Three Times a Lady [Hell's Delight 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Karen Mercury

  “I know,” agreed Autumn, unashamed to be wiping a tear away. “It feels so right to be back here again, listening to this shitty music.”

  “Hey,” said Clayton, overhearing. “I resemble that. It just sounds shitty because it’s Noel playing the guitar.”

  “Yeah,” said Lars. “I’m just doing the dishes in the background.”

  Autumn nodded at Lars. “And you play a pretty mean pair of spoons.”

  Mia laughed, but she seemed to want to draw Autumn off to one side. “And I need to thank you for talking Noel into giving me a percentage of the royalties from this song.”

  “What?” Autumn’s mind was truly a blank.

  “This song, ‘Red Daisies.’ Noel’s going to clean it up and release the whole demo as a kind of ‘unplugged’ thing, and he’s giving me a percentage of the royalties to help me get back on my feet. You…didn’t know about that?”

  “No, but I think it’s a savage idea!” Autumn took Mia by the upper arms and shook her. That would be typical of Noel to give Mia the royalties instead of just writing her a check. This way she would feel that she had done something to deserve it. Her house had been beaten to the ground by their partying for years, and now the house was giving back. “What Sam did to you was inexcusable. Maybe Noel wants to help redeem the male sex or something.”

  In a lower voice, Mia said, “Or he wants to redeem himself for doing shitty manly things to you, too.”

  “Oh, I doubt it. If that was the case he’d be giving me the royalties, right?”

  The women laughed, but their happiness was short-lived. Autumn’s phone in her hip pocket buzzed. Alex. She had convinced Alex to text her first with any developments since she was the one who stood to lose the most at the hands of the Freestyle Killer. For instance, she had already gotten “Burt Chance’s” real name—Ralph Twice—out of Alex, and now he was texting to tell her that the Helping Hand-Job van had been found abandoned on Lay-Z-Boy Ranch land. Autumn pulled Ewan aside and showed him the text.

  “So basically the agent staking out the House of Pain is waiting for a van that’ll never arrive,” said Autumn.

  “And you and I are the only ones who know what Ralph Twice looks like.”

  “Well, aside from that shitty army photo the agent must be using. Katrina knows what he looks like, too, but Alex wouldn’t let her stake out the gym.”

  Ewan sighed deeply. “I know what you’re thinking, Autumn. I can see the wheels turning in your head.”

  Autumn smiled innocently. “Oh, am I that obvious? And I need you, because you’re the one with the pistol. Let’s start in an hour, after everyone’s had their fun here.”

  “You do know it could take days before Ralph decides he wants to work out again. He could’ve already come and gone in front of that agent’s eyes, wearing a hat or whatever. His hair’s already ten times longer than the army picture.”

  “I know. And he’d be an even bigger moron than we suspect if he wore the camo do-rag again after knowing we were chasing him the other day. I’m telling you, Ewan. I’m the only person who can point out the guy. And you. Don’t we want him off our backs? Don’t we want him arrested?”

  “All right, but listen. I want you sitting in the van with the agent. It makes sense for you to help him. But I don’t want you getting out of the fucking van, do you understand?”

  “Understand.”

  Autumn rejoined the group around her father. Rick and Noel were laughing about the time Noel had accompanied Rick to his barbershop singing show in Auburn, and Noel had joined him onstage to sing “Old Folks at Home” with fifteen other swinging guys.

  Autumn tried to insert a few statements that might jog her father’s memory that she’d been there, too. But it was painfully obvious he had no idea who she was. Whenever he looked at her, the mirth and hilarity would fall from his face, to be replaced with blankness.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I liked your father. He was strict and old school, but he loved you.”

  Autumn had been talking a lot about parents lately, ever since the party at Mia’s where her father had been lucid enough to recognize her for a few seconds.

  Noel knew it was part of the catharsis, letting go of the person a parent had been, to talk about them. Besides, they had nothing else to do sitting in the truck Noel had borrowed from Devin. It wasn’t like they even had ears on anyone—they were just watching a very boring, and mind-numbingly ugly building.

  The FBI agent, Andre, assigned to the pet-grooming van parked a block away was a nice enough guy but had probably done so many of these interminable stakeouts that he could sleep with his eyes open. He had not allowed the trio inside his van, so they had set up their own stakeout. Andre couldn’t tell them to leave. It was public property. Plus, this way Ewan could pack his gun.

  Yesterday, it had been exciting, at first. Now, not so much. They would wait here until eleven when the gym closed. Ewan was going back to work in the morning. If Ralph Twice arrived at the gym tomorrow while Ewan was at work with his pistol, they were screwed—even Andre had to call for backup in case of a Ralph sighting, and that would take a while. They discussed getting Orlando to take Ewan’s place. Without a gun they had only Noel’s fists to persuade Twice to listen to reason. Noel was an athletic rock musician, but he hadn’t kicked anyone’s ass since high school. Besides, the Freestyle Killer was obviously armed with at least a very sharp knife, and possibly a gun.

  So, they’d been talking about parents the past few hours. Noel said, “What gives you the idea my father loved me? You’re just saying that to make me happy. All he ever did was yell.”

  “No, seriously, Noel.” Autumn sat between the two men on the truck’s bench seat. Truthfully, they’d been tempted into a bit of hankie pankie, but ultimately they’d stopped. It wouldn’t do to be arrested for public indecency and have Ralph walk by right under their noses, probably laughing. “One time you were in the bathroom or whatever, and your dad started talking about how great you’d done in school, your grade point average.”

  Noel scoffed. “Well, if that happened, and I have to believe you because I trust you, it would figure he could only compliment me behind my back. I’ve never once heard a compliment like that to my face.”

  Ewan said, “Lots of parents are like that. I was always jealous of the kids who had hugely supportive parents. I just don’t understand it. My dad just talked about what a loser I was because I wasn’t becoming an engineering professor like him.”

  “Exactly!” Noel pointed a righteous finger at Ewan. “My father was only an auto mechanic, but I somehow found the only profession he could look down on.”

  “Nothing wrong with auto mechanics.” Autumn’s lower lip was stuck out stubbornly, making her look even more adorable than usual. “And you had to deal with losing him, slowly, to the cancer. I’m sorry I was in Colorado.” She squeezed Noel’s hand.

  Noel wasn’t above playing the sympathy card, though. He knew Autumn was trying to learn from his experience. “It wasn’t easy. It was just Paul and me and our uncle Liam. We brothers were both out of Hell’s Delight by the time he died. I was on a damned world tour and Paul was recording an Adam Lambert album.”

  Autumn swiveled her head to look at Noel. “Are you serious?”

  “Serious as a heart attack.” Noel was glad he could distract Autumn from her father’s situation for a second. “He played keyboards for Lady Gaga the month after that.”

  Autumn gaped. “Paul? The guy who was more interested in making bongs out of carburetors?”

  Noel chuckled fondly. “That Paul. Anyway, I did visit Dad several times, of course. Each time he was worse than the last. It became sort of a weird, twisted blessing that pancreatic cancer is very aggressive, because I don’t know if I could’ve tolerated him lingering longer. And I didn’t even have to see him every day, like you have.”

  Autumn looked awfully mopey, and Noel was about to kiss her, but she said, “I think we can risk a little blow job, do
n’t you? Ewan, let’s make a daisy chain. I’ll suck Noel, and you—”

  “Wait.” Ewan was holding up a cautionary hand as he looked out the window. “Who’s that?”

  Though Noel only saw a vague, shadowy figure that could’ve been anyone crossing the House of Pain’s parking lot, his hands automatically went to grip Autumn’s shoulders. They were supposed to signal Andre by turning on and off their headlights twice, but now that suddenly seemed like an archaic, dangerous thing to do. “You think that’s him?” he asked Autumn. “He’s wearing glasses.”

  Autumn leaned forward in her seat, squinting at the muscular guy, “Yes, Ralph wears glasses. That’s him!”

  She jumped, making Noel jump, and Ewan said, “Wait for him to get inside, then let’s go, Noel.”

  Autumn’s part had always been to stay inside the truck, but she jostled Ewan to leave the truck now. “Get out. I’m going to tell Andre.”

  Noel cried in a high-pitched voice, “Stay! Stop acting like a maggot. He’s not even inside the fucking door! You don’t want him seeing us, do you?”

  Ewan’s hand was on the door handle, his eyes like an eagle on the swimming pool murderer. It suddenly occurred to Noel that there was a pool inside the House of Pain. The feds had closed down all public swimming pools within fifty miles, but this one wasn’t public. He found himself thinking aloud. “He could have a body inside whatever vehicle he just jumped out of.” He squeezed Autumn’s hand so hard he could have easily broken her fingers. “Autumn, text Alex. He can get here faster than Andre’s men can mobilize.”

  The next thing Noel knew, he found himself tearing ass across the parking lot. Ewan was right at his side for a while, and Noel heard a sharp “Hey!” barked out from behind him. It was Andre, probably wondering what the fuck they were doing, taking matters into their own hands when they were just supposed to notify the feds of a Ralph sighting. But three hundred people had entered and left the gym today. Why would Andre snap into action at the sight of this one harmless bespectacled guy carrying a gym bag?

  They entered the front glass doors of the lobby just as Ralph Twice went through the swinging doors marked “pool.” Noel had scoped the building out earlier, so he knew one could access the locker room this way, too. Soundlessly, they followed Ralph past the first set of swinging doors, but Noel dug his fingers into Ewan’s arm to prevent him from going past the second set of doors.

  “Let’s just keep an eye on him,” said Noel. “Let the feds arrest him.”

  But Ewan’s hand was actually on his pistol grip in its hip holster. Maybe Noel hadn’t noticed how pissed off Ewan was until now. His nostrils flared violently, and daggers practically shot from his eyes as he watched Ralph Twice squat beside the swimming pool and dangle his fingers in the water. Ralph looked out thoughtfully over the sparkling sheet of chlorinated water. Like he’s wondering whether to dump Mr. Freeley’s body into the adult end or the kiddie end.

  “We’ve got him right here, Noel,” gritted Ewan. “This is the asshole driving that Helping Hand-Job van. The asshole that likes to watch cops swarm over his crime scenes. The asshole that lured me to that stupid storage unit with a poster of a kidnapped boy.”

  Noel had to rattle his lover even harder. “I know. But we have to wait for Andre to call—”

  Ewan practically breathed fire as he glared at Noel. “The asshole who is chopping up combat veterans and ripping out their spines.”

  Noel was more sober this time. “I know. But we have to wait—”

  “Excuse me.”

  Some dipstick trying to get into the pool area bumped them with his giant gym bag. The commotion caused Ralph to look over, and Noel thought he saw recognition and surprise in Ralph’s face. At nine o’clock on a crisp April night, only four other people swam in the pool, and naturally no one else turned to watch as some gobshite sauntered into the men’s locker room.

  But Ralph had seen them, the two Stooges watching idiotically with heads stacked up peering at him around the corner of the swinging door. It was easy to recognize Noel, especially with his blue-tinted glasses. Additionally, Ralph had obviously stalked them or at least studied them, to know that Ewan had lost a son to a kidnapper. So he’d know who Ewan was, as well.

  “Oh, shit,” said Noel quietly.

  “Yeah,” agreed Ewan. “Oh, shit.”

  Ralph slowly stood, his hands dangling at his sides. He narrowed his already-beady eyes at the two men then stooped to snatch up his gym bag. He shot pure hatred at the two men he probably saw as privileged—that’s what Alex had told them the criminal profilers had figured out about Ralph Twice. Ralph thought only disadvantaged, low-income men joined the army and got sent into combat zones. The rich and privileged went straight to Officer Candidate School, Ralph thought, according to the profilers. As a result, Ralph preyed upon disadvantaged veterans because in a twisted way he thought they’d want to sacrifice themselves for the higher cause. Ralph’s determination was to find a cure for John Tremaine’s paralysis, although his only background in medicine was as a medic in Iraq. Apparently Ralph had come unglued while laboring over Tremaine’s mangled body, blown apart in some godforsaken Iraqi burg.

  It was actually a very poignant and sad story, if the criminologists were correct. But Ralph’s psyche had maladjusted to the incident, and post-traumatic stress had led him down a dark path. Noel couldn’t feel sorry for him, especially not now as Twice purposefully led them with great intent into the men’s locker room. Noel’s fingers scrabbled at Ewan’s sleeve, but the determined gaucho was already striding across the poolside cement.

  “Ewan!” Noel said insistently, lamely following. “Didn’t you see his face? He’s leading us into the locker room! He’s got something planned.”

  Ewan growled, “Yeah, well, I’ve got something planned, too.”

  “Don’t be stupid.” They reached the locker room doors, still swinging from Twice’s entrance. Noel saw nothing in the few inches of space other than a guy’s naked butt as he put a leg on a bench to towel dry it. “We can’t have a shootout in a gym with all these people around. Look, there’s another exit at the far end of that row of lockers. I’ll bet Twice went out—”

  “Stay here.” And, becoming quite the picture of the ultimate cowboy, Ewan kicked the door open and strode into the locker room. Noel had no choice but to follow.

  However, their grand splash into the long, tiled room was anticlimactic. They stood side by side like two western sheriffs, but only the naked guy looked blankly up at them. “Huh,” said Noel. “I guess you were right. I guess he must’ve left by another—”

  A sudden flash out of the corner of his eye had Noel spinning around, jumping away from Ewan. It took him a few seconds to comprehend that Twice must have been hiding behind the door, for all Noel saw was a blur of limbs and enraged faces as the two men tangled.

  Twice, having the advantage of surprise, had been basically on top of Ewan from the start, pounding away at Ewan’s face. Without forethought, Noel jumped on Twice’s back and whaled away ineffectively. He pummeled Twice’s back and head mercilessly, but it seemed to have no effect. It felt like a dream fight where one punched with all of their might, affecting the other person like a feeble feather. Noel’s hardest pounding didn’t seem to slow Twice down any, and soon Noel was bucked off the two men. They rolled across the tiles, Ewan now with the upper hand as he smashed his fist into Twice’s rubbery face.

  Next, Noel found himself clutching one of those small racquetball rackets. The naked guy—now attempting to crawl into an open locker—must have been playing with it. It had been on the bench and now it was in Noel’s hand as he smashed it over Twice’s head, yelling, “You fucking bogger! You moldy fucking gobshite!”

  Noel felt some satisfaction in both the smashing and the reaction he finally got from Twice. Or maybe it was the facial pounding Ewan was applying to the Swimming Pool Murderer. Either way, the force of the tide suddenly switched in their favor, and it appeared Twice just wanted to
get away.

  He crabbed out from underneath Ewan, clutching at his face for his glasses that had flown off somewhere in the fight. He didn’t linger long, though, not waiting for Ewan to clamber to his feet. Twice turned and, as Noel had predicted, made a beeline for the heavy metal door under a red exit sign at the other end of the locker room. If Noel recalled correctly, there was a little privacy chamber in between the locker room and an adjoining aerobics workout room.

  “You okay?” Noel didn’t need to ask, though. Although blood trickled from Ewan’s already crooked nose, Ewan just absentmindedly wiped it off with the back of his hand and lurched toward the exit sign like some murderous, injured superhero.

  Ewan’s bravery rubbed off on Noel and he followed close behind, patting the naked guy reassuringly on the arm as he ran past, shoving the racquet at him. The guy cringed from the bloody sports equipment as though it were a turd, so Noel kept it. He might need it.

  In the dimmed, empty workout room, Noel was dumbfounded to see Ewan actually pull his pistol on Twice just as the last Zumba patron did the James Brown out the main door. Twice flailed around by an elliptical machine, throwing his arms up in the air. What was he doing? Noel’s glasses were tinted, so although Twice may have been blind without glasses, Noel had to squint in the darkened workout room.

  He felt confident he was good with words, so he roared out in his best booming arena voice, “Twice! We know you’re the Freestyle Killer. We know you’re trying to help these soldiers.” He’d seen a few procedurals in his time, and he knew how the cops sometimes succeeded in getting the perp to surrender if they pretended to have empathy with him. “We know you’re pissed off about the crappy benefits they’re getting.” He was just making a shot in the dark based upon what Alex had told him the criminal profilers had concluded.