Ugly
Page 11
“Aren’t you going on a full scholarship?”
“I am, but I still need money for back-up.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Hey, are you going home?”
“Yeah I am. I can’t get in touch with Trent, so I’m just going to walk.”
His eyes fly wide open. “Are you crazy? You can’t walk home on your own, not this late. Just give me five so I can get Shayne’s candy and I’ll drive you.”
“No, it’s okay. I could do with the exercise. I’ve put on so much weight lately, and I really need to get rid of it.”
Liam goes to take a step toward the store, but instead he stops and turns to look at me. “What? You think you’re fat?”
I nod my head and tap my hips and thighs. “See, hefty hips and thunder thighs.” That’s what Trent said I have.
“You can’t be serious, Lily. You’d be lucky to be a hundred pounds, fully clothed and soaking wet. And you’re what five foot seven? No way are you fat.”
“Close. I’m five foot six, and ninety-five pounds. I’ve put on ten pounds. It’s so obvious, look at my thighs. Worst of all are my hips.”
Liam looks at me with an unbelieving look, “Really?”
“Yes, look.” I hit my thighs again and watch them jiggle.
“Lily, if anything, you’re underweight. You should eat more, not less. And besides, it’s not safe to walk home alone in the dark.”
“What? You must need glasses, because I’m a fat cow.”
Liam shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Whatever, but I’m not letting you walk home, anything can happen to a pretty girl like you.” Now I know Liam’s just being nice. “I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t start walking home.” He points to me as he walks backward into the store. “I’m serious, I’ll only be a few minutes.”
I smile at him, “Okay, I’ll wait.” I go and sit on a bench which is a few feet away and wait for Liam to come back out. When he does, he’s hold a shopping bag and he’s swinging it. He looks so young and carefree, and really at twenty, he is.
“I got her a selection of things so she can’t complain. Not that she would.” I stand as he approaches me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
“Thanks,” I say, because really I didn’t want to walk home in the dark, but I also didn’t want to inconvenience Liam either.
“Your chariot, milady,” he teases as he opens my door. It makes me laugh, because Liam’s kind of a goof.
Once we’re in the car, he turns the music off and asks, “You excited about college?”
“Yeah I am. I’m looking forward to it.”
“What will you be doing?”
“I want to be an English teacher, so I’ll be studying to become one.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, why?” I look at him and he’s got a smirk on his face.
“With how smart Shayne says you are, I’m amazed you’re not going to be more. Like a doctor or a lawyer or something fancy like that.”
“What? I’m not smart enough to do anything like that, and besides, English is my favorite thing in the world. Books and reading. I figure seeing as I can’t write a book, I may as well learn how to teach it to kids.” Liam chuckles and shakes his head. “What? Turn here.” I point to the right.
“You really underestimate yourself, Lily. Shayne said you were always second guessing yourself and I didn’t believe her. Now, I see what she means. You’re gorgeous and smart, don’t let anyone else tell you anything different. But mostly, don’t let yourself try to talk you out of how smart you are.”
His statement leaves a heaviness in the car, and I almost want to jump out and go the rest of the way on foot. I feel under the spotlight, as if all eyes are on me. Watching to see what I’m going to say or do. “Yeah, okay,” I say, desperately trying to find something to say to break the dense energy swirling around. “Turn left up there.” Although I’m giving him directions to the Hackly residence, I still feel the weight sitting on my chest.
When we get to the Hackly’s, Liam pulls up in front. “Thank you for the ride,” I say as I get out of the car.
“Anytime. See ya,” he responds happily.
Maybe I’m reading too much into what he said, or maybe he’s just trying to save me from any further embarrassment. I close the door to his car and walk up the driveway to the front door.
I go into my room, change into my pajamas and lie down. Grabbing my copy of The Crucible, I start reading it again. But the words seem all jumbled on the page. Not that I can’t read them, more like everything that’s happened tonight is trying to force its way to the front of my mind.
Trying to focus I’m consumed, absolutely eaten away by the man in the deli, Max. The way he winked at me, it was as if he noticed me. Saw past the ugly exterior, and the broken interior. From a distance he didn’t see the damage, he just saw a girl.
As I slip into unconsciousness, I dream of a time when I was a little girl. Mom, Dad, me and a little blond boy playing in the park. Happiness wrapping around us, laughter touching us to the very core.
“Who the fuck brought you home?” I startle awake to Trent jumping on my chest as he sits on me and open-handedly smacks me across the face. The smell of alcohol is so coarse and dense that it overtakes me.
“What?” I struggle against his entire weight on me.
“Dad said a guy brought you home, who the hell is it?”
“Liam brought me home. He offered to drive me. It was late, Trent. I swear nothing happened.”
“You stupid bitch, what do you take me for?” He slaps me again and this time I cringe as his hand descends onto my cheek.
“I swear, nothing happened. He brought me home, that’s it. Nothing else.”
Trent goes to hit me again, but this time I close my eyes and cover my face. “Nothing happened?” he half slurs.
“Nothing at all. He was getting candy for Shayne and saw me walking out. That’s all. Nothing else.”
“Oh, baby.” He collapses on top of me and starts kissing me. “You make me so mad sometimes. I’m sorry, baby, but next time just walk like I said for you to, okay? If you just did what I told you to do, then I wouldn’t have been angry.”
He’s hugging me, and through the overwhelming alcohol smell, I can also smell a rose-like perfume. It’s strong, like he’s sprayed cologne on, but what man sprays a floral scent on his skin? “Sorry,” I say, knowing I probably should’ve just walked home.
“It’s okay. I love you. You just make me crazy with how much I love you. I just want you safe, and I can’t stand the thought of another man having his hands on you.” He kisses my cheek where he hit me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Move over, I’m going to sleep here tonight. I need to be close to you.” I know what that means. He wants to have sex with me.
“I’m tired, Trent.”
“I’ll be quick, then you can go to sleep.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes hoping the next few minutes will be over quickly.
“Get dressed, we’re going out” Trent says as he comes into my room.
“Where are we going?” I ask as I close The Crucible and leave it laying on the bed.
“We’ve officially graduated and I’m taking my girl out for dinner.”
I smile at Trent and get a warm tingle throughout my body. He wants to take me out. “I bought a new dress. It’s the first nice dress I’ve ever owned,” I say enthusiastically.
“Did you? I don’t remember you asking me if you could spend any money,” he says as he flops down on my bed, and pushes my book to the floor.
“I didn’t realize I had to ask you,” I declare.
“You do now, next time just ask. Okay, babe?”
“Um…” Why should I ask how I spend the money I work hard for? It’s my money, if I want to buy something pretty for myself, then why can’t I?
“It’s still your money, babe, but you don’t want to spend it on something t
hen regret it because you can’t buy a textbook you may need. I know you have a scholarship and all, but what if you need it?”
I can see the reason in that. “That makes sense, but it’s not like I’ve been spending my money on anything. I tried talking to your dad about paying him board, but he wouldn’t hear of it.”
“Of course he wouldn’t, because he knows we’re in love and I’ll do anything for you. Anyway, you have an hour to get ready. Show me this dress you bought, without my permission.” He smiles at me.
I go to the closet and take my dress out. It’s dark green, with thin straps and it’s fitted all the way to my knee with a small side split. “Do you like it?”
“Huh? Well that’s a bit shorter than I thought it would be. But I’m sure it’ll look good on you. Go have a shower and get ready. I want you to leave your hair down, it looks better than those ponytails you always put it up in for work.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
I take my clothes and toiletries to the bathroom, jump in the shower and wash. When I get out, I quickly towel dry my hair and blow dry it straight. My hair is still mousy, and doesn’t really have a lot of body or a pleasing color, but tonight it looks really good.
I’m feeling really good about myself. I’ve applied a little bit of make-up, not that I know how to do it properly. I go into my room, put on my dress and step into some flat shoes Mrs. Hackly bought me when I first moved here.
I walk out and go to the family room, where Trent is sitting with his mom and dad. “There she is,” Mr. Hackly says and Trent looks up from his phone.
“Shit, Lily.” I smile because Trent can’t take his eyes off me. He’s looking me up and down. “You look good.” I beam with pride.
“You look beautiful, dear,” Mrs. Hackly says, as she stands to come over and kiss my cheek.
“Thank you,” I say to both of them. Mr. Hackly doesn’t say anything. He just continues to look at me.
“You ready to go?” Trent asks. I nod and step toward the door. “Are you bringing a purse?”
“I didn’t know I was going to need it. I’ll go get it.” I go back into my room and grab my purse to bring it with us. I don’t have a bag other than my back-pack I used to take to school and work.
We walk out to the car, and Trent can’t keep his eyes off me. “You look good enough to eat, Lily.” He drags his hand down and rests it on top of my bottom.
“Thank you,” I say, happy that I look good for Trent.
“You’re gonna love the restaurant I booked. It’s real nice. It’s The White Swan. You know which one that is don’t you?”
“You’re taking me to The White Swan?” I sound giddy and excited. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Shayne said Liam took her there and she loved it. She said the shrimp was the best thing she’s ever tasted. Maybe I’ll try it,” I eagerly say.
“The sky’s the limit tonight, babe. Whatever you want, you can get. And don’t worry about it going to your hips because tomorrow you can wake up and go for a run.”
“A run? I’m working tomorrow. I’ll be at work all day.”
“You don’t want to keep looking like a pig do you? You’ll have to start exercising so you lose that huge ass of yours.” I look down at my legs and suck in my stomach. “But tonight, don’t worry about your weight.”
“Okay,” I say, but I sound disheartened, because truthfully I am.
We arrive at the restaurant and all the patrons look so beautiful and elegant. I feel out of place here because now I know my bottom looks really big, which means I look fat in comparison to all the women here. I stand behind Trent and discretely pull my dress down so it’s covering me and hopefully people won’t look at my big butt.
“Sir, ma’am, I’ll show you to your table,” the maître‘d says, as he leads us through the busy restaurant. The lights are dim and there’s a lot of chatter happening as we walk past the tables. People are elegant and stunningly dressed in lovely gowns and suits.
We reach a table and I see Audrey and Jason sitting at the table the maître‘d has lead us to. They’re sitting close together and Jason has his arm around the back of Audrey’s chair.
“Trent,” I whisper as I hold onto his arm.
“What?”
“What are they doing here?”
“They’re joining us.”
“Audrey doesn’t like me. Why would you invite her?” I whisper trying not to drag attention to myself.
“Get over it, Lily. They’re my friends, and I want them here.” He goes and sits down, and I’m left red-faced in front of them and the maître‘d. He pulls my chair out for me, pretending not to have been witness to the very embarrassing exchange.
I sit between Trent and Jason and listen to the conversation they’re having. They’re loud and embarrassing, talking about their school.
“How does it feel coming out at the top of the class?” Audrey asks. Her delivery is somewhat bitchy.
“It’s okay,” I say as I pick my water glass up and have a drink. The waiter comes and takes our orders and brings us all our drinks. The three of them are having a great conversation, it easily flows for them and they keep excluding me by talking about the times they have together.
Jason is Trent’s best friend, and Jason is also dating Audrey. I stand to go to the bathroom, excusing myself from the table, but none of the three are paying any attention to me.
I go to the bathroom and stand looking at myself in the powder room mirror. The door swings open, and in comes Audrey in all her absolute perfection. She has beautiful, silken, black hair and the most amazing green eyes I’ve ever seen. She may not be ugly on the outside like me, but she’s ugly on the inside, where it counts most.
“You look good, Lily. Amazing really, well amazing for a river rat,” she spits at me as she comes to stand behind me, holding my gaze in the mirror.
“You look beautiful, too,” I say trying to ignore her horribly spiteful remark.
She moves in closer and I get a hint of her floral perfume as she moves my hair to the side, exposing my neck to her. “You know,” she whispers, her mouth dangerously close to my skin. “The other night while you were working.” She sweeps her mouth down on my neck and slightly kisses me. “Jason, Trent and I had a really good night.” She pushes her breast into my back. “So good, I couldn’t walk the next day.” She steps back and smiles at me, then turns and goes into one of the cubicles.
Slumping my shoulders, I wash my hands as quickly as possible and go back to the table. When I return I notice Trent’s moved closer to where Audrey’s chair is. I sit down and let the last few moments fully register.
Trent is cheating on me with Audrey, and not only that, he shared her with his best friend. How sick is that? All while I was at work.
“You alright, babe?” Trent asks, but doesn’t bother waiting for my reply before turning back to Jason and talking to him.
“Did you have sex with her?” I ask not caring who can hear me and who can’t.
“What? Who?” He quickly turns his head back to me and sits forward.
“Audrey. Did you have sex with her while we’ve been dating?”
“What? No!” he shrieks. “I swear, baby, I haven’t touched her. Never.” He looks at me and holds my gaze. I can feel myself getting angrier.
Audrey comes back, sits down and both Trent and Jason glare at her. “What?” she says and looks straight at me. “I don’t know what she said to you, but I didn’t touch her.”
“No, you kissed my neck and told me you slept with both Trent and Jason together.” I feel like I’m finally able to say something and stick up for myself.
“You lying, bitch. Why would I say anything like that? I’m not even interested in Trent like that.”
Our food arrives and everyone goes quiet as it’s placed in front of us. But suddenly, I’m not feeling hungry. The server leaves and Audrey, with a smug look, starts eating. Jason does too, and sneaks a look over to Trent who smirks and continues to eat.
The meal is eaten in complete silence. I can’t hear anyone talking, and it feels as if the entire eating area is waiting to see who is going to break first.
Once the meal has been eaten, Audrey looks at me and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “You think I had sex with your man? Let me tell you something, Lily. I could have anyone I want, and if I wanted him, I’d take him.”
“Audrey,” Jason warns her in a low, hushed tone.
“Just don’t lie to me,” I say as I look among the three of them.
Trent’s face changes color. He turns pink, then red from the fury he’s attempting to conceal. I can tell he’s mad, and so he should be. Audrey is saying things to me, and about me, which are offensive.
“I can’t believe this shit, and I can’t believe you,” she says as she stands and gets her bag. “Jason, take me home.”
Jason stands and throws his napkin on the table. “Nice one, Lily,” he says and goes after Audrey.
I put my elbows on the table and bury my face in my hands. The entire restaurant is looking, I can feel every set of eyes on me, and I’m beyond humiliated.
“You know what, Lily?” Trent says. I peek out from behind my hands and find him standing beside me. “You’ve disgraced me in front of my best friend and his girl. I really can’t believe the fuss you’ve created. You can walk home. I’m going out tonight. How dare you embarrass me in front of my friends!” He walks out of the restaurant.
I’m left sitting on my own, on a night that was supposed to have been about us. Instead, I’m mortified and alone. I get up and walk toward the front door.
“Mademoiselle,” the maître‘d calls to me as I’m about to walk out the door.
“Yes, sir.” I turn back to him.
He walks over to me and gently puts his hand on the small of my back. He leans down and whispers, “They are not nice people. You shouldn’t be around them.”