Wild Heart

by Kade Boehme

  She stopped on her way out the door, turning to him, and placed a kiss on his cheek. She smelled like the sterile hospital, the musk of sickness, and ointments to keep bedsores at bay. But she still had that underlying scent of magnolias and peppermints that took Jase back to a million other hugs and kisses on the cheek from his childhood.

  “Sleep good, Mama.”

  She clasped his hand. “You too, baby.” She looked so ashamed of herself; Jase was surprised. But she’d also never, ever uttered that word. He was glad to see she hadn’t completely lost herself to the Cantankerous Old Lady routine.

  Chapter 15

  “THAT was… damn,” Will said, once the ladies left the room.

  Jase sighed. “Yeah.” And he hated how much it smarted. She hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t. But it immediately made him think of being on his knees in front of Ase, doing his best not to let himself get lost in what his daddy would think of him for it.

  “Should we put in the lift? If it’ll make her happy?”

  Jase gave Will his attention. “Her physio guy said no. He wants her using the stairs as much as possible now that she’s so mobile.”

  “You sure it’s not the money?”

  Jase scowled. “No, William. It’s not the damn money. I told you, if it was necessary I could cover it. I wasn’t bullshitting. I just think, unless the doc says to give in, I should keep her on track. She’s supposedly doing really well. If giving in to her shitty moods sets her back, she won’t thank us for it any more than she’ll thank us for putting in that lift.”

  Will smiled. “Yeah. I can hear her now. It don’t match the walls, it don’t sit right, it don’t leave room for people to get up the stairs.”

  Jase snorted. “Among other complaints.”

  “Y’all stop gossipin’ about your mama in her own living room,” Ms. Jaclyn said, with no heat to the words.

  “We’ve been doing it since we were old enough to talk. Why stop now?” Will teased. Ms. Jaclyn shook her head, but was smiling as she picked up Ensure bottles and tissues their mama had managed to collect on the table beside her chair.

  Just then they all looked out the window at the motorcycle coming up the drive. Jase felt a buzzing down to his toes, recognizing the sound of Matilda II before he even saw the blue and black body of the BMW. She didn’t growl like a Harley, but she definitely didn’t sound like a car.

  “Hot damn, that’s a beauty,” Will said. Jase felt proud for Ase, knowing he’d love to hear the compliment.

  “Yes, he is,” Ms. Jaclyn said. Jase choked at that. But he couldn’t deny the truth of it. Ase’d come off the bike, hanging his helmet on one handlebar, and unfolded his long, lean body like a graceful cat as he removed his jacket and stretched his legs. His black, sleeveless shirt showed off his well-toned, tattooed arms. Jase could only wonder from Will’s expression what he thought of the olive-skinned tattooed guy who’d ridden up on a motorcycle in skinny jeans. Of course, when he narrowed his eyes at Jase, he didn’t have to wonder long.

  “Friend of yours?” Will asked. Jase nodded, watching Ase pull out his cell phone and take a call.

  “Yeah. Ase. He’s a doctor over at University.”

  “That so?” Will asked. His tone wasn’t exactly unfriendly. Jase hated thinking that, since his brother was the only one in his family who knew Jase liked guys too, and he was sizing up Jase next to Ase’s six-foot frame, what conclusions Will might be coming to. What’s it matter? They’re right. And that doesn’t bother you when you’re with Ase. Hell, he wouldn’t mind being under the man right then.

  Feeling too bare under his brother’s scrutiny, too raw from his mother’s words earlier, he started walking toward the door. “I’ll holler at you later. Promised him I’d show him the old Ghost Town.”

  He didn’t wait for Will’s reply. As he drew closer to Ase, he saw the man was frowning as he spoke rapid-fire Spanish into his phone. Jase could only gather Ase was speaking to his mother.

  Ase caught sight of Jase walking up and after a few more words, ended the call. “Seems it’s a day for mommy problems,” Jase said.

  “Ah, you too?”

  Jase grimaced. “Something like that. Mostly just her moods get a bit off.”

  “That’s common with—”

  “Stroke victims. I know.”

  “And I know it’s hard to be patient,” Ase said, putting a hand on Jase’s shoulder. His sympathetic expression and sad smile were nothing more than companionable, but Jase couldn’t help sneaking a look over his shoulder, feeling his brother’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

  Ase pulled his hand away, his expression unreadable.

  “Sorry,” Jase said, quietly. Ase waved him off. “Ready to go?” Jase tried to salvage the afternoon. He’d been dying to see Ase.

  Ase studied him carefully. “Is there a paved road to this place? Or do we have to go through your property?”

  Jase frowned thoughtfully. “Well, it’s only about two miles back if you cut through on the dirt road we got on Emery Pines. But yeah, there’s a paved way. Adds about eight miles and goes way around on the backside of the government reserve.”

  “It’s a park? We’re allowed back there?”

  “Oh, yeah. Why?”

  Ase held out his helmet. “Hop on.”

  “Wait. What?”

  “You’ll thank me. Nothing like a ride to clear the mind.” He leaned in and gruffly said, “Having the power between your legs and in your balls doesn’t hurt, either.”

  Jase didn’t think Ase meant the words to be as flirty as they’d sounded; they’d definitely been on the resuming-our-old-friendship track rather than the dating track. But the words went right to his dick anyway.

  “W-want me to grab the food?”

  Ase smirked at Jase’s stutter, earning a glare from Jase. “You did that on purpose.”

  “Got our minds off our mamis, didn’t it?”

  Jase chuckled. “That it did.”

  “Now, hop on,” Ase said, throwing one of his long legs over the bike. He’d rolled up his jacket and put it in his saddlebag, so Jase was totally screwed when he was straddling the bike, arms wrapped around Ase’s torso with just their two shirts separating them. He could feel the warmth radiating off Ase’s body, smell his familiar, arousing scent.

  Damn.

  Jase was hard from the moment the bike was turned on and they started down the road. But Ase had been right. Between the power rumbling between his legs, his hard-on close to that perfect body, the smell of Ase, and the wind whipping around him as they flew down the road, Jase was carefree for a few minutes.

  He helped direct Ase around to the Ghost Town but they were both mostly silent until they got there. When Ase parked in the dirt lot Jase directed him to, they both came off the bike. Jase loved how his legs still tingled from the ride. Ase took the helmet from him.

  “The bike safe here?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jase said. “No one comes out this way.”

  “We’re here,” Ase said, flatly.

  “You’re an ass, Ramirez,” Jase said with an equally dry tone.

  Ase turned his well-shaped ass Jase’s way and looked over his shoulder as he rubbed it through his black denim. “It’s a nice ass, gringo. Don’t forget it.”

  “You really gotta get more original than gringo.”

  “I can’t help you’re so white, hombre.”

  “Because that’s more original.”

  “Give me time. I’ll come up with something more to your liking,” Ase said, with a wink. He started digging through the saddlebag and lifted out a smaller bag. Opening that bag revealed the Nikon Jase remembered. It was fascinating watching the concentration with which Ase inspected and readied his camera. The man was fucking sexy whether he was teasing or deep in thought. Which Jase didn’t find fair because it was getting harder and harder to ignore the pull Ase had always had on him.

  Jase suspect that the sad look in Ase’s eye would put bigger mean than Jase off
, but over time even Ase’s melancholy endeared him to Jase. But some of that darkness had drained out of Ase’s eyes. Jase didn’t think it was all him, but if Ase felt anything like Jase did with their renewed friendship, he’d like to imagine being in Jase’s company helped in some way.

  “Ready?” Ase asked.

  “Just waiting on you,” Jase said, tapping his boot impatiently, teasingly.

  “Excuse me.” Ase bowed dramatically at the waist and held his hand out. “After you, Princesa.”

  “Don’t call me that, either.”

  “I can never please you,” Ase said, shaking his head woefully.

  Jase lead the way, cackling a little at Ase’s being so silly. It was nice to see the silly Ase again.

  Finally they rounded the trees that led to the small ghost town. It had long since stopped being popular with tourists, because all but a few buildings had been reclaimed by the forest. But the main street was well preserved and a few of the false fronts still stood.

  Birds perched on some of the buildings, whistling merrily, and the sun peeked through the trees in such a way the area felt magical to Jase. He’d always loved coming here. And he was happy to be able to share it with Ase.

  He hadn’t heard any shutters from the camera so he looked back to spot Ase. The happy, childlike way Ase took in his surroundings made Jase’s heart clench. It was almost like Germany again when Ase started testing boards and stepping up on porches.

  “This is great,” Ase said.

  Jase smiled to himself, watching Ase whistle back to the birds, who stayed perched on the false fronts, eyeing him warily.

  Then Ase turned Jase’s way, smile broad and face a little flushed with happiness. And he stole Jase’s breath.

  Ase was beautiful, and the years seemed to have dropped away as the sun shone on him, his happy expression open and less tense than it had been since they’d started hanging out again.

  And fuck if Jase didn’t feel himself falling, no matter how stupid that was.

  Chapter 16

  ASE laughed at the strange expression on Jase’s face. He didn’t know exactly what it meant, but the kind of dumbstruck look was cute, so he snapped a picture of it. That seemed to snap Jase out of his mood so Ase started shooting photos of the area. He hadn’t expected this. When Jase said a ghost town in the woods he’d suspected maybe there would be some rotten old log cabins.

  This was awesome, though. Bona fide Old West buildings. Yeah, they’d rotted some, and entire buildings had been overtaken with kudzu or had whole trees growing through them. But that lent to their charm, and he wanted to photograph every inch of the place.

  “Thanks for this,” Ase said. Jase, who’d been lost in thought as he kicked a pile of leaves, started and looked at Ase.

  “What?”

  Ase waved his hands around. “Thanks for this. It’s great.”

  “Oh,” Jase said. His face stretched into a shy smile. The man was fucking adorable with his blond hair matted down from wearing the helmet, his slight dimple on his cheek. “I was trying to think of somewhere you had to go photograph before you left the area.” He seemed to stumble over the last words. Ase had to admit, even he felt his heart give a small stutter at not seeing Jase regularly any more after this. But he had to get back. After this, he had responsibilities. And it wasn’t like Jase would understand anyways.

  “I thought of this place. I knew you’d like it.” And that Jase had thought of him warmed his poor, annoyingly bruised heart. It was almost painful to feel that warmth in there again.

  His hands started shaking so he gripped his camera tighter. Get it together. This is a good day. You can have one good day.

  Although, he was starting to have more good days than not when he saw Jase. He was reminded what it was like to have something to look forward to. Scarily enough, he remembered what it was like to look at someone from his past and not see them looking back at him with disdain. Those people were few and far between these days.

  So Ase went back to concentrating on this place Jase had brought him. Thoughtful and perfect. Ase remembered one of his better days from the past. From that secret place in Ase’s heart, the one that he pulled reserves from every once in a while, a place Jase also lived more and more now, Ase let himself feel.

  As Ase looked through his camera’s lens, he spoke, not sure whether he was telling himself the story or Jase.

  “When I was younger, my parents took us to México and Guatemala to see cousins and our abuela. It was the only time we ever went.” He snapped a few more photos, letting the words just come out, letting himself feel a little peace at the memory. One good day won’t kill you.

  “With restrictions being hard on my papi’s residency status—he was stubborn and never got his citizenship like Mami—they might not let him come back if he visited too long or too often.”

  “That had to suck,” Jase said. Ase looked at him through the lens and snapped a photo, one of Jase rolling his eyes at being photographed.

  “Not really. The areas where they’re from are pretty rough. I loved seeing it, seeing where they came from, and the culture. But some places were scary. Ciudad de Guatemala had some areas my mother couldn’t even wear jewelry and we couldn’t wear our Jordans because we’d get mugged.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. But it wasn’t all bad. Some of it was gorgeous. My abuela and Tia Beatriz had this big gorgeous house in the suburbs that my parents could only dream of in San Diego.” Ase remembered the lush greenery, the beautiful path to Lake Atitlan. “You’d be surprised what a few years working a good job in the U.S. can get you there.” Ase looked up at Jase and smirked “Or divorcing well, like my Tia.” That got a chuckle from Jase.

  “We stopped in an old village. It was much like this, probably abandoned due to lack of jobs or something sad. But it was beautiful, if tragic. I took some of my first photos there.” Ase smiled, remembering his old camera that used film you probably couldn’t buy anywhere but eBay these days. “At ten years old I thought it was the coolest camera ever, even though my parents got it for five bucks at a discount store. Best birthday present ever.

  “And that village made me want to see so much more of the world. I wanted to take picture anywhere I could. And I got lucky for a while there. London, Plage d’Arone in France…” He shot a smirk at Jase before looking back through his lens to snap a shot of a few cardinals sitting in a row on the roof ledge of an old church with a pine tree growing through it. “Munich.”

  He didn’t feel the same hurt thinking about Munich as he once had, there with Jase in the little city in the woods. He glanced up at Jase and stilled. There it was. The perfect shot. He wasn’t sure whether it was the man, the day, or his mood, but the moment was so much like when he’d first spotted Jase at the castle in Bavaria. Jase always managed to look like a fairy tale prince when he was looking up into the sun in these mystical places, with his golden hair shining and his pink lips formed into a dreamy smile.

  Jase’s attention was pulled by Ase having stopped, staring at him. Ase didn’t have it in him to blush as they stood looking at each other for a moment. Jase’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Ase felt his feet wanting to move toward Jase.

  He blinked, breaking the spell, shaking off the absurd need to claim the man. He cleared his throat before saying, “Uh, maybe we should head back.” He looked up into the waning daylight. “Looks like the light is gonna be gone before we make it back to your house.”

  Jase nodded once. “Yeah,” he said, sounding slightly disappointed, then surer as he repeated, “Yeah. Good idea.”

  They were quick about going back to the bike, Ase not ready to let reality totally creep back in yet, even if it was already pushing at the edges, as he put his camera away and handed Jase the helmet again.

  They made the ride back in a peaceful silence, his mind quieter than it had been in many, many months. He let himself soak in the feeling of having Jase wrapped around him, wishing they didn’t
just have a few more months together, that he wasn’t too ashamed to try to give Jase more than just friendship.

  When they got back to the ranch, Jase reminded Ase he’d bought food for them after work, so he accepted the invitation to stay for dinner.

  More companionable silence followed as they sipped on beers—thankfully ending some of Ase’s anxiety and his shaking hands—painfully making Ase think how amazing they’d have been together if he’d come to Jase years ago rather than make the decisions he had out of fear and pain and completely idiotic immaturity.

  Before he’d become a total piece of shit and still felt like he deserved a little happiness.

  As they sat to eat, they chatted about inconsequential things like Jase’s job in San Antonio and Ase’s schooling. He left out his shitty final year of med school. They weren’t fucking, so it wasn’t a necessary evil. Though, one day, even without the fucking, Jase would have to hear about it. He might not even want to be Ase’s friend after that, though Jase didn’t seem that childish. It sure would halt any relationship ideas Jase had.

  Hell, if he knew about Ase’s little side job, with his manly hang-ups that Ase saw shining through every once in a while, Jase would probably shut down any of these silly feelings.

  And with that thought, reality had officially come back home.

  Shit.

  Jase didn’t seem to be faring much better, his brow scrunched as he leaned back in his seat, rolling his beer bottle in his hand and staring off toward his mother’s house.

  “You okay?” Ase asked.

  Jase waved him off. “Nah. It’s been a nice night. I don’t wanna ruin it with family drama.”

  Ase wasn’t sure why he pushed, but he did. He’d heard a little about how Jase’s family had treated him back when they talked and a bit here and there since they got re-acquainted. He wanted to know Jase. Better than he thought he already did. “Don’t sweat it. I can tell it’s bothering you.”