When We Collide

by A. L. Jackson

  Besides for William, I could remember only one time when someone had really cared to know. I was in third grade, and I’d been called to the office. I was shaking, petrified I’d done something wrong and I was about to get into trouble as I made my way to the front office with the pink slip in my hand. But instead of the principle being in his office, a woman was there, her voice soft as she asked me questions. I realized now she was a social worker, though I hadn’t understood at the time she was there to help me. The one chance I had, and I’d blown it. I’d been too scared to even open my mouth and had shaken my head vehemently with every question she asked. Had I just nodded once, maybe our lives would have been different. Maybe I’d have saved my sister, my mom, myself.

  Of course, that was when the rumors started and the girls at school began to look at me like I was different.

  And the other was William. He had asked, and somehow he made me brave enough to tell. Maybe it wouldn’t change our lives, save my mom and my sister from the secrets that happened within the walls of our house, but somehow I felt changed. I didn’t know...relieved? And right then, I felt...safe. No other man had ever made me feel that way. But William did.

  I focused on the spot where his hand met my skin. I couldn’t comprehend the connection we shared, and I couldn’t understand why this felt so right. Some of the thoughts I had about him terrified me. They were so foreign. I gulped for the air his caress seemed to have stolen and whispered toward the forest, “I, I’ve never had a friend before.”

  I risked a glance in his direction.

  His eyes overflowed with emotion, so much I had to look away. He squeezed my knee, and I knew he understood.

  Because I did feel it, too. I was just too scared to give myself over to it.

  “Come here,” he said, and he pulled me against his chest and rested me between his knees.

  I twisted and buried my face in his shirt, allowing myself to cry. But this time it wasn’t for fear or pain. It was in release. His hold was soft but secure. He kissed the top of my head and mumbled, “I’ll be whatever you need me to be.”

  He held me for what seemed forever, but when he released me, it hadn’t been nearly long enough.

  ~

  Maggie ~ July, Six years earlier

  I crept below the midnight sky. My movements quickened in anticipation. Ghosting along the line of trees, I checked over my shoulder to be sure I remained unseen, before I slipped into the darkened forest. Twigs snapped below my feet and bushes brushed across my bare legs.

  My heart beat fast. Too fast for what I’d convinced myself this was.

  Moonlight leaked between the twisted branches and struck as a radiant glow over William’s face when I stepped out into our spot.

  My thrumming heart fluttered.

  “Hey you,” he said into the muted light. A smile spread over his beautiful face. He was propped up against the tree trunk, and his legs were stretched out in a V front of him.

  “Hey,” I exhaled in a whispered breath.

  For the better part of a month, we had been meeting here, stealing away every chance we got. Each day, while Troy and my father worked, we were here, and each night, long after our families were asleep, we would lie beneath the cover of trees and talk for hours.

  It’d become all I looked forward to. My nerves raced as I waited for the moment to arrive, and those same nerves were soothed with just one look from William.

  As I walked toward him, he raised both arms up to me. I didn’t hesitate to climb down in the refuge I found in them. I exhaled in what sounded like relief when I was nestled in his arms. Tingles spread and butterflies tumbled in my stomach when our skin met.

  “How was the rest of your day?” he asked.

  “Good,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could find, sensing the little tic of worry that came with his question—his worry that I’d been hurt in some way since we’d seen each other earlier that day. I didn’t mention Troy had shown up at my doorstep at six, insisting on taking me to dinner. I couldn’t stand the look on William’s face whenever he knew I’d been out with Troy.

  The only thing I hated worse was his reaction when he actually saw Troy and me together, the cloud that would gather over him, that cloud that crowded out his warmth. I knew it was my weakness to completely end things with Troy that put it there, but the further I tried to push Troy away, the more possessive he became. I kept trying to end it, but my mouth didn’t know how. I knew he was going to be angry, and when he stood in front of me, the words I rehearsed at home died on my tongue. Confronting him with what I wanted was what scared me the most. But I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t continue on like this...feeling like this about William and having Troy my boyfriend.

  For my sake, William and I had labeled ourselves friends, but I knew what we shared was so much greater than friendship, and that the sanctuary I found in this quiet place had slowly become him. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone taking this away from me, so I kept it inside and hid the one thing I had in my life that was of any importance. William.

  Shifting, William pulled me down to lay beside him. Dampness seeped through my shirt and shorts from the cool grass below, and I burrowed into William’s side, somehow completed in his comfort.

  “What did you do tonight?” I asked, gravitating toward his warmth.

  He somehow managed to pull me closer. His mouth tickled the skin just below my ear, and he had his hand splayed across the small of my back.

  I tried to hide the way my body trembled. I wondered if he noticed the effect he had on me.

  “Hung out with my family, mostly. My Aunt Lara was over, and my dad’s changing shifts, so he didn’t have to get to bed early, so we ended up having a little barbeque out front. Grace was there. It was pretty cool.” He nuzzled his nose in that sensitive spot at my jaw. Goosebumps sprung up along my arms. “It would have been better if you were there,” he murmured.

  What I wouldn’t give to have something like Blake and Grace, to be normal and free. Free and with William.

  “Yeah, I would have really liked that. You have a good family, William.” I threaded my fingers through his hair and played with the ends, thankful someone I cared about this much had the things he deserved.

  He leaned up to look at my face. His expression was soft, like he was aware of the things that made the two of us so different. “I know I do. I’ll never take them for granted.”

  I felt a wistful smile tremor at the edge of my mouth, and William drew me close again.

  He told me about the rest of his evening, the show he’d watched while he waited for our time to arrive and the magazine he’d read. Every word he spoke, even the most trivial, seemed like the most important thing. I listened to his voice, got lost in him—lost in his light.

  “Tell me about L.A.,” I said. We’d spoken of so many things, but never about the future. Summer had begun to speed away, each day shorter than the last, and the cruel reality that I was going to lose the first joy I’d ever had was slowly creeping into my consciousness. I couldn’t begin to imagine what my life was going to be like once he was gone.

  William propped himself on his elbow, and I rolled onto my back. He looked down at me as he ran his fingers through my hair with his free hand. The gesture warmed me all the way through.

  “It’s…huge. Crowded, but kind of open at the same time.” He smiled, and with the tilt of his head, an errant lock of hair fell over just one eye.

  I brushed my fingers through it to push it back.

  “The people out there are so different…you can have a table of men in business suits and a guy completely tattooed and pierced sitting with them and nobody seems to notice. There’s always something to do.” He chuckled and caressed his knuckles down my jaw. “You would never get bored there.”

  I grinned and leaned into his touch, trying to imagine a place where nobody cared about another’s business. It sounded pretty amazing. Somehow the thought also made me incredibly sad.

&n
bsp; “Are you going to stay there?” I asked, knowing in the way my voice faltered I’d given myself away.

  “I…” He hesitated as he glanced askew before he looked back down at me. “I used to think so, now I’m not so sure.”

  He placed his palm flat across my stomach. The contact scorched all the way through my shirt. Weeks ago, when Troy had kissed me and slid his hand under my shirt, I’d nearly had a panic attack. It’d felt too familiar and wrong. Now I couldn’t help but wonder what it’d feel like if William did the same.

  I shivered, scared that I wanted him to try.

  I closed my eyes and found my voice. “Is there…someone…out there?”

  I opened them to find him staring down at me.

  He drew his lips together and shook his head. “There was a girl I was kind of seeing. We broke it off when I left.”

  “Did you…” I trailed off, biting at my lip in embarrassment. I didn’t even know why I felt compelled to ask, but the thought had been plaguing me ever since I’d kissed him.

  “Well, yeah,” he said, almost as if he were surprised by my questioning, as if it were ridiculous to think otherwise.

  Of course it would be ridiculous—to everyone but me. I suddenly felt small, naïve, sheltered inside my messed-up little world. I screwed my face up to block out the overwhelming jealousy I wasn’t prepared to feel.

  Behind my lids, I saw visions I didn’t want to see. In the nonchalance of his words, I knew there’d been many more than this one girl. An agonizing pain stabbed itself somewhere deep in my chest.

  William suddenly wrenched himself away and sat up. He swore into the distance and dragged his hands through his hair before he cut his eyes back down to me.

  “Do you think it doesn’t kill me to think of you with Troy?”

  Sickness at the thought clawed its way up my spine and settled on my face as I locked my lips together and shook my head.

  “Never,” I forced out, unable to even imagine giving that part of myself to Troy.

  “What?” William jerked around to completely face to me.

  “Never.” This time I whispered the word and answered the charged question for what it was.

  Never. No one.

  “Shit…Maggie.”

  I startled when he lunged at me, and then I sank into his warmth when he pulled me close and covered me with his body.

  “What have you done to me?” he said. It sounded like a plea where he caressed his warm mouth against my jaw and mumbled the words, desperation in the affection that wasn’t quite a kiss.

  My stomach tightened and my heart beat fast.

  I couldn’t speak because it was him who had undone me.

  Chapter Twelve

  William ~ Present Day

  The day after I asked Blake if his offer on the guesthouse still stood, I pulled into his driveway. Here the houses were smaller than in our parents’ neighborhood, some beginning to appear rundown, though most were well-kept. Trees stretched from one yard to another across the narrow road. Blake had always been a hard-worker, and his home bore the evidence of that. The bushes were trimmed and the grass mowed, the paint on the front porch fresh and bright.

  Emma ran down the porch steps and across the front lawn. I couldn’t help but think how cute she was with her black hair flying behind her. I could see her excitement with my arrival through the wide-spaced slats of the white wooden fence.

  I smiled when I stepped from my car. “Hey there, Emma. How are you today?”

  She peered at me with one eye through a slat. I could tell she was grinning.

  “Hi, Uncle Will.”

  I looked down at her from over the fence.

  “Guess what? I helped Mommy get the little house all ready for you. We cleaned it all day, and Mommy let me use the duster.”

  I felt the tug, rubbed my hand over my chest.

  “You did?” My voice lightened into a tone that should have felt unnatural, but somehow it didn’t. “That was very nice of you, sweetheart. Thank you.”

  She released an abashed giggle as Blake crossed the yard and unlatched the gate.

  “You made it.” He still seemed a little surprised I had carried through with my plans to stay.

  Releasing a long breath through my nose, I roamed my eyes over my brother’s home—now my home. “I’m here.”

  Blake laughed and clapped me on the shoulder as he passed, walking toward the rear of my SUV. “Why are you so serious all the time, Will?” Blake glanced at me as he lugged the one suitcase I had out of the tailgate. “To think Mom was worried she was sending her youngest son off into the land of drugs and rock and roll, and you came back the lamest person I know.”

  “Shut up.” I shook my head and chuckled as I grabbed my suitcase from him.

  Blake grinned that same shit-eating grin that he’d taunted me with since we were boys, the one that said he’d gladly kick my ass if he needed to, the same one that said we’d always be the closest of friends no matter what happened in between.

  I smiled back.

  ~

  I grabbed a couple of shirts from the suitcase I had laid out on the bed and turned toward the closet.

  Blake hadn’t been joking. The guesthouse was small, basically encompassed in one room except for a tiny bathroom in the back. The head of a large bed was pushed up in the middle of the right wall, and an oversized cushioned chair sat in the corner beside it, angled to face the built-in fireplace by the door. What could barely be construed as a kitchen was tucked in the far left front corner, and an armoire closet ran along the back wall.

  But Blake was right. It was better than being cooped up in my old bedroom at my parents’, and it felt like paradise compared to the house I’d lived in for the last six years. I knew I was unhappy there, but distancing myself from that world made it clear just how miserable I’d been.

  There was a small rap on the front door.

  “Come in,” I called as I pulled a hanger from the closet and slipped a shirt on it.

  All afternoon the girls had run in and out without knocking, and Blake had waltzed in unannounced several times, so I already expected it to be Grace. From the sound of the cautious footsteps on the old hardwood floors, I knew I was right. I glanced over my shoulder at my sister-in-law.

  “These just came out of the dryer,” she said when her wary eyes flicked up to meet mine. She set a pile of folded towels on the bed. “Sorry I didn’t get them out to you sooner. There’s no laundry out here, so you’re going to have to do it inside.” She scooted back toward the door. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  That was something I’d always liked about Grace. She was genuine, never fake. That honesty was still apparent, though now it filled the room with her distrust. I could tell she was struggling to overcome it, to accept me back, the same way Blake had.

  “Thank you, Grace,” I called quietly from across the room. I glanced around. “The place is great. I hope you know how much I appreciate all of this.”

  She paused in the doorway and looked back at me as if she still couldn’t understand, though she offered a small nod. “You’re welcome, Will.”

  After I unpacked, I lit a fire and closed the door to shut out the slight chill that filled the air as night approached. I stood at the window, staring out over Blake’s backyard and to the rear of his house. Sound traveled from within, Emma crying, the clatter of pots in the kitchen, an echoed voice.

  I was incredibly thankful for what Blake had done for me, the way he’d welcomed me in and given me a place to stay. Still, I felt utterly alone.

  I wished for a way to ease the isolation, a way to ease the fear. Wished for an answer.

  I dropped down into the chair with my elbows on my knees, held my head in my hands.

  My first instinct was to go to the police, but what would I say? That I believed someone was in danger? Someone I hadn’t spoken to in years? Someone I was certain would deny it if I did try to report it?

  When I left for California
that final time, my goal had been to put as many miles between Maggie and me as possible. To separate myself from the life she had chosen. I’d been so angry. After everything, how could she have picked Troy over me? But at the heart of it had always been my worry for her, the fear she’d traded her father’s savage hand in favor of a brutal one.

  Her reaction in front of my parent’s house had proven it.

  God. I was so stuck.

  Blowing the air from my lungs, I slumped back in the chair. I knew something had to give. I couldn’t just stand by—stay here and do nothing.

  Flames flickered and cast shadows across the tiny room, warmed my face. I closed my eyes. The fire danced and played behind my lids. There I saw Maggie as I did the first time I’d seen her, when the fire had lit her face and kissed her cheeks. The night my life was permanently changed.

  I missed her.

  Wanted her.

  As the fire jumped and crackled, my breaths slowed and evened.

  And I fell.

  “Bet you can’t find me.”

  A flash of blond streaked in the moonlight, disappeared in the shadows.

  William tried to scream, to warn him to stay. He pushed himself harder than he ever had. The child remained just out of reach, his laughter taunting William’s fear.

  “Wait,” William called. His voice carried on the wind, bled into nothing.

  “Jonathan!” he screamed.

  The wind shifted and stilled, the roving life of the forest floor stalling under his feet.

  The small boy peeked out from behind a large tree trunk and stared back at William with huge brown eyes.

  An emotion William had never felt pounded against his ribs, bound with his soul.

  The boy cocked his head and grinned, sweet and small. Blood filled his mouth and covered his teeth. The grin faded, and he sniffled, wiped his nose with the back of his hand.