28
Nora
As happy as Nora was to have Cai coming home, her revelation about Dr. Murray weighed on her. A host of questions swirled through her mind. How was she to tell the guys what she suspected? Should she talk to them before she found proof? Should she answer the plethora of texts from Dr. Murray she knew were on her phone?
The three of them piled into Apollo’s car, but Nora was deep in her head. Cracking her knuckles in the backseat, she stared out the window. Muted and blurry in the twilight, the scenery flashed by.
“Cher?” A squeeze on her knee made her jump.
“Sorry.” Her smile was probably more a grimace when she angled herself toward Matisse. “I’m distracted. What did you ask?”
“What did Dr. Murray want?” he asked, voice pitched low, as if he didn’t want to alert Cai and Apollo to his question.
“I haven’t checked.” Her bag was at her feet, and she dug through it for her phone. Dread welled in her stomach even before she thumbed into her messages. There were four, no, five. Each written in successively more terse and annoyed language.
Hi Nora! Please come to lab 3 by 5:30.
Did you get my text?
It’s 5:15, Nora, I haven’t heard from you.
It’s 5:30. Where are you?
You signed a contract to participate in this study when asked. You’re not holding up your end of the agreement.
As she read, a sixth message came through. Answer your phone. And it began to ring. Startled, she fumbled the device, and it tumbled to the floor. Matisse reached for it, long fingers gracefully plucking it from beneath the front seat. His eyes flicked to the screen and narrowed. “Ballsy, isn’t he?” To her surprise, he answered the phone. “Dr. Murray, I presume.” Winking at Nora, he listened to whatever it was the person on the other end had to say. “I’m sorry, she’s not available. Can I take a message?”
Whatever it was Dr. Murray had to say, Matisse didn’t like it because his face became grimmer with each passing second. Chewing a thumbnail, Nora watched him nervously then held out a hand for the phone. She didn’t want him getting stressed out for something that was her fault. This stupid situation was on her. The trouble they were dealing with went squarely on her shoulders.
Holding a finger in the air, Matisse made some shapes in the air. “How humiliating for you,” he replied to whatever Dr. Murray was saying. “But I’m sure the caliber of your work isolates it from any other young rapscallions. Not to mention any attacks they might make on your thesis.”
Confused, Nora gave him a what the hell? face. His words made no sense to her. Clearly, Matisse was fucking with Dr. Murray, but not in a way she understood.
“Yes.” Facing the window, his voice dropped low. “I’ve read your past work and found it very interesting.” His short laugh contained none of the humor she’d come to expect from Matisse, and it made her jump. “I think we do. I’ll let her know you called.” Without another word, he disconnected the call and powered off the phone. “Don’t worry about those messages, okay?” He cupped her face with his cool hand, dragging her toward him to plant a light kiss on her forehead. “You can take as much time as you need before contacting him.”
Forehead wrinkled, she drew back to study him. “Really?”
“Yes.”
The car rolled to a stop, and she peered out the window. They were home. From the front seat, Cai met her gaze. She’d been so focused on Matisse she hadn’t realized how quiet the car had become. Both he and Apollo had overheard Matisse’s conversation and were now watching her, equal parts pissed and concerned.
“Let’s not think about this now, okay?” One by one, she caught and held their stares. “Cai is home. We need to celebrate being all together again.”
Apollo opened his mouth and just as quickly shut it. “You’re right. This is about us.”
The car door opened, interrupting anything else he would have said, and Seok put his head inside. “Why are you sitting out here? We have dinner waiting!”
He opened Nora’s door, waiting for her to exit. Once she did, Seok slung an arm around her shoulders and grabbed her backpack. “Everything okay?” he whispered, and kissed her temple.
“I think so,” she replied as quietly. “Talk later?”
He nodded, eyes on his friends. “Ryan and I made dinner.” Raising his voice, he got the others’ attention.
“I’m starving,” Cai admitted as he headed toward the door. On his way, he glanced over his shoulder to make sure everyone was following him.
With a firm hand planted against her lower back, Seok guided Nora inside. Following closely behind Cai, she saw him take a deep breath. When he got inside, his entire body seemed to relax, and the ever-present twitching in his jaw disappeared.
“Welcome home.” Wrapping her arms around Cai’s neck, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.
He enfolded his arms around her and rested his cheek on top of her head. “Good to be home.” His breath blew her curls over her face. “What’s for dinner?”
Seok, who’d given them space to cuddle, stepped forward and eased her against his chest. “Bulgogi.”
“Yes!” A fist flew by her face as Apollo pumped it in the air all the way to the kitchen. “Bulgogi! Bul-go-gi!”
“What is bulgogi?” she asked, glancing at Seok who pecked her cheek.
“Korean barbecue. I think our barbecue days are numbered, and so in honor of Cai, I fired up the grill one last time.”
“Bulgogi!” Apollo called from the kitchen, and she laughed.
“I’m going to put my bag upstairs,” she informed the group. “I’ll be right back.”
“I need to change,” Matisse added.
With one last squeeze, Seok released her. “Hurry up.”
With a final quick kiss on her cheek, he strode toward the kitchen, determination in the set of his shoulders. Apparently, barbecue was serious business. Matisse shadowed her upstairs, and into her room where she set her bag on the bed. As she faced him, her eye caught the silver gleam of the laptop she’d borrowed from Ryan. All she had were feelings about Dr. Murray, but what she needed was proof to show the guys, so they knew they hadn’t tied themselves to a crazy person.
Realization hit her so hard she reached for her chair, and fell into it. Matisse could help her. Like he had when Seok asked him to look into Nora’s past, he could do the same to Dr. Murray.
“Are you okay?” He knelt in front of her and cupped her face.
“I need your help.” Her voice came out breathless.
“Apollo!” he yelled, before she could stop him.
“It’s not a medical emergency,” she said. “It’s a—”
The door opened so hard it slammed into the wall, knob puncturing the sheetrock. “What?” Apollo yelled. “What happened?”
Footsteps thundered down the hall, and suddenly the room was a lot smaller. Ryan, Seok, and a second later, Cai, red-faced and sweating, barreled inside, all talking over each other.
“Are you sick?” Apollo asked, louder than all of them.
“No.” Feeling ridiculous, she struggled to find the words to explain what she needed. This wasn’t the way she planned it. Actually, she had no plan. “Um. I need help with this study thing.” Matisse glanced over his shoulder at Cai, whose red face paled.
“What do you need help with?” Ryan perched on the end of the bed, one knee bent. “I’ll get you out of it.”
“This is going to sound crazy,” she began. “So bear with me, okay?”
Each one of the guys nodded, though Matisse didn’t meet her eyes. Still, she plowed forward. “Reed, and Tilly, and Tyler—they all took part in this study, right?”
“Right,” Ryan answered.
Slowly, Cai edged past the other guys to lean against the desk. “Go on.” His voice was low, serious. Her stomach plummeted. Would he be angry with her or think she was making light of Tyler’s situation?
“When I met Tyler, he was so happy. And over
the past weeks, he started looking sick. And—I didn’t tell you guys this—I don’t know why. Maybe I was worried you’d be angry at me, but Tyler told Dr. Murray about our relationship. It was how he knew. I don’t know if that’s important right now, I just think—I think this experiment made them sick. Maybe they started out unwell, but it didn’t help them.”
The room was silent, and the rest of the words stuck in Nora’s throat.
“Keep going,” Cai encouraged.
Someone squeezed her knee, and she jumped. “Go on, cher.”
“I don’t have any proof. Maybe I’m the crazy one. But I can’t help wondering if this experiment did something to them. I never thought Reed would hurt anyone or Tyler would attack me. And I’m afraid”—she had to clear her throat. “I’m afraid of what they’ll do to me.”
Matisse’s forehead dropped to her leg, head shaking from side to side. “Cher,” he choked.
Apollo, Ryan, and Seok wore matching expressions of anger and confusion, but Cai, when she peeked at him, smiled at her. Leaning forward, he reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “I think you’re right.”
“What?” Apollo yelled. He bounced on the balls of his feet and paced back and forth. Pausing, he released a breath and turned to them. “Please explain.”
“I had the same idea,” Cai interjected. Shocked, Nora fell back on her chair.
“You did?” she squeaked.
“I’ve had a lot of think-time lately,” he joked, but became serious a second later. “I came to the same conclusion you did. How long have you been thinking about this?”
Nora could feel the group’s eyes on her and she blushed. “Not as long as I should have. I knew I didn’t like the interviews and tests, but I also knew I learned something from them, so I was willing to deal with it. But after, um…” If she was sharing this, she might as well share everything. “After the interview I did with the guy from VMI, I’ve been dreading each call from Dr. Murray. He’s always nice, but I feel like there’s stuff going on I can’t see. Like I’m too dumb to see it, and all I have is this pit”—she pressed her hands against her stomach—“here. But today, it came to me. But it might be nothing!” she was quick to add. “It could all be me being paranoid.”
“You’re not paranoid.” Matisse lifted his head, staring at her a moment before standing. “I need to tell you all something.”
Nervously, he ran his hands through his hair, and Nora stood and walked behind him to wrap him up tightly. His breath huffed out of him, but a fine tremor shook his body.
“You might be mad,” he whispered so low she barely heard him.
“If I am, I won’t stay that way forever,” she replied after thinking about what he needed to tell her that would make her mad.
“I hacked into Dr. Murray’s study. I wanted to see what he was doing. And you’re right. He’s intentionally trying to drive you crazy.”
29
Nora
The silence that followed Matisse’s proclamation was deafening. Nora’s heart hammered in her chest, the blood whooshing so hard she could hear it and feel it in her ears.
Dr. Murray was intentionally driving her crazy. In her head, Matisse’s words played on an endless loop. He’d found proof of the study’s purpose, and it was exactly what she suspected.
“Why?” Ryan asked, and pushed his shoulders back and stood taller. “What happened to make you hack into his files? Nora?” His wide eyes belied his serious tone.
“I’m okay, Ryan,” she assured him.
“It was me,” Cai interrupted. “I asked him to hack into the study after Tyler attacked Nora. I know this kid—know his background. Know how he deals with stress. This isn’t him.”
“What, exactly, is the purpose of this experiment, Matisse? And what are they trying to do to Nora?” Seok’s voice was calm, quiet, but when Nora glanced his way, his face was stony. Twisting his kerchief in his fingers, he stared at Matisse.
“He’s funded in part by the Department of Defense—” he began.
“—I saw a picture of Reed with Dr. Murray in the desert,” she said. “They were in fatigues.”
“I didn’t see anything about Reed being in the army, though Dr. Murray definitely is. Was. I was more interested in what he said about you than Reed.”
“What did he say about Nora?” Apollo demanded. His big body hovered protectively over her back, as if he needed to defend her immediately.
“They are trying to breakdown Nora’s psyche, her confidence and worldview, in order to build her back up. Shape her into something they want. They want to see if this experiment can be replicated with terrorists,” Matisse explained.
Blood drained from her head so fast she grasped whatever was close to her to stop from keeling over. “Break down my confidence?” A bubble of anger welled and popped inside her. She didn’t have a lot of confidence, but what she did have she worked her ass off for. “I pretty much raised myself. I supported myself. I got fucking shot saving kids! They want to break me down? Fuck them.”
Matisse slung his arm around her shoulders. “That’s my girl. Get angry.”
“I am angry! I also feel so stupid. That hurts my self-confidence more than anything they’ve done. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was so blinded by the money and the opportunity and independence, I was willing to deal with it.”
“Did they target people who were alone?” Cai asked. “Who were they looking for?”
“I didn’t read it in that much depth,” he replied. “I saved a bunch of it on my computer so we can re-read it. Get all the details.”
“So you’re out, right?” Apollo knelt and reached for both her hands. He pulled them to his face. “You won’t do this anymore. I don’t have to ask?”
“No. I’m out. I’m done.” There was no other response to this knowledge. “But you know it means debt. Even if it’s not as much as it was, it’s still going to be significant.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Matisse countered. “I don’t care.”
“We don’t care,” Ryan corrected. “What’s a little debt among a bunch of twenty-somethings?”
Seok snorted, shaking his head. The kerchief was stuffed back in his pocket. “This is insane.”
“They did this to Tyler. Tried to drive Nora crazy. Who else are they hurting?” Cai asked. “We have to do something.”
Nodding, Seok collapsed onto the bed and rested his head in his hands. “You’re right.”
“We’ll tell everyone what they’re doing. How can the university know what’s going on and not have a problem with it? This breaks all sorts of ethical codes!” Ryan said.
“Maybe they don’t know,” Nora answered. “Think about the liability this causes. But we have people arguing for the use of torture these days. This is just a different sort—”
“I want to know exactly what they did to you, Nora,” Apollo rumbled. “Don’t leave anything out. Start from the beginning.”
What had seemed strange and uncomfortable, now took on a sinister cast, and she dreaded the reaction Apollo would have. The last thing she wanted was to rev any of them up further. She had, after all, dropped a bomb on them.
The more time that went by, the less sure she was of what to say. Worrying her lip and cracking her knuckles, she considered where to start. But as she opened her mouth, her stomach let out an audible grumble. Immediately, she covered it with both hands. “I guess I’m a stress eater.”
A smile cracked Seok’s face, and he held out both hands. With a jerk, he pulled her to her feet and wrapped her in his arms. “We can talk during dinner. But Cai needs to eat. He’s starting to fade. The most important thing is Nora’s done and she’s safe.”
It was true. She’d dodged literal and figurative bullets, but what about the others? What about Tyler?
From the hard set of Apollo’s shoulders, and Ryan’s narrowed glower, she knew explanations had to be given. It wouldn’t do to keep them in the dark. Every detail, no matter how minute, was owed
to them.
But for now, Seok was right: she was safe, Cai was home, and they were finally together. They’d figure the rest out. “Bulgogi?” Flashing a side-eye to Apollo, she waited.
Sighing, he rubbed his hand up the back of his head then both down his face before leaping to his feet. “Bulgogi.”
Hand held firmly in his, Seok dragged her toward the door. “Come on.” Briefly, he looked back to her and smiled, but then the way to the kitchen. Behind her, the guys followed, and she let out a huge breath.
Dinner wasn’t the event she’d hoped. They all worked at staying lighthearted, but Apollo kept opening and closing his mouth, struggling not to ask questions. Ryan stared off into the distance, and Cai seemed seconds from falling asleep.
“This blows, guys,” she finally said and threw her hands up. “Not the barbecue,” she amended quickly, reaching for Seok’s hand. “This is freaking amazing. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make things harder.”
Her words opened the floodgates, and all the guys began to talk at once.
“Tell me about each test,” Apollo rushed.
“Did you ever see Tyler at the interviews?” Cai added.
“Are you okay, cher?” Matisse asked.
“I’ll get you out of this,” Ryan said.
Shifting in her seat toward Cai, she started to answer. “Yes. I saw him twice with Dr. Murray. The first time was when Tilly threw herself off of Converse Hall, and the second was on my birthday.”
“That’s right.” Cai hit the table with an open palm. “We took him to lunch, remember Seok?”
“Yes. He was very quiet that day,” Seok said.
“That was the day with the guy from VMI, Dr. Totten.” Nora would never forget him, or the terror she felt when the lights went out and she was locked in the dirty basement room. Then there was the way Dr. Totten had sneered at her, insinuated she was a slut because of her relationship. “They learned about our relationship because Tyler told them.”
“Answer the other question,” Apollo said. “What happened to you when you were with them?”
Finding Truth Page 15
