When We Collide

by A. L. Jackson

  “I was with Amber and the kids…at the park.” I crossed the kitchen, hugging my son closer. I paused and looked down at the man who had stolen my life. “I told you where we were going.”

  I wondered when I’d begun to think of him as weak, just a sick, pathetic man, just like my father. I’d allowed him to control me for so long, and he did it well. He always knew exactly where to get me and exactly how to hold me.

  His face twisted in a sneer, but he didn’t move.

  He’d wait.

  I turned away and left him there while I took Jonathan to his room. As gently as I could, I pulled his shoes and socks from his feet. He stretched and snuggled under the covers, but the movement never broke into his sleep. Brushing back his hair, I kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, my sweet boy.”

  Then I stood and went to face what I knew waited for me outside the room.

  Walking into the kitchen, I went straight to the sink and began washing the few dishes left there from this morning. It bore down on me—the anger that had been bred into Troy by his father. I fought the fear that had been bred into me by my own.

  He approached like the stillness before the storm, his words a perverted murmur near my ear. “I’ll kill you, Maggie…I’ll find you, and this time, I’ll kill you.”

  I pinched my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip to suppress the cry I bottled in my throat.

  My head spun and my stomach turned.

  Maggie ~ Six Years Earlier

  My heart was still thundering, and laughter still danced on my tongue when I snuck into the darkened house. I leaned back against the front door, trying to calm my pulse, trying to slow my mind. Touching my lips with my fingertips, I smiled.

  William loved me. Wanted me with him forever. Sometimes I still couldn’t believe how my life had changed over the summer.

  At the bonfire for Blake and Grace two weeks before, standing in front of Troy and telling him I didn’t want him and I never had had been one of the most frightening things I’d ever done. Never before had I stood up for myself. But I’d looked to William for strength, to remember the way he made me feel as we spent those long hours alone in the woods.

  I hadn’t expected Troy’s reaction and was shocked by William’s. It had all been as if in slow motion, the fists, the blood. All I could think was I would never forgive myself if something happened to William because of me.

  It was then I finally admitted it to myself.

  I was in love with him.

  The second Justin had dropped me off at the front of my house, still shaking but promising him I was fine, I rushed to our spot. William never came.

  I’d paced, every worry I could have had twisting its way through my heart and mind, William was hurt…William was angry…William finally realized I wasn’t worth all the trouble.

  When I could take it no longer, I found the hidden key Mrs. Marsch had shown me under a pot on their back porch and slipped in the back door. I’d known I was crossing a line, acting completely out of character, but William made me forget who I was.

  I told myself I’d go to be sure he wasn’t hurt, never anticipating the heartbreak I felt when I entered his room and found that he just hadn’t come.

  Not once in three months had he not, until that night. Rejection had poured from me as a grieved accusation.

  Then he’d uttered the words and told me he loved me, and for the first time in my life, I felt worthy of it.

  It was everything I’d ever wanted. Someone who really loved me. I knew I was naïve, but I was wise enough to know this wasn’t just a reaction or a desperate appeal for affection.

  I loved him.

  Giving myself to him—I shook my head because I still didn’t understand it—I guess I thought it would be some sort of sacrifice for the one I loved. Or maybe I’d been looking to build a memory, something to hang onto once he was gone. What I never could have imagined was the way he would feel, like life and joy. Above it all, there’d been no shame.

  I looked around the tattered living room I’d grown up in, completely dark save for the faint slivers of moonlight leaking in through the windows.

  There’d only be one thing I would miss.

  Creeping upstairs, I let myself into my childhood room. Amber slept buried beneath the covers in her tiny twin bed.

  On a heavy sigh, my gaze wandered over the bump where my little sister lay. I couldn’t imagine leaving her in this place. I crossed the room and crawled into bed with her.

  For so many years, it had been the other way around.

  I wrapped her in my arms. In her sleep, Amber tensed, before she relaxed into my hold. I lay awake, thinking of William’s words. It was time I did what was right for me, even though I knew my leaving was going to hurt my mom and devastate my sister.

  I hugged Amber closer and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

  But there was no way I could live without William.

  ~

  Twilight approached. The humidity was still present, but the air wasn’t nearly as muggy as it had been just a couple of short weeks ago.

  And how short those weeks had been.

  I smiled to myself as I hugged my arms across my chest, this time, not as a way to hold myself together, but in memory of the way I felt in William’s arms and in excitement for what was to come.

  I was going to marry William.

  I’d just been to the ATM on Main Street and emptied my bank account of all the money I saved over the summer while working for the Marsches. I stuffed the small wad of cash in my back pocket. It wasn’t a whole lot, but it was every penny I had to my name.

  I crossed the street and headed toward home.

  It was time to tell my sister goodbye. I contemplated what I would say as I walked with my head hung low. I was going to miss her so much, and I prayed she’d be safe.

  Turning right, I cut across the far end of town, taking the long road that wound around before it crossed with my street. My footsteps echoed in my ears as I counted them, my nerves increasing as I imagined leaving my house for the last time tonight. I still couldn’t believe I was actually leaving. I lifted my face to the cooling air. Night crawled its way westward and a lone star dotted the sky.

  Dread twisted a knot in my stomach when I heard the sound of the engine behind me. I hadn’t seen him since that night. I dropped my head further and increased my speed. Troy was the last person I wanted to deal with right now.

  The truck slowed as it came up behind me. He cut over into the wrong lane and came right up beside me. I didn’t look up.

  “I wanna talk to you, Maggie,” Troy said, his voice low and simmering with hatred.

  That hatred rushed over me as chills, an internal warning flare. I squeezed myself closer, as if somehow I could twine myself so tight I would disappear.

  “I said I want to talk to you.”

  I began to walk so quickly I may well have been running. I guessed Troy knew that was exactly what I was doing.

  The truck inched forward alongside me.

  “Maggie…I’m not fucking around with you. Get your ass in the truck.”

  As hard as I fought it, my eyes darted over my shoulder. They went wide when they met with Troy’s face. I was completely unprepared for the destruction evidenced there. Bruises still marked him beneath both eyes and ran across his nose. Rows of stitches had been removed from above one eye and at his jaw. In their place were angry, puckered scars.

  Troy noticed my reaction. His nostrils flared. “I’m warning you, Maggie...get in the truck.”

  I couldn’t...wouldn’t give in. I pinched my eyes shut once more, sucking in a deep breath as something inside of me snapped.

  I ran.

  The rubber soles of my tennis shoes slapped against the concrete as humid air slapped across my face. I just had to make it to the end of the street.

  The truck lurched forward before it jerked to a stop beside me. The door was thrown open, and Troy was right behind me.

  My heart pounded in t
he worst way. A flood of terrified adrenaline thundered through my veins and roared in my ears. A slew of curses were unleashed from his mouth, hatred and corrupt thoughts.

  He yanked me back by a handful of hair. My knee twisted and buckled beneath me. The joint felt as if it burst as it erupted with a red-hot, lancinating pain.

  A scream tore from my throat.

  Troy clamped a hand over my mouth and jerked my back against his chest. “Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.”

  I tasted the vile skin of his hand as he held his palm harder against my mouth, dirt and oil and sweat. I gagged and bile rushed up to take the place of the scream still rattling in my throat.

  I struggled against the arms caging me. My deepest fear gripped me when he began to drag me back between two houses, where we blended into the dusky shadows.

  Grass and dirt slicked beneath the rubber soles of my shoes as I fought to dig my heels in, fighting to break his hold. I clawed at his hands and bit at his palm.

  “I will kill you, Maggie,” he threatened in a low growl at my ear.

  I flailed more.

  “Help me...please...help!” My pleas were lost in the palm of his hand.

  We broke from the secluded walls of the houses and to the wide, unfenced backyards. A dog barked, viciously straining against the chain that held it back by its neck. A solitary light gleamed from the back porch, although the movement from inside that I begged for never came.

  I knew where he was taking me. As a child, I’d played in these woods a thousand times.

  Tears broke free and streamed from my eyes. My vision blurred in both fury and dread as the glimmer of light faded in the distance. Trees rose up like walls on every side, darkness swallowing us whole.

  I cried out when Troy threw me to the ground. My back slammed against the forest floor with a painful thud, followed by my head. I dug my elbows and heels into the slippery soil as I fumbled my way backward, desperate to get away from the man who stared down at me with a twisted revulsion, like he hated me and had to have me at the same time.

  I couldn’t allow this to happen. Not after William had fought for me. Not after he’d loved me.

  Flipping myself over, I crawled along the ground. Twigs snapped beneath the weight of my knees and pierced my skin. In the humid late-summer night, the dirt and leaves somehow felt cold where they burned and scraped along the abrasions. The acrid air filled up my nose with the smell of rot and decay.

  Gathering all my strength, I labored to my feet. A hand descended on my shoulder, pitching me to the side. I landed on my right thigh and skidded across the ground.

  Troy laughed. “Where do you think you’re going, Maggie?”

  He lunged at me, forcing his knee between my thighs. A heavy arm pinned me down across the chest.

  No. I spit in his face. “You asshole.”

  Troy roared. He swiped the wad from the edge of his mouth and looked at his fingertips. “You little bitch.” The blow came to the side of my face. “Did you really think I’d just let you talk to me that way…make a fool of me?”

  He fumbled at the buckle of his pants. Metal clanked as he tore it free.

  “No,” I whimpered, turning my face to the side and squeezing my eyes. No.

  I thrashed.

  No.

  “Please.” Oh my God. Please don’t let him do this to me.

  He tore at my shorts, shoved them down to my ankles and off one leg, and ripped my panties from my body.

  I tried to press my knees together. They only pressed into Troy’s bare thighs.

  I fought him until the moment he took me, until the moment he stole the beginning of life that had been planted in me, the small flicker of light that had begun to glow, the spark that had told me I just might be worth it.

  The tears of dread gave way to a flood of submission.

  Still, I whimpered no as I pinched my eyes shut in a bid to remove myself from the torture Troy inflicted.

  “Look at me.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed tighter.

  His hand went to my chin where he dug his fingers deep into the skin. “I told you to look at me.”

  In the faint light, my eyes opened and met with the same sickness I’d witnessed my entire life.

  “I want you to remember this, Maggie…the next time you try to run from me…you…remember…this.”

  He clenched my jaw harder as his face twisted, his body hurried in anticipation.

  I fought him one last time, and a wrenching cry came from deep within my shattered soul.

  Troy’s body jerked. A vengeful grin spread across his face and malignant satisfaction flashed in his eyes. He collapsed on me, cupping my cheek while he whispered in the opposite ear. “Don’t forget it.”

  When he pulled away to stand, I curled in on myself and wept as grief took over. It coiled as misery and loss in the pit of my stomach and erupted as anguish from my mouth.

  Troy glanced over his shoulder into the still night, before he turned and kicked me in the stomach. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, just hard enough to remind me of the trash I was.

  “Get up.” He leaned down and tossed my shorts toward me. They landed in a tattered, stained wad in front of my face. “Get dressed.”

  I looked up at him as he buckled his belt and smoothed his hair back with both hands.

  I hated him…hated him. But not as much as I hated myself.

  Wincing, I sat up and pulled the torn shorts up my legs.

  Oh God, I hurt when I climbed to my feet, an excruciating numbness that seared through my flesh and spirit.

  Troy held out his hand and I took it. I had no reason left to fight him.

  He wound us back through the quickly darkening night, through the short distance of forest where he’d destroyed me, across the blackened yards, and between the houses. At the street, the door to his truck was still open wide. The cabin light burned bright, and the engine still rumbled low.

  No one had even noticed.

  Troy wrenched the passenger door open and I climbed inside. I stared out the side window as he drove the quarter-mile to my house. The truck came to a standstill in front of the place I thought I’d finally escaped.

  “I’ll be here to get you when I get off work tomorrow.”

  I didn’t look up when I reached for the door handle. I froze when he spoke again.

  “I’d better not catch you going to the cops and making a bigger deal about this than it is, Maggie. They won’t believe you, anyway. Everyone in this town already knows you’re mine. But if you do, I promise I’m gonna find out if your little sister feels as good as you do.”

  I swallowed down his words and took them to heart because I knew he’d make good on them, then I slowly opened the door and climbed out.

  Maggie ~ Present Day

  Troy breathed down my neck, corralling my sides as he gripped the kitchen counter to trap me, his words replaying in my mind. I’ll kill you, Maggie.

  It was the third time he’d ever given me that threat. The first time had been the night he’d shattered my heart and stolen William from my life. The second time was when I’d tried, as futile as it’d been, to save my son from living this way. It was the night I’d actually believed Troy was going to kill me.

  And he’d said it tonight. Chills rolled down my spine as his intent finally dawned.

  He thought I was getting ready to run.

  My eyes dropped closed, William’s face in my mind.

  The chaos raged, and I felt myself slipping a little closer to the edge.

  Chapter Fifteen

  William ~ Present Day

  On Tuesday, I sat down the road and across from the elementary school where the kindergarten was housed. Waiting. I followed her the entire day yesterday, trying to understand and make sense of the connection I had with the boy, the connection I had with Maggie. After seeing them on Sunday, this need was something I could not ignore. Yesterday morning, I stayed back as I followed her to the school where she dropped off Jonath
an and then had gone on to her mother’s, not sure how Maggie would react. I’d gotten brave enough to expose myself when I followed them to the park that afternoon. She needed to know I couldn’t and wouldn’t stay away.

  An anxious smile tugged at my mouth when the blue van pulled into the school parking lot. I sat up, straining to see. Maggie stepped out from the driver’s side. The smile on my mouth spread when I saw the ease on her face.

  I’d almost forgotten how well I knew her, what I found in her expression, how I could tell exactly how she felt.

  This morning she was happy.

  Sliding the side door open, Maggie helped Jonathan climb down from his seat. The child grinned up at her when she ran her fingers through the locks of his golden hair. Emotion filled my chest.

  I wondered if Maggie was so blind that she really didn’t see it or if she was too scared to admit it. I guessed it was probably somewhere in between. Jealousy bit at my nerves. Who knew when that sick fuck had coerced her into his bed. As much as I couldn’t stand the thought, I knew it had to have been as soon as I left.

  I watched my son scurry behind his mother with his hand in hers through the front gate and disappear into the crowded, narrow hall of the school.

  No, being a father had never been something I had longed for, although I’d always figured one day I would have a child, and I’d known instinctively I’d be committed and love my family once I did. With Maggie, it’d somehow never even crossed my mind, my every thought wrapped up in loving her.

  What I never could have imagined was that it would come at a distance, a connection on disconnect. Now that longing was there, filling me with loss and lingering thoughts of a baby boy, little joys and small triumphs, experiences I would never know. Eclipsing those thoughts was terror for a child I really knew nothing about, only an affinity in my dreams and a face to match my own. But in the moments when I was able to push that terror aside, it was shocking just how badly not knowing Jonathan hurt.