Risk

by Baylin Crow

  ---

  On the short cab ride to my uncle’s, I hadn’t given much thought to explaining my need to stay in the guesthouse again. Thankfully, he wasn’t there when I arrived. Mags opened the door with a bright smile.

  “What a nice surprise.” She wrapped me in a warm hug, but as she pulled back, her expression betrayed her concern. She was dressed in a robe and her eyes were drowsy. It had to be near eleven at night and I’d woken her. My eyes traveled the sky to the bright moon and surrounding stars. Shit. I should have called. “Come in.” She pulled me inside and led me to the kitchen. “Is everything all right? Are you hungry? I made a casserole earlier I can heat up for you.” She began pulling a foil-covered plate from the refrigerator.

  “Uh, actually…” I cleared my throat and leaned my hip on the countertop. “I haven’t talked to Uncle Pete, but do you think it’s okay if I moved back into the guesthouse for a little while?” I couldn’t stop my voice from shaking.

  Her eyebrows dipped, and she frowned as she slid the plate back in and closed the door. “Is everything all right, honey?”

  Mags was an angel, but I’d rather talk about anything than what was actually wrong. The fact that my soul ached in a way that I never would’ve expected was making it hard to look neutral. I managed to nod but couldn’t form the words.

  Her brow wrinkled. “What happened to you staying with Asher?”

  “Things didn’t work out.” I tried to keep my answer vague, but she pressed like a nosey, good-hearted aunt.

  “What do you mean they didn’t work out?”

  “It just wasn’t working for either of us.” I shrugged and glanced away. She wasn’t going to get any information from me. When she sighed and patted my arm, I assumed she’d let it go, at least for now.

  “You don’t need to wait for my husband to get home. You always have a place to stay here. I wish you’d tell me what’s going on, but I can respect your privacy. And don’t worry about your uncle, dear. He won’t mind.”

  He may not mind, but he’d have questions.

  I wasn’t wrong. Not long after I got settled in, there was a knock at the guesthouse door.

  “Come in,” I hollered. Pete let himself in and stood just inside the door. His big frame filled the entryway.

  “Mags says you’re planning to stay here.” It wasn’t a question, but he wanted a response, so I repeated what I’d told my aunt.

  “Did something happen?” he asked.

  “No, we just didn’t work as roommates.” I couldn’t read his expression. When I didn’t elaborate, he simply nodded, looking like he was working something out in his head.

  “The rumors true then?” he finally asked.

  I worked hard to school my features and hide the shock that had caught me off guard. I hadn’t known there were rumors, but if it was about Asher and me, it was easy to work out who’d spread them. Ever since the night we all went out together, I had put two and two together and figured out it had been Brody who’d overheard that scene in the club hallway. Brody had a big mouth.

  If I told Pete the truth, I had no idea how he’d react. And while I didn’t want to alienate my family with secrets or lies, I didn’t want Asher to have any trouble with his career. It was obvious how much it meant to him with the amount of work he put in and the fact that he’d chosen it over me. The thought sent another crushing wave over me, and I had no idea how to respond, so I just stood there.

  I hadn’t cried since I was a little kid and I didn’t want to start now. That Asher, a man, was the one who could drive me to my knees with a broken heart wasn’t as hard to believe as it used to be. In fact, it struck me as inevitable, like I couldn’t imagine anyone ever making me feel the way he had. No woman had ever gotten this far under my skin and definitely not into my heart.

  “What rumors?” I asked. My voice was unsteady and I swallowed hard.

  He studied my face carefully before seeming to come to a decision. “You and Asher. He’s not a bad guy, Drew. Whatever happened, I hope you and he can work it out.”

  My mouth dropped open. I wanted to argue, to deny anything, but my emotions won out. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  He pulled at the collar of his shirt before stepping forward to grip my shoulder. “I’m not going to pretend I saw this coming. Honestly, I had no idea that you were, you know. That you liked men. Asher neither. But I want you to know that whatever is happening between you two is okay.”

  “I had no idea either,” I admitted miserably.

  He frowned at that. “Yeah?” he asked and released my shoulder.

  “Yeah. I’ve never…” I shrugged. “He’s different.”

  He gripped the back of his neck. “You know, I have no experience with this,” he said, avoiding my eyes, and I could tell even though he may be accepting, he wasn’t quite used to the idea either. “But your aunt is a firm believer in what’s meant to be, will be.” He regarded me with a tight smile. “I believe it too.”

  I tried for a smile and managed to pull up a corner of my mouth.

  “Okay, well, of course you’re welcome to stay here whenever you need to. The refrigerator is empty but you can come up to the house. There’s plenty.”

  “I’m not that hungry.” I sighed. “Thanks, Uncle Pete.”

  He left, shutting the door softly behind him. Never in a million years would I have imagined the conversation going that way

  The next few days were hard. Asher was at the training center constantly, two to three times a day. Sometimes I thought he watched me, but I’d never know for sure because I avoided eye contact with him like the plague. If I didn’t, within seconds, the whole building would know what was going on. I missed him. My heart was broken. It was that simple.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ASHER

  I was finally beginning to understand the meaning of misery.

  Trying to move on and forget Drew was proving impossible, and with every day that passed, I hated Jerry and my career a little more. Avoiding Drew at the gym for over a week seemed to be the best thing for both of us, especially when all of my attention should have been on training, but I’d catch sight of him every now and then, sometimes purposely seeking him out.

  Watching him walk out of my apartment that day was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Once the door had closed, I’d jumped up to run after him, only to make myself sit down again. This was the way it had to be. But the more I tried to convince myself that Jerry and my team were right about what was best for my career, that Drew and I could never be in a openly public relationship, something I now knew Drew wanted, the more I wanted to rebel against it.

  Dark circles shadowed his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping well. I doubted I was faring any better. Pete had told me as much. He was constantly on my ass to focus. When I insisted I was, knowing damn well that wasn’t the whole truth, his eyes pinned me to the spot and narrowed. It made me uncomfortable, exposed. Like he would be able to see it was Drew I was really thinking about.

  Guilt nagged at me for the relationship his nephew and I had shared, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. The only thing I wished had been different was the outcome. And the more days that went by, the harder it was becoming to accept that ending.

  Thursday night was winding down from my third round of training for the day. The fight was days away and I was practically living at the center. While I was powering down the treadmill, ready to finally head out, Pete called for me.

  “Hey, Asher, can you meet me in the office in a minute?” I glanced over to where Pete was training with a new kid in the cage.

  Some of the other guys’ attention turned to me, but it wasn’t uncommon to be called in to talk, so I ignored them.

  “Sure. You mind if I grab a quick shower?” I hollered back and then took a swig from my water bottle.

  He nodded. “Go ahead.” Then he turned back to the kid who was just starting out in the lightweight class.

  After a quick wash,
I crossed gym and steeled myself for whatever he had to say and made my way down the hall. His door was shut, so I knocked. There was a moment of shuffling papers before he called for me to come in.

  “Take a seat.” He gestured across from him. I took a breath to calm myself before lowering myself into the chair.

  The way Pete was eyeing me had me wondering what was going on and what exactly Drew had told him. Although I had a pretty good idea what this was about, I wasn’t going to say anything until Pete confirmed it.

  Pete leaned back in his chair. “I’m not going to beat around the bush, son. I understand you and my nephew had a falling out.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I understood this was a living arrangement problem and not about the relationship between Drew and me. “Something like that,” I said, sticking to a half truth.

  “Look, I don’t care about you having a relationship with Drew,” he began, and my spine stiffened. “Yes, I admit, I was surprised. Especially with that reputation of yours, and Drew…well, I just had no idea.” He steepled his fingers beneath his chin. “He’s a lot younger than you, and I have my concerns about that, but after seeing him the way he is now, I can only assume things got pretty serious. That’s between you two, but the only problem I have is that you are not focusing on the fight. You have days, Asher. Days. You hear what I’m saying?”

  Surely I misheard, because I swore he said he didn’t care about Drew and me. In a relationship. I should have felt betrayed by Drew for telling him, but had he? How else would Pete know? Even if he had told his uncle, betrayal still didn’t rear its ugly head. The only emotion coursing through me was relief. Like a huge boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. As far as his age went, I’d had concerns in the beginning, but not anymore.

  Pete waited with eyes narrowed, silently demanding an answer that I would get my head on straight and refocus on training. But first, I had to know. “He told you?” I leaned forward in the chair, settling my elbows on my knees.

  He nodded. “Yes, but only after I figured it out myself. There’s been talk among some of the guys, but I figured they were full of shit. I’ve never seen my nephew look as defeated as he did when he came home last week. Is that what’s going on with you out there?” He gestured in the general direction of the training area.

  My hands curled into fists. Picturing Drew torn up because of something I did made me want to punch a hole in the wall. And what talk? I wasn’t aware the guys were fucking gossiping like a bunch of old ladies, but it had to come from Brody. That little shit. I’d already figured out he’d been the one to bust me and Drew at the club. Not like it had been hard when he wouldn’t look at either of us after that. It’d taken days before he started acting normal around me again. But I hadn’t told Drew, because I didn’t want him to worry. I should have known Brody wouldn’t keep his mouth shut.

  Turning my attention back to Pete, I gave him a curt nod. No reason to deny it anymore. He sighed, rubbing his temples. “It’s becoming obvious to me that unless you two get this figured out, your training is going to continue to suffer. You need to hash things out. You’ve worked hard, but you have to remember Capley is putting in as much time, if not more. He wants that title and has something to prove. If you don’t get it together, you are going to hand it over to him on a silver platter.”

  “Not going to happen.” The immediate response was automatic. That was my belt.

  “I appreciate your confidence, but I can’t say I’m convinced.” He gave me a stern look I hadn’t received since grade school.

  I stood to leave. He was right. In that moment, my decision became clear and I needed to talk to Drew. The title mattered to me, but there was something or rather someone who meant more, and I’d been an idiot not to admit it before. Even going so far as lying to myself. That had been what it was all along…a lie that I was determined I’d believe eventually but that wasn’t happening. It was the opposite. The more time away from him, the more I missed him.

  “I’ll fix it,” I promised.

  “Good,” he said with a half smile. The look on his face showed his struggle between being an uncle and being a trainer at that moment. “I should probably mention today was Drew’s last day. He doesn’t work here anymore.”

  His attention turned to the papers on his desk while I stood there with my jaw dropped. I was running out of time.

  As I was leaving, I paused at his door and turned to face him. “Pete?”

  He glanced up. “Yeah?”

  “You know Drew was innocent, right? Those pills weren’t his. I thought you should know, because he doesn’t think you’ll believe him if he explains what happened.”

  His brows slammed down. “How do you know?”

  I shrugged. “I just do. I believe him.”

  “Well, shit. That’s good.” He rubbed at his eyes. “That’s real good. I’ll talk to him, because apparently I owe him a hell of an apology. His mom, my sister, surrounded herself with some pretty sketchy people. I just thought…” He let out a sigh and shook his head.

  I was aware of what he’d thought. He’d made it clear to Drew.

  “I think that would be a good idea.” With that, I left and hauled ass to my truck.

  ---

  When I arrived home, I immediately pulled out my phone to text Drew, fingers hovering over the keypad. That wouldn’t be enough. Without another thought, I grabbed my keys again, strode out of my apartment, and was back down in the lobby within minutes.

  “Good evening, Mr. Ramsey,” Frank said as if he hadn’t told me the same thing minutes ago when I’d come in.

  “Later, Frank,” I called in passing.

  Not wanting to wait for my truck to be brought around, I opted to grab the cab that quickly pulled to the curb. I hadn’t ridden in a cab since my first big fight.

  I gave the driver directions to the house Drew and I had gone to for Sunday dinner once. The cab dropped me in front of the house in ten minutes. I headed straight for the guesthouse instead of the main house. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

  When no one answered, I knocked louder. “Drew,” I called. There was still no answer, and I deflated, shoulders slumping. He wasn’t home. Either that or he was ignoring me, which I couldn’t blame him for.

  “What are you doing here?” The harsh question came from behind me.

  Spinning around, I spotted Drew walking toward me, coming from the main house, wearing basketball shorts and a too-big black T-shirt. My T-shirt.

  I studied his face for a solid minute, noting dark circles under his eyes that hadn’t been there before. My heart broke seeing what I’d put him through. I’d put myself through it too, but that wasn’t his fault.

  He’d been honest with his feelings, and I’d hidden. How the tables had turned, I had no idea. All because my career could possibly suffer the consequences. Seeing him now, I didn’t give a damn about the fallout. Everything I wanted was standing right in front of me.

  “Can we talk?” I asked, watching his face for a reaction.

  The silence that followed, along with the narrowing of his eyes, made me doubt myself. I hadn’t been nervous in years before meeting him. It was possible I was too late and that he wouldn’t forgive me.

  “What about?” He stopped several feet away and crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Pete said today was your last day.” Really? That was the first thing out of my mouth?

  “It was.” He was still as a statue. I hated how closed off he appeared.

  “Where are you going?” I shoved my hands in my pockets, so I wouldn’t reach out and pull him into my arms. At least until he gave me the go ahead, which I wasn’t sure would happen.

  “I’m working for Blake.” He sounded surprised like I should know this.

  “What?” I asked, more than a little shocked, because Blake hadn’t said a word to me other than that I was an idiot. He’d been right.

  “He’s been teaching me to ink after work this week. I star
t tomorrow as an apprentice. Now, what are you really doing here, Asher?”

  “I want to talk about us.” Shit, I was shaking so bad.

  “Us,” he repeated. “The last I recall there wasn’t an us.”

  “There was,” I insisted, taking a step closer to him. “I was wrong to push you away. I fucked up.”

  “Why are you doing this? Nothing’s changed. We want two different things,” he said. His eyes pleaded with me to stop, but I couldn’t.

  “That’s not true. I let my career get in the way of what was happening between us. When I talked to my manager about us, it was because I wanted what you wanted. When he told me there was no way, that it would ruin my career, I panicked. I’m here because I can’t do it anymore. This is what I want.” I gestured between us. The space seeming too wide.

  “Did something change?” His head tilted. “Is it not going to affect your career all of a sudden?”

  I hesitated, not because I cared that it probably would, but because I was worried about his response. “I haven’t talked to Jerry about it since then and he hasn’t brought it up.”

  Drew flinched and I hurried to continue. “But only because I don’t care what happens with that. I care about what happens with us.”

  “You’d give it up for me?” he asked warily.

  I nodded. “Never been surer of anything. I’d give it all up.”

  He took a step toward me but immediately took it back. “I can’t let you do that.” He shook his head slowly.

  “It’s my decision. If you want to be with me, then please don’t fight me on this.” I fought the urge to reach for him and make him understand.

  “I can’t let you throw it all away for me.” He hung his head, and it damn near broke me. I’d done this.