Wild Heart

by Kade Boehme

  I hope this weekend with me has made you feel as ready for the changes coming as it has me.

  I’m sorry again we didn’t get a proper goodbye. I’m also sorry there have been so many “sorries” between us since we met.

  Good luck with your last months abroad and with going home. Maybe I’ll find one of my own, soon. I know I may not have known you long, and at the risk of sounding incredibly silly, I still think you’re a very good man. Hold your head high.

  Your Stalker,

  Ase

  Jase swallowed around the lump in his throat. Fuck. This should not be so hard. He really liked Ase though, and he felt horrible for him. He also felt a little sorry for himself that he’d never see the man again.

  He moved the cursor over the attachments. The first was the photo of him at Neuschwanstein Castle. God, that felt like a lifetime ago, even though it’d only been two days. Ase had done as promised and put it through photo editing, because it was so very crystal clear. He looked like a model in a tourism ad. Ase had titled the file For Your Mom, which made Jase smile.

  He clicked the one that said, For You.

  And his breath caught in his throat.

  He lay asleep on Ase’s chest, lit by the bedside reading lamp, looking much younger than his twenty-one years. Ase was kissing his forehead, his tattooed arm visible in the side, obviously holding the camera up. Ase hadn’t used a filter on that one. They both looked perfect, regardless.

  Jase stared at the photo for what felt like hours, remembering the smell of Ase, his laugh, his sexy accent, the way he teased Jase. A weekend was not enough.

  But it has to be.

  He closed out of the e-mail with finality, saving it to its own, new, untitled folder, then put away his inner drama queen, wiped his eyes because yes, they were leaking, and yes, he knew he was acting like a love-sick kid again. But hey, he’d gone this long without it, he was due one fit of adolescent dramatics.

  He pulled up the e-mail with his flight information and checked-in for his early-as-fuck flight.

  Then he decided, fuck it. This weekend had been good, amazing even. In large part, because of Ase. He thought about his many friends who’d left the service, his buddy Ryan who he hadn’t seen in three years but still e-mailed often. Maybe Ase… No, that was dumb.

  “Don’t be a pussy, Emery,” he said out loud. So what if the guy didn’t respond? The weekend would just be a fond memory. Even if they did start e-mailing, he’d probably never see Ase again, not with that much family drama going down.

  He pulled up a new message and typed.

  SUBJECT: Good Luck

  Ase,

  I didn’t know if it was okay to e-mail you. I hope it is. I thought maybe a friendly “good luck” was in order. So good luck, man.

  Thanks for the weekend. This was great.

  I was wondering if maybe we could keep in touch? Maybe we’ll be in each other’s neck of the woods one day. Either way. The photos were great.

  Thanks again.

  Jase

  He blushed and erased each line at least twice before re-typing it. Then clicked send. The only way he could think not to obsess over the damn message was to go to bed. He had to be up early anyway. Not that he ended up getting any sleep.

  It wasn’t until the next day when he was preparing to board his plane, making last minute check-ups on his phone that he saw an RE: Good Luck.

  His chest may or may not have pitter-pattered with delight.

  But his face definitely did stretch into what he had no doubt was a goofy-ass grin when he read the simple message.

  Jase,

  Thank you. Always. I’d love nothing more than hearing from you.

  And did you really say “neck of the woods”? ; )

  A

  PART II

  Chapter 7

  Four Years Later

  JASE blinked awake in the still, early morning hours. He reach down and fumbled for his jeans on the floor next to the bed. And got a handful of condom. Gross. He picked it up and dropped it in the wastebasket beside the bedside table, sitting up and using his feet to search farther out for his jeans. Finally he found them, but the movement made Lacey rouse a bit and ask what time it was.

  He sighed, rubbing his hand over his clean shaven face, and leaned to pick up his pants. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time. He could have slept another hour, but he didn’t sleep all that well in someone else’s bed, even if they weren’t a cuddler, so he stood and started dressing.

  “It’s still early. Four thirty in the morning. Go back to sleep.” Some people didn’t have to feed horses at the ass-crack of dawn. He had to be at the sheriff’s department by seven thirty, and he had plenty to do between now and then. Lacey didn’t have to be at work until noon.

  She made a few more noises before settling back into the bed. He slipped on his shirt, zipped his pants, and stepped into his boots. He didn’t bother setting himself to rights before heading out into the pre-dawn chilliness and hopping into his truck.

  Jase cranked his Ram to let it warm up for a minute as he checked his phone, calculating in his head how long each leg of his trip would take. After checking his phone for messages and letting the windows de-fog, he flicked on the headlights and pulled away from Lacey’s small rental home to made the fifteen-minute trek to his parents’ ranch.

  As he drove down the long, winding driveway, he felt the same leaden weight in his chest that came every time he saw the dark windows in the big house. Knowing his mother would be awake, working in the kitchen if she were home, rather than miserable in a neurological rehab two hours away, made him miserable.

  Things would never be the same, hadn’t been for three long years, but they were worse now, heavier. The ranch felt desolate. The cattle were all gone now. His brother had sold them off after their father’s death two years earlier. The only thing keeping bills paid at this point was the hay they sold, his mother’s Social Security survivor’s benefits, and money they’d had left over after his dad’s final expenses.

  Guilt was a hard thing to live with, knowing his brother had tried to keep things afloat alone, but no one told him how bad things were until his mama had her stroke.

  “Jase, I gotta work. We have another kid on the way.” Number three. Jesus. It’d been the first one that started part of this mess to begin with. “I need a job that pays. But Mama needs someone here taking care of things.”

  “Will, I know that, but I have a job here. I can’t just leave San Antonio. Besides, Mama won’t want my help.”

  “I know that whole situation was shit. And I know I wasn’t at my best. I still don’t understand it. But we need you. I need your help, and Mama needs support that me and Michelle can’t give right now.”

  Jase looked around his empty apartment, feeling like a heel for acting like his life was too important to leave. He had a few regular fuck buddies and a job he liked, but he’d be no great loss for the San Antonio Police Department. He was a good officer, but not high enough on the totem pole for his absence to make a dent. But it felt like the principal behind the thing. And damn it, he’d worked hard to get past… everything. Going back to Hope Springs felt like taking steps back. Especially if he wasn’t wanted, and for such a stupid fucking reason.

  “I just don’t know.”

  “It’d just be for a few weeks. Two months at most.”

  Oh, Jase had given in. He didn’t particularly care about the ranch. He’d never wanted it as his birthright or anything like that; his brother had a better head for ranching. He missed the solitude of it, the roots he’d had there. And he felt like he couldn’t leave his brother to deal with their mother alone. He had a family, and Jase just had himself.

  Strangely enough, when Jase came back, he’d felt empty. With his parents gone and the damage done, he felt untethered again. He felt like he had when he’d first gotten out of the Army and was jobless, had left his friends in a desert, and had no one to come home to.

 
; Finishing his final semester of college had given him some semblance of being normal, but then his family situation had gone sideways. His parents hadn’t been thrilled when he announced he couldn’t stay in Hope Springs. He wanted room to grow. His mother’s disappointment was palpable and riddled with days of silence, and his father’d had harsh words about Jase’s lack of responsibility. Jase couldn’t wrap his head around being considered immature for not wanting to live at home, wanting to continue being his own man. And he’d needed that. He’d then found his structure, some balance again when he’d joined the SAPD.

  But that was done now, too. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss that empty apartment and those fuck buddies he hadn’t realized were actual buddies. He’d be glad to get back to San Antone. Of course, now it looked like two months had turned into six, as his mother was still a few days short of coming home, and he’d already been back a little over five months. Originally he had to stay until his mother and her home health aide had gotten in the swing of things and the doc cleared her for a certain level of independence. But now he had his job to consider.

  Jase shook himself from his thoughts, pulling his phone from the car charger, and made his way into the foreman’s cottage he’d been calling home since he got back. He didn’t feel welcome in the big house. It was surreal not to feel like he could walk through those doors. His brother sure felt at home, bringing the kids over to use the pool in the back. Those times were almost the worst because while his brother and his wife, Michelle, were polite, but as reticent about crossing the threshold to his home as he was to cross his parents’. That was the line.

  It was fucking depressing.

  Jase was no martyr, though. He had told them he’d do this no longer than six months. Not a week more. Even if he stayed close by, it’d be an apartment in Abernathy. Forty minutes away. His mother barely spoke to him when he stopped by the rehab to see her, and the stroke had most definitely not affected her speech much, based on the things he’d heard her say when Will announced he was home to help out.

  But he could handle this for a while. And after two months of realizing he may be in his hometown longer than anticipated, hiding out on the ranch, and being alone with nothing but the horses, he’d gone to see if the sheriff might take him on. He’d had to agree to work there a year, but he could deal with that better than twiddling his thumbs at their graveyard of a home.

  After an hour of feeding and mucking the stalls of the few horses they had left, Jase made his way back to his cottage to shower, shave and get ready for work. After three double shifts, he was glad he only had a single today. It was hard to keep a bad mood going thinking he’d actually get some sleep tonight. Last night was his own damn fault; he knew he never slept well with another person. But that’d make tonight better because he’d sleep through the night, which was rare enough on its own.

  When he grabbed his phone and keys he noticed a text. Lacey. Have a great morning :)

  He frowned down at that. He shook his head, mad at himself for having done this again.

  Shoving the phone in his pocket, Jase made his way out to his truck and got his mind in work mode. Putting on his uniform was like stepping into his fatigues. He shut out everything but what was needed to get through his shift. Right now, he had that to worry about. One issue at a time.

  The call came in around three p.m., right as Jase was preparing to leave work, that his mother’s doctor wanted a meeting with Jase and Will. He was bone-weary tired, but better to find out now than to have made it home and have to drive the fifty miles back to the rehab facility. He was definitely hoping his mother hadn’t had another setback. No matter her harsh words for him, or how much he wanted to be off the ranch, Jase hated seeing his mother suffer. Between her strokes and feeling like she was trapped in the hospital and nursing home, she was so miserable, his heart ached for her.

  Talk about Mommy Issues.

  Jase drove across town, the opposite direction of the two-lane highway that’d take him back home to a beer and his bed. When he got to the rehab, he barely had time to dial his brother’s number before he noticed Will’s truck pull in the parking spot beside him. Will gave a polite nod of his head. Polite, the strongest word for their relationship these days.

  “Got any idea what this is about?” Will asked.

  “No more than you, I ‘magine,” Jase said, opening the front door to the rehab, holding it for Will to go in first. He followed behind his brother. A woman in teddy bear scrubs with garish red lipstick and a church lady perm eyed them approvingly when both of them removed their hats out of respect. Some home training you never lost, and that went a long way with people around these parts. It’d definitely been one of the reasons Jase hadn’t had any trouble finding his place in the sheriff’s department after a couple months. The rookies still hadn’t figured it out. Transferring had its perks.

  Will told the receptionist who they were there for and she told them the doctor was expecting them. They were immediately led back to an office. “She’ll be right in.”

  After a beat of silence Will broke the ice with, “Must be getting good money from the insurance people.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “That’s the shortest wait I’ve ever had to get in to see a doctor, even with an appointment.” Jase smiled, taking Will’s attempt for what it was—a polite peace offering. That word again.

  “How’re the kids?”

  That got Jase an honest smile. “Good, good. Joseph is enjoying school.”

  “Ah, this was his first week, right?” Damn, how time flew. Jase couldn’t believe his oldest nephew was already in pre-school. Seemed like yesterday Jase had been sitting in a mess hall in Qatar telling his friends his kid brother was an idiot for marrying fresh outta high school, popping out their first kid at twenty. The ones who hadn’t taken that same path agreed. Even some of those who had gone that way agreed with his assessment. But Jase was genuinely happy for Will. His brother had always been more like their folks. He loved his small town life, and Jase envied him his contentment.

  Jase wasn’t surprised most folks assumed Will was the older brother, even if Jase had a year on him. Jase had been the wanderer, no matter that it’d been with the military. When he’d come home with his savings and gotten his education, no one had understood his not wanting to get married. But he didn’t even want to think about that right now. The fights, the recriminations.

  Will’s uncomfortable expression said he could probably tell where Jase’s thoughts had strayed. Thankfully, before they were forced to talk any more, the side door to the doctor’s office opened, and Dr. Spearman came in. She’d been his mother’s primary physician at the rehab since she’d been rolled in.

  “Afternoon, gentlemen. Sorry to do this so late.”

  “It was perfect timing. Was able to cut out of work a few minutes early. This close to the end of the week I’ll never complain about that,” Will said, clearly happy to have a buffer in the room.

  “I’d just finished up, too. It’s not a problem.”

  She sat at her desk and pushed a strand of loose black hair behind one of her ears. She was closer to forty, but still an attractive woman. She’d been great with their mother and explaining the process to them. She’d also not commented on some of the meaner things Jase’s mother had said when he’d first started coming around. Jase had liked her from the start.

  “Is everything alright?” Will asked, his voice holding an edge of worry.

  She looked at him questioningly, then jolted and waved a hand. “Oh, yes. Everything is fine.” She tilted her head and grimaced. “Well, as fine as it can be.” She turned her attention back to Jase. “You’ll be the primary one out on the ranch with her, correct, Deputy?”

  Jase nodded. No matter how many times he told her she didn’t have to call him Deputy, she didn’t listen. Her husband was apparently an officer in the city police department. He could appreciate her respect for the titles, but it still felt weird to hav
e his elders call him something so formal. It made him sound so adult, and he hated the way Will’s eyes glazed over when people didn’t defer to him as the one deserving respect out of the two of them.

  “We will be discharging your mother home on Monday.”

  Jase blinked. Not that he wanted her to stay longer but they’d said it’d probably be closer to two or three more weeks. “Oh. I thought it would be longer. I haven’t finished putting in the wheelchair ramps.”

  She smiled kindly at him. “Sounds like a good project for this weekend. We’ll be bringing her by ambulance on Monday afternoon, so you may want to clear your schedule. Your Mama’s first home health aide is scheduled to come out early Tuesday morning.”

  “And the aide is covered by insurance?” Will asked. Good question. Jase had been too busy figuring out how many ramps he’d need and where, feeling like a dumbass for procrastinating on the project. It hadn’t felt real that she might be coming home. The little boy in him had feared it, hoping she’d be okay. Even if he saw many quarrels in their future, he was glad she was gonna be free of what she considered her cage.

  “From what I see. We’ll make sure to get you all that information again before you leave today. But her coverage with the gap insurance and her Medicaid seem to have her pretty well taken care of. Billing will discuss with you where you’ll need extra.”

  “We’re good on that,” Jase assured her, earning a kind smile and a nod from Dr. Spearman.

  They talked over medications and she gave him the number for a company who could bring out an alert button Mama could have in the house that would trigger an alarm in his house. He’d already gotten that taken care of, though, courtesy of the sheriff, whose own mother had heart issues. So that was one thing he’d done right.

  When they walked out into the fading sunlight an hour and a half later, Jase rubbed his tired eyes. If he’d been tired before, he was fucking dragging now.