by Kaylee Ryan
“It’s a gift.” She smiles.
After another hour of removing tags, we have two piles. One pile of laundry and one pile of everything else. “I’ll grab a basket.” I climb to my feet and head upstairs to the laundry room.
I find Kinley in the kitchen. The counter is now covered with bottles, what I just recently learned was a bottle brush, plates, cups, forks, and spoons—all the baby stuff that goes in the kitchen. “I wasn’t sure where you wanted it, so I just left it here.” She points to the counter.
“That’s fine. I’ll figure it out,” I tell her.
“Okay, so I’m going to take the rest of it up to her room, since we can’t really do the laundry without detergent.”
I follow behind her like a lost puppy. The reality of the situation is I would follow her anywhere. It’s wrong on so many levels, and I could never admit it to anyone but myself. If McKinley Mills ever needs anything, I’m her guy.
Once we reach the baby’s room, she busies herself placing lotions and creams on the shelf below the changing table. There are a few packs of diapers and she stores them in the drawer below. She puts the handful of toys in a white basket with a liner the same color as the walls and places the lone teddy bear in the corner of the crib. I watch her as she works, letting her do her thing.
“There,” she says, folding the last bag and placing it inside the other one. “Now we have a better idea of what you need for her. This will make planning a lot easier.” She moves toward me.
As she shifts closer, I snake my arm around her waist and pull her into me. I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her so fucking bad, but I know when I do, I won’t be able to stop. Instead, I mimic our earlier embrace at the airport and bury my face in her neck. I feel her arms wrap around my waist and it takes every ounce of willpower I have to not say, ‘Fuck it.’
Realizing I’m still holding her, I reluctantly back away. She looks up at me, those brown eyes are filled with question. I gently cup her cheek and run the pad of my thumb across her lips. “Thank you for everything, McKinley. I don’t know how I would have gotten this far without you.”
Bringing her hand to my cheek, she mimics my actions. “I wanted to. I’m so damn proud of you, Evan Chamberlin.” She stands on her tiptoes and places a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. Before she has a chance to pull away, I wrap my arms back around her and hold her close. Just hold her.
The ringing of one of our cell phones downstairs has her pulling away. “You’re going to be the best damn daddy to this little girl.” She squeezes my arm as she walks around me and heads down the steps.
I stand still, missing the heat of her body against mine. I want to chase after her and beg her to stay. I wait too long, battling with my emotions. I hear the soft click of the front door and the sound of her engine starting.
She’s gone.
I meant what I said, I don’t know how I would be this far, be this ready for my daughter to come into this world, without her help. I need her help. I can’t risk sleeping with her and fucking it all up. I would lose her and more than likely, my best friend in the process. My focus needs to be on my daughter, on making sure I have everything she will need for the day I bring her home—-just me and her. As bad as I want McKinley at this moment, I know I can’t have her.
I hope I didn’t ruin the friendship we’ve built.
I’m trying to edit last night’s session, but I keep getting distracted thinking about Evan. Misty has a doctor’s appointment today and I know Evan is nervous. He says she’s not very big and the doctor has been on her about eating more, that the baby could have a low birth weight. It doesn’t help matters that she’s still hanging out with that Tom character. I can see how much it’s hurting him, not because he loves her, but because he’s afraid for his daughter. He’s constantly stressing over where she is and what she’s doing. What the people she has chosen to surround herself with are doing.
My phone rings and Olivia’s name lights up my screen. “Hello.”
“Kinley, hey girl! What do you have going on tonight?” she asks.
“Nothing really. Why, what’s up?”
“Mike has a new band coming to the Tavern tonight. Come with me?”
A night out sounds perfect to me. I haven’t really been out since the night Evan told us he was going to have a little girl. “I’m in,” I tell her.
“Yes! Okay, do you want me to pick you up or do you just want to meet there?”
“I’ll just meet you there. What time?” I ask. If I drive, I won’t be stuck there all night. Olivia will more than likely drink herself into a coma and Mike will have to drive her home.
“Seven, sound okay?”
“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll see you then.”
As soon as I hit end, my phone alerts me to a message. It’s a voicemail. Tapping on the call list, I see Evan tried to call. I wonder why it didn’t alert me he was calling. I click on listen and hear his deep voice come through the speaker.
“Hey, Kinley, it’s Evan. Uh, Misty showed up for the appointment, but her weight is extremely low. The baby is measuring three weeks smaller than she should be. I was just calling because I promised you I would. Talk to you soon.”
My heart breaks for him. I start to call him back, but decide maybe he needs a friend right now. I quickly save my edits, grab my keys and my phone, then head out the door. It’s a short drive to get to Evan’s place. Parking beside his truck, I make my way to the front porch. Even though I have a key, I still knock on the door. I don’t live here and Evan’s not my boyfriend. I feel like I would be abusing the privilege if I just barge on in.
I raise my hand to knock and the door flies open. Evan stands still, just watching me. I don’t know what to say. I can see the worry written all over his face. I wish I could throat punch Misty for the shit she’s putting him through. Evan holds out his hand and without hesitation, I accept it, allowing him to pull me into the house.
As soon as the door closes, he pulls me into a tight hug. I can feel the tension in his stance. Today’s visit worries him—-as it should. This is his little girl we’re talking about.
I wish I could make it better, take this worry off his shoulders. He’s doing this alone. I hold him tight, trying to show him I’m here for him. If I had my way, I would never let go.
Evan finally pulls away from the hug, laces his fingers through mine, and leads me to the living room. He lays down on the couch and gives my hand a gentle tug, letting me know he wants me to lie down with him. No words are said as I silently nod and settle in front of him, my back to his front. He wraps his arms around me and holds tight. I cover his hands with mine, wanting that connection, to let him know I’m here, to offer him some type of comfort.
We lie there together in the silence of the room. My fingers trace the corded muscles of his arms, which are wrapped securely around me. I’m aware of every breath he takes. At first they are quick, but fade into long even breaths. This is when I let myself relax, knowing he has.
“I’m worried about my little girl,” he says softly. “She’s not taking care of herself, Kinley. I don’t know what to do. The baby is measuring small and the doctor keeps warning her she needs to eat more. She gives him a blank stare and I just want to shake her,” he says in a rush.
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I don’t think I’ve ever said I hate someone, but in this moment, I hate Misty. I hate how she wants nothing to do with Evan and this baby girl she’s carrying. I hate her because she’s not taking care of herself and she’s putting Evan’s daughter in danger. I hate her because she’s the one carrying his baby.
I’m in deep.
Rolling over so we’re face to face, I study him—the strong angle of his jaw and his shaggy brown hair that hangs down into his brown eyes. Unable to stop myself, I reach up and run my fingers through his hair. His eyes bore into mine, both of us refusing to look away.
Evan pulls me closer, our faces now mere inches apart. Our eyes never wande
r, his chocolate irises so full of despair. I want to take it away. I want to help him forget about the worry, just help him relax. Without further thought, I lean forward and press my lips to his. He doesn’t respond at first, but I don’t let that stop me. I softly kiss him again, running my tongue across his lips.
“McKinley.” My name is a feather-soft caress falling from his lips as he presses them hard against mine.
I suddenly have no control over the situation. Evan’s hand, which was resting on my back, slides up the back of my neck, holding me in place. His lips, soft yet firm, devour mine. I hear a low moan and realize it was me. I want more of him—-all of him.
I allow myself to get lost in his kiss, the taste of him and the feel of him pulling me closer. I have no idea how much time passes and I don’t care. I want this moment with him.
The ringing of a cell phone causes Evan to pull away. He rests his forehead against mine. My eyes are closed, but I can feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest with each breath.
A loud beep causes him to pull away. “Kinley.” His voice is pained.
Looking into his eyes, filled with so many emotions—pain, desire, and maybe even regret—I place my index finger over his lips to stop him. “I’m here for you, Evan. Whatever you need. I don’t regret this, being here with you, but I am going to leave. I think you need some time to process your day. I’m going to Mike’s tonight. I’m meeting Olivia there, but if you need me, call me. I will be here if you want me.”
I place one final soft kiss against his lips before climbing off the couch and walking out the door. I fight the urge to look back, to see if he followed me. It takes me no time to make it back to the house. It’s quiet; Mom and Dad were going out to dinner with friends and it’s hard to tell where Aaron is. He might even show up at Mike’s. That’s where everyone usually ends up. Not much to do in this small town.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, I see I’ve only got a half hour before I’m supposed to meet Olivia. I’d spent more time at Evan’s than I thought. Running upstairs, I freshen up, spritz a little Victoria Secret body spray, and call it good.
I pull into Mike’s with two minutes to spare. As soon as I walk through the door, Olivia spots me.
“McKinley, get your ass over here, girl.”
She’s already well on her way to having her ass carried out of here. I’m sure Mike is thrilled.
“I didn’t think you’d ever get here,” she says when I reach her.
“I’m right on time.” I raise my arm and show her my watch.
“Hey, McKinley, what are you drinking?” Mike asks.
“Just water for now.” He raises his eyebrows, but I ignore him. Even though I’m in my hometown, I don’t like to drink alone, meaning I don’t have someone designated to make sure my ass gets home safely. It’s a rule my roommates and I made in college and I still live by it.
Mike slides a cold bottle of water toward me. I reach out to grab it, and he pulls it back. “You still owe me a dance.”
I smile and nod. I’ll give him his one dance, but that’s all he’s getting, regardless of how charming he thinks he is.
“Let’s dance,” Olivia says, pulling my behind out onto the dance floor. The band is a local cover band and they’re really good. Olivia and I dance for five or six songs straight, so many that I lose track. A slow one comes on and I mimic taking a drink. She nods her agreement and we make our way through the crowd back to the bar.
Mike sees us approaching and places a bottle of beer and a glass of water on the counter. I chug the water and hand it back to him to throw away. The slow song ends, but the band slips right into another. “You ready for that dance?” Mike asks me.
“Let’s do this,” I say in reply. I’m trying to keep our interactions as friendly as possible. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.
Mike steps out from around the bar and reaches for my hand. I place mine in his and allow him to lead me to the dance floor. He stops at the edge and pulls me against him, resting his hands on my hips. I take a step back and rest my hands on his shoulders.
“So how’s the studio coming along?”
“Great actually, thanks for asking. I’m staying busy.” I look around at all the people in the Tavern. “Looks like business is good,” I say, making small talk.
“Yeah, I really couldn’t be happier with the crowds. It took a while to get the word out, but once I started booking bands, that changed quickly.”
“People do love live music,” I say.
“Listen, McKinley—” he starts to say, but the song ends the lead singer starts talking to the crowd. I release a deep breath.
I once again mimic taking a drink, so we can leave the dance floor. I said one dance. When we reach the bar, Evan and Aaron are sitting there talking to Olivia.
“McKinley, thank you for the dance.” Mike pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it with a wink.
Son of a bitch!
The first thing I see when we walk into Mike’s is him and Kinley dancing together. From her stance, it looks as though she’s keeping her distance and they’re talking. It doesn’t look the least bit romantic, but it still burns my ass that he has his hands on her.
I know what it feels like to have her in my arms.
Olivia greets us with a smile and a drunken, “Hey y’all.” She pulls Aaron down to her level and kisses his cheek, only offering me a wave. Not that I care. Aaron can have her. She’s never hid the fact that she wants him. I have my eyes on forbidden fruit.
I focus my attention on Aaron and Olivia. They’re talking about Morning Star. “She pulled through. So far, the vet comes out weekly to check her and all is well,” Aaron explains.
From the corner of my eye, I see Kinley and Mike approaching us. I watch as he kisses the back of her hand, and I have the overwhelming urge to beat my fist against my chest and go all Tarzan on his ass. I’m about to do just that when he drops her hand and steps back behind the bar. I watch as Kinley wipes her hand on the back of her short-as-hell shorts. The same shorts she was wearing out at my house just a few hours ago.
I try to bite back my grin at her obvious annoyance with Mike, but it’s just not possible. “What’s got you all smiles?” Aaron asks.
“Nothing, man. Just nice to get out and clear my mind,” I tell him. It is. Misty’s appointment today really messed me up. I’m worried sick about my unborn daughter while she’s off doing God only knows what.
I tried again today to give her money, but she refused. I reminded her she’s carrying my baby, and her reply was, “You don’t need to keep reminding me, I know.” I hate how she’s not taking care of herself, and I despise it even more that I can’t do anything about it. Yes, she signed the papers, but there is no real proof she’s not eating. Just a suspicion I have, not to mention the doctors worry over her lack of weight gain.
The four of us stand at the bar and chat about nothing important while Mike continues to watch Kinley. He keeps offering her a beer, but she continues to refuse him. Finally, the band slows things down. Olivia pulls Aaron to the floor, leaving me along with Kinley. She’s been acting like earlier didn’t happen, and I don’t know how I feel about that.
Leaning in close, so she can hear me over the music, I ask, “Will you dance with me?”
She doesn’t answer. Instead, she reaches for my hand, laces her fingers through mine, and pulls me to the dance floor. We don’t stop at the edge where she was dancing with Mike. She guides us through the crowd and stops on the opposite side where the lights are low. Placing her hands behind my neck, she gently runs her fingers through my hair.
With my hands on her hips, I pull her as close as I can get her and clasp my hands together on her lower back. I don’t want her slipping away easily. Kinley leans forward and rests her head against my chest, and that simple act has my heart hammering. I watched her with Mike, and this was not how they danced; she’d kept her distance.
She wants to be close to me.
I take wha
t feels like my first breath since she walked out of my house earlier tonight. I was sure our friendship, or whatever it is you want to call what we have, was ruined. I tried hard to regret it, but I will never regret a single fucking second I get to spend with her.
I rest my chin on the top of her head and pray the band drags this song out, or plays another slow one. Hell, they could slow it down for the rest of the night if it means I get to hold her like this. I know I shouldn’t. Aaron is out here on this same dance floor and he could see me—-see us. I assume that’s why Kinley led us to the darkest part of the dance floor. I know I should care, but with her in my arms like this, I can’t find any fucks to give.
The song comes to an end and Kinley raises her head. Instead of pulling away, she stands on her tiptoes and hugs me tight. Leaning down, I bury my face in her neck. “Please don’t go out with him,” I beg her.
Her lips touch my ear as she whispers, “I don’t want him.”
Relief.
All consuming relief washes through me. I’m still holding her and I know I have to let her go, but I don’t want to. I want her like this, with me like this always.
Kinley steps out of my embrace and our bodies are no longer touching. I study her face to see how she’s feeling, but she gives nothing away. Turning, she starts to walk back to the bar. It takes about two seconds for me to catch up to her. Placing my hand on the small of her back, I guide her. She may not be mine, but hopefully, all these drunk fucks won’t be able to figure that out and will keep their distance.
At the bar, Mike’s attitude has changed. He’s no longer offering Kinley drinks and he spends the majority of his time at the other end of the bar. That means he was watching us, witnessed me holding her. I can’t help but feel a little smug at the thought.
“Olivia’s tanked. I told Mike we would take her home,” Aaron explains.
Olivia is sitting on a barstool slumped over the bar. She was three sheets to the wind when we got here, so I’m not surprised this is the outcome. “Did you drive?” I ask Kinley.
