Sex, Lies & Her Impossible Boss

by Jennifer Rae

  ‘What do you mean? I like it fine. As much as any other.’

  ‘No, you don’t. This makes you uncomfortable. Why? You weren’t one of those naughty schoolgirls who had an affair with her teacher, were you?’

  When her face fell Cash’s heart fell with it. She’d got it on with a teacher? He’d assumed Faith was sexually adventurous but hadn’t considered that she’d been so outrageous as a teenager. But maybe that was why she was so interested in all this. Maybe she’d had some older man show her the ropes when she was young. For some reason the idea of some dirty old man leering at her teenage arse made a ripple run through him.

  ‘Faith. I’m sorry. I was only joking. I didn’t actually think...’

  ‘It wasn’t like that.’ He looked closer. Hers wasn’t the face of a sexually satisfied teenager. It was something closer to sadness and a little bit of fear. His blood started pumping.

  ‘What was it like, then?’ He tried to remember where she’d said she’d gone to school. Somewhere in England. He’d be in London next month; he wondered how long it would take to track this dirty old man down.

  Faith looked small and very young in her school uniform. She brought her knees up to her chin.

  ‘I was naïve and stupid and did something I shouldn’t have.’

  ‘What?’ He gritted his teeth.

  ‘He was my teacher. It only happened a couple of times.’

  ‘Did he...did he make you do something you didn’t want to?’ Cash’s jaw clamped shut.

  ‘It wasn’t like that. I...I chased him.’

  ‘How old were you?’

  ‘Seventeen. Old enough to know better.’

  ‘Young enough to be fooled by an older man.’

  ‘I wasn’t fooled, I was in...’

  ‘What...love? You were in love with him?’ Something sparked in Cash’s head. She still felt the sting of having her heart broken. That sting had turned into more of a burning numbness for him. Although his mind had wandered back to Jess more often since he’d been back in Australia, he realised he wasn’t angry about it any more. He looked at the sadness on Faith’s face. That was what he felt too. Sad that it had changed the way he thought about love and sex and trust.

  ‘I thought I was. He paid attention to me. Told me things I wanted to hear,’ she said, her voice soft and her accent broadening.

  ‘That’s not love. Love is when two people care about each other—not just when one person has the complete power over another.’ Like Jess had over him right from the beginning. She’d known how he felt about her. She’d known he was besotted and she had manipulated him to get what she wanted. To get closer to Charlie.

  Faith’s eyes met his. There was a hint of glaze over them as if a tear was close to the surface. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in love.’

  Cash shrugged. ‘I believe people think they’re in love. But it’s just a fairy tale. It always ends. I don’t believe in happy ever afters and you shouldn’t either.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because when you love someone, you trust them. And when you trust someone you’ll always be disappointed.’

  ‘Not always.’

  ‘Always. Who else have you loved, Faith—besides this joker who used you?’

  ‘No one. Except my family. My parents, my brothers.’

  ‘And have you ever felt betrayed by them?’

  Faith hesitated. ‘I felt betrayed when my parents sent me away to school. And my brothers teased me constantly about what happened. They still do.’

  ‘The people who love us have the power to hurt us the most. That’s why I try not to love anyone.’

  ‘That’s why sex is just sex for you.’

  ‘Exactly. Simple. Uncomplicated.’

  ‘Unable to get hurt.’

  She made it sound as if he was scared. ‘Why put yourself into a situation where you’re sure to get hurt? The smart thing to do would be to avoid that altogether.’

  ‘The smart thing, or the easy thing? Love exists so you can feel it. Don’t you remember what it feels like to be in love? Isn’t it wonderful?’

  It was. For twelve months. Then it felt as if his heart were being ripped out through his nostrils. ‘It’s not worth the pain.’

  ‘So you’d rather go through life feeling nothing so you don’t have to experience the pain?’

  ‘I don’t feel “nothing”. I have friends and I like my job. I’m content.’

  ‘Content? Content is a word used by people who are too afraid to risk it all. Being content is not the same as the feeling of being in love. Love feels like you’re flying and sick all at once. I want to feel that. I want to think about someone all the time and feel invincible.’ Faith had let go of her knees and was looking more like herself again. Optimistic. Animated. Faithful. Gorgeous. ‘Like my heart is so swollen it’ll burst through my chest. Like nothing anyone can say or do can hurt me.’

  ‘But you do get hurt. This teacher...this...predator. He hurt you. I’d suspect pretty bad by the way you can’t get through this scene. Was the love worth all this pain?’ As the words left his mouth he knew he shouldn’t have said them. His honesty always got him into trouble. Like when he told Jess that Charlie had the hots for her. Like when he told Charlie that Jess seemed to be pulling away from him.

  Faith looked up at him then and seemed to consider her answer. She looked away, out to the ocean, and finally after more than a minute of silence she spoke. ‘No. It wasn’t.’

  He should have felt relief or some kind of triumph. He’d won the argument. He’d convinced her love wasn’t worth it. But he didn’t feel good. As he watched all the hope vanish from her heart, he once again felt like the world’s biggest jerk.

  Taking a breath, Cash moved closer to the bed. She didn’t move so he sat on the edge and rested his hands on his knees. Love. This was why he didn’t believe in it. Someone always got their heart broken.

  ‘What about you? Who was she?’

  Cash turned back to Faith, who had now extended her legs out so her toes were next to him. Her skin, so close he could touch it if he wanted to. His eyes trailed up her body, past that short school dress and on to her face. He knew what she was asking.

  ‘She was a girl who worked on our farm as a roustabout. From the day I met her I couldn’t think of anything else, anyone else. She was gorgeous and fun and could keep up with the men in the shed. She’d take their insults and give them right back. She was fearless and exciting and I’d never met anyone like her.’

  ‘Did you love her?’

  FOURTEEN

  Something about the way Faith asked made him keep eye contact. She wanted to know and he wanted to tell her. To tell her that she wasn’t alone.

  ‘I did at the time. As much as a twenty-year-old boy can love someone. We got together fast, it heated up fast. She seemed to like me as much as I liked her. But then...’ Cash paused. He hadn’t thought about Jess in a long time. It was easier in the States but being back home in Australia was bringing it all back. The heartbreak, the betrayal, the fight.

  Faith cocked her head on one side, listening. Interested. ‘But then my brother came home from uni and she chose him.’

  ‘She left you for your brother? Cash, I’m sorry.’

  Cash turned away; he didn’t want her pity.

  ‘It was inevitable. My brother Charlie was the one everyone wanted to be around. He was bigger than me, stronger than me, faster than me. Making people love him came easily to Charlie. He was friendly and easy and open. I w
as quieter, I kept to myself.’

  ‘It still hurts when they choose someone else.’

  He knew that. Especially since it was the man he’d been competing with his whole life. The one person he could never beat at anything.

  Cash shrugged. ‘You can’t force someone to love you. She left me for him, and they’re still together. Madly in love.’

  ‘Oh, Cash.’ Cash felt her hands on his shoulders. He should have pushed her away but he didn’t. It felt good to have her there. It felt good to talk to someone who knew what it felt like.

  ‘Were you and your brother close before that?’

  ‘Very close. We’re twins.’

  ‘You’re twins? Cash, that must have been awful.’ Her hands curled even closer around his shoulders. Her fingers were small and her palms warm. His shoulders slumped a little, enjoying the way she was starting to rub her thumbs into his muscles. She’d shifted her legs up to get closer to him. Her breath teased the back of his ear, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He held his hands steady; he didn’t want to touch her. Didn’t want to think about their kiss, but it kept coming back to him. The softness of her lips, the way the pad of her thumb caught the side of his lips and how her flesh tasted when he licked it.

  ‘Did you argue?’

  What? Right, Jess and Charlie.

  ‘Yes. We fought. In the pub in the middle of town. Then out on the street.’

  Faith’s fingers continued to curl around him, pressing and rubbing. She moved even closer until he could feel her breasts up against his back. He leaned back a little, enjoying their softness and closing his eyes, thinking about that glimpse of hot pink he saw earlier.

  ‘Then what happened?’

  ‘Ah...’ For a second he couldn’t remember. ‘The town started taking sides. People started to argue, my father got involved. We started to fight all the time. I had to leave.’

  Faith’s mouth was now near his ear. He’d only have to turn to feel her lips on his. ‘That’s awful, Cash. Are you and your brother over it now? Is everything all right?’

  ‘No, we haven’t spoken since.’ He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to touch her and see her and he didn’t give a damn that she was his employee. He wanted her. But when he turned, her hands flew off his shoulders and her eyes were open wide, staring at him.

  ‘You haven’t spoken since? How long ago was this?’

  Cash frowned. What were they talking about again? Right. Charlie. Still interfering in his love life. ‘Nine years.’

  She reeled back to sit on her ankles, her hands now squarely on her hips. ‘You haven’t spoken to your twin brother in nine years? All because of some girl who didn’t appreciate you?’

  ‘He betrayed me.’

  ‘She betrayed you. He did the wrong thing. But he is your brother. Your twin brother. You don’t give up on relationships like that.’

  Cash moved back. His brother stole the woman he loved. That was unforgivable. An unwritten brotherly rule.

  ‘I didn’t do anything wrong here, he did.’

  ‘All he did was fall in love with someone he shouldn’t have. We’ve all done that. You let her come between you. That must have been some great sex you two had!’

  Sex with Jess was good. But it was twenty-year-old’s sex. He’d had much better sex since then. ‘It wasn’t about the sex.’

  ‘What was it, then? You talk about sex being all about power. It seems like this woman still has power over you—she’s still controlling you and you two are not even having sex any more.’

  Jess had controlled him. But he’d learned never to let anyone control him since. He’d worked his way to the top of the TV game by being in charge all the time, by wielding the power, not being in anyone else’s power.

  ‘Jess doesn’t control me.’

  ‘She controls your relationship with your brother. All because you two once had sex.’

  ‘We didn’t just have sex. It was more than that.’

  ‘What was it?’

  ‘We were...’ In love? He’d thought they were at the time, but now? She’d loved that he looked like Charlie. He’d found out later she’d got the job on his father’s farm just to meet Charlie—she’d had a crush on him for years. That he got to her first was just a distraction to her until her true conquest arrived. He’d loved the attention she gave him. He’d loved the way he felt when he was with her. Strong, powerful, someone worth getting to know. For the first time he hadn’t been in Charlie’s shadow. She had been his and he was somebody. He was Cash—not just Charlie’s twin.

  ‘What were you?’ Faith prompted, bringing him back to her.

  ‘Stupid. Naïve. I thought because we were having sex we were automatically in love. But we weren’t. Like I said—sex is just sex.’

  ‘Except it wasn’t for you. It was so much more. Sex is never just sex.’

  Cash paused. His chest filled and deflated. Sex with Jess had been all about him feeling like someone special—someone unique. It had made him feel as if he’d finally won. Sex with Faith wouldn’t be about sex either. It would be the answer to how he felt right now. Frustrated, angry, powerless. He wanted to win. He wanted to have her.

  ‘You’re right, Faith. Sex isn’t just sex. It always means more, and that’s the problem. This teacher who gave you attention—sex for him was about living out some sick fantasy. Jess had sex with me because I looked like someone else. And neither of those reasons sound like very good reasons to have sex.’

  Faith’s eyes were hard. He knew she was angry. He knew what she thought of him—someone who let a girl get between him and his brother. Someone with too much pride and not enough sense. Then she did something that surprised him. She shuffled her knees and moved closer until her breasts were right under his chin. They were straining against the school uniform and he longed to dip his head and kiss them through the thin fabric. But he didn’t because her blue eyes were on his and when she looked at him like that he couldn’t turn away. Carefully she placed a hand on his jaw. He hadn’t shaved that morning and she rubbed the bristles there.

  ‘They’re not good reasons to have sex. Two people should have sex because they care about each other and because they want to show that other person how they feel.’

  She came even closer and Cash’s jeans strained hard against his skin. He wanted to move to make himself more comfortable but he didn’t dare. One centimetre and his mouth would be on her breast.

  She moved her finger and traced his mouth with it. His lips tingled under her touch. A heat started to burn in him, a wall of fire that seemed to be burning out of control inside his skin. He reached for her, stroking her jaw the way she did to him. Her skin was satin soft. He let his thumb trace her jawline and heard her gasp a little when he hit her lip.

  ‘Or they could just have sex because they’re hot for each other,’ he murmured—trying to keep this thing under his control. Trying with everything he had to keep thinking instead of just feeling the way he wanted to. Trying to convince himself he had this under control.

  Her breathing got heavier, her chest lifted up and down and he couldn’t resist any longer. He let his mouth touch her breast and used his teeth to bite down so she could feel him there. A gentle nip that would tell her exactly what he wanted to do.

  Faith’s surprised gasp spurred him on. He kissed her shoulder through the fabric of the dress and let his hands fall to her thigh. Slowly and carefully he trailed his fingers up her leg. She didn’t move. His eyes met hers and her lips parted. She looked so beautiful kneeling before him. Her eyes trusted him; he wanted to hold her—to take care of her—to reassure her that not all men would treat her badly. Maybe it was time he let go. Maybe he should let someone in. Maybe he could trust her. Slowly he leaned in and touched his lips to hers. It was as if a long drink of water was being poured down his thr
oat after being in the dusty desert for days. Sweet relief.

  He lifted his hand higher until he felt the lace of her underwear. Hot pink. Slowly, his eyes not leaving hers, he let his fingers slip in between the lace and her skin. He dipped his fingers and felt her. Waiting for him. Hot and wet and ready. A surge of something hard and powerful reared through him. He needed to kiss her; he had to taste her lips and feel her shiver beneath him. When his mouth met hers, it wasn’t gentle this time. It was hard and desperate and it made her fall backwards onto the bed but he caught her before she fell against it—making sure she didn’t hurt herself as her head hit his pillow.

  ‘Cash, I thought you said you didn’t like me.’ Her voice was a little shaky, as if she was nervous.

  He didn’t remember saying he didn’t like her. Of course he liked her.

  ‘I want to have sex with you, Faith. I want to get you off and make you scream my name.’

  ‘But do you care about me?’

  Something about the way she asked made him stop. She was frightened. Vulnerable. What if he hurt her?

  He kissed her again, with everything he was feeling, to try and make her understand. It was a hot, hard, needy kiss that had him feeling a little out of control.

  ‘Cash?’ she breathed when he pulled away.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he whispered against the side of her face.

  She sucked in a deep breath and when he tried to kiss her again, she turned her head.

  Damn. Too honest.

  ‘Faith, stop worrying. Think of it as research. Maybe your next show could be about orgasms and how to have the most powerful one of your life, which—I assure you—I won’t stop till you have.’ A deep wrinkle formed between her eyes. She gripped his biceps hard and pushed. He pulled back.

  ‘I thought you said this show was my last.’ She struggled to sit up and, reluctantly, he let her. He didn’t want to. He wanted her to shut up. He wanted to throw her back on the bed and kiss her entire body but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not now. Not when she realised who he really was. An inconsiderate bastard who spoke before he thought. Someone who didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone. ‘Are you telling me that if I have sex with you you’ll keep my show on?’