You and I Forever

by Melissa Toppen

  “We let go.” I say, letting out a long sigh. “We move on.”

  “Anna.” He starts but I turn and hold my hand to his lips, silencing him.

  “I know. It's just a house.” I say, smiling up at him. “And I'm okay with this. I'm good. Really I am. Patty wouldn't want me to sulk. She would want me to get back out there and pick my life back up and that is exactly what I am going to do.”

  “I'm happy to hear you say that because I was hoping maybe we could get away for a while.” He says, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear that has worked its way free of my messy bun.

  “What do mean?” I ask, not sure what he's getting at.

  “Things have been so crazy here recently and I just thought it might be nice for you and I to take a little trip. A couple weeks maybe, just to get away from everything and recoup.” He smiles sweetly down at me.

  “Are you sure you can get away from work for that long?” I ask, knowing how heavily his work weighs on him.

  “What is the point in working for yourself if you can't take time away when you need it?” He questions. “Besides, I have management in place for a reason and Shira will be available if something happens. She knows what to do and she can do it from Chicago.” He smiles. “So what do you say? Me, you, a secluded getaway?”

  “I think that sounds incredible.” I say, not missing the way his eyes light up at my words. I know he was expecting me to fight him on this but my days of fighting against him are over. I love this man, it's about time I start showing him just how much.

  “Where did you have in mind?” I tack on.

  “It's a surprise, but we will fly out first thing tomorrow morning.” He smiles when I narrow my eyes in on his face.

  “You're really not going to tell me?” My hands immediately go to my hips and I cock my head to the side.

  “Nope.” He shakes his head on a light laugh. “But I promise you, it will be exactly what we need.” He says, pulling me into his arms and wrapping them tightly around my body.

  “I have a favor first.” I say into his chest, not continuing until he drops his hold on me and steps back so that he can meet my gaze. “Can we stop in North Carolina?” I ask. “I want to visit my family.” I say, seeing the understanding in his eyes.

  “Of course.” He says, taking my hand in his.

  “Thank you.” I say, taking another look around the empty space, having trouble grasping how much things have changed and how quickly. “I think I'm ready.” I say, taking another deep breath as I look back up to Bentley. “I'm ready.” I say again.

  “Okay.” He says, giving me a warm smile. Crossing the room, he picks up the small box of things that I am taking with me and then turns back to face me. “I will wait for you in the car.” He says, throwing me one last glance before pushing his way outside and leaving me alone to say my last goodbyes.

  I walk through the space, my footsteps echoing off of the walls around me given the emptiness of the house. I walk down the hallway and peek into Patty's room, remembering all the times I have stepped inside this very room to be greeted by her warm smile. But she is no longer here and the room that once belonged to her is just as empty as I feel without her.

  Taking a deep breath, I close the door and then walk to my old room. Stepping inside the doorway, I try to remember every memory I have had here. The good, the bad. The low moments and the high ones. I can still see myself standing in this very space looking at myself in the mirror as I waited to meet Bentley for the first time. God, so much has happened since then. What I once thought would be a meaningless one night hookup has since turned into something I was completely unprepared for; love.

  Pulling the door closed behind me, I make my way back out into the living space, grabbing my purse from the floor before turning back around and taking one last look around the room. Like the first time I stepped into this house, I know that my life will never be the same again.

  Flipping off the light, I back out of the doorway and pull the door closed behind me. I wipe away the few tears that trickle down my cheeks and take another deep breath. “Goodbye.” I say aloud, before turning and making my way to Bentley's car.

  He smiles at me the moment I slide into the passenger seat and reaches for my hand. “Ready?” He asks, giving my fingers a tight squeeze.

  “Ready.” I breathe, watching the house disappear in the rear view mirror as we drive away, knowing full well it will probably be the last time I ever lay eyes on it again.

  Chapter

  Fourteen

  As we make our way through the old cemetery, I can't help but feel extremely guilty that this is the first time I have ever visited my family's graves. Granted, up to this point I haven't really had the means to do it but I wish I could have gotten here sooner. I guess after Patty, I just felt like this was something I needed.

  I scan each stone, not sure where exactly they are buried or what their headstones even look like for that matter. We have been walking for what feels like forever and honestly, I am starting to feel a bit restless. It isn't until Bentley slows next to me that I realize he must have spotted them.

  Turning my head towards him, I follow his line of sight to the back of the lot, immediately spotting three headstones all side by side, the name BLAKE carved beautifully into each one. Taking a deep breath, I follow Bentley towards the graves, not able to keep my hands from trembling slightly.

  It isn't until we actually step up in front of them that I realize the beautiful assortment of flowers that is arranged around each stone. Who would have done this? We have no family here anymore. No friends that I am aware of. Of course, there is still so very little I know about the life we lived here to know for sure.

  “I didn't know what kind of flowers they would like so I had them do a mixture.” Bentley's voice washes over me and I immediately turn wide eyes on him.

  “You did this?” I ask, completely stunned by the beautiful thought.

  “I knew you would probably want to bring something but I also knew we wouldn't be able to stop anywhere to get flowers so I called in an order last night.” He says, briefly meeting my gaze before turning back to the headstones in front of us.

  “Thank you.” I choke out, emotion thick in my throat.

  I turn back to the graves of my mother, father and little brother, taking a deep breath as I kneel down in front of the stone with my mother's name scrawled across it. Miranda Annabelle Blake. I didn't realize it until this very moment but my mother was only twenty-six years old when she died. I mean, I knew that of course, but it never really dawned on me until now. She was just four years older than I am right now. It seems unreal to imagine.

  “She was so young.” I say out loud, tracing her name with my fingertips. “Hi mom.” I say, adjusting a group of flowers to the side so that I can see her full stone. “Sorry it took me so long.” I say, jumping slightly when Bentley kneels down next to me, his hand settling on the small of my back.

  I smile weakly in his direction and then turn back to my mother's grave. “This is Bentley.” I say, not feeling the least bit silly that I am talking to a headstone like it's an actual person. “But I'm guessing you already knew that.” I laugh lightly at myself before turning to my father's grave.

  Joseph Ryan Blake scrawled across the front of his. Like my mother, he was also very young. Twenty-eight to be exact. “Hi daddy.” I say, looking between the two stones.

  “I'm going to give you a moment alone.” Bentley says, laying a kiss to my temple before standing. I hear his footsteps crunch against the fall leaves that cover the ground as he walks away. Waiting until his steps fade enough that I am sure he's out of earshot, I settle down onto the ground and cross my legs in front of myself.

  “I wish it hadn't taken me so long to visit. I know you understand and that you don't mind but I just wanted to apologize anyways.” I pause, picking at a few weeds that line the front of the stone.

  “The truth is, I don't know if you would actually understand
because I don't know anything about you. But I like to believe that I have an idea of what kind of parent's you were based on what little time we had together in this life. I want you to know that I love you. And you Bryson.” I say, turning to the small stone next to my parents.

  “I love you all very much and not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here to experience this wonderful life with me. Because it is wonderful. Wonderful and awful and happy and sad all mixed into one. But at the end of the day, I am so thankful to have been given the time I have been given on this earth. You died. All of you. But I lived. I like to think there was a reason for that. A reason beyond simply existing. Like maybe I survived because there is something I am meant to do.” I pause, looking up at the trees as a light breeze blows around me.

  Closing my eyes, I breathe in the fresh air deeply as my hair whips behind me. In this moment, I feel peace. It's strange and unsettling but beautiful at the same time. Like my parent's are trying to tell me that they are here, that they are listening.

  “I want you to know that I am going to be okay. Tell Patty that too, okay. And Grandma. Tell them all, that because of them, because of you, I am going to go on to live an amazing life. A life that would not have been possible without any of you. I love you. I love all of you...... So much.” I say, taking a deep breath before pushing myself into a stand.

  Kissing the palm of my hand, I lay it flat against my mother's name, hoping that in some weird way she can feel me here. Moving to the next stone, I repeat the process and lay my hand against my father's name. And then I do the same to Bryson's, managing to hold back my welling tears as I look over his stone, remembering the small baby from the pictures of my childhood. The small baby that never got to experience life, that never got to live.

  He will never have a first day of school, a first crush, a first kiss. He will never fall in love or get married or have children of his own one day. He was robbed of life before his even started. In a way, I guess I am living for both of us now.

  Taking one last look over the stones and the beautiful flowers that Bentley had delivered, I feel more connected to my past, to my family, than I ever have before. I needed this. I needed this moment to find closure from something I have carried with me for the last eighteen years. I needed to say the goodbye I wasn't capable of saying at the young age of four. The goodbye that I am saying now.

  Turning, I catch sight of Bentley walking around the grounds not far from me. I take a moment to watch him, hands tucked in his pockets, his face turned down as he reads each headstone he passes. He understands loss, having experienced it first hand as well. I can't imagine that any of this has been easy on him and yet, his strength has never wavered. He has been my rock, in more ways than one.

  He smiles when he catches me looking in his direction. Crossing my arms in front of myself, I shiver slightly when another cool breeze whips around me. Pulling my jacket closed, I quickly cross the distance separating me and Bentley, wrapping my arms around his waist the moment I reach him.

  “You ready?” I ask, nuzzling my face into his chest.

  “Are you?” He asks, causing me to lean back and look up at him.

  “I am.” I answer, reaching up to trail my hand down his jawline. Leaning forward, he kisses me so gently that our lips barely even connect. It's the softest touch but one that sends a warmth all the way to my toes. Pulling back, he smiles sweetly at me and then entwines his fingers with mine, leading me back in the direction of the car.

  ****

  We've been back in the air for what feels like days but has really only been a couple of hours. Snuggled up with Bentley on the couch that sits at the rear of the plane, I cannot contain my excitement about where we are going. Even though I have no idea where that is, I am just so happy to be getting away for a while with Bentley.

  “How much longer?” I ask, glancing at the watch on his wrist to see that it is just after three in the afternoon.

  “A couple of hours or so.” He says, glancing away from the television in front of us to look down at me. “Impatient are we?” He smiles his dimple filled smile in my direction.

  “Very.” I say, pushing myself up and straddling my legs across his lap so that he is forced to give me his full attention. His hands immediately go to my hips as I settle down on top of him, my palms resting against his chest.

  “Well I think I could come up with a few things to pass the time.” He says, grinding upwards seductively as his eyes burn into mine.

  It's been weeks since we have done anything sexually. While Patty was sick, it just didn't feel right. And then after she passed, I was too upset to really even think about it. Bentley never pushed for anything. I think he has been waiting on me, not wanting to rush me into anything I'm not ready for. And while I wasn't ready before, I am now. Now, all that emotion that has been eating at me for days is just begging for an outlet, a release. One that I know Bentley can give me.

  I once said Bentley is my dance. And he is. He is the only thing in this world that makes me feel the way that dance does and he is the only thing that not only centers me but frees me as well. Something that only dance could provide me with until I found him.

  “What about the attendant?” I ask, turning towards the door that leads into the cockpit.

  “Not an issue.” He says, turning slightly to push a button on the panel behind the couch. A woman's voice immediately comes across the speaker system asking what she can help us with.

  “Me and Ms. Blake would like some time alone. Please see that we are not disturbed.” He says, waiting on her acknowledgment before clicking off the intercom and turning back to me.

  I immediately burst into laughter. He hits me with a bewildered look and laughs lightly, probably thinking that I have finally lost my mind. “What is so funny?” He asks, cocking his eyebrow in question.

  “You might as well have just said, don't come back here because we are going to have sex.” I laugh, shaking my head at him.

  “Would you have preferred I said something else?” He asks, giving me a lopsided grin.

  “It just seems weird doesn't it? To ask for privacy by announcing what you need the privacy for?” I laugh.

  “Would you like me to invite her back to watch then?” His eyes sparkle playfully and he lets out a light laugh. I can't control my knee jerk reaction to smack him across the chest.

  “Shut up.” I say, stifling my laugh when Bentley's face falls serious.

  “What did you just say?” His eyes go dark but I can still see the playfulness there. I know what he's doing. He's distracting me. He's giving me exactly what I need to finally just let my body go.

  “Shut up.” I tease, leaning forward to trail my tongue lightly across his bottom lip. “Do you have a hearing problem?” I laugh, trailing my lips across his jaw and then up to his ear. “Because I can say it again if you need me to.” I whisper against his ear, feeling him tense below me.

  “You're walking on thin ice Ms. Blake.” I can hear his smile in his voice as I softly nibble on his earlobe.

  “Am I?” I whisper, pulling back slightly and sliding my jacket from my shoulders. “Because I can always stop.” I tease, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling up slightly before dropping it back down like I've changed my mind.

  “Don't play with me Anna. Take it off.” He says, his tone commanding which sends a thrill running through my entire body. I need this. I need him.

  Reaching down, I grab the hem again but this time, lift it clean up and over my head before dropping it onto the floor somewhere behind me. “Now the other.” He says, nodding towards my bra. Taking a shaky inhale, I reach behind me and unclasp the material, letting it fall forward freely before pulling it from my arms and depositing it on top of my shirt.

  “Don't stop there.” His eyes grow darker with each moment that passes and only makes me want him more. Pushing into a stand, I quickly work the button and zipper of my jeans before shimmying the material down my hips and then pulling them off,
one leg at a time. Straightening back up, I hitch my thumbs into the band of my bikinis, watching Bentley's face as he watches me slowly pull the material down.

  It isn't until I am standing completely bare above him that he pulls me back down onto the couch. Pushing me onto my back, he runs his hand along my naked flesh, his breath catching slightly when his hand skirts between my thighs.

  “I've been dreaming about this.” He says, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side. “Of having you spread bare for me. Of feeling your body react to my touch.” He slowly inserts one finger inside of me, his eyes closing on a slow exhale. “Fuck.” He breathes, shaking his head as if trying to hold himself together.

  Pulling out his finger, he sticks it directly into his mouth and sucks away the evidence of my arousal. The action causes me to squirm below him, my insides knotting together in the best sort of way.

  He pushes himself into a stand and removes his clothing in the matter of a few seconds before crawling up my body on the couch and settling between my thighs. “I've missed you.” He breathes, taking my mouth gently with his.

  “I've missed you too.” I admit, deepening the kiss by pushing my tongue inside his mouth, my hand tangling in his hair, holding him to me.

  “Look at me Anna.” He breathes, pulling away from my mouth as his face hovers above mine. Opening my eyes slowly, I see him staring down at me. His face is blanketed in pure want but his eyes remain clear and focused. “I love you.” He breathes, pushing inside of me slowly, giving my body time to adjust to his size.

  “I love you.” I reply, not blinking away from his gaze as he buries himself completely inside of me and then settles his weight down on top of me.

  “I want you forever.” He says, making no attempt to move inside of me.

  “Then I'm yours forever.” I say, not missing the brief look of disbelief that crosses his handsome face. Again, he's so used to me holding back on him. It feels good to finally just say what I feel.