The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction

by Wendy Northcutt

  Cassandra Brooks (author of “Batty Behavior”) grew up in the woods of New England, perpetually doing ecological experiments. She loved collecting little critters from the rivers, ponds, and tide pools, investigating under what conditions they lived or died (sorry, little water striders). She was equally fond of writing it all down in her journal and sharing with her sisters and friends. After completing a Master’s in marine science, studying Antarctic toothfish—one of two species better known as “Chilean Sea Bass” (“Don’t eat it!”)—she went back to school for science writing, finally finding a way to merge science and outreach. Her essay, while outside her field of study, is a window into a topic she’s long found fascinating. “Really, don’t we all?”

  Alice Cascorbi (author of “Why Bother with Sex?”) is a 1995 graduate of the UCSC graduate program in science writing. Her mostly academic interest in the evolution of sex was sparked by her 1988 BA thesis on that topic at Carleton College. After college, she spent several years exploring a variety of jobs in the life sciences—from sequencing oat DNA, to working as a veterinary assistant, to burning prairies for The Nature Conservancy. As of this spring, she is “all but revision” on an MS in Conservation Biology from the University of Minnesota. Before going freelance, she worked for five years at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, writing about conservation for their website and researching sustainable seafood for the Seafood Watch Program. Ecology and cooking have been two of her chief interests throughout life. When she is not writing, she enjoys mushroom hunting and organic gardening. She lives in Portland, Oregon, with her beloved husband and two Maine Coon cats.

  Alison Davis (author of “RNAi: Interference by Mother Nature”) is a proud banana slug alumna of the University of California, Santa Cruz Science Communication program. She has a PhD in pharmacology from Georgetown University and did postdoctoral research in developmental biology at Stanford. A lover of science and words, Alison feeds her passions for both as a freelance writer covering Washington, D.C., where science and policy intrigue are in abundant supply. She lives near Baltimore with six males: one husband, two sons, two Australian cattle dogs, and a guinea pig.

  Jennie Dusheck (author of “The Reproductive Lottery”) is a freelance science writer and author of an award-winning college-level general biology textbook, with degrees in ecology and zoology. She lives in Santa Cruz, California, with her family. “My two teenage sons are big fans.” Her past research life includes pursuits as disparate as analyzing the diets of free-range dairy cattle (by looking at the stomach contents of cows) to writing the protocol for a NASA Space Shuttle experiment that sent frog embryos into space. Now living on semirural property, she spends a lot of time thinking about drainage. Her essay, which could not be included in this book due to space limitation, can be found at www.DarwinAwards.com/science/lottery.html

  After receiving an astrophysics degree, Adam Mann (author of “Quorum Sensing: Secret Language of Bacteria”) joined the science writing program at UC Santa Cruz. He finds that contemplating both the cosmos and bacterial life on earth provides the same feeling: personal insignificance. He enjoys music, language, technology, and fine cheeses.

  Jane Palmer (author of “Rapid Evolution”) is a transplant from England who has a doctorate in computational molecular biology and a passion for climbing rocks. She lives in Boulder, Colorado, with her Scottish husband, Gareth, and her American daughter, Iona. They spend endless hours arguing over who belongs to the superior race. Iona always wins despite her small skull.

  Stephanie Pappas (author of “Left Behind: Vestigial Structures”) is a freelance science writer. She has a degree in psychology from the University of South Carolina and a certificate in science communication from the University of California, Santa Cruz, both institutions known for their dignified mascots (a chicken and a slug, respectively). Her favorite subjects to write about are brains, cephalopods, mummies, and medicine; one day, she’ll write an article about the medical implications of a mummified cephalopod brain and retire happy. Stephanie lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two very demanding guinea pigs.

  Kristin Sainani (author of “DNA Fossils: The Evolution of HIV”) is a freelance science writer and a health columnist for Allure magazine. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, where she teaches doctors how to write clearly and use statistics wisely. She enjoys long-distance running and hanging out with her husband and toddler.

  Chandra Shekhar (author of “Evolving Cancer”) turned to a career in writing after more than a decade as a scientist, and later as an entrepreneur. Although he is trained in computer science and engineering, Chandra ends up writing mostly about the life sciences. He enjoys reading Somerset Maugham, P. G. Wodehouse, Jane Austen, and other British writers, and fantasizes about writing a best-selling novel.

  Mike Wall (author of “The Mystery of Super-toxic Snake Venoms”) has been both a science writer and a scientist, with research interests in snake and lizard evolution and the conservation of reptiles and amphibians. He has chased down, grabbed, and been bitten by many squirmy, scaly creatures—but nothing nearly as scary as a mamba.

  The Darwin Awards website was born on a Stanford University web-server in 1994. Its cynical view of the human species made it a favorite speaker in classrooms, offices, and pubs around the world. The website won dozens of Internet awards, and now ranks among the top ten thousand most-visited websites. It currently entertains a million visitors per month in its comfortable Santa Cruz home. The Darwin Awards hosts a community of free thinkers who enjoy philosophical, political, and scientific conversations. Guests are welcome to launch fireworks, bounce on the trampoline, and spin a flaming hula hoop.

  STORY INDEX

  A Clear Lesson (At-Risk Survivor)

  A Cushioned Blow (At-Risk Survivor)

  A Drilliant Idea (At-Risk Survivor)

  A Really Bad Commute (At-Risk Survivor)

  A Screw Loose (Darwin Award Winner)

  A Shoe-In Winner (Darwin Award Winner)

  Against the Odds (At-Risk Survivor)

  Agua Ski Calamity (At-Risk Survivors)

  airplane

  aluminum, extraction

  An Illuminating Story (Darwin Award Winner)

  An Un-Fun Whirlwind (At-Risk Survivor)

  Anchors Aweigh! (At-Risk Survivor)

  animal, crocodile

  animal, deer

  animal, dog

  animal, liger

  animal, lion

  animal, raccoon

  animal, rattlesnake

  balloons, helium

  bath

  Battered Sausages (At-Risk Survivor)

  Batty Behavior (Science Interlude)

  Beach Getaway (Darwin Award Winner)

  Bench Press (At-Risk Survivor)

  Birch Slapped (At-Risk Survivor)

  Bitter Biter Bit a Nitwit (Urban Legend)

  Blast from the Past (At-Risk Survivor)

  bomb, antique

  bomb, homemade

  bomb, stolen

  Boom Boom Bees (At-Risk Survivor)

  Bricks in the Head (Darwin Award Winner)

  cannon (homemade)

  Caps’n’Hammer Kids (At-Risk Survivor)

  Carbidschieten (Darwin Award Winner)

  Cats Land on All Fours (At-Risk Survivor)

  Christmas Light Zinger (At-Risk Survivor)

  Chutes and Spills (At-Risk Survivor)

  Clap-Clap-Clap Your Hands (At-Risk Survivor)

  Claude François, French rock star

  Coffee Can of Water (At-Risk Survivor)

  commute

  criminal, drug addict

  criminal, insurance scam

  criminal, joy-riding drunks

  criminal, murderer

  criminal, thief

  criminal, vandal

  Crushing Debt (Double Darwin Award Winner)

  demolition

  distracted driving

  DNA Fossils : The Evolution of HIV (Science Interlude)
/>   dog (Doberman)

  Double Dip (Darwin Award Winner)

  Double Parking (Double Darwin Award Winner)

  Doublemint Dumb Chewing Gum (Darwin Award Winner)

  Down in the Dumps (At-Risk Survivor)

  Duct Don’t (At-Risk Survivor)

  dust devil, monster

  Dying to Go (Darwin Award Winner)

  Dynamite Rancher (Darwin Award Winner)

  Electric Bathtub Blues (Darwin Award Winner, Historic)

  electric fence

  electricity

  Jacuzzi

  kitchen mixer

  toilet

  Epitaph—She Liked Feathers (Darwin Award Winner)

  Evolving Cancer (Science Interlude)

  explosion

  ATM

  bees

  blasting cap

  dynamite

  fireworks

  gasoline

  gum

  lighter fuel

  liquid oxygen

  M-80

  mattress

  natural gas

  oxy-acetylene

  propane cylinder

  spray paint

  explosion, tequila

  varnish

  washing machine

  white gas

  FAQ

  father, car mechanic

  father, firecrackers

  father, Ph.D. genius

  father, The Cook

  father, The Tinker

  father, whale researcher

  feather (feather, not father!)

  feces

  fire

  Flying Door (At-Risk Survivor)

  food, cake

  food, coconut

  food, cucumber

  food, fruitcake

  food, gum

  Fool’s Gold (Darwin Award Winner)

  Glacier Erasure (Darwin Award Winner)

  glass doors

  gonads

  stuck in a pipe

  stuck in a urinal

  stuck in a vase

  gravity

  and a feather

  and a tunnel

  and dirt

  gum, chewing

  gun, cannon

  gun, fight

  gun, howitzer

  gun, putty bullets

  Hard Science, with Zombies ! (At-Risk Survivor)

  Herschel the Doberman (At-Risk Survivor)

  holiday, Christmas

  holiday, Fourth of July

  holiday, Mother’s Day

  holiday, New Year’s

  homemade, anchor

  homemade, bomb

  homemade, cannon

  homemade, green vehicle

  Homemade Howitzer (At-Risk Survivor)

  Hot Buns (At-Risk Survivor)

  ICanSayIToldYouSo (At-Risk Survivor)

  icebergs!

  insurance

  It ’s the Cure That’ll Kill You (At-Risk Survivor)

  Killer Fuel Economy (Merits Discussion)

  Killer Ser ve (At-R isk Survivor)

  Left Behind: Vestigial Structures (Science Interlude)

  Locker Room Humor (At-Risk Survivor)

  Low-Flying Drunks (Double Darwin Award Winner)

  Man Meets Manure (Darwin Award Winner)

  mattress

  Medieval Mayhem (At-Risk Survivor)

  Meet the Author (At-Risk Survivor)

  military, free time

  military, sentry duty

  Missed (But Not Missed By) the Bus (Darwin Award Winner)

  Mock Death (Darwin Award Winner)

  Mortar Fire (At-Risk Survivor)

  Motorized Bar Stool (At-Risk Survivor)

  Mr. Tinker (At-Risk Survivor)

  Muffled Explosion (Darwin Award Winner)

  My Father, the Ph.D. (At-Risk Survivor)

  Mystery of Super-Toxic Snake Venom (Science Interlude)

  Ninja Deer Hunter (At-Risk Survivor)

  Ninja Wannabe (At-Risk Survivor)

  Nitrating the Unknown (At-Risk Survivor)

  Not Even Half-Baked (At-Risk Survivor)

  Not Fast Enough Food (Darwin Award Winner)

  One Foot in the Pool (Darwin Award Winner)

  One-Track Mind (Darwin Award Winner)

  oven

  microwave

  shrink wrap

  toaster

  Padre Baloneiro—Balloon Priest (Double Darwin Award Winner)

  Painkiller (Darwin Award Winner)

  paint, spray can

  parachute

  Payback (Darwin Award Winner)

  Pill Pusher (At-Risk Survivor)

  Pillar of Strength (Darwin Award Winner)

  Pipe Cleaner (At-Risk Survivor)

  plastic wrap, weight loss

  Poor Decision on a Major Scale (Darwin Award Winner)

  Popsicle (At-Risk Survivor)

  priest, Catholic

  Project Steve (Science Interlude)

  Putting the Pain in Propane (At-Risk Survivors)

  Putty Bullet (At-Risk Survivor)

  Quorum Sensing: Secret Language (Science Interlude)

  Race to the Bottooommm (Darwin Award Winner)

  Rapid Evolution (Science Interlude)

  RNAI: Interference by Mother Nature (Science Interlude)........

  Rub the Mint (Darwin Award Winner)

  safety inspector

  Saw It Coming! (Merits Discussion)

  SCA, Society for Creative Anachronism

  Sentry Duty (At-Risk Survivor)

  Sex on the Brain (Science Interlude)

  She Talks Faster Than She Walks (Darwin Award Winner)

  Shocking Rappel (At-Risk Survivor)

  Shockingly Conductive (At-Risk Survivor)

  Short Circuit (Darwin Award Winner)

  Single Bud Vase (At-Risk Survivor)

  Sky Rider (At-Risk Survivor)

  Sky Surfer (Darwin Award Winner)

  Sparkleberry Lane (Darwin Award Winner)

  Spin Cycle (At-Risk Survivor)

  sport, bodysurfing

  sport, “controlled” rock slide

  sport, digging holes

  sport, hunting

  sport, jumping in a dust devil

  sport, kite boarding

  sport, ninja

  sport, pull-ups

  sport, rappel

  sport, skiing

  sport, street skating

  sport, swimming

  sport, tennis

  student, frat boys

  student, camping trip

  student, chemistry

  student, just graduated

  student, summer job

  Survival Tips

  Taser, first aid

  teacher, aviation electronics

  Teeming With Crocodiles (Darwin Award Winner)

  Tennessee Pee (Darwin Award Winner)

  The Great Fruitcake Incident (At-Risk Survivor)

  The Mane Attraction (At-Risk Survivor)

  The Mettle of the Kettle (At-Risk Survivor)

  theft, deterrent

  toilet, jailhouse

  toilet, mid-air

  toilet, woods

  tool, air compressor

  tool, chainsaw

  tool, drill

  tool, GPS

  tool, hammer

  tool, shovel

  tool, washing machine

  tool, wrench

  tornado, monster dust devil

  transportation, balloon

  transportation, by kite

  transportation, plane

  transportation, ski boat

  transportation, tornado

  tree, and fish

  tree, and power lines

  tree, dead

  tree, safety

  urine, mid-air

  vehicle, bar stool

  vehicle, bus

  vehicle, Caterpillar

  vehicle, demolition

  vehicle, dragster

  vehicle, electrified car

  vehicle, fun and games

  vehicle, moped

&nbs
p; vehicle, natural gas

  vehicle, one car crash

  vehicle, pickup truck

  vehicle, slow

  vehicle, subway train

  vehicle, tractor

  vehicle, train vs. sports car

  Volunteer “Fire” Man (At-Risk Sur vivor)

  washing machine

  wasps, “pissed off”

  water, crocodile-infested

  water, frigid

  water, rainstorm

  water, spillway

  water, swimming pool

  water, swollen creek

  Wetting the Bed (Darwin Award Winner)

  Wheel of Fortune (Darwin Award Winner)

  whirlwind, dust devil

  Why Bother With Sex? (Science Interlude)

  Why I’m the Last of Nine Children (Darwin Award Winner)

  woman

  and a crocodile

  and electricity

  falling

  late for bus

  late for work

  on a moped

  surfing

  Tasered

  Zap Car (Darwin Award Winner)

  zombies!

  LOCATION INDEX

  Australia

  Belgium