The Space Between Us

by Anie Michaels

  He ran the back of his hand down the skin of my shoulder, continuing own my arm. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the skin of the top of my shoulder.

  “Your skin is so soft.” He moved open-mouthed kisses up the slope of my neck, making me shudder.

  “You spent a lot of money for me to get pampered at a spa. They paid a lot of attention to my skin.” I tried to remain calm as his mouth moved behind my ear, as his hands roamed my back, unclasping my bra.

  “You thought I was doing it all for you, to surprise you for your birthday.” He pulled away, letting my bra fall to the ground at our feet. His mouth resumed its work on my collarbone, kissing in between words. “It partly was for you, to make you feel good. But it was mostly for me. Thinking about how you’d feel under my hands, how you’d smell after I got your clothes off, how relaxed you’d be for me. That’s really why I sent you there.” I closed my eyes as I felt his lips envelop the tip of my breast, covering my nipple, sucking it into his mouth. As he worked one nipple with his lips and teeth, his hand covered my other breast. He palmed its fullness and gently tugged my nipple until it puckered and pebbled. His mouth left my breast and I moaned when the cool air hit the nipple he left wet and painfully hard. He continued kissing down my stomach and I felt my knees shake, the sensations flooding through my body coupled with the anticipation of everything yet to come, making me unstable.

  He abandoned my breasts completely and his hands came to the waistband of my yoga pants, pulling them down with him as he bent to his knees in front of me. My hands found his hair and I looked down at him as he lifted one foot after the other, freeing me from the rest of my clothes.

  “God, I missed you,” he said as he pressed his cheek into my belly, hugging me around my waist. He breathed deeply and I could feel the swishing of his breath against my skin every time he exhaled. I reached down the back of his neck and grabbed his shirt, urging him to lean away so I could tug it off of him. From where I stood above him, I could see all of his shoulder muscles flexing as he pulled the shirt from his arms. His biceps came into view and then his forearms.

  “What have you been doing on the farm, Asher? You’re even bigger than you were before you left, which is impressive.”

  “A lot of throwing hay bales and working off all my sexual frustration,” he groaned. His hands wandered around the sides of my body, kneading my soft skin as he went along. “This has been the first time we’ve been away from each other since the first time we had sex, Bit. I wasn’t prepared to deal with how much I would miss you, how much my body would miss you. I’ve been doing a lot of push-ups and crunches, just trying to exhaust myself into not wanting you anymore.” He gently kissed my belly-button. “It never really works; I always still want you. I just fall asleep a little easier when I can’t move a muscle.” His hands were on my backside for a moment and he gave both cheeks a squeeze with an audible groan. He pulled his hands back to my waist and gently urged me back to lean against the counter.

  I felt the cold countertop against my ass and his warm hands moving along my body still. His right hand moved down my leg and cupped my calf. He looked up into my eyes as he pulled my leg up so that the back of my knee rested on his shoulder, the bottom half of my leg folding over onto his back. I bit my lip as I saw his eyes wander to my center and I felt slightly insecure knowing how exposed I was at the moment. There was nothing to hide from him in this position. No way for him not to see all of me.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said as he ran his hands along the juncture where my legs met my hips, his touch teasing me.

  In a moment of pure bravery I asked, “What do I look like?” I wondered what he saw when he looked at me, how he saw me.

  I saw him seriously considering my question, taking time to think about his answer. “You look pink, different shades of pink. Some darker and some lighter.” I felt his thumbs touch me, spread me wider and I gasped. Just the contact had me reeling. “You look warm, Babe. Snug. Dark. Beautiful.” I tried to breathe steadily, but each breath got lost in the next and all I knew is the burning in my lungs matched the heat of my center. “You look wet, Bit.” My head rolled back and I was glad for the counter to lean on because I’m sure I would have crumpled to the floor without it. “You look like you’re mine,” he rasped just before his tongue caressed me from bottom to top.

  My entire body shook from the immense pleasure. One touch from him was all it took to send me away into a state of bliss. He kissed me tenderly, using his fingers to tease me and spread me. His tongue found my clit and took quick and furious swipes over it, causing me to cry out.

  “Oh yes,” I sputtered. Spurred on by my outcry, he pushed two fingers inside of me, softly moving in and out. The combinations of the quick flicks of his tongue and the slow torture of his fingers pushed me higher and higher. I felt my core tighten and my body began to tremble. My hands gripped the edge of the countertop, keeping me upright while my hips rocked back and forth hoping to find the release my body craved. “Asher, I need more, something…” I couldn’t finish my thought. He moved his fingers inside me, coming forward and stroking the small area that hid deep within me that always made me breathless.

  “Oh, God!” I screamed as my legs came to wrap around his head. He never wavered, just kept working me while my orgasm rolled through me, wreaking havoc on my body. My legs compressed around his head, my hands gripped his hair, and I lost all sense of self as I used his body to bring pleasure to mine.

  Eventually my body calmed and yet he still kissed and nuzzled my sex. “I’ve been waiting for a month to watch you come apart, Bit.” He said, placing one last tender kiss again my core. “That was a fucking awesome front row seat.” He moved up my body, trailing kisses up between my breasts. He leaned in to place a kiss on my mouth and I turned, offering him my cheek instead. “What’s the matter?” He asked, pulling away to see my face.

  “Nothing,” I said as I ran my hands through his hair, trying to distract him.

  “You don’t want me to kiss you?” He sounded hurt.

  “No! I do. You’re just all…” I motioned with my hand and waved it in front of his face. “Covered in me.”

  “You don’t want to taste yourself?” He asked, curiously. I tried very hard to keep my face from wrinkling up.

  “No, thank you.”

  “You taste amazing,” he said with a smile. I appreciated what he said, but I didn’t necessarily believe him. And I didn’t want to find out if he was telling the truth.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  “I get it,” he said, shrugging. “But honestly, one day, I would really like to see you try it. For me.” I gave an awkward smile, slightly uncomfortable with the whole idea.

  “You think it would do something for you to watch me taste myself?” I said as I tried not to let my feelings show through my face. He pushed a lock of my hair that came loose behind my ear and gave me a lopsided grin. He shrugged his shoulders. “Why?” I was honestly curious at this point. Thinking about the roles being reverse, having him taste himself, did nothing for me, besides gross me out a little.

  “I don’t know, Babe. It just would. I don’t want to think about it if it’s not gonna happen.”

  “Ok,” I said.

  “Tell you what,” he said as he cupped my face. I could see him resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss me. “Why don’t you go fill that tub up, pour in something girly, and I will brush my teeth and then come join you.” I didn’t feel right to walk away from him at that moment. Something was off between us. After the spectacularly intimate moment we had just shared, an invisible wall had just as quickly been built between us. He wanted something that I couldn’t give him, or rather, wouldn’t.

  I moved forward to wrap my arms around his neck and kissed him behind his ear. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. He groaned and pulled away.

  “Don’t. Don’t apologize. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I’m not sorry for not kissing you. I�
�m sorry for the way we feel right now. How it feels in this room. I’ve never said no to you before. I don’t like the way it’s making me feel.”

  “How do you feel?” He stepped away from me fully. The two feet between us felt like twenty to me.

  “I feel like I want to make you happy. I want to please you,” I said, ending on a whisper.

  “You do make me happy. You do please me.”

  “I want to do things for you,” I said, trying to imply meaning.

  “Stop dancing around your feelings, Bit. Tell me.”

  “If there’s something you want, sexually, I want to give it to you. I want to be enough for you.”

  “Babe, you’re more than enough for me. I don’t need anything else from you. Forget I said anything. I had never even thought about it until just now. Kissing you after going down on you is not a deal breaker, it’s just something that crossed my mind as sexy. Don’t let it bother you. Besides, we’re both going to have boundaries. You can’t give me something you’re not comfortable with because you’re afraid of disappointing me. I don’t want it then. I want whatever you’re comfortable giving me.”

  “I don’t like this,” I said, looking down at my feet.

  “What?”

  “This!” I motioned between us, at the distance. “I don’t like feeling like there’s this thing between us. I’ve never felt this before. I don’t want anything to come between us.” I watched as he stripped his pants and boxer briefs off, now naked in front of me. He walked towards me and pulled me into his arms, wrapping himself so fully and so completely around me, I found it a little difficult to take a full breath.

  “There,” he said quietly. “Now there’s nothing between us except for a little bit of residual sweat from our earlier exploits,” he whispered in my ear, trying to make me smile. I let myself feel him pressed against me and I tried to let the tension go. I tried to feel him, remind myself who we were together, tried to convince myself that this wasn’t a big deal. And really, it wasn’t. I was not totally concerned that he didn’t get to kiss me. I was really hung up on the idea of something coming between us. The idea of anything coming between us, that scared me. “I love you.” I knew he loved me. I could always feel his love.

  “I love you too,” I responded honestly.

  “Can we take a bath now?”

  “Yes,” I said with a small laugh. And we did. We bathed for hours, refilling the tub when the water got cold. We ordered room service and talked, covering all the details emails and phone calls forced us to leave out. We made love and I tried so hard to be everything he needed.

  Chapter Six

  “Happy birthday, Bit.” I heard the words in my ear and felt his hands roaming my naked body as I lay in bed next to him. Asher. I was with Asher on my birthday. This never happened before. We were always separated and I’ve had to accept just hearing his voice over the phone wishing me a happy birthday. I opened my eyes and saw his face laying on my pillow, facing me, just inches away.

  “Hi,” I squeaked, still sleepy.

  “How does it feel to be nineteen?”

  “It feels early,” I said as I stretched.

  “We’ve got a lot to do today. So, you take a shower and I’ll order breakfast.”

  “We have to get up?”

  “Busy day,” he said and swatted my naked butt.

  He wasn’t kidding either. We ran from one activity to another and he made sure to include my favorites along the way: I got my coffee, he took me to an art supply store and let me browse as long as I wanted, and he even took me to a book store. Towards the end of the day we walked down the street hand-in-hand when he stopped in front of a door and motioned for me to go in. I looked up and saw the word TATTOO painted on the window.

  “Tattoos?” I asked, panicked.

  “Well, you don’t have to get one, but I’m going to.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it ever since I turned eighteen.”

  “I don’t get it. This is supposed to be my birthday, why are we getting you a tattoo?”

  He kissed me quickly and pulled away smiling. “Because my tattoo is going to be your name.” My eyebrows shot up and I shook my head.

  “Asher, no. No, no no, no, no, no. You can’t. No.” My head shook quickly back and forth, my hair flailing around behind me and I unconsciously took a few steps backwards.

  “Yes. Listen, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I want to do it. You can either come in here and keep me company or you can take a cab back to the hotel, but I really want you with me.” I looked back and forth between Asher and the door to the tattoo parlor.

  “Can you get something else besides my name?”

  “No.”

  “Is there anything I can say to change your mind? This is a little crazy.”

  “What’s crazy about it?”

  “It’s permanent, Asher.”

  “So are we.”

  There was nothing else to say. Even if I didn’t think it was a good idea, I couldn’t argue with that. Didn’t want to. I was impressed, however, with how prepared he was. It did seem like he’d spent a lot of time thinking about the decision. He had a drawing with him that outlined exactly what he wanted, he knew where he wanted it, and there was no talking him out of it.

  I watched as they prepped his arm, the spot right below his elbow on the backside. I watched as they placed the stencil and he stood up to look in the mirror, approving its placement. He showed it to me and asked, “How’s it look?” He was so excited. All I could do was smile. I watched as he flinched when the needle dug into his skin, moving so quickly in and out you couldn’t see it move, just heard the incessant buzzing. He put on a brave face, but I could tell at some points it really hurt him. It took about an hour and a half, but when all was said and done “Bit” was scrawled down his arm in a masculine yet flowery script.

  “I love it,” he said, moving in front of the mirror to examine it from all angles. I stood behind him and when he lowered his arm naturally, I could see my name, clear as day, etched permanently on his skin.

  “You’re crazy,” I said under my breath. He heard me, of course, and we smiled at each other.

  “You don’t think you’d ever get my name tattooed on you?”

  I shook my head. “No, probably not.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t think I need a reason for not getting a tattoo. I still think you need a reason for the tattoo you just got.”

  “Why is it so hard for you to understand? This tattoo? It will last for as long as I live. When I die, this tattoo will still be on my skin, still be a part of me. But eventually, I will be gone, the tattoo will be gone, and you will be gone too. But, us? We will never be gone. We’re forever. Infinite. So whether I get your name tattooed on me or not, it makes no difference. This ink, it’s permanent, but it’s nothing compared to how I feel about you.”

  I pulled him to me so that our lips were almost touching. “I think you’re crazy for doing this, but I love you.”

  “That’s all I need, Bit. I love you too.”

  The next two days went by too quickly. I met Asher’s grandparents when we went to the farm and, although they were nice, they weren’t much company. While Asher was out working the fields, or whatever he did the entire day he was gone, I spent a lot of time trying to draw the landscape around me. Thank goodness Reeve had thought to pack my drawing supplies. I wasn’t a city girl, but I wasn’t used to being in such a rural setting either. I tried perfecting my trees, worked on getting the shading of the wheat fields just right.

  The last night of my visit Asher found me in the hay loft of the barn, where I had befriended the barn cat. This beastly cat must have made many meals of mice because he was massive. I couldn’t even fathom how he’d made it up to the second story of the barn. He rubbed vigorously against my ankle, his pink, wet nose seeking out any part of me that he could accost.

  “Bit, you up there?”

  “Yea
h. I’m hanging out with the cat.”

  I saw Asher’s face appear as he climbed up the ladder to sit next to me. “Ah ha, you’ve met Sir Mouse-A-Lot.” I giggled loudly.

  “That’s not really his name.”

  “Indeed. He is the best mouser in these parts. That’s why he’s so fat.”

  “How was your day?” I asked, looking over at him. His cheeks were pink as if he’d been in the sun too long. I looked over the rest of him and it seemed like his cheeks took the brunt of the sunlight.

  “Long. I just kept thinking about how you’re leaving tomorrow.”

  I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. “Thank you for flying me out here. I had a really good time. Best birthday ever.”

  “I wish you could stay.”

  I sighed. “Honestly, I’d love to spend the summer with you, Asher. But there’s nothing for me to do here.”

  “You could draw.”

  I looked over at him and took a moment to think about what he was saying. Asher had his moments of insecurity, just like any guy, and sometimes he just wanted me near him, especially when it felt like it wasn’t an option. “I could draw, but eventually I would get tired of drawing. My dad would miss me and I feel like Reeve still needs someone around to keep her spirits up.” I reached over and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, urging him to look at me. “We’ve spent every summer apart, and even though I miss you like crazy, the best part of the summer is always the day you come back.” I started playing with the hair on the back of his neck, liking the way it was still damp from sweat.

  “I guess you’re right,” he said, wiping his hands over his face. He stopped and looked over at me, his gray eyes dim and a little bit sad. “But I’m still going to miss you.”

  “I’m going to miss you too, Asher. But I’m here right now.” In that moment I think we both realized that we had only hours left together and that there were ways to show each other how much the other would be missed. I pulled his mouth to mine and climbed over his lap to straddle him. His hands came to rest on my backside and I trailed my hands up and down his chest, pouring everything into our kiss. I used my teeth to gently tug his bottom lip and won a low and rumbling groan from him, making my heart beat faster.