
Why was the disruption of the pseudogene so catastrophic?
Recall that a gene is a sequence of DNA, and its DNA is transcribed into many RNA copies, which are templates for building a protein. Knocking out the pseudogene is catastrophic, the researcher hypothesized, because the pseudogene is still being transcribed into RNA but the cell does not use it to build a protein. Instead, the pseudogene RNA seems to stabilize the transcription of the nearby working gene (aptly named Makorin1). Knocking out the stabilizing pseudogene impairs the mouse’s ability to make the Makorin1 protein.
Darwin himself noted that a vestigial structure could be useless for its primary anatomical function, but retain a secondary anatomical role. Makorin1-p1 is the broken remnant of a once-fu
nctional gene, but it is not a dead fossil. It now acts as a regulator of its more evolved offspring, Makorin1. In both mice and primates, other “pseudogenes” have been caught making RNA , and presumably some of them have similar regulatory effects.
Worn Out or Working?
“Rudimentary for one, even the more important . . . perfectly efficient for the other.” —Darwin
The debate over what structures are actually vestigial is not new. In fact, Darwin theorized on a dozen human vestigialities, including muscles of the ear, wisdom teeth, the appendix, the tail bone, body hair, and the semilunar fold in the corner of the eye in The Descent of Man, 1871.
Twenty-two years later, anatomist Robert Wiedersheim counted 83 vestigial structures, a figure that swelled to 180 during sworn testimony at the 1925 Scopes Monkey Trial. Vestigial structures are literally “evidence” of evolution! Some of the structures on that list are still considered vestigial, like our ear wigglers. Others, like the pituitary gland, have turned out to be very useful indeed, at least if you like your endocrine system in working condition.
Evidence of a use for something once considered worthless is always cause for excitement, even celebration, in laboratories. Remember the appendix, poster child for vestigial structures? True, it no longer does the tasks that a herbivore’s appendix tackles. In koalas, for example, the organ is enormous and helps digest fibrous plant matter. But the fleshy tube may have a secondary use9 as a holding pen for beneficial bacteria. The walls of the human appendix are coated in bacterial biofilms, and when sanitation is poor, the appendix can store and protect these good bacteria through bouts of diarrhea.
The benefits of an appendix that stores good bacteria may be merely a happy side effect of an otherwise vestigial organ.
If the appendix, or a pseudogene, or even those silly ear-wiggling muscles turn out to be more useful than we suspected, it won’t be an unprecedented discovery. Perhaps the leg bones of whales now serve as diving ballast. After all, evolution recycles. The broken bodies of former genes are ripe for reuse, and obsolete organs can be molded for new work.
As we dig deeper into answering “What does that thing do?” we uncover not only new questions, but also elegant new chains linking us to our evolutionary heritage.
CHAPTER 5
EXPLOSIONS: TICKING TIME BOMB
“Viva la muerte!”
Boom! Bang! Whoosh . . . ! Boys love toys that go boom, and true to form, we present myriad tales of bomb botches, dynamite disasters, carbide calamities, tobacco tragedies, and fuel fiascos. By some fluke, many explosions were not eternal rest bringers . . . this time!
Payback • Dynamite Rancher • Carbidschieten ● A Really Bad
Commute • Anchors Away! • Killer Fuel Economy • Mortar Fire •
A Cushioned Blow • Homemade Howitzer • Nitrating the
Unknown • Against the Odds • Caps’n’Hammer Kid •
The Mettle of the Kettle • Boom Boom Bees
Darwin Award Winner: Payback
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring criminals, money, and an explosion
“Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and Friend.”
—Polonius, in Hamlet
27 DECEMBER 2008, SERBIA | Wanted in Croatia for murder and robbery of a post office, twenty-three-year-old Strahinja R. had good reason to leave the country. Fortunately for him, even bad guys have good friends. Aided and abetted by a friend who lent him 15,000 euros, Strahinja jumped the border and fled to Serbia, successfully evading prosecution.
Some loans can never be repaid. This was such a loan. Finding himself unable to earn or steal the funds needed to reimburse his benefactor, Strahinja attempted to end the matter in another way—by murdering him.
He crawled under his “friend’s” Jeep to plant a powerful Repayment-brand explosive. However, the muffler was still hot, and the heat set off the bomb while Strahinja was beneath the vehicle. He died in the hospital in the capital city of Belgrade, vividly illustrating the truth of Shakespeare’s warning, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”
Reference: SETimes.com, eupm.org, tportal.hr
Even bad guys have good friends.
Darwin Award Winner: Dynamite Rancher
Confirmed by Darwin
Gun + dynamite = explosion
8 MAY 2009, UTAH | Fifty-nine-year-old Brent L. found a suspicious stash of dynamite in a shed on his five-thousand-acre ranch, located three miles south of the ATK Thiokol testing area where booster rockets for the space shuttle are designed. Details about this stash are scarce. Did it belong on the ranch? Was it hidden by thieves? Is it coincidence that the ranch is close to ATK Thiokol Ground Zero? Chief Deputy Potter said, “Whether the dynamite was his or whatever, that’s yet to be determined.”
Whatever its origins, the rancher was alarmed. He had good reason to worry. Old dynamite starts to sweat nitroglycerine, and once it starts it is unstable and can pop anytime. This well-known fact was surely known by the rancher. Fortunately the dynamite was not an old, sweating pile of unstableness. This stash of flash was something he felt he could deal with on his own.
“This stash of flash was something he could deal with on his own.”
Concerned for his family’s safety—but his own, not so much—the rancher removed the dynamite from the shed, placed it in a field of knee-high grass, grabbed his shotgun, and backed away about forty yards. One would like to think that he stopped to consider his next action, but the evidence suggests otherwise. He aimed and fired. Guess what?
The dynamite exploded! Shrapnel hit the rancher squarely in the head. The man was airlifted to the hospital, where he passed away.
Oddly enough, the Box County Sheriff’s office refused to confirm the circumstances, saying they were “still looking into it” and the dynamite exploded “for some reason.” But the first medical teams on the scene reported that the man shot the dynamite from forty yards. And, frankly, a man oughtn’ta.
Reference: Ogden Standard-Examiner, Deseret News,
The Tremonton Leader, standard.net
Reader Comment
“What gets into a guy’s head to make him shoot at a high explosive . . . I guess the answer is shrapnel.”
Darwin Award Winner: Carbidschieten
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring holiday explosions
1 JANUARY 2010, THE NETHERLANDS | Every now and then a completely new window into the world opens before our eyes. Here we have rural Dutch families enjoying their traditional winter sport, carbidschieten, or carbide shooting. This diversion involves a ridiculously dangerous machine akin to a potato gun, designed to hurl projectiles from the mouth of a metal milk can.
Carbide shooting, that wacky Dutch New Year’s celebration, begins with moistening calcium carbide (Ca2C) and placing it in a large milk container. The damp Ca2C emits acetylene (C2H2) gas that builds up inside the closed container. Then a spark is supplied, causing the pressurized gas bomb to blow the lid (or packing) off the milk jug.
Our nominee, a fifty-four-year-old male, was having the time of his life—right up until the moment he poured a container filled with liquid oxygen over a fire to “flare it up.” The container obligingly exploded. He cashed in his chips, having ended with a flair.
Reference: www.nu.nl
Reader Comment
“Proof that Dutch should stick with gasification instead of trying oxyfuel.”
At-Risk Survivor: A Really Bad Commute
Confirmed by Darwin
Featuring an explosion, work, and do-it-yourself
AUGUST 2008, THE NETHERLANDS | A thirty-three-year-old man was carpooling to work in Hindeloopen when he mentioned to his colleagues that he was carrying a self-made bomb. The driver immediately stopped the car and ejected the lunatic.
Outside the car, the lunatic—er, bomb maker—tried to disarm the device in an attempt to wheedle his way back into the vehicle. There was nothing to fear, everything was perfectly safe .
. . until the bomb builder crossed the detonator wires. The dastardly device exploded, blasting away several of his nonvital body parts.
Police describe the hapless carpool driver as “shaken but unharmed.” The bomber could be described as “shaken and unarmed.”
Reference: spitsnieuws.nl
Reader Comments
“Disarmed.”
“The malice of inanimate objects!”
“That was a really bad commute!”
At-Risk Survivor: Anchors Aweigh!
Unconfirmed
AUGUST 2006, KARELIA, RUSSIA | Shiver me timbers! A man SIA | Shiver me timbers! A man from Logmozero, a village located on a lake of the same name in northwestern Russia, was brought to the attention of police when concerned neighbors realized he was using a World War II aviation bomb as an anchor for his boat. Bomb experts said the twenty-five-kilogram curiosity was in working order and easily could have been triggered by an incautious action—such as weighing anchor—sending shrapnel flying five hundred meters from the epicenter. The detonator was missing and a metal hook had been hammered into the device by the owner, so that he could attach an anchor chain to it!