While It Lasts

by Paige Rion

  Her chest heaved. She breathed in big, deep sobs, fighting back the sting of tears in her eyes. Shaking her head, she said, “I’m sorry. I did the wrong thing. I’m not perfect, but I’m doing the only things I know. I may not seem like it, and I don’t blame you for not believing me, but I didn’t want to hurt you, and I’m so, so sorry,” she said, her voice thick.

  A tear rolled down Rachel’s cheek. Her eyes widened as it trailed a path to her lips, where she could taste the salt of it. She never cried, and the realization that she was now only filled her with more despair. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Andi’s arms fell and her expression softened at the sight of Rachel’s tears.

  “Rachel,” she shook her head. She moved toward her and touched her arm. “You’re crying.”

  Nodding, Rachel wiped at her face. “What’s happening to me?”

  “I don’t know, but maybe it’s a good thing.” Ducking her head, Andi looked into Rachel’s eyes and smiled.

  “I miss you,” Rachel said to her.

  “I miss you, too.” Stepping forward, Andi hugged her, and when she pulled away, Rachel glanced around her, self-consciously looking for Rex, wondering if she looked as awful as she felt.

  “I think he gave us some privacy,” Andi said. Smirking, she added, “It could’ve had something to do with my pointing a finger at him and calling him out.”

  Rachel laughed through her tears. “I don’t know. He seems pretty secure with his career choices.” Andi eyed her like she was crazy and Rachel couldn’t say she blamed her. Then, as if remembering why she called Andi there for the first time, the image of Carma struck Rachel again.

  “Andi?”

  “Yeah.” Andi turned to her.

  “She was pregnant.”

  “What?”

  Rachel nodded. “I’m sure of it. Carma was pregnant.”

  She gave the news time to sink in, and after a moment, Andi responded. “How far along?”

  Shaking her head, Rachel thought back to the image of the bump above her hips. “Six months, maybe?”

  Andi’s eyes widened in horror as her mouth dropped open. “Oh, no... Oh, Rachel, you have no idea...” She covered her mouth, her eyes on the ground, frantic, as if she might find Carma buried there.

  Alarmed at Andi’s expression, Rachel stepped toward her. “What’s going on?”

  Andi’s gaze returned to her and she said, “We need to talk. How about at the farmhouse? Now.” She nodded back toward the path to her parents’ house.

  * * *

  Rachel walked up to Rex. He leaned back against his car, and she slowed as she took in his expression, unsure of what he thought about everything that happened.

  She felt awful that he had to witness her fight with Andi. Worse yet, she feared he thought the worst of her after everything Andi had said. And just why did that notion bother her so much?

  He pressed his cellphone to his ear, and she tried to pretend like she wasn’t listening, like she didn’t care who he was talking to, all the while wondering why she did.

  “Hey, Jen. It looks like I’ll be home a bit earlier than I expected.” He paused, then laughed at something the person on the other line said. Rachel could make out a high-pitched voice, and then Rex saying, “Yeah, that’d be great. I might need you tomorrow. I’m not sure when.” He glanced at Rachel, then away again.

  “Maybe as soon as you’re available,” he said softer.

  His words were like a lance to her heart. Apparently, she was failing at her job of seducing him if he could make arrangements with another woman, while standing only a few yards away from him. Whatever she thought he might’ve felt before Andi showed up had clearly disappeared.

  She pressed a hand to her churning stomach, as he said, “Sounds good. You’re the best. See you in a few.”

  Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared at the ground while she waited for him to hang up, acting as though nothing was off and her heart wasn’t wounded just the slightest bit at the warm and familiar tone he used with whomever he just spoke with.

  She said nothing, waiting for him to speak first.

  “So, this was an interesting night,” he quipped, breaking the silence.

  Rachel scoffed, her breath fogging in the cold air. As if competing against a girlfriend wasn’t hard enough, she had to deal with him being spoon-fed the mistakes she made with Andi, and discovering she had a fugitive for a friend. Even that part was news to her. Who knew what he thought of her now.

  “About the things Andi said...” She straightened, feeling her defenses go up. “I’m not some cold-hearted bitch. I know it sounded that way, but I didn’t know just how much she cared for him. I thought it was her career that drove most of her feelings, and...” She shook her head and bit her lip. “I’m not making excuses. I shouldn’t have done what I did, but—”

  He held a hand up and stepped toward her, touching her cheek. “You don’t need to explain.”

  “But, I do. You must think—”

  “I think you had your reasons. And I see the person you are. The one that cares, about her, about your parents and family, even if it’s a little misguided at times... There’s so much more inside of you than anyone gives you credit for. You’re so much more than one of your father’s props.”

  His words hit her with unexpected force. Her heart leapt in her throat, and for a moment, she feared she might cry again. But then he was trailing a hand to her face, running the back of his thumb over her cheek, and sending goose bumps in his wake. She could think of nothing but his touch.

  He shook his head and whispered, “You know I’ve never told anyone about my childhood. There are few people that know what happened.” His tone was awed, as if the revelation surprised him.

  She caught her breath. Her throat constricted at his words, at the way he was looking at her as if he were stunned. By her, of all people. And for a moment, guilt washed over her. It surrounded her, making her smile sluggish, her heart beat harder.

  Because if he did fall for her, not only would she break his heart, but if he had a girlfriend, she would break up a perfectly good relationship.

  And as the waves of unease hit her consciousness in rapid succession, something else became perfectly clear. She cared far more than she ought to about what he thought of her. This was supposed to be a game. A strategy. But she could feel her emotions tangling into his and it scared her. Getting invested was a dangerous thing. This could end only one way, which was with him forgiving her parents’ debt, and then her gradually pulling away from him. Even now, the thought of doing so seemed far more difficult than it should.

  “What do you think that means? That I told you about something I’ve hid from everyone else, after only two days?” he asked, his gaze falling to her mouth. And already in the short amount of time, she recognized the look and knew he was about to kiss her.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered back.

  He leaned in, brushing his lips gently over hers. The kiss was soft and sweet, so much different than the raw need emanating from him earlier in the night. It made her shiver, and she realized that she could get used to all these different sides of him. She could never tire of the different facets of his personality, trying to puzzle out who he was, the mystery of him. And it was that feeling that had her pulling away too soon.

  She tried to smile. “I need to stay here with Andi, so we can talk. I’m sorry to cut our night short.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll call you. Tomorrow?” he asked as he opened his door, and she nodded as he got in.

  She waited, watching him as he pulled out of the driveway, before turning toward the farmhouse. She stepped inside. Andi waited for her by the kitchen window, the one that overlooked the driveway.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, echoing Rachel’s thoughts.

  Just what was she doing? If she developed any sort of real feelings for Rex, she’d compromise her plan and risk ruining everything.

  No, she thought. She c
ould control her feelings. She always did, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Still, her self-reassurance didn’t ease the painful tugging in her chest.

  “You have feelings for him. Don’t you?” Andi took a sip of coffee from an oversized mug, and then offered Rachel a cup.

  Rachel accepted it, more for the comfort the warm brew offered. “That’s absurd. I’ve known him for all of three days,” she said, but found herself glancing out the window to where Rex had just disappeared.

  “You are. I saw the look on your face. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you look like that. Rach, he’s a criminal. He’s your mother’s loan shark. He’s not the kind of guy you should be dating, no matter what crazy plan you have.”

  Rachel glanced back to Andi. How could she tell her she was wrong? Defend what she was doing? She couldn’t. Besides that, Andi didn’t justify manipulating people, no matter who they were.

  She said nothing as she stared at her friend, not wanting to ruin whatever truce had been drawn in the sand at the cove.

  Andi reached out, touching her arm. “I’m just looking out for you. I think you’re making a mistake by getting involved. Let your mother handle it. It was her mistake, not yours.”

  Rachel nodded, only partly agreeing with her. Regardless, she couldn’t stop now. Especially not when she thought her plan might actually be working.

  “I know. Don’t worry.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Tell me about Carma,” she said, wanting to change the subject.

  “Maybe we should have a seat.”

  Her stomach twisted at the darkening of Andi’s expression. She had no idea what she was afraid of. How could whatever Andi had to tell her possibly be that bad? Yet as Rachel followed her into the living room, she felt herself stiffen and prepare for the blow that she intuitively sensed was coming. She took a seat on the sofa and took a deep breath.

  The familiarity of the Callaway home soothed her. The scent of cinnamon, the ticking of the grandfather clock next to the fireplace. Still, as Andi began to speak, Rachel found herself on edge.

  “Over the summer, I met up with her to talk. It was when I was...” Andi trailed off, her eyes flickering over Rachel’s face, then back to her mug. “Conflicted over my feelings for Ford and you were trying to get in the way and I needed to talk. While we were there, we saw Jack.”

  “Her stepfather.”

  Andi nodded, biting her lip. “I could tell something was off. Carma almost seemed afraid of him, and since she tended to always avoid him and we’ve never really seen her around him, it hit me hard. It was the first time I had ever seen that. I don’t know how to explain the way she looked. And then she got angry. She started going off about how I was so lucky and didn’t have real problems...”

  Rachel frowned, unsure of where this was going. “And?”

  “I don’t know how to say it.” Andi’s voice was thick with tears. She glanced at Rachel and her dark eyes filled. “Rachel, he abused her. Since she was a little girl.” Several tears fell from her eyes as her voice shook and Rachel sat there, stunned to silence.

  “What do you mean?” The hairs rose on the back of her neck as she asked the question, knowing, yet fearing the answer.

  “He molested her as a child. And he eventually went on to rape her. He almost got caught once and so he cooled it for a while, but she told me he had attacked her again, just over the summer. Almost out of the blue after so much time.”

  Rachel froze. Her skin turned to ice, and it was several seconds before she could speak. “H-how did we not know? This whole time—”

  “I know.” Andi sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I thought the same thing and I felt like such a jerk. That she had been going through that all this time and we never knew. For years she talked of how badly she wanted out of here and we never understood. We never dug deep enough to find out why.”

  “But she was always so closed off. She...”

  “Can you blame her?”

  Rachel swallowed, as the weight of everything Andi just told her started to sink in. Carma was always so different, withdrawn and timid in a way that wasn’t entirely normal for a best friend of ten years. So while the discovery was shocking, something inside of her clicked with it. In a way, it made sense.

  And as she thought of her friend and this huge secret she carried for so long she wondered. How could you be close to someone for so many years, yet not know everything, their deepest, darkest secrets?

  Her thoughts flashed to Rex. She had only known him days. Who knew what truths he withheld, what secrets?

  Her temples began to throb. She raised a hand to knead her forehead, trying to stave off the threatening migraine. “This is too much,” She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing.

  How did you come to terms with this kind of life-shattering news?

  “What’s worse is she told me and I pressed her to get help,” Andi murmured. “To see someone, to go to the police. She swore me to silence, and then I got so wrapped up in what was going on in my life, I didn’t stop long enough to help her. And the next thing I know she called me from jail, wanting me to bail her out for stealing from Peach’s. So, I did. But I never took the time to really think about what she was going through because I was so consumed with Ford. She stole because she needed out that badly. Because she was hurting that badly, and I didn’t—”

  “Neither of us did. You can’t do that. This isn’t your fault.” Rachel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Andi in a hug and marveled that although she had one best friend back, it felt like she had lost another.

  When she pulled away from Andi, she asked, “What do we do? If that was her I saw tonight, then she’s scared, alone, and not only running from the law, but she’s pregnant.”

  Andi nodded, confirming what only then began to dawn on Rachel. “And there’s a chance the baby is her stepfather’s.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Colton pulled up to his condo. It was almost midnight, yet he found himself wanting to drive around the darkened streets of Callaway for longer. But with nowhere to go, with no real friends in Callaway Cove, home was all he had. Forming few attachments was another byproduct of the job, only serving to cement his pre-existing loner tendencies. Get in. Get out, and above all else, don’t get too close. Don’t form attachments. They were an occupational hazard and create a dangerous dynamic in any undercover work. Attachments and conflicted feelings created room for error.

  And if there was one thing Colton prided himself on, it was his job. It was the one thing, other than Molly, that he’d done right. His commanding agent once told him he worked like every assignment was part of some overriding mission. Even he had to admit there was a grain of truth to that. He felt it with each assignment he completed. Where there should have been closure, or even a sense of accomplishment in closing out a case, he was left with a feeling of incompletion, like no matter how many criminals he put behind bars, no matter how many assignments he finished, his job would never be done. And as he thought about his mother, his stepfather, he wondered if he hadn’t been trying to make up for the one person he should’ve saved all that time ago. The one criminal he should’ve stopped before it was too late.

  As he sat in the driver’s seat of his car, the engine running, he wondered why he never fully realized that about himself until tonight. Maybe it was because he had opened himself up in a way that he never had before. He exposed himself to Rachel by telling her about his mother, and it shocked him still. That he shared that part of himself with her. Telling her about the horrors in his past seemed to have excised something within him. He had worked on cases with drug lords and murderers, extortionists, and gangs. Not once, in those five years of his time on the force had he been scared. Not like tonight. Because his whole life, he had never been able to open up to anyone. Until now.

  Why? Why Rachel?

  He knew her type, already had her pegged for a materialistic, self-serving jerk like her father. Yet she was turning
out to be none of those things, and the contradiction confounded him. He had never been so dead wrong about a person before. And the fact that he was glad he had been wrong, the fact that he wanted to see her again tomorrow, for more than an assignment baffled him. He had no idea why he felt such a strong connection to her. He wasn’t the type to believe in love at first sight or fate. Those were things of fairytales. And if anyone knew life was anything but a fairytale, it was him. He had seen too many tragedies to count.

  The fact remained that he had only known her a few days, yet he trusted her. And that frightened him more than any thug or criminal ever could.

  * * *

  Those first minutes of consciousness, just before awakening, were Colton’s favorite. It was when he did his best thinking. Uninhibited by the security blanket sleep provided his brain, he was far more introspective and reasonable in those first thirty minutes

  This morning was no different. Last night was the first thing that came to mind as the haze of sleep wore off. He felt foolish for thinking he couldn’t control his feelings. The impending doom he felt last night that he might compromise the case seemed absurd now.

  He was on an assignment. Rachel became a part of that assignment the minute she walked into the casino, thinking she could get to know him and he would somehow expunge her mother’s fake debt. Keeping his emotions compartmentalized was his specialty. The case was close to being wrapped up. He just needed to find out where her father was putting the bribe money. And Rachel would help him do that. He just needed access to Beaumont’s personal files, a computer, something where he could find the information for his offshore banking accounts. And Rachel would lead him right to them.

  Simple. Case closed. Feelings over, and he’d move on.

  Rex rolled over, onto something hard and groaned. A high-pitched whine droned in his ear, long enough for him to realize it wasn’t the sound of his alarm. Opening one eye, he squinted into the bright light shining from his window and saw his daughter.