Cry For You_A Second Chance Romance

by Shaniel Watson

  “Thought you couldn’t come?”

  “My plans have changed. Nothing else I’d rather do than spend the morning with my grandson. Say goodbye to Landon and hug your Mom.”

  “Bye, Landon.”

  “If it’s okay, you want to come next weekend to baseball practice with Jackson? I’ll even see what I can do about having you play as a part of the team.”

  “Mom, please don’t say no. I want to go,” Jacob says.

  They look at me for confirmation. I just nod my head, bringing a beautiful smile to his face and sending him running into my arms, his hand wrapped around my waist. I’m teetering on the edge of a total meltdown. How could I say no to either of them, after this morning? It would just be cruel.

  When the door closes, Landon’s voice breaks away the last shred of composure I have left. “Come here.” He means to be soothing, as he wraps his arms around me, but the tears I could hardly manage to control for Jacob’s sake flow freely unrestricted down his chest.

  “I’m sorry you had to do that. I’m crying all over you, like I have the right, when this is my own doing for taking the coward’s way out whenever he asked. Sorry.” I try to raise my head off his chest, but he doesn’t let me. Instead, he holds me tighter, in the safety of his arms, which I honestly don’t want to leave. It’s been a long time since I felt so secure, since I had a place where I could let go and not have to worry about someone else’s feelings along with my own.

  “Lacey baby, you take all the time you need.” He strokes my hair. “You cry. I get it.”

  Holding on, I do. This is what I’ve been missing.

  Then

  I rest my head on Shay’s shoulder in the drab hospital room, while she strokes my hair, holding me in her arms. She fights for me and the little life I’ve been assigned to. She is our advocate, with all the fire and rage I can’t seem to pull together for myself and him. She’s fighting for us.

  “Go out there and tell them, Mom. She doesn’t want to do it. She changed her fucking mind. If you don’t tell them, I swear to God, I’ll do it.”

  “Shay, don’t. You’ll destroy those people. They had their hearts set on this. They would make excellent parents to this baby. Don’t do this to them. They’ve been disappointed and hurt so many times.”

  “What about your daughter? How many times is she going to be hurt? She’s not giving this baby up. She said no. She wants this baby; there is no way in hell I’m going to let anyone leave this hospital with him.”

  “Why can’t you see I’m trying to save her?” my mother’s angry voice rises.

  “Her or yourself? Look at him, look at him goddamn it! Then tell me you could blindly give away your grandson without so much as a look.”

  “You always think you know so much better, Shay. You don’t.”

  “I don’t. You’re right.” She holds on to me, lowering her voice, still holding me tight. “I’m just listening to what she wants. Seems I’m the only one listening.”

  Giving birth felt like he was being ripped out of me. I screamed and screamed and screamed like I never have before. He was my baby, and yet it was as if Perfect Smile was assaulting me again, because he was a part of him. It was a bloody mess. By the time it was finished, they said I might not be able to have kids again. I didn’t care. They asked if I wanted to see him, and I said no.

  But then he started crying. That cry did something to me. It was a desperate cry, something I recognized. A cry for life, the same as mine that horrific night. He called to me, and I listened and looked. And I knew he was as much mine as anyone else’s. He was mine.

  “Hey, heard about last night.”

  “You did?” I say, sitting next to Shay on the couch after letting her in.

  “You didn’t listen to me and come home on time. Morning came, and the carriage turned into a pumpkin that dropped you hard on your ass. Now you have to explain to little man why his best friend’s dad has your name on his breast but isn’t his daddy.”

  “Don’t make fun, Shay.”

  “I’m not.”

  I lean my head on her shoulder, and she puts her arm around me. “I told him I’d tell him who his dad was some day. He’s going to keep asking. I should have listened to the therapist and slowly mentioned things to him as he asked questions. But I couldn’t.” It’s easy for someone to tell you what you should do, but they are not the ones that have to do the seemingly possible but impossible.

  “How should I have started? ‘You really shouldn’t be here, because your daddy raped me. You’re not here by choice.’ He’s going to think that one day, and he’s going to hate me.” I sigh. “Is it terribly wrong for me to wish for a man to die in prison? Because it would make it so much easier. One explanation. ‘Jacob, he died, and that’s all there is to know.’” I look at her for understanding, my head still resting on her shoulder. “God forgive me for those thoughts, but that’s just how I feel.”

  “You’re not the only one with those thoughts, Lacey.” She runs her fingers through her short hair, a slight flare of her nostrils. “Be as honest as you can with him. Maybe it’s time you start seeing that therapist with him, prepare him and yourself for that conversation.”

  “You’re right. It’s time. Especially if things keep progressing the way they are with me and Landon.”

  “Drama aside, how was last night?”

  I don’t say a word. I let the slight smile spread across my face tell her how it was. How natural it all felt. The confidence I had in myself, when it was needed, to take the lead in reassuring him I was capable of the choice I was making with him.

  “My baby sister’s blushing,” she teases, pressing her finger against my cheek. I push her away, grinning. “It’s good you got out, had some fun, and did adult things.” She smiles. “Do me a favor?”

  “What?”

  “Guard your heart. Be careful.”

  “Shay, don’t start that.”

  “You’re getting all starry-eyed, but remember, he’s still a married man with a kid. He had a child with that woman, and just because they’ve hit a rough patch or whatever doesn’t mean hearts and minds can’t change. That divorce is not final. There’s not even ink on the paper.”

  “Why do you have to do that? Gosh!” I huff, sitting forward. “He is not like that.”

  “I’ll believe it if you do. But what wouldn’t you do for Jacob, to make him happy?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Exactly. Have fun, but keep that in mind.” She stands. “Gotta go. Some dipshit is coming in with his classic car. You know how men get with their toys. Then they get a load of me under the hood and really lose their shit, ‘cause they think I don’t know what I’m doing. Little do they know, I’m the best of the motherfuckers.”

  I was on such a high last night, but she’s right: the pumpkin smashed to little bitty pieces, leaving me in a heap of a mess.

  “Where were you?”

  I drop my keys on the kitchen counter and look up. “I was out. I don’t owe you an explanation. You never ask where I spend the nights when I’m not here. Why now?”

  “You went on a date with her?” She plants her hands on her hips. “You’re dating, and we’re still married.”

  “How would you know? Are you following me?” Seriously, is she?

  “This town isn’t that big, Landon. There’s a good chance if my husband is on a date, someone will see, and think it’s in my best interest to know so I can divorce your cheating ass!”

  “I’m not cheating on you, Bree. I hope you told the helpful person with all the information how I caught you banging the maintenance man in my own house. While you were at it, I hope you told them to mind their fucking business because we’re getting a divorce.”

  “Why on earth would I do that? At least someone cares enough about my feelings to warn me my husband is running around town with his son’s best friend’s mother, making me look like a clueless fool.”

  “I’m sorry you had to hear it like that. I’m not
the one who is going to make us the spectacle of the town when they spot bullshit they know nothing about, and you say nothing to correct it. If you don’t, it’s mostly going to hurt our son.”

  “Precisely. What about Jackson? I don’t think he bargained for his father hooking up with his best friend’s mother, and her destroying his family.”

  “She’s not—she didn’t do anything. Don’t go there. Don’t make this into what it’s not, Bree. If you do, you’re going to be playing a dangerous game, with no winners. So here’s my truth—I’m seeing her.”

  She shakes her head. “You can’t. Not with her. What, are you going to make the perfect family with her kid and my son? Are you going to show up at school functions while everyone is whispering behind my back like I’m a pathetic mess? Fuck you, if you think I’m going to stand quietly by and let that happen to me.”

  My composure slips a notch. I fold my keys in my hand, making sharp metal sink into my skin to stave off lashing out, giving her the angry scene she wants. Still, my words come out harsher than I expect. “Your permission is not needed for me to move the fuck on with my life. I’m not running a damn thing past you. However, I will extend the courtesy to let you know what’s going on in my life if it might concern you.”

  “You can do what you want. You are not going to do it with my son.”

  “Our son!” I bark, anger streaking through me at the implied threat.

  “Keep your goddamn voice down before he hears you.”

  “Not that it’s any of your business who I decide to spend time with, but I’m not trying to take him away from you to create a new family. I would never do that. Get a fucking grip, Bree, before you mess him up more than you already have with your service man fantasy or whatever bullshit it was.”

  “Fuck you, Landon, get out. Go back to where you’ve been and really want to be.”

  “First I’m going to see my son.”

  She moves into my way shaking her head. “Stop seeing her.”

  Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I try to grab hold of my anger. God, it doesn’t have to be this way, but if she takes it down this route she better be prepared to follow through. “I don’t think you want to go down this route, Bree. Don’t draw lines you can’t erase. I’m going to cross every single one of them where my son is concerned. You are not going to like the outcome, or what I’m prepared to do for him.”

  “You’ve come to threats now, Landon?”

  “It’s more than that.” I make sure she gets exactly what I’m saying before walking around her up to Jackson’s room.

  I walk in, and he’s lying on his bed with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

  “Whatcha doing?” I ask, sitting by his legs.

  “Just thinking.”

  “Sounds intense for a kid your age. Something you want to talk about? You know you can ask me anything, right?”

  He smiles, nodding his head, offering nothing else. His mom and I separating can’t be easy on him, with all the other things going on too. A lot of changes. Obviously, his mom’s not handling it well. I can only imagine what’s going through his mind. I’m thinking maybe Lacey and I spending more time together would benefit him. He’ll have Jacob to hang with. Take his mind off of things going on here and between me and his mom.

  “Hey, bud?”

  “Hmm.” He puts his hand down, sitting up further on his pillow.

  “What do you think about Jacob’s mom?”

  “She’s okay.”

  “Just okay?” I smile at his noncommittal attitude.

  “Yeah.”

  “You sure that's all you think about her?”

  “Yeah, She’s okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugs, cocking his head to the side, brow slightly arched. “Tell me what you think about her?”

  Smartypants. Well, it’s fair he asks me, and I’m going to answer honestly so he knows I like her, and he should, too. “I think she’s pretty, and she’s nice.”

  “Mom’s really pretty, and she’s nice,” he counters, kind of catching me off guard with a pointed but not hostile look. “And mom’s smart. Like really smart.”

  “You’re right. Your mom is all those things,” I agree, watching him smile.

  After this revealing interaction, I know I’m going to need to find a way to get him on board the “Dad and Jacob’s mom” train; whether he’s on board or not, the train is leaving the station. For everyone involved, it’s better he’s on it from the beginning.

  I broach the question carefully. “How would you like to spend more time hanging out with Jacob, would you want that? You like Jacob.”

  “Sure I do. He’s my best friend.”

  “Great. We might be spending more time hanging out with Jacob and his mom. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  “Sure, but what about mom? She’s going to hang out, too? She likes to have fun.”

  Okay...I rub my chin between my forefinger and thumb, figuring a way to answer this. This coming together getting him on board isn’t going to be as easy as I thought. Now, what the hell am I going to say? I don’t want him to see Lacey as a threat in his mind, the bad person coming between his parents.

  “Well, sometimes you could ask your mother if she would like to come and hang out if you want.” Fat chance in hell that will happen. I wouldn’t subject either one of them or myself to that catastrophe. But this answer works for now for Jackson. He sits up straighter with a bright smile. “Come here, bud.” I give him a big hug. “I love you, so much.”

  He hugs me back. “Love you too, dad. Are you going to come back tonight and stay with me and mom?”

  “Sure.”

  “Yippee! I’ll go tell mom.” He hops off the bed. “I’ll help mom cook, and we can watch a movie. Mom!” He runs out of the room.

  “What the fuck was that?” I whisper under my breath.

  When the hell did he become so perceptive to turn things around like that? I came to get him on board the idea of seeing Lacey and me together, and he turned it around, interjecting his mother and me into everything, together.

  If I do this wrong, it could end up in a tangled web of a mess. Let’s hope I’m more cunning than my six-year-old, so I don’t end up falling into the trap of being at the mercy of my kid’s wants and end up strangling myself in the middle of the tangled web. Fuck it—Bree. I have to make sure she doesn’t make Lacey the bad person to Jackson. I hope to God she’s not saying anything around him. Or where he can overhear, like us minutes ago in the fucking kitchen. Dammit. Sticky web.

  “Where are you?”

  “Sitting in my car, thinking about you.”

  “Why would you want to do that after this morning?”

  “Why wouldn’t I want to spend all my time thinking about the amazing, beautiful woman, who puts a smile on my face at just the thought of her?”

  “Score one for you. I’m blushing. You don’t have to say those things though. You got me if you still want me after the clusterfuck I created and you stumbled in to without warning. I’m sorry about Jacob, and...yeah. Sorry.”

  “For the last time, your apologies mean nothing to me, Lacey. They’re not needed. You were doing what you needed to for his sake. I’m not mad.”

  She sighs. “You sure?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry for Jacob, who doesn’t have the father he deserves. One I can tell he wants.”

  “He does. I’m having a hard time with it. I don’t want you to feel obligated in any way to take him to that baseball game. I’m not going to try and make you a fill-in father figure or anything like that, I swear.”

  She doesn’t understand how much I still love her. Jacob is a part of her life. What she loves, I love. I see there’s going to be work there making her understand that I want both of them, fill-in or not.

  “Lacey baby, anything you need or he needs, I want to be here for.” I want to say I love you so bad, but I don’t think it’s the time for that. We’re dealing wit
h enough as there is. “Besides, you made a promise to a six-year-old. I don’t believe you want to be on that shit list. I know.”

  She laughs, and I hold the phone closer to my ear, loving the sound.

  “You don’t have to tell me about that list. I’ve been on it.”

  “Good. When are we going to see each other again? I’m sitting here talking to you, and I miss you.”

  “I know. Me, too. Last night wasn’t enough.”

  “I’m so glad to hear you say that. I feel exactly the same way. Maybe I could sneak out tonight and see you?”

  “Why would you need to sneak out? Where are you going to be?”

  Ah, damn. “Ah, somehow Jackson talked me in to spending the night and having dinner and a movie with Bree and him.” More like guilted me.

  “Oh...okay.”

  I note the hesitance in her voice. “Lace, I couldn’t say no to him. You should have seen the look on his face.”

  “I understand he wants to see his mom and dad together. She is your wife. And I’m—”

  “With me. Last night meant everything to me. Bree and I are over. I don’t love her. I mean, I do, but I don’t, not in that way.” God, I’m an idiot. “I should shut up now. I’m not making things better, am I?”

  “Well if you feel you must, you should.” She chuckles. I know I haven’t messed up too bad.

  “We’re just trying to make this an easier transition for Jackson before we finalize things.”

  “I know. We have to make sure the kids are okay with this first. I get it. How about Monday, on my lunch break, me and you?”

  “Two whole days? Torture! I’m beyond disappointed, but I’ll take it.” I sigh dramatically.

  “I know, but I have a pie guaranteed to make it up to you.”

  “You should have said that first.” I chide. “When in doubt—”

  “Pie!” She finishes for me, and we both laugh.

  After hanging up, I drive over to The Office to open. My phone rings. It’s Trigg.

  “What’s up?” I slam my truck door shut, walking to the bar door.