That Was Yesterday

by Vella Munn

  A pickup pulled into a stall behind them, its oversized tires grinding over gravel. Mara tensed and waited for the sound to end. When it did, Reed spoke. “You’ve been all right?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  Groaning, Reed leaned back, his breathing ragged. He no longer smiled, and Mara found gut-level honesty in his eyes. “I saw Jack again. When I think of what he went through—and you… It’s an insane world sometimes.”

  Was that why he’d kissed her? Because it was an insane world?

  “Sometimes.”

  “But you are all right?”

  The opening was there. She could tell him about her purse and what she’d done with it. She might, if she was any good at thinking, tell him about calling 911. But if she was going to do that, he would first have to let her go. “You had a meeting with some man,” she managed.

  “Yeah.”

  “And?”

  He dragged his hands downward, over her shoulder blades, past her waist, sliding momentarily around the swell of her hips. “It’s too soon to tell,” he said while she concentrated on breathing. “That’s part of why I saw Jack. Some things I need to verify.”

  “Oh” was all she could say.

  “I’m getting a clearer idea of what happened, some ideas about who’s responsible for trying to kill him.”

  Kill. The world intruded again. “Someone really tried?”

  “There’s no doubt, Mara.”

  “No doubt. Just like that.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  Mara didn’t know. It was all she could do to keep up with her roller-coastering emotions and remind herself he was no longer touching her and it was time to bring her body and thoughts back under control. She remained silent while Reed unpacked the gun. He handled it as comfortably as she did any garden tool. Still, she wasn’t repulsed. She now understood that a firearm was part of him. When he held the unloaded weapon up to his eye and sighted down its length, Mara spoke. “Tell me about Jack.”

  “I did.”

  “Not enough. I want to know why you’re doing this for him.”

  “Because?”

  “Because I do. Isn’t that enough?”

  As far as the bureau and Captain Bistron were concerned, this was just another assignment for Reed. More dangerous than any other, which had the desk jockeys nervous. But Mara was the one demanding explanations that would never find their way into his written report. He could turn the conversation around to why they were here. He could reach for her again and risk his ability to concentrate at all, or… “I owe him everything. Without him— I told you about my parents, about my father not being there. Mom’s problems.”

  “Yes.”

  “Jack straightened me out.”

  “Do you owe him your life?”

  “I’m not going to make the mistakes Jack did.”

  “Don’t be so arrogant, Reed.”

  Was that what Mara thought? “I’m not. Jack deserves to know how much he means to me.”

  “I wish I did.” She was whispering.

  Reed believed her, enough that he let the gun dangle from his fingers and turned to face her. He should be concerned with getting her over to an unoccupied berm and making her feel comfortable with her weapon. That should take precedence over everything. But the setting sun lent rose and orange hues to her hair, and compared to that putting a gun in her hand seemed unimportant. Maybe it was the sunset; maybe it was her whisper. He had to turn something of himself over to her. “Mara, if it wasn’t for Jack I don’t know what I’d be doing with my life. Probably nothing.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short.”

  “I’m not. I’m simply being honest. My father was never there. Mom had all she could do to deal with herself. I did what a lot of kids do. I took the freedom that was given me and messed up.”

  “You aren’t messed up now.”

  “I was when Jack got hold of me,” he said with the gun still in his hand. If he put it down, he could reach out and bring Mara into him. He knew better than to do that. “I wasn’t going to school anymore. There didn’t seem to be any reason. By the time I turned seventeen, I had five speeding tickets and hadn’t paid the fines.”

  Mara slid a few inches closer, tipping her head upward. She frowned, her eyes somber. He noted that. “Did your parents know?” she asked.

  “Dad was gone. As usual. My mother didn’t want to hear that her son had problems. I think she wanted to believe I was fine. Maybe that’s how she convinced herself she was doing something right. I don’t know.” The gun seemed heavy in his hand. “I’m not a psychiatrist. I don’t think I ever understood my mother.”

  “That’s sad.”

  Reed slumped onto a weathered bench, hoping she couldn’t see the sudden loss of his strength. He felt heat on the back of his neck and the weight of the pistol. After a moment, Mara sat down beside him. Breathing hard and deep, he concentrated on what needed to be said. “Her problems intimidated me, Mara. I think maybe Mom wanted me to be what her husband wasn’t. Only, I didn’t know how to fill that role. The more she tried to lean, the more I backed off.”

  “Why?”

  “Why? Because I didn’t know how to prop her up. I got arrested,” Reed went on. Suddenly he wanted only to get this over with and on to the business that had brought them here. “For trying to elude a police officer. I’d been drinking, but not enough that they could add that to the charges.”

  “Why were you trying to get away?”

  “Those speeding tickets. I knew if they caught me, they’d take away my license.”

  “And tell your mother.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe? Let me ask you something. What bothered you more? Your father’s reaction, or your mother’s?”

  Reed straightened and tried to focus on a tall, skinny young man carrying a rifle over to the range. “Mom,” he told her because he had no choice, not if they were ever going to be more than they were to each other at this moment, if he wasn’t going to simply hand her the pistol and walk out of her life.

  “Because you didn’t want to hurt her.”

  “She was so fragile. I resented the pedestal she tried to put me on. I wanted my father to be what she needed, what she wanted. It took me a long time to realize he couldn’t be those things. That no one could fill up the emptiness in her.”

  “Reed, did you ever think that maybe you set yourself up to fail your mother’s expectations? Not to hurt her, but because that would relieve you of a certain burden?”

  When he had called Mara and asked her to meet him here, it had simply been because he’d wanted to see her. If he’d known it was going to turn out this way… “Maybe. Why do people do that?” he asked, the question spoken so low he wasn’t sure she could hear over the sound of nearby gunfire. It didn’t matter. The question was for himself, not her. “Jack was the cop who arrested me. He called my mother. When she came to the station, and after he saw Mom’s reaction, I think he understood.”

  “What was it? He took you under his wing.”

  “Forced me there is more like it. I fought that man tooth and nail. Hanging out with a cop was not cool. But—”

  She’d taken his hand. Reed looked down at what she’d done, marveling at the strength in those long, soft, slender fingers. An unbelievable amount of emotional baggage was rolling out of him this evening. Was it because he was living in a world that might blow up in his face, and had visited a man who’d already felt the explosion? Or was there something about Mara Curtis that made confession necessary?

  He didn’t know. Damn it, he didn’t know.

  “Your parents? Where are they?”

  “Divorced.” Mara rubbed the back of his hand, distracting him. He wanted to pull away. He wanted to spend the rest of the night feeling her soft and unsettling impact. “It was my father’s idea. I don’t think Mom would have done anything to disturb the status quo, no matter how bad it got. He’s remarried. I’ve never met the woman.”

&
nbsp; “And your mother?”

  “She lives with her sister. She works for an auto dealership, in their office. Filling in the blanks on contracts, balancing books. There isn’t much pressure and the salesmen spoil her.”

  “A safe job.”

  “Yeah. A safe job,” Reed repeated. “Work. Going to garage sales on weekends. Watching TV. And telling people about her son, the investigator.”

  “She’s proud of you, is she?” Mara asked, still touching, still making him aware of very little except her.

  “I guess. She doesn’t really understand what I do, and I’m not going to tell her.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why? She’d worry.”

  Mara’s fingers stopped. She tried to will them to begin moving again, but it was too much of an effort. Reed believed it was sometimes necessary to keep certain things from people to protect them. How would he feel if, weeks from now, she told him about having the police out to her place and throwing away a perfectly good purse? She should tell him now. Lay herself open as he’d done. “You said Jack might retire,” she said instead. “What’s he going to do then?”

  “I don’t think he knows.”

  And if you lose Jack, it’ll just be you. “You’ll miss working with him.”

  “He might change his mind.”

  “I don’t think so, Reed.”

  “You don’t know him.”

  “No. I don’t.”

  They were supposed to be joining those who were concentrating on cardboard targets. She had no right taking up his time this way, not when he obviously didn’t want to face the possibility she’d posed, and it was none of her business. Mara released Reed’s hand and reached for the pistol. He shoved himself to his feet and explained that when they reached the range they’d have to wear earplugs, and conversation would be all but impossible. He demonstrated how to hold the weapon in both hands. His orders were brisk and impersonal, and she wondered if, like her, he hadn’t been able to leave the memory of their conversation behind.

  Mara might never be capable of working past her fear, but an hour later she’d gone through a box of bullets and could consistently hit the target. Her wrist ached and her sight was blurry from staring, but she didn’t mind. She’d done what was, for her, necessary.

  After repacking the gun, Reed leaned close and spoke into her ear. “Mara, I can’t stay long.”

  She started. “Long enough to eat?”

  “Yeah. I think I’d better. There might be some serious drinking later.”

  They walked back to Mara’s car, and Reed put the pistol away while she got out the dinner things. To the left of the parking lot was a small grassy area shielded by a half-dozen trees. They sat cross-legged on the well-maintained lawn, and Mara poured ice tea. “Who?” she asked.

  “Who what?”

  “Who are you going to do this drinking with?”

  “Those characters from Alice in Wonderland. Some so intelligent it scares me. Others who can’t think their way out of a paper bag.”

  Mara plucked a grass blade and with her fingernail slit it in two. “What scares you about them?” she forced herself to ask.

  “The places their minds take them. If there’s a chance they can make money from it, they’ll explore any possibility. No matter how bizarre or dangerous.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Reed’s reply was interrupted by the loud arrival of a couple of boys who immediately dropped to their knees and started wrestling on the grass. For a minute Reed and Mara ate in silence, watching, listening to other people’s laughter. Mara wasn’t sure Reed was going to answer her, or if she wanted to hear any more.

  “I’m not sure I understand, either,” he finally said. “But I have to try. I feel better about you now. Just knowing you can handle that pistol…”

  Mara didn’t want to talk about weapons or men with dangerous intellects. If she and Reed were normal, everyday people, they’d be laughing at the boys’ antics. But there wasn’t any laughter in her.

  It was getting dark and he had to leave. He hadn’t said when or if they’d see each other again.

  “I guess we’re done,” Reed said.

  “I guess we are. Thanks again.”

  Reed stood first. Mara scrambled to her feet and held the box she’d carried the meal in close to her as a buffer between them. Turning her back on Reed, she walked toward the parking lot. She felt him behind her. Did he want to kiss her goodbye?

  “Where’s your Corvette?”

  Mara opened the door to the loaner car, dropped her burden in the back seat and stepped back from the car. Reed was standing too close. “Home. I felt like taking this one.”

  “Did you?”

  “Yes. Just because you’re suspicious of those men is no reason to question everything anyone does.”

  “You aren’t anyone, Mara.” Reed placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward him. He thought she might pull away. He wouldn’t blame her if she did, but she didn’t. He breathed in what aromas were left of her day in the sun, felt the shaky lifting of his own chest. He watched her do the same. With that breath, Reed pushed aside the unease that had come from seeing her in the wrong car. She looked up at him, not smiling. Not drawing away. After a moment she flicked her tongue over her upper lip and left her lips slightly parted.

  Reed accepted her invitation.

  Her lips were soft. He found the trace of moisture left behind by her tongue and drew it into him. Somehow they’d come together slightly off balance so that his lips closed over her upper lip. Sucking a little, he drew that in, too. He felt her quiver.

  “Reed…” The word was a feather floating over and around him. What, he wanted to say… What…

  Again. “Reed.”

  Like a man reaching for the sunset, Reed touched his tongue lightly to her lips, taunting and teasing.

  Mara unnerved him. This woman with her haunting whisper was beyond his understanding. Beyond his control. And yet the only thing Reed wanted in life was to explore the emotions she roused in him.

  Her share of the kiss had begun gently, but now he felt her reaching out. Her fingers dug into the back of his neck, not painfully, not something he could dismiss. She arched her body toward him. The raw embrace lasted only a moment, but it was long enough for his body to respond.

  He caught her to him, molding them together once again. He heard her deep and quick breath, felt her begin to tremble. Then, when he’d begun to damn their surroundings, she drew away like a wild creature who has remembered the need for caution.

  Reed didn’t try to go after her, didn’t attempt to draw her back again. He let her go. He could hear himself breathing hard. It was the sound of a man dancing a dangerous dance.

  “I…have to go,” he made himself say.

  “Go?”

  She blinked, bright eyes capturing the reds and rusts of the dying day. Reed felt the weight of her absence in his arms. He needed to reach out again. Needed a great deal more than the little he’d taken of her. Otherwise, how could he get through the night? “But I’ll call. Whenever I can.”

  Reed’s promise comforted Mara on her way home. The support of his words lasted until she came around the final turn and her headlights picked up the silhouette of a dark car parked in front of her mobile home. For a moment not enough registered. She’d been thinking of Reed standing, simply standing, while she drove away from him. But Lobo was crouched beside the door of that dark and unfamiliar car. Mara slowed, her heart beating a tempo that froze her where she was until she saw the domed light on top of the other vehicle. Still, Mara didn’t trust her first look. She waited until she was close enough to make out the uniformed man sitting inside and then willed her heart to return to its usual pace. She pulled up next to the car, cut the engine and slowly got out. She spoke soothingly to Lobo, easing him under her control. Lobo continued to growl.

  If this was about her parents…

  If it was about her kidnapper…

  At l
east she knew it wasn’t about Reed. She’d just left him.

  A beefy policeman with a receding hairline got out. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “That dog of yours wasn’t going to let me move.”

  Mara kept her hand on Lobo’s head. “I don’t like to chain him up.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. I figured if I wanted to keep my leg, I’d better stay where I was. I didn’t know how I was going to leave you a note.”

  “A note? What about?”

  “Maybe nothing.” The man came closer but not so close that Lobo would be forced to take action to protect his mistress. “I came by a couple of hours ago. Then—well, for once things were kinda slow, so I came back again. The first time your dog simply looked at me with this ‘I dare you’ look. But when I showed up this time he came running over, growling and showing his fangs.”

  “He did?” That was unusual. Trying to judge Lobo’s mood, Mara kept her hand on his head.

  “How long have you been gone?”

  “A couple of hours,” Mara said while her heart slipped through a beat.

  “Would you mind if I looked around?”

  Mara would have minded if the policeman didn’t. While he went back to his car for his flashlight, Mara took Lobo over to his seldom-used doghouse and filled his bowl with fresh water. Lobo drank deeply and then raised his head, his eyes glittering.

  The policeman didn’t find anything around the grounds or in the house. Because of the amount of traffic in and out of her property, it was impossible to tell whether any of the tracks on the gravel drive were fresh. “I don’t know. Maybe some kids wandered out here and he chased them off.”

  “Maybe. Will you be back tonight?”

  “I’m planning on it.”

  Mara waited outside until the patrol car could no longer be heard. Then she picked up the gun and forced herself to carry it into the house. She was grateful the policeman had left some lights on, but that didn’t stop her from hitting two more switches until every room was lit. After taking the gun into the bedroom, she turned on the radio and then, although there was nothing worth watching on TV, she turned that on as well.