Under Control

by Shannon Stacey

  The restaurant was the kind he’d seen in movies, with the snooty guy who made sure you knew you weren’t worthy of his time before reluctantly showing you to your table. That kind of attitude made Derek want to act like an ass, but this was Olivia’s neighborhood and he didn’t want to embarrass her.

  “Isn’t it beautiful here?” She looked around, smiling. “The food’s not quite as good as that place you’ve taken me, but the woodwork in here is stunning. And the art.”

  Things he generally looked for in a museum, not a restaurant, but he agreed it was beautiful and opened his menu.

  Holy shit. Did these people pay this much for dinner on a regular basis? He looked around, but nobody seemed to be celebrating anything in particular. Nothing that screamed special occasion. It was just a bunch of people eating food. Very expensive food.

  He turned his attention to Olivia as she opened the menu, expecting her eyes to get wide. Maybe she’d lean across the table and whisper something funny or outraged about the ridiculous prices. But she didn’t even blink.

  Because she was one of these people, he reminded himself. She was one of the people who could eat in a place like this without calculating how many hours’ worth of wages the meal would cost.

  “What are you going to have?” she asked, looking up from the menu.

  A glass of water and a package of oyster crackers? “I haven’t decided yet. What do you recommend?”

  The way she reeled off several dishes she correctly thought would tempt him confirmed it. This wasn’t her first time in this restaurant. Or even her second or third. This place, with its meal prices that exceeded the weekly grocery budgets of some people he knew, was a part of Olivia’s everyday life.

  It didn’t matter, he reminded himself. Trying to convince himself Olivia didn’t care about the material things that surrounded her was becoming a habit, but he was going to keep doing it because the alternative meant he was screwed. He’d been with the department a long time. He made good money and got good benefits, but unless he won the lottery, this kind of lifestyle was out of his reach. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to give all this up to move into his second-floor apartment.

  “Derek?”

  He looked across the table at her and didn’t have to force the smile that erased the slight concern in her expression. Right now, all that mattered was that he was here with the most gorgeous woman in the room. He’d missed her and he’d pay their ridiculous prices if it meant making her happy.

  “I’m trying to decide what to have,” he lied. “Everything sounds good.”

  Once he decided to relax and enjoy Olivia’s company, things improved. She told him about the people she met in Kansas City, and he teased her for never leaving the hotel to go in search of good Kansas City barbecue. She laughed a lot, looking beautiful in the fancy lighting setup the restaurant had.

  But he couldn’t help but notice how at ease she was here. And as they walked home after dessert—and after a long argument over who was paying, which he lost—hand in hand, he wondered if she felt as out of place in his neighborhood as he did in hers. They lived in different worlds.

  She’s out of your league.

  He didn’t want those words in his head anymore because they weren’t true of Olivia. But if there was a league, she played in the pros and he was minor league.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Derek was quiet when they got back to her apartment, which wasn’t really like him. He didn’t seem upset, really. Just lost in thought, but she couldn’t tell if they were good thoughts or bad thoughts. And she was a little afraid to ask and possibly spoil the night.

  He hadn’t been happy about her paying for dinner, and she wasn’t sure what—if anything—to do about that. She not only didn’t expect him to pay for everything just because he was the guy, but she thought that entire way of thinking was outdated and stupid. And she wouldn’t be shy about telling him so if he tried it.

  But the possibility had more to do with pride than being old-fashioned, and that was a far touchier subject. She wouldn’t have chosen that particular restaurant if she hadn’t assumed she’d be picking up the tab. It was overpriced, but it had good food and a really great atmosphere. She’d been there a few times with clients and she’d fallen in love with the place.

  So she’d thought, maybe if Derek had been about to tell her he loved her on the phone last night, that restaurant would be the perfect location for a conversation about how they felt and where they saw things going between them.

  She hoped things were going someplace good. There was no denying their relationship was serious. And she’d met his kids and they didn’t hate her.

  He walked to the living room windows, hands shoved in his pockets. “I still can’t believe this view. You have an amazing place, here.”

  So it was the money, she thought. “Thank you.”

  She wasn’t sure what else to say, since it wasn’t really her issue. The apartment was expensive. The restaurant had been expensive. She could afford them. If he was having trouble with that concept, he was going to have to come to terms with it because she wasn’t going to diminish herself or her accomplishments for the sake of his ego.

  And she’d like to think it was more of an adjustment than a problem for him. While he obviously had his pride, she didn’t think he was the kind of guy who’d feel emasculated by a woman earning more money.

  Then he turned away from the view to face her and his expression softened. “I was surprised by how much I missed you. Knowing you were that far away was tough on me.”

  “I like knowing you missed me, because I missed you, too.” She crossed the room to him, and he pulled her into his arms as he always did. Any trace of what might have been bothering him was gone, and she relaxed in his embrace.

  Now, she thought. If he’d been about to tell her he loved her on the phone and stopped himself, now was when he’d say the words and she desperately wanted to hear them.

  She loved him—was in love with him—and though she was fairly sure he felt the same way, until he said the words, she couldn’t be certain. If they were in love with each other, all of the doubts and obstacles could be overcome. She had to believe that.

  His gaze held hers so intensely, she shivered in his arms. But when his lips parted, it was to kiss her and not to speak. She sighed against his mouth, trying to shove her runaway thoughts to the back of her mind and lose herself in the kiss.

  He took her to bed and made love to her so thoroughly, she barely noticed when he got out of bed to dispose of the condom and turn off the lights. But when the mattress dipped again, she rolled into his arms. Morning was going to come early and she was exhausted, but she didn’t mind cuddling for a few minutes.

  Derek kissed her forehead, squeezing her tight. “I know I should go because you’ve probably got a big Monday ahead of you, but I just want to hold you for a bit.”

  And she wanted to be held, so she snuggled closer. “You were right when you said the distance made the missing harder. I felt far away from you.”

  “Because you were far away from me. Having you in my arms is much better.”

  I love you, Derek. She could say it. She could be the one who stepped out on that cliff, hoping he’d catch her.

  But she’d been so certain he was going to say it tonight and the fact he hadn’t held her back. Maybe she’d been wrong about his feelings for her—although she didn’t think so—or maybe he just wasn’t quite ready. And if he wasn’t ready, she didn’t want to put that pressure on him.

  Either way was scary, and she was still agonizing over whether or not to say the words when she drifted off to sleep.

  The alarm going off startled her awake, but when she reached for it, she was stopped short by the fact her hair was trapped under Derek’s arm. He stirred, releasing her, and she slapped her hand down on the off button.

  T
hey’d both fallen asleep, and it was Monday morning. Getting the day off to a good start set the tone for the week, and she usually got up and hit the ground running.

  “Five more minutes,” Derek muttered, and then he pulled her back into his arms. He was snoring again within seconds.

  Olivia smiled and allowed herself to relax her head on his shoulder. This really wasn’t a bad start to the day, either. Maybe not as productive as getting ready for work, but definitely more enjoyable.

  “Hey, Olivia, are you sick?”

  Kelsey’s voice echoing through the apartment confused her for a few seconds, until she realized she must have gone back to sleep and Derek’s five more minutes had become a lot more minutes.

  “I’ll be right out,” she called, wishing they’d closed the bedroom door even though they’d had no reason to.

  “You’re usually in the—” Kelsey appeared in the doorway and then froze. “Oh. Sorry.”

  Since she’d sat up, Olivia scrambled to make sure she was covered. And Derek was awake, too, and he just lifted a hand in greeting. She took a calming breath because this might not be how McGovern Consulting usually opened for business on Monday mornings, but she had nothing to be embarrassed about, either.

  “If you want to go in the office and get started, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she said, making sure her voice was level and professional.

  “No bacon?”

  She looked at Derek, who was smiling innocently up at her from the pillow. “No bacon.”

  “There’s yogurt in the fridge if you want one,” Kelsey called as she walked away.

  “So I assume that’s Kelsey?” he said, once they heard the office door close. They usually left it open, but she probably wanted to give them some semblance of privacy.

  “Yes. I’m usually ready for work by the time she gets here, so I’m already behind.”

  “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”

  She ran her hand over his chest, unable to help herself. “So did I. And you’re worth being a little late to work for.”

  That made him smile, and he lifted her hand from his chest to kiss the back of her knuckles. “I’m glad. I’m also glad I got to meet Kelsey, since I’ve heard so much about her. You’ve met my kids and the guys I work with. It’s about time I get to meet somebody in your life.”

  “Other than my parents, she’d be the most important person for you to meet,” she admitted. “She’s become a good friend as well as being the best assistant ever. But I should warn you, she’s young and maybe a little enthusiastic about me dating you. I think the whole trapped in an elevator thing really sparked her imagination.”

  “Oh, there were definitely sparks,” he said, giving her a look that had her scrambling to slide off her side of the bed before she forgot the workday had technically started and they weren’t alone.

  Because of what he’d said, Olivia made sure to properly introduce him to Kelsey before he left. Despite her warnings, her assistant was on her best behavior and hit the perfect balance of friendly and professional.

  Until Derek had kissed Olivia goodbye with a promise to call her later and they were alone.

  “Holy crap, Olivia. He’s hot.”

  “You’re the one who creeped on his Facebook pictures.”

  “I didn’t creep. And pictures don’t do him justice. I hope you’re planning to keep him.”

  Olivia laughed, though it sounded a little shaky. “It’s a little soon to make that decision.”

  Judging by her expression, Kelsey didn’t buy that for a second. “The fact you were still in bed when I got here tells me everything I need to know. There’s only one thing that could throw you off your game plan like that.”

  She tried to tell herself Kelsey was talking about great sex, but Olivia knew she meant love. The thing she and Derek apparently weren’t ready to talk about yet.

  But just as she’d known it was time for her to meet Julia and Isaac if they were going to move forward, she knew it was going to be time to talk about the future. Not making concrete plans, of course. They hadn’t been together long enough for that kind of commitment, but it didn’t change one basic fact.

  She did, in fact, want to keep him.

  * * *

  Dinner at the station on Tuesday was strangely quiet, which Derek knew shouldn’t be a surprise after the day they’d been having. A stubborn electrical fire in the walls of a commercial building had been chaotic and did a lot of damage. And they’d followed that up with an MVA with a fatality.

  He was almost done with his beef stew, mopping up the broth with a biscuit, when he put his finger on why the quiet seemed more oppressive than usual. Gavin and Grant were both talkers, seemingly incapable of not filling a silence. And once the thought was in his mind, he could see it. Gavin just looked quiet, but Grant looked...off. His face was set in hard lines and it was as though he’d put up a wall to keep everybody out.

  Maybe because he was wrapped up in his own thoughts of the I love you he’d wanted so badly to say to Olivia, but hadn’t been able to get out when the time should have been right, he hadn’t given a lot of thought to it. But now that he’d noticed it, he realized Grant hadn’t been himself all day.

  It wasn’t until the kitchen cleanup was almost done that the wall started to crack.

  “I’ve got some ice time for tomorrow,” Scott said. “Who’s in?”

  “I’m there,” Danny and Aidan said almost at the same time.

  “I’m in the mood for some hockey,” Gavin said. “Grant? You in?”

  Grant shook his head. “When I leave here, I’m heading straight home to New Hampshire for a couple days. I’ll probably hang out with my dad for a while. Put some miles on my four-wheeler. And the guy who does my Jeep is up there, and I want to talk to him about some more customizations and some paint touch-ups. Maybe new rims.”

  Derek whistled, holding up his hands. “Sounds pricey. What happened to saving up for a ring?”

  Grant’s jaw clenched for a few seconds before he lifted one shoulder in a half-ass shrug. “Not gonna need one now. That’s over.”

  “Oh, shit.” Derek let that sink in for a few seconds. It looked like Gavin already knew, but it had to have been recent because he’d been talking about cool places to honeymoon just last week. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know.”

  Seconds ticked by in awkward silence, but Derek wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to be there for the guy, but he couldn’t tell if he wanted to talk about it or not. Derek hadn’t wanted to talk about the divorce when he and Amber first split, and he’d hated how often people seemed to bring it up. He’d be having a decent day and then bam, some well-meaning person would ask him how his kids were taking the breakup.

  “I don’t even know what happened,” Grant finally said. “I called her to say goodnight, like I usually do, and she said it wasn’t working out for her and she didn’t want to see me anymore.”

  “Just out of nowhere?”

  “Yeah. We were fine and then she wanted out and wouldn’t say why. She just kept saying it wasn’t working for her, but I could tell she’d been crying. I kept asking her what was going on and she hung up on me.”

  “That sucks, kid,” Chris said. “It surprises me she’d do that to you. She didn’t seem like the type.”

  “I tried to call her back and it went to voicemail, so I went to her apartment and didn’t get an answer.” Grant shook his head. “It pissed me off that she wouldn’t tell me what was going on, so I decided to give it a couple days so I could cool off and maybe she would be over whatever was making her cry. Then I’d try to talk her into changing her mind or at least telling me why.”

  “That was probably the right thing to do,” Derek asked. “Cooling-off time, I mean.”

  “I thought so, until I tried to call her. A recording said her number was out of service, so I went back
to her apartment. I got no answer when I knocked, and then a kid from down the hall told me the lady who lived there had moved out and they hadn’t rented it yet, so nobody lived there.” He looked up then, his expression so bleak Derek felt some real concern for the guy’s state of mind. “She’s just gone.”

  Derek shook his head. “That’s a shitty thing to do, man. She could at least let you know what changed.”

  “I always knew she was holding back a little, but I took things slow until she started opening up and...fuck. I wanted to marry her and she didn’t give a shit enough about me to tell me why she wanted out. She just fucking ghosted.”

  His face flush with anger, Grant started to walk away, but then stopped and turned around. “And you know what the worst fucking part is? I still love her. I’m worried about her. I’m worried that she held back so much because of something in her past and whatever that thing is maybe didn’t stay in her past.”

  “Did you meet any of her family?” Rick asked. “Anybody you can reach out to?”

  Grant shook his head. “She never said it outright and I can’t really put my finger on specific things she said, but I always got the impression she’s pretty much alone in the world.”

  “I didn’t say anything because it didn’t go anywhere,” Gavin said, “but I looked around online and there’s basically nothing. And Cait has a friend with PD who was willing to ask a couple of questions off the record. The landlord said she told him she was leaving and he inspected the apartment and took the key directly from her when she was done clearing it out. Which he said happened fast and without notice, but there didn’t seem to be anything off other than that. And the only emergency contact listed on the paperwork he had was her boss, and she quit her job. And the emergency contact on her employment application was her landlord.”

  “How is that even possible?” Grant demanded to nobody in particular. “How the fuck can a person not have somebody who knows anything about them?”

  “I don’t know,” Gavin said. “That was about as far as Cait’s friend could or would go as a favor, but he said there’s not really any sense in filing a missing person report because as far as he can tell, she just up and moved. And the landlord didn’t ask where or why. It’s the kind of place with a high turnover and he doesn’t care.”