by Auryn Hadley
"You know he got my spot?" Kolt asked.
Shift nodded. "Yeah. Broken hand and all. You know he bit me when I tried to sneak in a heal?"
Kolt laughed, shaking his head. "No. It worked out, though. He fits with the Blades. I made it well enough as a human. Still want to know why Ran Sturmgren offered to change my species."
"Blaec." Shift let the word hang between them for a moment. "Ran's been on our side for a long time. He has his own stories, but I'll just say that he and Zep are two humans that I will never doubt."
"Good enough for me." With the bed finally set up, Kolt dropped his ass on it. "So. Any way I can find a bath before I get my ass beat anymore?"
"No more beatings," Shift assured him. "Sal told us that you proved you can hold your own, so we're not allowed to make you suffer."
"What?" He almost stood up in shock. "Why?" Had she really said that?
Shift tossed two blankets at the bed then picked up a handful of towels. "Because she's the Kaisae. She said you've improved since last we saw you and that with a link you should get even better. She made it very clear that she owes you."
"She doesn't owe me," he grumbled, then looked up at Shift. "How do I make her understand that?"
"You don't. She takes things seriously. A kind word to her means as much as a few hundred krits to someone else. Whatever it is between you two - and I don't fucking want to know - matters to her a lot. She made it very clear."
Kolt looked down at the floor and smiled. She'd stood up for him. He hadn't asked her to, and he'd made it clear that he wanted to make his own way, but she'd still spoken up for him. He couldn't imagine that Salryc Luxx did that for a lot of people. It shouldn't make him feel special, but it did.
"So what exactly is it that you want from me? I'm pretty sure that testing my hearing isn't the only thing."
Shift shook his head. "No, that was just being curious. Sun's going down, and I'm off for the evening. Was going to head to the bathing tent. You're welcome to come with."
"Deal," Kolt said, grabbing the towels. "A real bath and a few minutes off my feet sounds like a luxury I will not take for granted."
Shift laughed as he gestured for Kolt to follow him. "Yeah, I know what you mean. On the upside, only three more days of living in tents, then we'll be in Prin."
"What?" Kolt paused mid-stride. "You're going to the Conglomerate now? With everything that's happened?"
"Sal's orders." Shift just shrugged it away. "The Emperor is on her kill list, and she doesn't exactly want to give him a foothold in the CFC. Plan is to push him east of the Siahies and hold him there."
"Which means we need to push him away from the ocean," Kolt said, understanding dawning. "You know what that means, right?"
Shift looked at him sagely. "Tell me."
"Merriton," Kolt said. "We're headed to Merriton, and she's going to hate it."
"And?" Shift asked.
Kolt shook his head. "I don't know."
"Just think about the last time we were in Prin."
"Fuck." Kolt remembered clearly how Star Fall had tried to not only kill her but court-martial Blaec for their relationship. "She has to face the Conglomerate without Blaec."
Shift turned around a tent, nodding at Kolt over his shoulder. "Yep." He paused before a large green and black tent and scratched on the door.
"Come if you're brave!" someone yelled.
Shift peaked his head in. "Any open tubs?"
"Yeah, three."
With a gesture for Kolt to follow, Shift stepped inside, tugging his shirt off. "Kolt, Geo, Razor."
"Hey," Kolt said.
The other two men reclined in their tubs, the water slightly tinged, but steam showing that it was still very warm. The Black Blades still used communal bathing, even while on the move. He wondered if they heated and filled the tubs themselves, or if they had Anglian soldiers do it for them. Not that it mattered. There were privileges to being the family of a ruler. Kolt just felt strange taking advantage of it.
"Terran conversions," Geo said when he walked past. "Least I assume that scent of awkwardness is wondering who does our heavy lifting?"
"Pretty much," Kolt agreed.
Geo nodded. "Terran soldiers who swore allegiance to Anglia. Can't stop them. When Sal started sending grauori to remove their families, it just cascaded. She's real big on pack, you know. Well, having the Kaisae care enough about a man who tried to kill her to save his mate and kids? Yeah. Can't stop them. They keep saying it matters, and that it's easy enough, and such. We haven't staked a tent since Zaqala."
"And I'm loving it," Razor murmured, his eyes closed.
Kolt quickly stripped and claimed his own tub, scrubbing the kilometers of grime from his body before reclining to let the hot water soothe his muscles. "I feel like the interloper," Kolt said into the silence.
"No link," Geo said. "You're still missing the good stuff."
"Sal linked me on the way up."
Razor shook his head. "Doesn't mean you're in our link. She's keeping you on the edges until you're approved. You can still reach her, or us through her, but you won't get the general chatter."
"Gotcha."
"Hey, Kolt?" Geo asked, looking across the room at Kolt's arm on the tub.
Kolt followed his eyes and dropped his hands back into the water. "Yeah?"
Geo chuckled. "You know my eyes are better than that. Sal seen that tattoo yet?"
"No."
"Why not?"
On the inside of his wrist, scrawled in a swirl of whites and blues, was the symbol for Kaisae. It was a small thing, no larger than his pinky nail. Kolt had placed it there so long ago that the ink had faded and the lines were obscured by scars. He'd always claimed it was just something he'd done as a kid, and the humans had never thought anything of it. The Black Blades knew better, and they could read the word as easily as if it had been in Glish.
He tried to deflect the question. "Because the dreams of a child have little impact on the realities of a man."
"Answered like an iliri," Razor said.
"And you smell no lies," Kolt pointed out. "I've had that for many years."
Razor slowly opened his eyes. "I'm sure. You ever met a Kaisae before?"
"Yes."
"Before Sal?"
"Yes."
He nodded and let his eyes close again. "Then there's no reason to hide it, is there?"
Kolt chuckled softly. "Yeah. Two of them."
"Cyno and Zep," Shift said with a laugh. "Although they'll figure it all out soon enough, so you might as well spill it."
Kolt sighed and gave in. "Always wanted to be a Kaisae's protector, back before I knew why men stood on either side. I think I was nine when I put that on my arm. My sword arm, so a Kaisae would know that I was worthy of her service."
"Very human of you," Geo teased.
"Hard not to think like that where I grew up," Kolt told him. "Wasn't allowed to live in Guttertown, wasn't allowed to live among the humans. My amma had an apartment right on the edge, one of those places that serve both the human poor and the iliri criminals."
"Oh," Shift groaned sympathetically. "Not a good place for a kid."
"Nope," Kolt agreed. "Which is why I learned to play the games I did. Human at work, iliri at home, keep my shit to myself." He lifted his arm from the water, exposing the tattoo. "Also why I brought Sal home. Ayati, you might say."
"Good enough for me," Geo assured him.
"I liked him ever since he covered for Sal and Cyno in the pass," Razor said.
Shift chuckled. "I liked his second reason. Took me a bit to realize that if his son is more than half, that means he's a little scrubber." He turned to Kolt. "You need to talk to Zep tomorrow."
"That's what everyone keeps saying." He groaned. "Any advice on that?"
Geo chuckled. "Yeah, learn to duck. When it comes to Sal, Zep's a dick. Even before she was fucking him, he didn't tolerate shit about her, ya know?"
"He kinda grounded Geo a few
times," Shift said.
"Me, too," Razor admitted. "I said Zep's girl in Prin looked like Sal, and he told me to keep my opinions to myself. Didn't really get it, so asked why. I got a few good ones in before Blaec pulled us apart."
At the mention of Blaec's name they all fell silent. Shift leaned forward, the sound of water sloshing loud inside the tent. "He was a good leader. Fucking Emperor."
"Yeah," Geo said softly, nodding. "What I don't get is why Blaec didn't see the attack coming, ya know?"
"Doesn't work like that," Razor said. "LT saw a lot of shit, but sometimes we had to take the bad choice now to get the happy ending. Like that time we were in Jurica."
"Oh, when Circ took the blade across the thigh?" Shift asked. "Blaec saw that?"
Razor nodded. "He saw we'd have to be defeated to make an opening on the back side. If we didn't fight, the line wouldn't move. If we won, the line would close tighter. The only way it would work was if we got our asses handed to us. He was pretty ripped about it later, but he didn't say shit before, knowing that one of us might get killed."
"That's how it works for prophets," Kolt said. "Strong ones like Blaec have to suffer what they know." He drug his hands down his face. "Sal thinks he knew."
"I do, too," Razor admitted. "Sal went out to check on Shade, and Blaec was fucking hovering. He was never like that."
"Which is why you were there," Shift said. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Razor wiped at his eyes. "Fought like a damned beast. They cut me down, but Blaec fought hard. He took most of those corpses on his own."
"He always did," Geo said. "First time I linked in, I couldn't believe the anger that came from him. He seemed so calm and in control, but in his head, he was more vicious than Sal."
"Or Cyno?" Kolt asked. The three men nodded.
Shift tried to explain. "Cyno's wild, Kolt. He was never tamed, but that doesn't mean he's not civilized. Hell, he's probably the most civilized of us all in some ways. He just plays by different rules, ya know? Blaec? I think he hated the world for what it had done to him. He lost everything. Until Sal came along, it was like he was going through the motions."
"Yeah," Kolt said, unable to get the vision of Blaec's death out of his mind. The anguish on Sal's face still haunted him. "He was the center of her world, what she built everything around." He glanced up, his eyes meeting theirs. Shift dropped his gaze, Razor held his for a moment before looking away, but Geo stared back without shame. "Do you all realize what that means? I know losing a brother hurts, but think about what Sal is going through. Every reason she had to believe in herself bled out before her eyes, and she couldn't stop it. I couldn't help her stop it."
"It's not your fault," Geo said. "Why are you blaming yourself?"
Kolt stood, the water sloshing from the tub in his hurry. Without a word he stepped out, grabbed a towel and headed to the door. He stopped to collect his things and took a deep breath.
"Because I was supposed to protect her," he grumbled, before shoving through the tent flap.
"Damn," Geo said when they could no longer hear his steps.
"Just stop," Razor snapped. "Don't you see?"
"See what?"
Razor tilted his chin in the direction Kolt had gone. "He wasn't linked with Blaec. He didn't even really know him, but he's as torn up about it as the rest of us. That isn't an act, Geo. You can smell it as well as I."
"Ok?"
Shift slipped his head under the water quickly, speaking as he wiped the water from his face. "Razor, he never saw Cyno until they were already mated."
Razor nodded slowly. "Good point."
"What?" Geo asked again.
Razor grabbed a towel and stood. "You'll figure it out," he told his friend before looking over to Shift. "You really think it's that bad?"
Shift nodded. "I think there's a reason she hasn't pushed him into the main link. I also think he doesn't have a fucking clue what the hell is going on. If I'm right, his love life's been shit since before Sal went to Anglia."
"Why?" Geo asked.
Razor chuckled and tucked the towel around his waist. "Because when we secured the last load of steel in the gap, Kolt was partnered with Sal. He touched her to pull the bolt. He was close enough to smell her, and we know he had to touch her."
"Wait..." Geo sat up slowly. "You think Kolt's...."
Both Razor and Shift nodded.
Chapter 46
The sun was high in the sky when Sal finally woke. She tried to remember the last time she'd slept so well and sucked in a breath. With Blaec. The last time she'd been able to sleep, she'd spent the night laying against Blaec's chest.
Cyno was already gone and Zep didn't stir when she slipped from under his arm. A thick, black dress lay folded on the chair, soft shoes set on top of it, a hint that she didn't need to look for clothes. The wool would be warm in the autumn chill, and the dress was a sign that she was off duty. It was also perfect for mourning, even if that was a human thing.
She finished dressing without waking her dernor and stepped into the late morning sun. Everything had changed. She had no idea what she was supposed to be doing, so made her way toward the center of the Blades' camp. She didn't make it. The sound of so many voices made her stomach clench. When she heard a laugh, Sal turned away. She wasn't ready to pretend like nothing had happened. Not yet.
She wandered around the edge of camp, the brittle grass crunching under her her soft shoes. In the distance, the pups played with a man in black. Sal didn't even have to breathe to know it was Kolt. He was gentle with them, but never treated them as if they were delicate. She could only imagine how he was with his own son and smiled at the thought, sinking to the ground to watch.
Their play wasn't all for amusement. Each time he tackled one of the girls, he showed her a counter move. When a pup managed to evade his attacks, he praised her loudly and with a devotion shocking for a new member. Rhyx seemed to adore him, but she wasn't taking it easy. She'd been too spoiled by too many humans to accept anything but pampering. Raast was different. She tried hard to join into the wrestling, but she wanted more cuddling and less growling. Kolt seemed happy to oblige.
A scent on the wind reached her just before someone scuffed their foot into the dirt behind her. Sal flicked her ear back. "I know you're there, Blaz."
"Good," he said, sitting beside her.
Together they watched Kolt with the pups. Nearly half an hour passed in silence, Blaz's arm just close enough to brush her own. Without a word he reached over and pulled the thong from the end of her hair and worked out the braid, turning her alabaster locks loose in the wind. He passed the tie to her and leaned back against a large tree, shifting slightly to get comfortable.
"You realize I'm not leaving until that line on your forehead is gone, right?"
She nodded, shifting back beside him. "Kinda figured."
"K. You don't have to say anything, or you can say everything. Either way, Sal, I'm here."
"Yeah." She tucked her feet under the hem of her dress and leaned her head on his shoulder, still watching Kolt. "What comes next?"
"For me? A lot of crying." He moved his arm around her shoulder, the gesture nothing more than supportive. "It doesn't matter. What does is that you keep breathing. Just focus on that, and it will get better. Just keep taking one more breath and eventually it's better than it was."
Sal nodded, pressing her head into his chest. "I just miss him so much. I want to ask him what to do next. I want to hear him laugh again, or even yell."
"I know," Blaz whispered.
Sal looked over at Kolt, her head still against her friend's chest. Kolt paused and looked up, turning toward Sal like he was pulled. Their eyes met across the distance, and she felt her breath catch. He didn't look away until Rhyx tackled him, knocking him back to the ground.
But Blaz had seen. "He matters, doesn't he?"
"Yeah."
He wasn't going to let her out of it that easy. "I thought guilt was an emotion iliri
don't have."
Sal shifted, rubbing at her nose, pulling away slightly. "We don't. Doesn't mean we don't have fear."
"Of what?"
Her pale eyes looked up into his. "Feeling like this ever again. Letting myself pull anyone else into this mess with me. We're all going to die eventually, Blaz. Why should I even try?" She paused. "I can end this once and for all."
"How?"
"Make myself look human, ride into the camp, friend anyone that comes close, convince them I'm the Emperor's companion, and they will let me walk right up to him."
He nodded. "Ok. Why haven't you done this before?"
She licked her lips slowly. "I wouldn't come back out."
"Right. It would also be pointless. Someone else would just take the title and keep fighting. He's no different than you, Sal. Anglia wouldn't stop if you died. Terric won't stop if he does. Killing him is not the answer, it's just the short-term goal."
"I know."
He pushed a wisp of hair from her face. "Imagine what he's feeling."
She sucked in a breath, her ears flicking back. "What do you mean?"
Blaz smiled. "Kolt. He's idolized you for years. Years, Sal. The woman of his dreams, a perfect iliri, and now you know who he is. You made love to him."
"Maast," she mumbled.
"Right." He nudged her gently. "I see how you watch him. I know he did something, and that it matters. I'm guessing it has a hell of a lot to do with chains."
"Yeah."
He ducked his head to see her face. "You ever think that it might hurt less if you stop dwelling on it? That void might be a little less deep if you have someone there to pull you out of it?"
"Jase and Zep."
"Yeah. How's that working, Kaisae? I think they're sitting on the bottom with you." He pushed away that strand again, letting it curl around his finger. "Cessivi means they feel what you do. Maybe you need someone that doesn't."
"No." Sal shook her head. "I just need to end this war. That's it. I don't need to kill anyone else."
"If you love them, you'll live through it."
"Doesn't work like that."
