by Jennifer Rae
‘Faith, your show is a one-hour weekly. It’s a huge thing to organise. You should have let me know. I would have fixed it.’
Faith looked up at him. She didn’t like the way he looked at her. Unblinking. Challenging. It made her feel as if she owed him answers but she’d been doing things on her own too long to answer to anyone. ‘My show is delivered on time and is high quality. I don’t need any help.’
Faith started walking up the stairs. She didn’t want Cash looking at her like that. She was perfectly capable of doing this on her own. She’d done everything else on her own—gone to boarding school on her own, put herself through journalism school on her own, got a job on her own, moved to Australia on her own. She’d never had anyone’s help and she didn’t need his now.
Cash followed her up as she headed for his car. It was a very old station wagon. One that looked as if it should be filled with surfboards. That surprised her. She’d taken Cash for more of a luxury-vehicle kind of guy. But between this and the revelation that he was a latent cowboy she realised she had no idea who Cash really was.
He loaded his things in the back, then relieved her of the cables and shoved them into a spare corner, but he didn’t shut the window down—he sat on the end of the wagon and patted the seat next to him. Faith wanted to move on. They had five more fantasies to finish today. She didn’t want to sit with Cash, especially not this close. She was trying her best to stay distant and professional but every second with him was making that harder and harder.
‘Sit down, Faith. Relax. You worked hard this morning—you deserve a break.’
‘I don’t have time for a break. We have to get this finished to be on air tomorrow, remember?’
Cash reached up and tugged on her arm, pulling her close and making her sit. ‘Sit. I want to talk. We have plenty of time for your other five fantasies.’
So Faith sat. Even though sitting so close to him was doing things to her skin and her stomach.
‘Has anyone ever told you that you work too hard?’ he asked, picking up a twig from the ground and snapping it with his fingers.
‘No.’
He turned, surprised. ‘No? Not your family? Not your friends? Don’t they miss you when you’re at work all the time?’
Faith didn’t look at him. ‘No.’
Cash sighed and tossed the twig before planting his hands on the steel seat either side of his thighs. Faith felt his fingers brush her thigh but she didn’t move, she just held her breath.
‘I’d miss you...if you were mine.’ Faith snapped her neck around. ‘I mean if you and I were...’ Cash’s sentence trailed off but his eyes didn’t. They stayed stuck on hers. Hot. Desperate.
But he wasn’t. Faith’s chest beat heavily. He wasn’t hot or desperate for her. She was reading too much into it...again. She had to turn away before she pushed herself forward and kissed him again. She leaned down and picked up a twig, trying to snap it as Cash had but it was too thick. Cash’s fingers met hers and they were warm and big and it made Faith swallow. Hard.
‘You have to get it in the right spot,’ he said quietly, taking the twig and snapping it before handing it back. When his fingers met hers she looked up. He was watching her again. ‘You don’t have to do this all on your own, Faith. I’m here for you.’
Those words pierced her heart painfully. Faith stood quickly. Too quickly. Her head hit the top of the wagon and the sharp piece that held the lock.
‘Owww,’ she complained, grabbing her head and checking for blood. She was close to tears. Her head hurt and her heavy heart hurt. I’m here for you. Four words no one had ever said to her. This was just about work, but as the tears stung her eyes she couldn’t help but feel the pain in her heart where the permanent break was creaking open even wider.
‘Here, let me see.’ He reached for her but she swatted him away.
‘No! No. I don’t need your help. I’m all right—I can do this on my own. You go back to doing what you were doing and I’ll get on with...what I was doing. I don’t need your help. I don’t need you to be here for me.’
‘Faith...’ He moved closer, reaching for her head again, but she stepped back.
‘I don’t need your help.’ Her head hurt like hell. Her lungs were struggling to breathe and if he said one more nice, considerate thing those tears that threatened the backs of her eyes were going to fall and she didn’t want him to see her cry. Never let them see you cry—she’d learned that early on in her school life.
‘Well, you have it anyway. If you need it. I’m here.’ He smiled and Faith felt the first tear escape. Don’t cry, she scolded. Don’t you dare cry.
‘With bandages or cameras or...anything else you need.’ He said it so quietly, so tenderly, but he didn’t move—he just watched her. ‘I’m here.’
Faith couldn’t take her eyes off him. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. Something about the tone of his voice and the way he was looking at her—holding her steady—started to calm her. Her heart slowed and the ache in her head eased.
They stood like that for a few minutes. Breathing. Watching. Waiting. She wanted his eyes to hold her steady and right now it felt as if that were all that was holding her up. Faith lowered her hands from her head and realised her palms were sweating and her legs were shaking. There was something between them—surely even he couldn’t deny that now? If she let him know what she was thinking though, she knew he’d run, so she just silently held his gaze steadily the way he was holding hers.
Then a kookaburra laughed loudly and Faith blinked.
He too seemed to come out of a daze and looked away, breaking their gaze and moving backwards.
‘Where to now?’ he asked gruffly, turning away to close the wagon and secure the lock.
Faith felt the disappointment in her stomach. The moment was gone. Whatever had happened was over. He was back to being her boss and she the last thing he was thinking of.
‘The next fantasy is the schoolgirl fantasy.’
‘Really?’ He turned back. ‘Women are into that?’
‘Apparently. So the survey says.’
‘Who conducted this survey?’
‘We did. Online.’
‘Must be right, then. Come on—off to the school.’
‘No! We can’t film schoolgirls! The fantasy is not about actual schoolgirls—it’s about dressing up as a schoolgirl and having your man be the teacher and then you...’ Faith stilled. She’d read this on the fantasy list and skipped over it. She didn’t want to think about it, but now...she had to actually talk about it. On camera. And find someone to dress as a schoolgirl and someone to be the teacher. Kieran and Julie could only stay for two hours. They were out. Maybe she should skip this one.
‘If we had to leave one out—I’d be happy for it to be this one.’
‘No.’ He hit his hand on the top of the wagon. ‘If we’re going to do this, we have to do it right. Now, where are we taping it?’
‘I don’t know.’
Faith had deliberately not thought about this one. Not dealt with this one; she’d hoped it would just go away.
Cash put his hands on his hips. ‘It should be in a bedroom. And since Kieran and Julie had to go—you’ll have to dress up.’
‘Me? No. I don’t want to dress up.’
‘Come on, Faith, you’re always wearing some crazy outfit for these shows.’
‘Yes, but not this. This is different.’
‘Different how?’
Different because it cut a little close to the bone.
‘It just is.’
Cash moved closer. ‘It’s your last show, Faith. Don’t you want to get this perfect?’
Faith lifted her chin. He was still adamant this was her last show. She was still adamant she could change his mind and she was a professional, after all. A professiona
l who didn’t let her past interrupt her present.
‘OK. I’ll do it. But where are we going to tape it?’
He grinned. ‘I know the perfect place.’
THIRTEEN
The view from Cash’s apartment was even more magnificent than Faith had imagined it would be. It was a huge, open-style flat—like the ones she often saw in luxury holiday magazines. It was furnished very sparsely with just a huge L-shaped sofa and an enormous TV attached to the wall. There was nothing else. No decoration. No pictures, no personal mementos, no mirrors. But that didn’t seem to matter as the main living space was dominated by the panoramic view of the ocean.
It glowed turquoise except for the occasional drift of white that interrupted the blue as a wave curled.
‘You like it?’
Faith jumped. Cash was closer than she expected. She could feel him at her back.
She shrugged. ‘It’s all right, if you’re into that sort of thing.’
‘And are you into that sort of thing?’
She didn’t think she was. During the past two years she’d been in Australia she’d only been to the beach once, and that was for no longer than an hour. The trouble was she’d been so busy working on getting her show made she hadn’t had time to enjoy the sunshine.
‘What I’m into is getting this scene done. Where do you suggest we shoot?’
The lighting was perfect. Sunlight streamed in against the pale walls and gave everything the perfect pale glow.
‘The bedroom.’
Faith stopped. Professional, she thought as she turned to meet Cash’s eyes. A small smile spread across his lips. ‘Isn’t that where this teacher-student action usually happens?’
Actually in her experience it wasn’t quite as romantic as that. More often than not it had happened in the teacher’s car.
Faith’s stomach roiled. ‘Where can I get changed?’
She hadn’t wanted to participate; she’d even tried to call some other actors she knew to come and put the outfit on, but no one was available at such short notice. She hadn’t gone for the whole outfit—that would be way too hard. She’d just found a school dress at a second-hand shop on the way over here and was planning on pulling her long hair up into a ponytail. No long socks, no blazer, no tie.
Cash pointed the way to a bedroom with an en-suite bathroom. She quickly got out of her jeans and pulled on the dress. It was a little too small and pulled across her breasts but she managed to do the zip up. Faith stared at herself in the mirror. It looked nothing like the stuffy boarding-school uniform from her youth—this was a summer Australian-style dress—but it had the familiar checks and the royal blue colouring that made it seem close enough that Faith had to grip the sink.
‘Are you sure you want to do this, Faith?’ he’d asked as his fingers accidentally brushed hers when they’d reached for the radio together. He’d given her plenty of opportunity to back out. But his resistance had only made him seem more attractive. She thought if he just got to know her, then he’d want her. If he just kissed her—he’d want more. If they made love—he’d realise she was his.
‘Faith, how’re you doing in there? We’re losing the light.’
Faith sucked in a big breath and stood tall. That was over seven years ago. It was time to get over it. Time to move on. Except every time since then it had been the same. She’d chased and they’d always seemed reluctant, then when she finally had managed to get them between the sheets—they’d taken off faster than a gazelle being chased by a lion. Not that it had happened very many times. Three to be exact. In total, four miserable events that resulted in humiliation, shame and none of the sexual satisfaction she kept featuring on her shows. The truth was—she was a fraud. She knew nothing about sex. Definitely nothing about good sex. And she had no idea if sex was just sex or if it could be more.
‘Faith?’
But she was a professional and that was what this was all about. She had to know. She had to figure out what she was doing wrong because one day...one day she was going to have some mind-blowing sex and it would mean something and he would love her.
Faith pulled her hair into a ponytail, and gave herself one more hard look before swinging open the door to meet the waiting gaze of Cash on the other side.
* * *
Holy mother of all that was holy and bad.
Faith was dressed in a very tight, very short school dress and it was doing things to his body he was ashamed of. He’d never had a schoolgirl fantasy. Well, not since high school anyway, when the girls had all laughed at his long, lanky limbs and cowboy hat. Girls had only ever talked to him because of his superstar brother. But Faith looked different. Grown up. Sophisticated. A woman playing dress up. She was no innocent girl and it made his blood run faster and his brain start to curl.
‘Well, how do I look?’
Hot. Forbidden. Dangerous. Sexy as hell.
‘Fine,’ he said and turned back to the camera.
Out of bounds, he told himself. An employee, he reminded himself as he tugged at the cords. Someone who will get too attached.
Back at Kitty’s place, there had been a moment. A strange moment where everything had seemed to disappear, and he’d started to think some stupid things. Like he could trust her. Like there was something about her that was different. Like she needed him. But he’d spent the forty-minute drive back to the city with the music blaring those thoughts out of his head.
Now here she was, in that short dress—looking innocent and vulnerable and in control and sexy all at once and he had an urge to throw her over his shoulder and take her away. An urge to help her. To stop her feeling as if she had to do this all on her own.
A strange layer of sadness settled on his shoulder. He knew what it felt like to think you had to do everything on your own. To prove that you didn’t need anyone else. He shook the feeling off. What she did or didn’t do was nothing to him. He couldn’t trust her—he didn’t know her. He was just confused right now by her short skirt and big blue innocent eyes. Any man would be confused, he said to himself. Any man would be having the thoughts he was having right now.
‘Where do you want me?’ she asked, all innocent professionalism.
Cash gritted his teeth. ‘On the chair by the window.’
‘Really? We’re in the bedroom—I would have thought you wanted me on the bed.’
Cash let out a breath and watched as she flung herself onto his bed. The normally perfect cover rumpled and his whole body went hard. She had no shoes on and had curled her legs up but because the dress was so short, he could see her thighs and a hint of hot-pink panties.
‘Hitch your skirt down—I can see your underwear.’
He turned away again and fiddled with some knobs he didn’t need to fiddle with. He was enjoying being the cameraman again. It had been nearly ten years since he’d been behind a camera. Ten years since he’d made the decision to leave his small town and be someone else. And it had worked. He was someone else. Successful. Wealthy. Powerful. But as he turned the knobs way too hard he realised there was still a little bit of that country boy in him. That awkward country bloke who saw a pretty girl and lost all his sense.
‘Lay back a little and I’ll crop it in close before panning out.’
‘Right.’
When he turned back Faith was strewn across the bed, her hands behind her head. He’d had plenty of women in his bed before but none had looked as inviting as this. None had made his body jump the way sh
e did.
‘You may be surprised to know that many women enjoy dressing up as a schoolgirl.’ Faith’s voice was a little wooden—it lacked the animation she usually brought to her programme. Cash moved his eyes from the camera and peered at her.
‘What’s up?’
‘Nothing.’ Her voice was tight, angry.
‘Let’s try again and this time try and act as if you’re enjoying yourself.’
Faith started again. Her voice was better but the wrinkle between her eyes was still there. Frustrated, angry. She twisted her body to sit up and Cash thought he saw a flash of pink again but kept rolling, not trusting himself to take his hands off the camera and suspicious she wouldn’t like him to stop her again.
‘Some women enjoy playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: loads of grown women fantasise about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is exciting for two reasons: not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex.’
Her voice had slowed down. Her knees were up now and he could definitely see a flash of pink.
‘We’ll have to do it again—I can see your underwear.’
Annoyance flashed across Faith’s face. ‘Again? Once is bad enough in this outfit.’
Cash straightened his back. Her mouth had turned down and her cheeks were pink. She wasn’t happy at all. ‘Sometimes these things take a few takes.’
‘I didn’t even want one.’
Maybe he was putting too much pressure on her. He knew he had a tendency to do that. And he was particularly hard on Faith but after getting to know her a little more, he wasn’t sure that was the right thing to do. She was usually so confident talking about sex, but today she was struggling.
‘What is it about this fantasy you don’t like?’ he asked, curious about what had ruffled the feathers of Sydney’s sexpert. Surely a little role playing didn’t make her this uncomfortable. She’d been more than comfortable in Kitty’s dungeon. And then earlier today as she’d sat on top of him she’d seemed right at home. But right now she was blushing furiously and her fists were curled into tight little balls.
