Ripples Through Time

by Lincoln Cole

  She glanced out the window. The sky was already getting dark.

  “What?” she asked. Her throat was dry. She cleared it and repeated the question.

  “I was talking to you for like ten minutes before I realized you weren’t listening,” said Sarah, laughing.

  “Sorry.”

  “What’s up? You look like someone just shot your puppy.”

  “Adam is going to ask me to marry him…”

  Beth froze, suddenly realizing she wasn’t thinking the thought, but was actually saying it out loud. Slowly she raised her eyes, looking up at Sarah, and saw a stunned expression on her roommates face.

  And then…

  She burst out laughing.

  Beth growled. “It’s not funny.”

  “Yes it is,” Sarah said. “It really is. So he finally got up the courage? About damn time.”

  Beth sighed.

  “You had to know he was going to ask?”

  Beth just stared at her, narrowing her eyes.

  “Okay,” Sarah said, backing up and still smiling. “So you were the only one who didn’t know.”

  “I just never…” Beth said, trailing off.

  Sarah’s grin faded. “Oh.”

  “Oh, what?”

  Sarah frowned, picking up her coat and slipping it over her shoulder. She headed for the door, pausing before leaving. She glanced back at Beth.

  “I never thought your answer would be ‘no’.”

  ***

  Beth made up her mind to cancel dinner.

  She would just say she had a cold. Or a headache. Or stomach bug. Beg off tonight, apologize to Adam, and hope things would go back to normal. She could do it in such a way that she wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

  Yeah. Right.

  It wasn’t actually a stretch to say she had a headache. Just thinking about the situation made her head hurt, and there was no way Adam would press the issue if she employed that excuse.

  But it would be a copout.

  Really, anything at this point would be a copout. And even if she did cancel dinner tonight with him, she would still have to face the situation later. It wasn’t like it was a problem that would just go away with time.

  And it wasn’t like she didn’t like Adam. She loved him. She loved spending time with him. She’d never really thought of things in those terms. Marriage terms. She enjoyed being around him and was definitely attracted to him, but this was for life. Marriage was…

  There was a knock at the door.

  She decided not to answer it.

  “Honey,” she heard her father say out in the hallway after a moment. “Can we come in?”

  Maybe they would go away.

  “Are you there?”

  With a groan she stumbled out of her chair and over to the door. She opened it. Her father was wearing a plain brown shirt and jeans, and her mother was wearing a long grey dress and overcoat. They both looked cold and tired.

  Calvin frowned at her. “Honey? You look terrible.”

  She released a sharp burst of air and stepped to the side. Her parents came in, glancing around.

  They were silent for a minute, just looking at her, and then Emily cleared her throat.

  “Aren’t you going to ask us why we’re here?”

  “Let me guess,” she replied, “you were just in the neighborhood and decided to stop by and check up on me?”

  Emily frowned at her, and then her eyes went wide. “Oh.”

  Beth let out another breath of air.

  Calvin looked from his wife to his daughter and back to his wife. Then he scratched his head. “What?”

  “She knows.”

  “Knows what?”

  Emily shot him a level look.

  “Oh.” He frowned. “How?”

  Emily looked to Beth.

  “Edward,” Beth replied. “He sort of told me.”

  Calvin shrugged. “Alright then.”

  Emily was studying her daughter. “Calvin,” she said, gently tapping her husband’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go and get some gas in the car? We were running a little low.”

  “We have enough to—”

  A look silenced him.

  “Alright,” he said. He stepped in and gave Beth a hug. Then he nodded to his wife and disappeared into the hallway.

  Emily closed the door, waited for his retreating steps to disappear, and turned to her daughter. She frowned. “Why not?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “I’ve known you since before you took your first breath. You still think you can hide things from me?”

  Beth blinked. “Guess not.”

  “Want to know how your father asked me?”

  Beth didn’t reply, but rather stared at the floor.

  “He said Mikey planned it. Mikey was like your father’s little brother. Loved Cal. They did it on a race day. All of my friends were there, but I had no idea.

  “Anyway Mikey tricked me, told me Mary wanted me to come to the winner’s circle after a race. We got to get in those pictures all the time when her horses won, so I didn’t think anything of it.

  “When Mikey led me down there I saw all of my friends. They were standing in the winner’s circle, grinning and staring at me, but no horse. I asked Mikey what was happening and he started laughing at me.”

  Beth smiled a little.

  “I was like: ‘What’s so funny’ and then I saw Calvin. He was wearing the most expensive suit I’d ever seen. He was confident, but I could tell by his eyes he was also scared. I couldn’t breathe with the whole stadium and all my friends watching.

  “Calm as anything Cal gets on his knee and looks up at me.”

  “What did he say?” Beth asks.

  Emily snorts. “No idea. I fainted.”

  Bethany couldn’t help but laugh.

  “When I finally woke up they had me off the track in the barn with a wet towel on my forehead. Everyone was standing around looking worried, especially Calvin. He asked me if I hit my head. I said ‘yes.’

  “So he started shouting for a doctor, and I was like: ‘no dummy, I mean yes I’ll marry you.’”

  Beth smiled. “Was he happy?”

  “Thrilled. He was jumping up and down.”

  “Were you happy?”

  Emily’s smile faded. “Of course. I was in love. Stupid in love. Marriage is hard. No doubt about it. It starts with love, but it ends with commitment. Sometimes you should stop wondering if you would enjoy making babies with somebody and ask yourself if you can live with them. If you can respect them. If they can respect you. If down the road they can and will take care of you.”

  Beth nodded, still looking at the ground. “Are you trying to tell me I should say ‘yes?’?”

  Emily shook her head. “Not my choice to make. I don’t have to live with it the rest of my life. And make no mistake, it is the rest of your life. It’ll always be with you.”

  “I know,” Beth said. That’s what terrified her.

  “He came by last week. Asked your father for permission.”

  “What did dad say?”

  “I thought they might have a fist fight in the living room. Men.”

  Beth could picture it. She half smiled. “Men,” she agreed.

  “But they talked for a few hours and Cal relented. Adam’s a good man,” Emily said with a shrug. “Good enough, I suppose. And he adores you.”

  Beth didn’t reply.

  Emily stared at her. “But I guess ‘good enough’ isn’t what you’re looking for.”

  “It’s not that I don’t…”

  Emily nodded.

  “I’m just not ready.”

  “Life doesn’t wait for you to be ready,” Emily replied.

  “What do you mean?”

  Emily smiled at her. “This is a hard decision. Don’t make it too quickly. If you aren’t sure, then tell him to wait. If he’s honest about loving you, he will. If not, then you have your answer anyway. But I know what’s bothering you.”


  “What?” Beth replied.

  “When you pictured your wedding day, you never pictured him as the man in it.”

  Beth was silent, unable to disagree.

  “I’ve known Adam since he was little. I know he loves you. He’d die before hurting you or letting you get hurt, and that means a lot. A lot more than you will ever understand.”

  “Okay.”

  “He’s offering you his heart. I’d think twice before sticking a knife in it.”

  “I don’t want to…”

  “I know, honey,” Emily said, coming forward and wrapping her daughter in a hug. Beth felt small and young. She felt her mom shudder and sniffle. “It’s not an easy decision. But I need you to know something.”

  Beth pulled back to arm’s length. “What?”

  “No matter what happens, no matter what, we will always be there for you. Always.”

  “Okay.”

  Emily shook her head. “I mean it. No matter what, your father and I will always be there for you.”

  Beth nodded. “Okay.”

  Emily pulled her tight again, squeezing her.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, mom.”

  ***

  Beth didn’t cancel dinner.

  She still wasn’t sure what her answer would be if and when Adam popped the question, and the achingly slow passage of time until Adam came to pick her up didn’t help any. She just found herself worrying, thinking through every possible scenario, every horrible eventuality. Would he hate her if she said ‘no’? Would he forgive her?

  Did she even want to say ‘no’?

  That was her initial reaction. Her gut response to the question. But that was mostly because she hadn’t given it any thought. She wasn’t prepared to have a response. She was—in her estimation—too young to give that question serious thought. She’d only dated one other man before Adam and felt like she was supposed to experience more before settling down.

  But the more she did think about it, the more difficult she realized the question was. She had dated Adam for four years. Enough time that she’d become comfortable with him. She enjoyed knowing he would always be there for her, no matter what.

  And her mother was right. He was good to her, and he clearly loved her. But that didn’t change the fact that Beth had always visualized a fairy-tale wedding somewhere in the distant future. As a young girl, as a teenager, and now as a young adult, marriage was always something to look forward to. When did the future become now?

  How hadn’t she seen this coming?

  She was busy, of course, with school and life. And worrying about Jason, of course, especially in the last few days. Adam had gone with her to pick up Jason without hesitation. He must have been planning to ask her even then, but he hadn’t said a word about it. Hadn’t given any hints.

  He’d dropped everything to make that trip. He had finals to study for but hadn’t complained once. He’d even let Jason stay with him for at least one night in his dorm room. He was willing to go to the moon for her.

  How could she tell him ‘no’?

  Her mind was still muddled when Adam picked her up. He was dressed nicely, clean-shaven and handsome in a tan polo shirt and dress pants. She had decided on a simple blue dress and only the lightest touch of makeup. She was worried that if she started crying, the makeup would run, and preferred looking natural now to ending the night like a clown.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, even though she knew she was anything but. She looked like a nervous wreck in the mirror.

  “Thanks,” she said as he helped her into the car.

  Something on her face made him hesitant to talk. They drove in silence without even idle conversation. Beth felt a little nauseous during the trip; it was only a few minutes to reach the restaurant but felt like forever.

  They had a table reserved in the back-right corner of the restaurant, and tonight it was nearly empty. Soft music from an unseen piano echoed around them, adding ambience. The tables were black topped and smooth and the flooring comprised of blocks of white stone. The walls were similar material, more like stucco, but still quite pleasing.

  Adam pulled her chair out for her and then sat opposite. He ordered them a bottle of wine. An expensive red, even though she knew he didn’t like red wine. They gave him headaches. But it was a brand he knew she liked.

  He smiled at her. She tried to smile back.

  “Sorry I haven’t been around for a few days,” he said. “I’ve been busy.”

  “That’s what your brother said.”

  He nodded while the waiter poured. She sipped it, not really tasting anything.

  “But I’m glad that we were able to find time to come out like this. You look lovely.”

  “Thank you.”

  “And I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

  The stem slipped from her suddenly shaking fingers and the glass fell to the table. Wine splashed onto the black surface and the overturned glass rolled off the edge. It fell to the floor, shattering.

  Adam was on his feet in an instant, moving around to her side. “Are you alright?” he asked, gently taking her hands to look them over. She’d splashed her arm—and dress—with the red liquid, but she was fine. Embarrassed, but fine.

  “I’m alright.”

  “Damn slippery glasses,” he mumbled, double checking her arms make sure. He took his napkin and dabbed the droplets off of her skin.

  “Excuse me,” she said, sliding from her chair and heading for the bathroom. She fought the urge to run.

  The bathroom was thankfully empty. She took a minute to calm her racing heart and leaned against the sink. Finally, once she could breathe again, she washed her face and arms off and reapplied blush.

  “Come on Beth,” she muttered to herself. She tried to get some of the stain out of her dress as well but knew it was a hopeless gesture. The wine would blemish it with little spots forever. “Stop acting crazy.”

  By the time she returned to the table the shards had been cleaned up and the floor mopped. All traces of the incident were gone. A new glass stood in its place on the table, filled with only a touch of wine this time. They apparently didn’t trust her with a full glass.

  That was alright. In her state of mind, she’d half expected to find a sippy-cup waiting for her.

  Adam held her chair again and then sat opposite her, a quizzical smile on his face.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Fine,” she said, trying to smile.

  “I ordered us both the salmon, is that alright?”

  She nodded. They had excellent wood grilled salmon. She didn’t think she would eat much of anything, but the fish would be light in her stomach.

  A moment passed. “I was going to ask how your finals went,” he said.

  “Oh,” she said, then quickly added: “they went well. I went back over my Econ notes and I think I did better than expected. Some of the things I totally guessed on were correct.”

  “That’s good,” he said. “I told you it would be fine.”

  “What about yours?”

  “They went about as expected,” he said. “My English final was the worst. How the hell am I supposed to write a ten page paper about a book I don’t understand?”

  “What book?”

  “Paradise lost,” Adam replied, sipping his glass of water.

  “What did you write about?”

  He shrugged. “I wrote about how Milton made himself the hero of his own epic.”

  “Hmm?”

  “In all epics, like the Odyssey and the Iliad, the author compares the hero of his story to heroes of old. Like when Virgil compares Aenaes to Achilles and Odysseus. Except in Paradise Lost Milton compares himself to those heroes, not his characters.”

  “Oh,” Beth said. “When he invokes the muse, you mean?”

  Adam shrugged. “Sure.” Beth couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You seem quite convinced,” she said. “Must have been an easy paper to write.”
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  Adam blushed and coughed. “I had help.”

  Beth nodded. “Jason,” she said. “He used to ask me what kind of arrogant asshole declares himself the hero of his own story just because he’s brave enough to tell it. When I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, he took great pains to explain it to me. Not a Milton fan. So how’d your paper go?”

  “I just got the results. My professor thought it was a brilliant analysis, passionately argued. When I told Jason I thought he might float away his head got so big.”

  Beth laughed again. “Where’s Jason been? I haven’t seen him.”

  Adam glanced away. “He…uh…left.”

  Beth frowned. “Then when did you talk to him?”

  “This morning. Just before he headed out of town.”

  The food showed up. The waiter set their plates down and disappeared like a wraith. Beth leaned back in her chair.

  “He didn’t tell me he was leaving.”

  “No,” Adam said. “I didn’t think he would. I told him he should but he just kind of ran out.”

  Beth sighed.

  Adam poked his fish. “He said he wants to quit using.”

  “Heard that before,” she said.

  “He told me he means it this time.”

  “Heard that too.”

  This time Adam didn’t respond. There was nothing to say. They ate in silence. Beth, despite the anxious worry gnawing at her stomach, was ravenous. She finished her steamed vegetables and moved onto the fish, devouring it in a decidedly unladylike fashion.

  Adam didn’t speak, but watched her thoughtfully as they ate.

  “Something is bothering you,” he said finally. “Is it Jason?”

  “Yes,” she said. It was only partly a lie. “I can’t believe he didn’t say anything to me before leaving.”

  “Give him a chance,” Adam said. “I think he’ll turn around. He wants to do better, he just doesn’t know how.”

  “I wish I could believe that,” Beth said.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  She dropped her fork. It clattered against her empty plate, sending reverberations that stopped the conversations around them. A few people looked over at her and she blushed. She slid her empty plate toward the center of the table, pretending the noise was deliberate. Then she turned and smiled at Adam. It felt strained.

  He didn’t seem to notice.