Swansea Girls

by Catrin Collier

  Jack looked at the case Helen had smuggled into the basement while Joe had been eating his tea and shook his head. ‘There’s absolutely no way I can strap anything that size on to the back of my bike. We’d end up toppling into a ditch.’

  ‘I only packed essentials.’

  ‘You’ll have to make do with less of them. What the hell do you call essential anyway?’ Dropping Helen’s suitcase on to the sofa he flicked the catches and opened it. ‘Five pairs of high-heeled shoes!’

  ‘They’re different colours. I couldn’t make up my mind what dress to get married in.’

  ‘So you need five pairs of shoes?’

  ‘Yes,’ she answered defiantly.

  ‘How many dresses do you have in here – and no lying?’

  ‘Twelve.’

  Taking the half-empty rucksack from his back he tipped it out on the floor. ‘One set of clean underwear, two pairs of socks, two shirts and a pair of trousers. Given that women need more things, you can bring twice as much provided you can get it into this bag and you can carry it on your back. I’ll pack my stuff in this.’ He produced a tiny suitcase less than a quarter of the size of hers.

  ‘But I need ...’

  ‘Are we eloping, or not?’

  ‘Who’s eloping?’

  They turned to see Joe and Lily standing in the open doorway.

  Immersed in a new, overwhelming and strangely humbling world of fulfilment, John kissed Katie’s small, perfect breast. As his lips moved downwards over her soft, extraordinarily white skin, the fever that had consumed him began to ebb and the enormity of what he’d done sink in.

  ‘Katie ... I ... Oh, God, what have I done? I didn’t mean for this to happen.’ Moving away from her, he sat up on the edge of the sofa and buried his face in his hands.

  ‘Is it me, Mr Griffiths? Did I do anything wrong?’

  ‘No, Katie, you didn’t do anything wrong,’ he mumbled wretchedly, ‘apart from be born twenty years too early.’

  ‘I’m sorry ...’

  ‘It’s me who should be sorry. I took advantage of you.’ Reaching for his clothes, he separated his underpants from his trousers and pulled them on. ‘You’re a young innocent girl, a neighbour, a friend of my daughter’s. I should have protected, not seduced, you. I should have exercised more control.’ Stepping into his trousers, he fastened the fly. He turned back and looked at her, shame almost – but not quite – overshadowed by a breathtaking feeling of love.

  ‘Why? I wanted it to happen, Mr Griffiths.’

  ‘After what I’ve just done, don’t you think you should call me John? And nothing can alter the fact that you’re eighteen years old, a child ...’

  ‘I am not a child and we did it, not just you.’ Furious, she rose to her knees. Acutely disturbed by her slim, almost painfully thin, nakedness, he handed her the clothes he had helped remove such a short time before.

  ‘I’m thirty-eight, Katie. You may not be a child, but the twenty years between us makes me think of you that way. Compared to you I’m an old man – and I’m not even free to ask you to marry me ...’

  ‘Marry you,’ she whispered, as if marriage were some magical state.

  ‘You’d marry me?’ He whirled around and stared at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.

  ‘I’ve imagined it, but I never thought it could happen.’

  ‘That make sense? When you’re a young woman of thirty I’ll be fifty ...’

  ‘And when you’re ninety, I’ll be seventy,’ she smiled defiantly.

  ‘It’s a wonderful, impossible dream.’

  ‘Because you don’t want to marry me?’

  ‘Because I’d ruin your life.’

  ‘Without you my life would be ruined anyway. I’ll never love anyone else. Never. Until you I thought all men were like Dad. But you’re kind, gentle, and ...’ Trusting and unembarrassed, she looked him in the eye. ‘When Adam tried to kiss me I felt dirty and sick. I told Lily I never wanted to get married, but what we just did together was – I can’t describe it – it’s the most marvellous, fantastic thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought it could be like that, not after Mam and Dad ...’

  ‘It was special for me too.’ John looked down at the shirt he was holding, lest she see just how special mirrored in his eyes. ‘But marriage is much more than just sex, Katie. It’s living with someone day and night, being with them, watching them grow old and ugly, and let’s face it, I’m not very pretty now.’

  ‘Yes, you are.’ Kneeling on the sofa, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her face against his chest. ‘You’re beautiful where it counts, on the inside.’

  ‘Have you considered what your brothers and Roy Williams will say if they find out about this – and that’s without bringing the women of this street into it.’

  ‘My brothers want me to be happy.’

  He held her in his arms for a moment. Naked, she felt as light and fragile as a bird. ‘But do you think you really could be happy with me?’

  ‘I couldn’t be happy with anyone else, John.’

  ‘Then we’ll have to find a way round our problems.’

  ‘You want me?’ she whispered incredulously.

  ‘I think I’ve just proved how much I want you, Katie. My head tells me I should let you go and find a younger and better man, but my heart tells me to never let you go.’

  ‘You really love me?’ She lifted her head to be kissed and he gave her all the reassurance he could before holding her firmly at arm’s length.

  ‘But until my divorce is finalised you have to realise that we can’t tell anyone about us, not if you are to keep your reputation. If my wife gets wind of this, she’ll drag your name through the courts. As it is, she’s going to think I only wanted a divorce so I could marry you. But,’ he kissed the top of her head, ‘if it does mean that we can eventually be together, it will be the best thing I’ve ever done. Time to dress, I have a lot of thinking to do, and that’s best done when you’re not around, especially in the state you are now.’

  She sorted out her underwear and clipped on her suspender belt. ‘I’m afraid you’ll feel differently about me tomorrow,’ she murmured as she began to roll on her stockings.

  ‘I won’t,’ he smiled, ‘but I may have difficulty in believing what’s just happened.’

  ‘I’ll keep trying to convince you that I love you.’

  He fell serious. ‘Katie, you know about my divorce.’

  She nodded.

  ‘And you’ve probably gathered that my marriage wasn’t a normal one.’

  ‘I knew that you and Mrs Griffiths had separate bedrooms.’

  ‘But for the moment we are still married. The solicitor warned it could take a year or more to finalise everything and I won’t risk you being hurt by scandal or exposed as “the other woman” before I can marry you ...’

  ‘I wouldn’t mind.’

  ‘I would, Katie. It’s going to be hard enough for us after we make it legal, without inviting gossip before.’

  ‘But I can still work here. See you every day? Steal time like now ...’

  ‘And make plans.’ He looked at her, scarcely daring to believe that in only a year she could be his – if she didn’t change her mind. But did he have the right to allow her to sacrifice her young life to his ...

  ‘A year seems forever,’ she murmured disconsolately.

  ‘I won’t hold you to any promises, if you should change your mind.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’ She hugged him with all the strength she could muster. ‘Please, don’t ever say that again.’

  ‘I’ll try not to, Katie, but it’s not going to be easy to accept that someone like you can love a cripple like me.’

  ‘I’ll make you believe it,’ she insisted fiercely. ‘You’ll see.’

  He kissed her again. ‘Yes, sweetheart, I’m beginning to believe that you will.’

  ‘Think of Dad, Helen, you can’t just walk out of the house like this.’ Joe spoke to his sister b
ut he was watching Jack.

  ‘If Dad knew what I’d done he’d want me out of the house.’

  ‘Jack, what have you got to say about this?’

  Jack turned aside, unable to meet Joe’s searching gaze.

  ‘You’re pregnant, Helen.’

  ‘What if I am, Joe?’ she retorted angrily. ‘It’s no one’s business but ours.’

  ‘All right, fine, it’s your business. As I heard the word “elope” I take it you’re going to Gretna Green.’

  ‘I’m not the sort of boy who leaves a girl in the lurch,’ Jack bit back belligerently.

  ‘And after you’ve married my sister, what then? How will you support her and the baby when it comes?’

  ‘I’ll find rooms and a job that pays more ...’

  ‘And when you have to do your National Service?’

  ‘I’ll send her money.’

  ‘In Scotland, away from her family and friends.’

  Jack fell silent.

  ‘If you won’t talk to Dad, Helen, at least let me. Can’t you see this needs more sorting than a quick-fix trip to Gretna Green?’

  ‘I won’t give up Jack.’

  Lily sat next to Helen and held her hand as a tear fell from her eye.

  ‘And I won’t leave her.’ Jack squared up to Joe.

  ‘You’re a pair of bloody idiots.’

  ‘You’re a fine one to talk.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Joe stood protectively close to Lily, half expecting his sister to say something derogatory about her.

  ‘You’re not even Dad’s son.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s true, Joe. I overheard Dad and Mam talking before she left. She only married Dad to give her bastard a name. And you’re the bastard, Joe.’

  ‘There’s lot of noise coming from down here. I could hear you upstairs.’ John stood in the passageway looking from the four of them to the suitcases. ‘Are you all running away from home, or only some of you?’

  ‘This is where I take you home, Lily.’ Joe went to the door.

  ‘See you tomorrow, Helen.’ Lily followed him out.

  ‘You heard her ...’

  ‘You know Helen. She was angry at being caught out; she wanted to hurt you.’

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘I think you have to talk to your father before you do anything else, Joe.’

  ‘What if it’s true, what if ...’

  ‘Talk to him, Joe.’ She hugged him but for the first time he didn’t respond. ‘It’s half past ten. I have to go home. Do you want to come with me?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Joe ...’

  ‘I need to be alone, Lily. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  She looked at him for a moment, wishing she could help, then she walked away.

  ‘Right, Jack.’ John sat in the chair Joe had vacated. ‘Are you man enough to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to drag it out of Helen?’

  For over twenty minutes the only sound in the room was Jack’s voice. Helen knew, because she spent the whole time staring at the second hand on her wristwatch, watching it jerk slowly round and round.

  At first Jack was blustering and defiant, almost as though he were trying to goad John into throwing him out. Then, as John remained silent and it became clear that he was prepared to listen to what Jack had to say, Jack’s voice gradually grew softer and calmer. ‘I love Helen, Mr Griffiths,’ he said finally, ‘and I’ll do whatever I have to, to give her everything she has here.’

  ‘You won’t do that on a labourer’s wage, Jack.’

  ‘I won’t always be a labourer.’

  ‘I’d say the likelihood of you having the money or time to train for anything better when you’ve a wife and baby to support is negligible. Helen, you haven’t said anything.’

  ‘I love Jack and I’m going to marry him. If you try to stop me I’ll go to court ...’

  ‘I never said anything about stopping you.’

  ‘You’d give us your consent?’ Jack asked in amazement.

  ‘It appears to me you’ve given me little choice if Helen is to keep anything of her reputation.’

  ‘I’m sorry ...’

  ‘I’m glad you have the grace to apologise,’ John murmured, feeling like a hypocrite after what he’d just done with Katie, ‘Although I think you’d both better be prepared for some wagging tongues once the old wives have dusted off their arithmetic.’

  ‘I don’t care.’

  ‘It’s time you began to care, Helen, if not for your own sake then for the sake of your child.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she muttered, shamefaced.

  ‘I’ll be honest with you, Helen. I realise I haven’t done a first-class job of bringing you up. I thought your mother was too hard on you and I tried to compensate by being too lenient. As a result you had your own way far too often, particularly when it came to things like clothes and money. Frankly, I’m convinced you don’t know the value of a pound but I also think that if you marry Jack you’re about to find out. And you, Jack, everyone says you’re wild ... No, you’ve had your chance to talk,’ he continued when Jack tried to interrupt, ‘now it’s my turn. Well, anyone who can sit down in front of me in my own house and say “I’ve made your daughter pregnant, Mr Griffiths” has courage. And I’ve always admired men who face up to their responsibilities, but I think it’s naive of you to believe that you can look after my daughter and her child without help. I have a proposal to make. It may not suit you but I want you to think about it. First, you marry Helen.’

  Jack smiled and reached for Helen’s hand.

  ‘You can set up home in this basement. I’ll put in a proper kitchen and build a bathroom where the back porch is now. It will be a good investment. If you move out I’ll be able to rent it when I’m too old to work and need a pension. And just so there’s no mistake, you’ll pay rent at the going rate. A pound a week all right?’

  ‘I earn three most weeks on the site, Mr Griffiths, so we will be able to pay a pound.’

  ‘I’d also like you to leave the site. You can have a job in my warehouse, starting on the lowest rung of the ladder. I know you’re strong enough to do the donkeywork of shifting the goods, but if you’re as bright as I think you might be and you manage to stay on the straight and narrow, I’ll promote you. But a warning, and a serious one; I catch you thieving or up to any of the tricks that landed you in Borstal and I’ll report you to the police. And don’t think I won’t because you’re my son-in-law.’

  ‘I’ve stayed on the straight and narrow since I came out.’ He looked at Helen. ‘And I’ve a lot to stay on the straight and narrow for now.’

  ‘I hope you do.’

  ‘The wages, Mr Griffiths, I’ll have a wife and baby to support.’

  ‘Three pounds ten shillings a week.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Make no mistake, you’ll earn them. There’ll be no favours because you’re family. And one more thing. You two fight, throw pots and pans around, it’s your affair but you don’t bring your quarrels upstairs. Once you marry and move down here, Helen, you stay down here. Your bedroom will be turned into a guest room and you will no longer be able to use it. You two got yourselves into this mess, you sort it out.’

  ‘Yes, Dad.’ Helen flung her arms round John’s neck and hugged him tighter than she ever had before. ‘There’s one more thing Jack didn’t tell you.’

  ‘You gambled on the horses and have run up an enormous bookie’s bill?’ he asked, not entirely humorously.

  ‘I ... I told Joe he’s a bastard.’

  ‘You what?’

  ‘He was angry, I lost my temper and I wanted to hurt him.’ She paled at the rage in her father’s face. ‘I overheard you and Mam ...’ She looked up and saw her father’s back as he left the room and made his way as quickly up the stairs as his disability would allow.

  ‘Is it true?’ Joe asked John as he walked into the lounge.

  John noted Joe’s full glass as he reached for the
whisky bottle. ‘Whisky doesn’t help when you’ve a problem.’

  ‘I asked if it’s true,’ Joe repeated.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Who is my father?’

  ‘I don’t know. Your mother never told me.’

  ‘You must have some idea.’

  John hesitated for a moment. ‘None and that’s the truth. You were born six months after I married your mother. Even allowing for her insistence that you were premature, I knew you weren’t my son because I didn’t make love to her until our wedding night. But once you were born, it didn’t seem to matter who your father was. I soon forgot it wasn’t me ...’

  ‘You forgot!’

  ‘Look at me, Joe. Look at my face and body. A beautiful woman like your mother doesn’t marry a cripple without good reason. But before we were married I was too busy thanking my lucky stars to ask why she chose me and afterwards, when I found out that you were the reason, I was too besotted to care. Please don’t be angry with me for wanting to bring you up as my son.’

  ‘And Helen?’ Joe asked coldly.

  ‘She looks too much like my mother to be anyone else’s child. Joe ...’

  ‘No, don’t touch me! Don’t come near me. Have you any idea what this feels like? I get up in the morning thinking everything’s fine, apart from you and mum splitting up, but I decide she left because neither of you was happy. And as you seemed to be happier since she went, I sincerely hope she soon will be, too. My tutors tell me I’m on line to get a first. I have an excellent post waiting for me when I graduate from university, a beautiful girl who loves me enough to want to marry me. In short, a bright, shining future. Then my sister gets pregnant and when I try to tell her she’s been a stupid brat for not heeding my warnings she informs me I’m a bastard. That my whole life has been built on a pack of lies.’

  ‘Not lies, Joe. I love you. You couldn’t be more my child if I had fathered you and whatever you say I will always regard you as my son.’

  ‘But I’m not. My mother is a whore ...’

  ‘Don’t say that.’

  ‘You defend her, after what she’s done to me and you?’