[Southern Heart 01.0] Southern Pleasure

by Kaylee Ryan

  She looks at McKinley and then to me. “I’m sorry for what the two of you have gone through. My parents are not nice people, and there is no way I would let them get their hands on your daughter.”

  “Thank you,” McKinley says before slapping her hand over her mouth.

  “No, it’s okay,” Misty assures her. “I could see, just from the small interaction, you love her very much. I can tell from the tears in your eyes as I told you my story. I’m glad you’re her mom. I gave birth to her, but you are the one who gives her love and affection. I don’t have that in me to give.”

  “Someday?” McKinley says.

  “Maybe. I’ve been seeing a therapist, which is long overdue.”

  “I don’t know what to say to all of this,” I say.

  Misty shrugs. “Nothing. I just wanted to tell you myself that my parents will no longer be an issue. I have money for my legal fees.” She reaches into her purse. “And here is the account information for the money I want to give her. There are no restrictions on it. It’s in your name and hers.”

  She holds it out for me, and I stare at her hand.

  “Evan, take it. I want to do this. I don’t know how to be a mom and I know I wouldn’t be good at it, but I want her to be whatever she wants to be. College, backpacking through Europe, whatever her heart desires—I want her to have the means to do it. I know you, and I know you will let her live her life, not hold her back. I want her to have this.” She shakes the account book at me. “Please,” she says softly.

  I reach out and grab the book, setting it on the table. The doorbell rings and McKinley jumps up. “That’s the pizza. I’ll get it.” She turns to walk away.

  “Babe,” I yell for her. When she turns, I toss her my wallet and she catches it with ease before quickly wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  “You love her,” Misty says.

  “I do.”

  “Good. She’s good for you and your daughter.”

  I need a break from this. “You need something to drink?” How can I stay angry with her when she did this for Lexi? She’s going to jail to keep my daughter safe with me.

  “Sure, water if you have it.”

  “I’ll be right back.” I flee from the room in search of McKinley.

  I find Evan in the kitchen pulling three waters out of the refrigerator. He reaches for the boxes of pizza. “I guess it’s a good thing I ordered extra,” I tease him.

  “Come here,” he says gruffly. He pulls me into his arms and buries his face in my neck. “I just need to hold you for a minute.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tight. I can only imagine the thoughts running through his head right now.

  When he finally pulls back, he kisses my temple. “You think we should let her meet, Lexi?” he asks.

  I want to scream no, but I believe her, she doesn’t want to be a mom, not right now anyway. “I think giving her the option would be nice. She’s had a rough life from the sound of it, and she did the right thing. They have no case now.” That also means our agreement will be up. A few more weeks, I would say for appearance’s sake, and then I will be leaving. I push that thought out of my mind for now.

  “I wanted to ask you before I offered,” he tells me.

  “It’s your choice, but I think the offer would be nice. Who knows when we will see her again, and Lexi is too young to remember her.” I know that sounds mean, but psychologically on Lexi, this will mean nothing, but it could mean everything to Misty.

  “Will you call, Aaron? I’m going to have her come and make a plate, if she will,” he adds as an afterthought.

  “Yes.” I kiss his cheek and he hands me his phone.

  I dial my brother. “Hey, bro, everything good?” he asks.

  “It’s me,” I say into the line. “Everything’s good, but it’s a long story. I hate to ask this, but can you bring Lex back? We have pizza,” I say to sweeten the pot.

  “She still there?” he asks.

  “Yes, but it’s really all good. I’ll explain when you get here. We are going to let her meet Lexi,” I tell him.

  “Okay, I’ll wrangle her away from Mom and Dad and be right over.” The line goes dead as Evan and Misty enter the kitchen.

  “Aaron is going to wrangle her away from my parents—his words not mine—and be right over,” I tell Evan.

  “Thanks, babe,” he says.

  Fifteen minutes later, Aaron and Lexi join us. She sees Evan and grins, reaching out for him. “Hey, baby girl,” he says, taking her from Aaron. “There’s someone I want you to meet.” Lexi just pulls at his lips, not a care in the world. He pulls her hands down and turns to face Misty. “Lexington Rae, I would like you to meet Misty. She’s a friend of Daddy’s.”

  I can see him flinch slightly at the word friend, but what else is he supposed to call her? Not that it matters, because Lexi won’t remember this meeting, but for the four other adults in the room, this will be hard to forget.

  “Hi.” Misty waves awkwardly. I can see tears pooling in her eyes. “Evan, she’s beautiful.”

  “Thank you. She’s a good baby. Hardly ever cries.” His eyes find mine and he winks.

  I set my plate of half-eaten pizza aside and reach for Lex. “What do you say we go show Misty your room?” I ask her. Misty looks relieved at the suggestion. The awkward silence was killing me. “You two finish eating while we girls take a tour,” I suggest.

  Evan leans down and kisses me. “Thank you,” he whispers only loud enough for me.

  I lead the way upstairs and into Lexi’s room. I sit her in the middle of the floor on her play rug and scatter some toys around her.

  “How long have you been married?”

  “Two months.”

  “I’m happy for him, for both of you. You have a happy family.”

  What am I supposed to say to that? I decide to go with manners. “Thank you.”

  We spend about twenty minutes in Lexi’s room. Misty stacks blocks and Lexi knocks them down. She could play this game for hours.

  “Da da da.” She points toward her bedroom door.

  “You’ve been up here for a while,” Evan says in greeting.

  “Just playing with blocks,” I tell him.

  He smiles. “She could do that for hours.”

  “Did Aaron leave?”

  “Yeah, just a few minutes ago.”

  “I need to be going too.” Misty stands from her spot on the floor. “I already called my parents’ attorney, who is no longer mine. I hired my own as well. You should be receiving a call within the next twenty-four hours letting you know the case has been dropped.

  “Thank you,” Evan says sincerely.

  “You’re welcome. She bends down and pats Lexi on the head before turning back to Evan. “Take care, Evan. Thank you for being the father that little girl deserves.” Then, surprising me, she turns to face me. “McKinley, thank you for loving her like your own. Thank you for giving her what I know I never could.”

  I nod. Words are not possible at this point. Lexi starts to fuss, causing Evan to scoop her into his arms. She rests her little head on his shoulder.

  “I’ll walk you out,” I manage to croak.

  “Take care of them,” she says when we reach the door.

  All I can do is nod, again. My heart is breaking for her, and for me. My time is up. They no longer need me.

  Misty was right. The next day, I received a call from Mr. Fields that said the case was dropped. However, Child Protective Services would be by sometime within the next five days for their final visit. Turns out, they have to open their own case and, due to the suit being dropped, the home visits were dropped to one more. Apparently, at this visit, we will be notified if they too will be closing the case with their department.

  McKinley cancelled all of her shoots for the week. She didn’t even bat an eyelash. She said she needed to be here when they showed up. I didn’t argue with her. My mind has been too pre-occupied with all that’s happened in the last few days
. I’m not worried about the home visit. I know we’re good parents, my house is safe, and she’s healthy. They have nothing. No, what worries me is that once this is all said and done, McKinley will be leaving. Our agreement was for her to stay until we were sure they could not take Lex from me. That time is now.

  I fucking hate it.

  I want her to stay.

  I too decided to let my crew handle things this week. We’ve spent all week together, the three of us, soaking up as much time as we can. We don’t talk about it, but we both know that’s what’s happening.

  Lexi is asleep in her pack-n-play while McKinley and I are curled up on the couch watching television. Well, it’s on, but I’m not paying much attention. The doorbell rings and she sits up. “I’ll get it,” she says so quiet I barely hear her.

  I turn off the television and stand. I hear Lexi greet Mrs. Allan, the social worker. Their voices grow louder as they move down the hall.

  “Mrs. Allan,” I say, offering her my hand, and she takes it.

  “Mr. Chamberlin.” She looks over my shoulder and sees Lexi asleep. “She’s such a good baby,” she comments.

  “She is.” McKinley steps beside me and wraps her arms around my waist.

  “Well, I’ll make this quick. My department is closing its case. We’ve found nothing that would make us think the two of you are anything but good, capable parents. I just need you to sign off on this document stating that and I will be on my way.”

  She pulls out the papers, tells us where to sign, and shakes our hands. “I’m sorry for what you went through. You have a lovely family.”

  Just like that, it’s over. There is no threat of my daughter being taken from me. Instead, I’m losing my wife.

  McKinley sits on the couch and curls her legs up underneath of her. “It’s over, Evan. I’m so happy for you,” she says with tears in her eyes. “You never have to worry about anyone taking her again.”

  “Thank you for what you did for us.”

  “You’re welcome. I guess I should start packing, huh?”

  “No,” I say firmly. “I don’t want you to leave. I need you here.”

  She’s quiet for several minutes before she replies. “No, you don’t. You’re a great father. You know what you’re doing. You don’t need me anymore.”

  “I do need you. I can’t do this on my own,” I tell her.

  She smiles through tears. “Yes, you can, Evan. You don’t need me. I’m still going to come and visit. Mom and I are still going to watch her for you. I love that little girl. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

  “What about me?” I ask her. “You love my daughter, but what about me?”

  The dam finally breaks as the tears fall over her cheeks. “Of course I love you. We’ve been through so much over the last year, but it’s time for me to go.”

  “You can’t go. I need you,” I say again.

  “No, you don’t. I’m going to go pack a few things and spend the night at Mom and Dad’s. The sooner I start this transition, the better.”

  Her words cut through me. I was just about to tell her how much I love her, but she doesn’t love me like that. She cares about me and this is sad for her, but it’s not tearing her heart out of her chest like it is mine.

  I don’t say anything. I can’t even look at her for fear I will drop to my knees and beg her to stay, beg her to live the rest of her life with us. She stands from the couch and I turn my head. I listen as her footsteps disappear up the stairs. My blurry gaze locks on Lexington and my chest aches for my little girl. She loves McKinley just as much as I do, and she’s leaving. It doesn’t matter what I say . . . she’s ending this. I knew it would happen, but I didn’t know it would feel like this—like I can’t breathe, like my heart is physically broken into pieces.

  I don’t even know how much time passes when she stops in front of me. “I’m leaving. I’ll be back off and on over the next few days to move the rest of my stuff.” I still don’t look at her. “Please give her a hug and a kiss for me when you tuck her in tonight.” Her voice breaks, but I still refuse to look at her.

  I can’t.

  “Goodbye,” she whispers.

  I can’t breathe. Luckily, the drive to my parents’ house is less than five minutes, because I can’t see.

  When I pull into the drive, Aaron and my parents are sitting on the front porch. One look at me and they know something’s not right.

  “What happened? Are Evan and Lexi okay?” Aaron asks, meeting me at the bottom step.

  I don’t answer him. Instead, I throw my arms around him and sob. “Shhh, McKinley, you have to calm down.” He rubs my back, trying to soothe me.

  “They’re fine, but it’s over. He doesn’t need me anymore,” I cry.

  “I find that hard to believe,” Aaron says. He picks me up and carries me into the house. We sit down on the couch, and I pull the blanket from the back and wrap up in it. “Tell me what happened.”

  “CPS came today and they dropped their case. As of about an hour ago, there is no threat of him losing Lexi, so I left.”

  “I see. Did he try to stop you?”

  “Of course he did. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s afraid he can’t do it without me, and he can. He loves that little girl so much.”

  “He does,” Aaron agrees. “What did he say when you left?”

  “He said that he . . . that he needed me.”

  “You don’t believe him?”

  “No, I don’t. He doesn’t need me anymore. He knows how to take care of her. I told him I would still watch her and come by to visit, but I thought it was best if I leave.”

  “Come here.” Aaron pulls me into a hug and another rounds of sobs break free. I can hear him talking to our parents, but I can’t make out what they are saying. I lose myself in the pain that is buried deep in my chest. I thought I could handle this.

  I cry on my big brother’s shoulders, taking comfort in his embrace. “He thinks he needs me, Aaron. He doesn’t. He’s never really had to do it alone. I’ve always been there swooping in to save him. I did it when I found out about Misty’s parents and he let me. He thinks he can’t do this on his own, but he can. I had to leave so he could see that,” I explain.

  “What if you’re wrong? What if he does need you?” he asks.

  “I guess only time will tell, but I don’t know if I can do it. I love him, Aaron. With all that I am, I love him and I don’t know if I can pretend and play this charade anymore. I’ll do anything for him, help him with Lexi any way I can, but I had to leave.”

  “Okay,” he says, hearing I’m upset. “Let’s sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.

  I agree and head up to my room. The bed is cold and lonely. I miss him. I miss them both and it hurts. How am I going to see him every day? That’s my last thought as I drift off to a night of restless sleep.

  Lexi and I slept downstairs last night, her in her pack-n-play and me on the couch. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sleep in that bed without her. We’re up early, neither of us getting a good night’s sleep, so when there is a knock on the door at seven, I jump to answer it. Maybe it’s her. Maybe she changed her mind. I rush to the door and pull it open only to find Aaron. “Hey, man,” I say, deflated.

  “Wow, don’t break out the welcome wagon or anything.”

  “Want some coffee?” I ask, ignoring his jab.

  “Sure.” He takes a seat at the table. “So, how did you sleep last night?”

  “Like shit,” I say, setting his cup down in front of him.

  “Are you going to fight for her?” he asks, cutting to the chase.

  “She doesn’t—”

  “She does. Trust me, she does. I held my baby sister last night while she cried for hours. She does.”

  My chest tightens just hearing she was hurting. “Then why did she leave? I told her I needed her. I asked her to stay. She refused.”

  Aaron runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck! Okay, listen, man. From day one,
you’ve needed her. At first, it was to get ready for Lexi, the room, things she would need. Then after she was born, you were timid and unsure, and you needed her then too.”

  “I did,” I admit.

  “Then, when all that shit went down with Misty’s parents, you needed her. She stepped up and did what she needed to do to help you.”

  “She did.”

  “Why do you think she did that?” he asks me.

  “She loves my daughter.”

  “Nah! Try again,” he says.

  “It’s true. She’s told me multiple times that she loves Lexi, she would do anything for her, and I love her for that,” I tell him.

  “Just for that?” he asks.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? You know better than that shit. I already told you I love her.”

  “Yes, but did you tell her?”

  “No, she didn’t give me the chance.”

  “No, instead you told her you need her. Did you give her a reason?”

  Oh shit. I think I’m starting to see where this is going. “No.”

  “Right.” He smirks. “Do you have a reason?” he counters.

  “Of course I do. I can’t fucking breathe without her. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed last night, our bed, because the sheets smell like her,” I all but scream at him.

  Aaron grins. “That’s what you need to tell her. She thinks the only reason you asked her to stay was you’re afraid you can’t raise Lex on your own. You didn’t give her a reason to believe it was more than that,” he points out.

  Fuck me!

  “She loves you, Evan. Her heart is breaking just as much as yours. You have to show her you need her, not because of what she can do for you, but because she is the other half of you.”

  I stare at him. “When did you get so good at relationships?”

  He shrugs. “I’m not really. It’s easy to see it from the outside looking in. You both are head over heels, but you can’t see through all the bullshit to work it out. She’s my sister and you’re my best friend. I want to see you both happy.”