Heartache

by Danielle Allen

  She made a whimpering noise and her lips parted. With a trembling breath she said, “You just did.”

  _____

  Epilogue: Bonus Scene

  “Did you think we were going to stay in bed and fuck all day? I have a job, Ro,” Bianca giggled as I held her tightly, keeping her from leaving the confines of the plush hotel room bed. “And I have to be there at nine!”

  I love that laugh, I thought, kissing her neck.

  It was so early in the morning that the sun was just barely casting light over New York. My flight didn’t leave until noon so I had hoped to be able to spend at least six more hours looking at her, talking to her, touching her, holding her, kissing her. Even though I was exhausted, my dick stirred just thinking about it.

  “Seriously?” she squealed as I pushed my hard dick into her soft ass.

  We’d spent the entire night alternating between fucking and making love. The fact that I was hard again after everything we’d done the night before was mind-blowing.

  “I have you naked in my arms, what did you expect?” I asked. My voice held a tired rasp that she seemed to like.

  “I expected you to be tired after that performance you put on last night.” She rolled over so that she was on her back. Even in the dimly lit room, her beauty was captivating. “I don’t know what was better: the verbal apology or the physical apology.”

  I propped my head up with my hand and looked down at her. Pulling the sheet away from her, I exposed her naked body and licked my lips.

  “Well,” I growled, placing my hand at the base of her throat. “The verbal apology touched you here.” I moved my hand slowly until it rested on her chest, above her left breast. “Because it was the truth and I meant every word of it.” Cupping her breast, I let my forefinger gently trace circles around her hardened nipple. “I’m in love with you, Bianca Baker. You are the one, the only one for me.”

  Goosebumps covered her skin and a contented sigh escaped her lips. She didn’t say anything, but I knew I had her undivided attention.

  Kissing her teasingly, I let my hand travel down her body. Flattening my hand against her belly, I let my fingers flutter over her smooth skin until I reached the apex of her thighs. Sliding my finger along her slit, I toyed with her clit, making her moan.

  “The physical apology touched you here,” I whispered, spreading her wetness around as I rubbed her rhythmically. My dick pressed firmly into her hip as I parted her lips, slipping my finger inside of her. “Because I know what you like. I know what you want. And your body was made for me.”

  Her body stiffened as she let out a sexy noise that was part gasp and part moan. “Roman.”

  God, that’s sexy.

  I closed my eyes tightly, relishing the feel of her. My heart was pounding in my chest and my dick throbbed. “What time do you have to be at work?”

  “Mmm,” she replied, rolling her hips to meet my hand as I moved in and out of her.

  I smiled at the sound and her body’s reaction to me. Opening my eyes, I stilled my fingers. “B, what time do you have to be at work?”

  “Mmm…You’re a bad influence,” she murmured, rolling me onto my back and straddling me in one fluid motion.

  “And you’re irresistible.”

  Our eyes connected and she leaned down to kiss me. Her soft lips met mine and before she had a chance to pull away, my hands found her face and pulled her back into the kiss. Our tongues touched and I twisted my fingers into the soft curls of her hair. We kissed each other hungrily and I instinctively lifted my hips.

  Bianca sat up and my gut twisted with desire. She was sexy as hell and the anticipation of our bodies connecting made me even harder. I ran my hands over her breasts, tweaking her nipples, before resting my hands on her hips.

  Gradually, she lifted herself up and then sank down on my dick. I groaned loudly as she took each inch of me into her. She rotated her hips, allowing me to fill her completely. Running my hands over her hips and thighs, my breathing became increasingly labored as the seconds ticked by.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” I breathed, closing my eyes briefly. Inhaling sharply, I shuddered. “And tight.”

  And mine. I want—

  When she started moving, I lost my train of thought. Letting the tempo build, I watched her work herself on me, her nails digging into my chest. Each time she bounced on my dick, her breasts would jiggle deliciously. The lustful moans that came out of her mouth did something to me. My hands moved all over her body; everywhere I could touch, I touched.

  “I love watching you ride me, B. I love watching you.”

  She panted my name in response.

  As she lifted herself up and down on my lap, I grabbed her ass, grinding our bodies together. My fingers flexed against her skin as we gyrated against each other. With her head tilted back and her eyes shut, I could see my effect on her.

  “Oh, God,” Bianca gasped before I felt her constricting and convulsing around my dick.

  Without withdrawing myself, I flipped her over so that I was on top of her. She locked her legs around my waist and bit her lip. With long, deep strokes, I could hear her wetness each time I pounded into her. She rotated her hips, meeting each of my thrusts as her moans became louder.

  "You feel so good," I grunted, crashing my mouth into hers.

  The desperation in our kiss was obvious as we went at it with reckless abandon. I could feel her desire in that kiss and I knew she could feel mine.

  When her breathing changed, I knew she was close. Breaking the kiss, I reached between us. Using my thumb to stroke Bianca’s clit, I felt her tighten around me. I wanted to get her off again. I needed to get her off again. Need drove me as her orgasm spread through her hot body and she writhed beneath me.

  “Roman, please. Please don’t stop,” she begged in short, gasping pants. Her body tightened and shook as she came.

  Hearing her beg for me and watching her come undone, my body started giving in to my own climax. Groaning, I increased my speed until the heart-stopping pleasure that only B could give me reached its peak. Seconds later, my body became rigid and with a growl, I exploded inside of her.

  As our bodies cooled down, all I could hear was our heavy breathing. Collapsing beside her, we sprawled across the bed in sated silence as the sunlight poured into the room.

  My heart was racing and all I wanted was to stay in that spot with Bianca. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything. And it wasn’t just the sex. Even though each time we had sex, it was better than the time before. I wanted more than that. I wanted all of her.

  “That was amazing,” Bianca admitted breathlessly, breaking the quiet solitude.

  I rolled onto my side so I could look into her eyes. “I can’t get enough of you.” I ran my hand over her shoulder and down her arm before embracing her. “I don’t want you to be late for work, but I’m not ready to let you go.”

  Bianca lifted her head and looked at the clock. “Shit, I really should leave now.”

  She made no move to unravel herself from me and I smiled, kissing her full lips gently.

  “Yeah, you should,” I agreed, placing another soft kiss against her perfect mouth. My heartrate was unsteady.

  “I have no more time to spare.” She smiled as she kissed me.

  “None whatsoever.”

  I knew I was stalling because I wasn’t ready to be separated from her; I had just gotten her back. But in the back of my mind, I knew my addiction to Bianca wasn’t the only factor making me nervous. Pushing those thoughts out of my mind, I focused on the beautiful woman in front of me.

  With a sigh, Bianca pulled herself out of my embrace and got out of the bed. “This job is my big break so I have to get to work…on time. And you have to finish your business with Charlotte Spence before your flight,” she pointed out.

  She’s right. She’s working with a really good curator and I don’t want her to fuck that up because of me. And I don’t want to be late for a face-to-face meeting with Charlo
tte. But I’m not ready for her to leave me.

  “Yeah. I know,” I sighed, getting out of bed.

  I put on a pair of shorts, t-shirt, and sneakers and waited for her to finish in the bathroom.

  “I used the courtesy toothbrush because I’m almost positive you brought your own,” she announced as she walked back into the main space of the hotel room.

  Even in her clothes from the night before and her hair disheveled, Bianca looked good. After brushing my teeth, I stood in the doorway, admiring her.

  “Are you staring at me because I look like I’m doing the walk of shame?”

  “No, I’m staring at you because you are beautiful and I like to look at beautiful things.”

  As she slipped into her shoes, she smiled, shaking her head. “You’re good. You’re full of shit, but you’re good.”

  I laughed. “I’m serious,” I said, grabbing my room key as I followed her out the door.

  “My hair is a mess. My clothes are wrinkled.” She turned to face me as we waited for the elevator. “I smell like sex.”

  Leaning against the wall, I smirked. “You smell like we had a good time.”

  She walked up to me, wrapping her arms around me. “It was more than a good time. It was the best time.”

  The elevator dinged as I leaned down to kiss her. Once we were inside the empty elevator car, I backed her into the wall and kissed her again. Her minty fresh breath and soft lips made my blood pump hard and fast for her. I’d never felt anything as strong as my love for her. Her hands slipped under my shirt and her fingers danced over my back, pulling me into her. We only ripped ourselves away from one another when the elevator announced that we’d made it to the first floor.

  Smooth jazz played as we crossed the almost vacant lobby. The sound of Bianca’s heels clicked against the marble floor as we walked in silence. She slipped her hand into mine and I looked down at our intertwined fingers. It was the first time we’d held hands and I loved the feeling. Bringing the back of her hand to my lips, I kissed it.

  “Do you need a taxi?” the doorman asked as we approached.

  I looked at Bianca and she replied, “Yes, please.”

  As we walked outside, the early morning sounds of the city engulfed us. With the early hour, it appeared as though everything had slowed down. I’d only spent a few seconds soaking in the picturesque view when I noticed that the doorman already had a taxi waiting to take Bianca away from me.

  My heart clenched.

  “Thank you,” I said to the doorman as he left the backdoor of the taxi open for her.

  He nodded and returned to his post on the inside of the hotel entryway.

  “Ro,” Bianca started, putting her hands on the sides of my face. She stared into my eyes and the fear and uncertainty I always felt when she looked at me like that vanished. As if she knew my thoughts, she pressed her lips against mine.

  “There has never been and there will never be another man more perfect for me,” she whispered. “I love the obvious things about you, but what I really love is the side of you that not many people get to see. I love that you care deeply about people and their feelings. I love that you take everything in and twist it into something artistic. I love your loyalty. I love your sense of humor. I love your strength. And I love the way your eyes tell me everything I need to know about you.”

  My heart rattled in my chest as we held each other’s gaze. I felt exposed. I’d confessed my feelings for her the night before, but we didn’t discuss the fact that we lived in two different cities in two different states. But looking into her eyes, I knew we were about to have that conversation.

  And how am I supposed to explain to her that I love her and I trust her, but I don’t know if I’m capable of doing another long-distance relationship?

  I swallowed thickly and couldn’t help but feel vulnerable as she looked at me, into me, reading me like a book.

  She licked her lips before she continued, “I love you. I would never cheat on you. I would never betray your trust. You have me. You have my heart. We’re in this together.”

  I searched her eyes and there was so much love and warmth in them. Somehow she’d managed to answer a question that I didn’t even have to ask, and she’d said everything that I needed to hear.

  I trusted her and I wanted to believe her. I knew that she was different. I knew that what we had was different. But as I released a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding, I felt overwhelmed and scared shitless. Everything felt too real. Closing my eyes, I ran my hands down my face.

  What the fuck am I doing? I love her, but there’s too much at stake if this doesn’t work. I want to be with her, but she has the ability to ruin me. The last long-distance relationship I had ended badly. It—

  “Ro,” she murmured, pulling me from my thoughts.

  Grabbing her neck, I brought her forehead to mine. With our eyes locked, my heart beat rapidly. I wanted to run, but I didn’t. There was so much that I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the words. As apprehensive as I was to move forward, I knew that I couldn’t be without her.

  I want her. I need her. She’s the one, I reminded myself.

  Crashing my lips into hers, I kissed her with enough passion to leave us both breathless. Bianca’s kiss was powerful and I needed it to eliminate my anxiety. As the kiss deepened, I impulsively picked her up. She moaned and when her mouth opened, my tongue met hers sending chills up and down my spine. When the kiss ended, I slid her down my body until her feet touched the ground.

  Moving a few strands of hair off of her forehead, I stared at her. “I love you so fucking much, B.”

  Bianca smiled and my heart skipped a beat. “I love you so fucking much.” She laughed lightly, breaking the weight of our words. “You have a filthy mouth, you know that?”

  Leaning so my lips were pressed against the shell of her ear, I responded, “If you didn’t have to go to work, I could show you how filthy it is.”

  “Roman!” she squealed, slapping my shoulder. “You’re making it hard for me to leave.”

  “You’re making it hard for me, period. Very hard.”

  “I can’t stand you,” she replied, laughing loudly.

  The sound soothed me. I laughed along with her as she slipped into the backseat of the taxi.

  In that moment, the fear and anxiety that caused me to panic was temporarily silenced because of our banter.

  She’s the one.

  Bianca understood me in a way that no one would ever be able to understand me. We had a bond. We shared something special that was more than friendship, more than amazing sex, more than anything I’d ever experienced before.

  She’s not just my best friend; she’s my everything.

  As that realization settled over me and the panic flooded my system again, Bianca closed the taxi door. Rolling down the window, she flashed me the most beautiful smile as the taxi hesitantly pulled away from the curb. “We’re going to figure this out. We’re going to make this work,” she called out with her head sticking out of the window.

  Heartache Playlist

  Picasso Baby Jay-Z

  Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe Kendrick Lamar

  Sabotage Beastie Boys

  Best Of You Foo Fighters

  Keep Falling Fink

  Marvins Room Drake

  From Time Drake ft Jhene Aiko

  Give Me Love Ed Sheeran

  Untitled (How Does It Feel) D’Angelo

  Halo Lewis Watson

  Berlin Ry X

  Heal Tom Odell

  Her Heart Anthony Hamilton

  I Love You Dru Hill

  Lego House Ed Sheeran

  Music inspires me. The artists mentioned above wrote songs and lyrics that I feel accurately depict the thoughts, feelings, and mood of Roman Harper. If you haven’t had a chance to listen to any of these songs, you should purchase them immediately and listen on repeat.

  Back to Life by Danielle Allen

  Prologue

  May 2, 20
03

  Best friends since birth, I knew Emily would come out with me if I pressed hard enough. Our parents went to college together, sealing our best friend fate and for that reason alone, I knew how to convince her to come out and party.

  “Emily Marie Mills! I just finished the hardest final of the semester today and you’ve been done since Tuesday. I just want a night out to celebrate. And what better way than to go to the Spring Social at Beta Tau Beta Fraternity?” I begged my best friend with my best pout.

  From the confines of her bed, Emily rolled her grey eyes and mocked my throaty voice, “Sahara Michelle Lee! You just finished the hardest final of the semester huh? Isn’t that what you said about our Biology final on Monday when you wanted to go to happy hour at Bull’s Eye?” Emily laughed as my pout became more dramatic.

  “Look, I don’t feel well. My head is killing me and I need to be well rested for the show tomorrow,” Emily complained with a smile.

  Emily was in school to be a teacher, but her passion was dance. Her mother had been part of a national ballet company while growing up in Lebanon but wouldn’t allow Emily to major in dance. Emily hoped to win over her parents’ approval with the freestyle dance recital hosted by the performing arts department on Saturday.

  “You’re Pre-Med; you should care more about my condition! And you are going to be 19 in a month—stop pouting!” Emily continued as she threw a throw pillow at me.

  “Throw pillows are not made for throwing!” I countered as I tried to dodge the pink checkered pillow. “This spring social is the biggest event of the year and we have attended almost every event at almost every frat house on campus. I’ve made sure our grades remained perfect. It is our right, nay, our duty to end our freshmen year with this party,” I said with a mock serious tone.

  “On my way back from class, Lynn, or Leeann or whatever her name is—Shawna’s roommate, said the president of BTB got into Harvard so he is personally going all out with this party. Apparently he’s trying to leave his mark on Delta Southern University. He’s paying for kegs and all types of liquor. The drinks will be flowing all night—for free! Do you really want to miss that?” I concluded, slightly winded from not taking a breath. I could barely contain my excitement. Emily on the other hand didn’t seem to have a problem containing hers.