by Sonya Jesus
“When did you get these?” I giggle, touching the loose material over his leg. I release the material to wipe away the sticky tears on my face, sniffling and trying very hard not to think of how atrocious my snot-nosed, mascara streaked face must look. “You didn’t take a picture. You usually share when you get new Pooh stuff.”
Robins sighs and holds the door open. Placing a hand on my lower back, he leads me into his apartment, across the living room, and into his bedroom. He has a single master room with a private bathroom, rare in Westbrook Residences. I notice he’s been doing some rearranging. His dresser isn’t in the same place as it was a few weeks ago. The dresser is now to my left, and the bed and its gray and black checkered comforter against the wall. His desk, directly in front of us, is placed under a large window that had the blinds shut. He opens his drawer of boxers and shows me a whole row of crisp boxer briefs.
“I should have taken a pic,” he says, motioning for me to look closer. “I ordered them on Amazon last week.”
I laugh hysterically at the Tigger striped trunks and a winking Pooh.
“I got something else.” He opens his small closet, revealing a huge stuffed Winnie the Pooh with its butt up in the air. Hesitantly he pulls it out. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“Aww, Robins. Why was it in the closet?” He hands it to me. Smoothing down the warm rumpled fur, I raise a brow in question.
“I thought you were Meg. I was sleeping with the bear.”
I giggle and hug it close. It smells like him. Robins always smells like Armani.
He chuckles, catching me mid-sniff. “She would have killed me if she found me sleeping with that.”
I shake my head in agreement. “Probably.” I sit on his bed, taking Pooh with me. “So, you sleep with a pudgy version of me?” I try to keep a straight face. “I guess it’s, ‘cuddly, wuddly and stuffed with fluff’.”
He sits on the bed, tucks one leg under and faces me. Stealing the teddy bear back, he leans into me. “Don’t insult it. Pooh is sensitive… He’s been carbo loading.”
I laugh harder. “You or the bear?”
He pouts and gives the stuffed toy a bear hug. “Both.” He opens his drawer and pulls out a box of condoms and hands it to me.
I peek into the drawer and see a few more boxes. “Umm, not exactly what I meant,” I grimace, holding the box in my hands. “I mean, not the particular sweet tooth I was thinking of.”
“Shut up. Open it.”
I do as I’m told, and end up in obnoxiously short, loud, boisterous laughs. “You filled your condom boxes with M&Ms?”
He puts Pooh down, careful to sit him upright and pulls out another box. Opening it, he plucks out a miniature Reese’s cup and confesses, “Not all of them.”
I fall back on the bed, legs still crossed, cackling and spilling some of the M&Ms. I wasn’t the only one who hid chocolate in boxes.
He inclines in my direction and snatches the box from my hand. “Don’t spill them.”
Apparently, Robins is very defensive of his chocolate. I can’t stop laughing at the idea of him hiding chocolates in his condom boxes.
Wait. “Where did you hide your condoms?”
“Umm,” he says nervously, making me crack up.
I love this guy.
“It’s not funny,” he says seriously. “I had a lot of time on my hands and… STOP LAUGHING,” he commands right before he flicks my nose.
I gasp, ceasing the laughter immediately and sit upright. My free hand flies up to touch my nose. It still stings a little. “You flicked my nose?”
He rests the chocolate filled condom boxes on the bed, freeing his hands. “Guess I did.” He shrugs, leaning further into me. Flick!
When he goes to do it a third time I grab his fingers and let out the loudest breath. “I really missed that.”
“You miss the weirdest things, Pooh Bear,” he says, smiling from ear to ear.
He has no idea the things that I missed.
He tugs his hand free from mine, grabs my legs, uncrosses them and drags me down so that I am laying on the bed. He positions himself closer to me. Now sitting on the edge of the bed, he crosses his left arm over my body, using it to hold him up as he leans down, stopping just inches away from my lips. “What did you miss?” He hovers over me with a seductive smirk on his lips.
Flirty Robins is back.
I let out a sigh of contentment and come clean, “I missed everything about you Robins.” It is the brutal truth. I shouldn’t be so honest, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
His eyes beg for me to confirm what I just said. I do, and he grins from ear to ear. “Took you long enough!” he scolds me, bopping me on the tip of my nose.
My mouth drops open for a second. A slow smile starts to form on my lips as I realize he was waiting for me to come to him. Which means he needs me just as much as I need him.
His gaze lowers to my lips. “You have a way of making me wait for you, don’t you?”
Is it just me, or does he seem like he’s getting closer?
“I’ve missed you so goddamn much.” His words fall against my lips, vibrating through me until there’s a lingering wish for him to come even closer.
I gulp down the excitement in my throat. I know my inner Angel is yelling at me, but Robins is looking at me like he didn’t ever want to stop. Almost as if that millisecond of blindness caused by the blinking is an instant too long, and God help me, but I agree. I don’t think there will ever be a too close with Robins, but it seems like there is always a not close enough. I kind of hate that we are so good at keeping this in between.
“Lia…” he says, exposing his longing with the single word.
The Vixen cheers for a kiss while my heart beats so quickly it makes me nauseous.
What am I thinking? He can’t kiss me. That is not what he wants. This is me letting myself get carried away with the flirting. This is Robins: pushing me to the limits because he can. No matter what I do, imagination never alters reality. He is not mine.
He’s with Meg, my Angel chimes in, even though she doesn’t seem too happy about it.
He senses the change in me. “What is it?”
“If you missed me that much… you should have called.” I smash my lips together so I don’t say anything that will get me into trouble. I stealthily slide my hands under my butt, since I’m still working on calming my Vixen down and she has a propensity for trouble. I can feel her all the way down to the points of my fingers, willing them to touch him and see what it would be like to have his lips on mine.
“Ah, but then we wouldn’t be here… and I really like you being here.”
Staying out of trouble is so difficult when he says things like that. I groan, letting my gaze float to the ceiling, silently begging God for the strength to restrain myself.
He leans back to get a better angle and studies me. His eyes roam my body, and I can’t help but wonder what he is searching for? My curiosity is quickly forgotten when, using his right hand, he reaches for something near me and then brushes the back of his hand along my arm, sending tiny shocks that jolt my core. His hand continues to glide over my body, electrifying me as it travels downward, just past the waist of my shorts, before stopping.
“Robins?” I’m not sure if I’m pleading for him to do something or warning him not to.
His hand slides between my butt and the mattress. He cups my cheek, making my eyes flutter open. “What…”
I don’t get to finish my question. I’m shoved with such force that I rotate onto my back, landing farther away from him. It would be totally hot if the douchebag wasn’t staring at me with a crushed box of Condom M&Ms in his hand.
“Your cushioned ass didn’t feel this?”
I bury my head into the comforter and imagine screaming into a pillow. This guy is going to drive me to the brink of insanity, and when I snap? I swear I’m going to make sure he takes the brunt of it.
“Pooh Bear?”
I inhale deeply, repeatedl
y, before turning my head towards him. I raise my eyebrows. “What?”
He stretches his hand and plucks something from my butt and holds the golden crinkled wrapper of a smashed Reese’s in front of my nose. “You didn’t feel this?”
I’m too aggravated to blush. I reach for the Pooh Bear and bury my face in his tummy.
My Angel shakes her head at me, Didn’t you say you missed everything about him? She chuckles arrogantly.
Well, Ms. Angel Bitch, I could do without the insults.
“Hey, chocolate smusher.” He pokes my arm like an annoying little brother.
I rotate to lay on my back and turn towards him. He’s eating the M&M’s from the crushed box and has his camera in his hand. I roll my eyes as he snaps the picture.
“Ugh, Robins!” I hide from the camera he is trying to shove in my face. He straddles me, keeping me in place so he can photograph me. I swat at the camera, but he still manages to take a few more shots. I finally give up, and he lays on top of me and takes a selfie with the crushed M&M box.
“Robins, has anyone ever told you that you suck?”
“Yes,” he brags confidently, fixing his gaze back on me and lowering the camera. “I’m very good at it.”
Ugh. I push him off so I can sit up. “Glad to see you’re still the same Robins.”
We sit Indian Style facing each other; he props up the stuffed Pooh Bear so that it’s leaning against the wall. “What did you think? I was going to change in two weeks?” He seems a little annoyed by my comment. “Zebras don’t change their stripes, Lia.” He pauses and looks at the empty box of condoms. “I’m never going to change.”
I’m glad he isn’t going to change. However, he looks so desolate it feels wrong to think it’s good. Ro—”
He interrupts me, “Anyway! Now, tell me what the fuck took you two weeks to come find me?”
My tone turns serious. “Because what you did was a real jackass move. I was so mad at you.” I bite down on my lip.
He tugs at it with his thumb again. “Why are you saying that?”
I look at him and let out what I have felt these weeks. “You hurt me, Robins.”
His hand reaches out to cup my cheek, brushing my skin gently with his thumb. “Can I confess something?”
I nod for him to continue.
“You broke my heart, Pooh Bear.”
Whoa.
“You’re the first girl to ever do that.”
I’m speechless. Time passes, but I don’t know what to say. I remove his hand from my face and wrap my arms around him, needing the proximity.
“For what it is worth, I regretted it the moment I walked away from you. I wanted to fix it, but you pulled away, and I thought you wanted this.”
“Robins, I never asked for space. If Connor didn’t like it, he had to deal with it. You and I we were friends longer than Connor’s been in my life. I love you, and you know that. I gave you what you asked for. I thought this was about Meg, or you not wanting me around anymore.”
“I will never not want you around, Lia. This was just a mistake.”
I sniffle back my emotions.
Guilt plagues his features. “Does it make you feel better that I’ve been miserable without you?” He reaches for one my hands and laces our fingers together.
I watch our joined hands and smile goofily. “A little… Promise never to do it again?”
“I promise to do everything I can to make you happy, Lia. And if you being my pudgy bear makes you happy, then that’s what you will be, forever.” He grabs one of the chocolate filled condom boxes and shoves it in my face. I take a Reese’s cup, and he frees my hand so I can eat it.
“You know? Forever is a long time.” I unwrap the Reese’s and pop it in my mouth, moaning at the deliciousness.
“I don’t think it’s long enough,” he says, snickering. I grab another Reese’s, expecting him to yell at me. “Now, you want to tell me why you look thinner?” He jabs at my ribs as I unwrap the chocolate from the foil. “I can feel those.”
“Well, those are kind of ticklish.” I wiggle, making him stop. I have the unwrapped chocolate in my hand, and he snatches it by taking my fingers into his mouth, filling them with saliva and making me squirm for a different reason. I clear my throat when he nips at the tips of my finger.
I wipe my fingers on his boxers and grab another chocolate, this time unwrapping it fast and eating it. “This one is mine,” I claim with a mouthful of chocolate.
“Seriously Pooh Bear, why did you lose weight? I know you went to the gym, but you never worked out for long.” The heat rose in my cheeks. His eyes squint, and he expects an explanation. “I know it’s not from that, so?”
“Didn’t you just insult me before about my cushion?”
“I was kidding, Amelia. I’m not anymore. Spill!”
“I was sick.” I move on to the M&Ms and hold the condom box like its popcorn. “Doctor says I have the beginnings of an ulcer.” He frowns, so I poke at the corner of his lips with a finger, tugging the skin upwards. “None of that sad stuff, I’m okay. I cut back on the coffee; which was torture, and this is the first chocolate I’ve eaten in a while.”
He tugs my hand away from his face. “You eating healthy is worrisome.”
I roll my eyes. “You should be proud. You said I was fat.”
“No!” he says. “You’ve always been perfect.”
That shouldn’t make me so happy.
“Watch the heffalumps with me, Pooh Bear?”
I smile, thankful for the subject change. He pulls me into bed with him. His television is on the dresser near the door, so we lay with our heads to the window side. I rest my head on his chest, and hand him the box so he can put it back. He grabs the remote, presses play, lighting the screen up with cartoons.
“Were you watching this before?”
“Amelia, I practically have this movie memorized.”
We watch the movie in silence until Robins distracts me by whistling the heffalump and woozle song.
“Are you afraid the heffalump and woozles are going to get your chocolate? Is that why you hide it in condom boxes?”
His stomach rises up and down as he laughs. No verbal answer, but he wraps his left arm under me and holds me close.
At some point I get tired. My ears tune out the movie and focus on his heartbeat. I must have been listening for a while because I fell asleep.
When I wake up, Robins is still watching the movie, and I feel completely at home. I concentrate on the rhythm of his heartbeat again while his arm is wrapped around me, and his fingers absentmindedly massage my arms. I snuggle into him. The movement captures his attention and he peers into my eyes. A slow curvature graces his enticing lips just before he presses those lips against my forehead, kissing me softly.
I sink into him: mind, body, soul. There’s something about these moments with him that lock us together, binding us to each other in ways I’m too scared to understand. There will always be a part of me that belongs to Robins, because somehow, Robins and I fit together. He’s a part of my puzzle, I just don’t know exactly where he fits yet. What I do know is that I can’t risk losing the piece.
“Are you learning me by heart, Pooh Bear?” he says, making me look up at him.
“That’s my line, but since you asked. ‘No. I know you by heart, you are inside my heart’.”
And just like that, everything was good in the 100-acre woods again.
***
I wake up in a strange room with a furry butt in my face. There is hair in my mouth, and it isn’t mine. “Robins!” I scream, swatting at my mouth, spitting out Pooh fibers, and picking the ones that dawdle behind off my tongue. “The beds are small. Do you really need to sleep with this thing and me?” I seize the Pooh Bear from the bed, and throw it across the room at Robins who is standing by his closet door in just a towel.
Correction: only his lower half is wrapped in a towel. The prominence of his muscles slightly peeks through the terry cloth towel.
An I know you’re looking smile on his sexy lips.
Oh, la la. The sight revs my inner sex Vixen. A response I know all too well. I can’t blame her though, he is pretty damn sexy. Oh my God did I just say that? Maybe I am dreaming?
He notices the direction of my train of thought and makes his way towards me. Before I know it, his long, tall body leans over the bed, and he gives me a seductive smile. “You look really good in my bed.” His sudden confession sends an unexpected heat rushing through my veins, stinging at my cheeks.
Why do I always freaking blush?
A coy smile makes its way across his face as he caresses my scorched cheek. “I have to get you in here more often.”
Why is he having this effect on me again? Did I not just tell myself I wasn’t going to think of him like this?
“So I can do this.” Flick.
I should have seen that coming.
I jump out of bed and look in the mirror. Snarling at the girl looking back at me, I pout, “You could have told me I looked like death.”
“I like the whole streaky face thing,” he jokes. “Maybe I like when girls cry for me.”
Dipshit. I huff at Robins, who is now laying against the headboard. He chuckles at me.
“What time is it anyway?” I rub at the mascara smudges with my fingertips.
“It’s like, five in the morning.”
I rotate my shoulders in his direction. “Why are you up and showered?”
“Uhh. I woke up and felt like I needed one. Plus, I have a bunch of homework to do.”
Hmm, I guess space made him more academically conscious.
“You and homework?” I smile at him before nestling back into his bed. I lay on my side, tucking one arm under my pillow and press my back against his chest. He momentarily stiffens in response, then slides an arm under my waist and curls the other around me. He flattens his palms against my shirt, and pushes me in towards him, eliminating every millimeter of distance.
It’s my turn to stiffen as the heat resonates from his body and warms me, relaxing my sore muscles. He nudges my legs with his. I reposition them, so he can tuck one of his legs between mine. I turn my head into the pillow, allowing it to muffle the sounds of my ragged breaths and calm the turbulence in my heart. I inhale the Armani scent from his pillow and exhale the butterflies that are fluttering around inside me.
