Shudder

by V. J. Chambers

  “You will,” I said.

  “Are you gonna do it?” she said. “Because you and fuckwad Jason haven’t really accomplished much since you got here, have you?”

  “You will not spend your life in here,” I said to her. “I promise you that.”

  “You can’t promise anything,” she said. She picked up her tray and shut the door in my face.

  * * *

  When Jason and I were in the shower later, I whispered, “We’ve got to step this up. We have to get out of here. And we can’t leave the other people behind.”

  “I agree,” Jason replied in a low voice. “But I haven’t gotten any other ideas.”

  “We need to think ,” I said.

  “All I do is think.”

  “And you’ve got nothing?”

  “Well, I was thinking about the cameras. About a way to get one room with no cameras. That way we could have privacy to talk to everyone.”

  “How?”

  “When they fixed the cameras before, they knocked us out, right? But they didn’t leave us in the main room where we were. They moved us back to our rooms. Why do you think that was?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “To be able to lock us in?”

  “But if we’re sedated, why lock us in?”

  I thought about it. “I was locked in for over an hour. I guess I woke up before they were finished.”

  “Right,” he said. “They had to move us someplace in case we woke up before they were done. But what if there wasn’t anywhere to move us? What if all of the rooms had camera damage, and wherever they put us, there would be one room they couldn’t fix?”

  I nodded excitedly. “That might work.” I considered. “But how do we do that?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “There are too many cameras and not enough of us. They’d gas us before we ever got enough of the cameras down. Not to mention that there’d be no way to communicate this to everyone else without giving it away.”

  I sighed. “We can’t very well all pile in the shower, can we?”

  “No.” But he grinned, as if the thought amused him.

  I racked my brain, wishing I could come up with something else.

  Jason pushed me up against the wall of the shower and pressed himself against me. “You know, I bet they really can’t see anything through the fogged-up glass.”

  I giggled nervously. “Jason, come on.” I wriggled away from him, but I had to admit the sensation of his wet skin on mine was making me feel a little... It was odd for him to be doing this. We’d been here for almost a week, and we’d been naked together in the shower tons of times, but neither of us had made any advances toward each other. Personally, I felt way too nervous and freaked out to be thinking about sex. I had assumed Jason felt the same way.

  He kissed my neck. “It could be kind of kinky in a sort of voyeuristic way.”

  I pushed him. “No. It’s too weird.”

  “You got it on with me outside on those steps in D.C.,” he said, his hands moving against my body. “Anyone could have walked by.”

  I gasped a little. “It was dark.” I stepped away from him. “This is different. When we get out of here...”

  “What if we never get out of here?” He put his lips on my ear lobe. He knew that drove me nuts.

  “How can you be thinking about this right now?” I pulled away from his mouth.

  He sighed. “I don’t know. I just... did.”

  “Well, stop.”

  He turned away from me, sticking his head directly under the jets of water.

  “Listen,” I said, “I didn’t really check the end of Jude’s hallway as thoroughly as I could have. I can go back. Maybe I missed something.”

  Jason pulled out from beneath the shower head, his brows knitted. “Why weren’t you thorough?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Jude got weird. He made me feel uncomfortable, and I wanted to get away from him.”

  “What did he do?” Jason’s voice had risen several decibels.

  “Nothing really,” I said. I opened the shower door. “I’ll go check now, okay?” I hopped outside, dripping. I wrapped myself up in a towel.

  Jason shut off the water. “Azazel, you know that the fact you’re ducking out of getting close to me by saying you’re going to go see Jude is not exactly—”

  “No!” I said. “None of that stupid jealousy stuff.” I began to furiously dry myself off. “You know, if you’re that horny or whatever, you have a perfectly good hand.”

  “Seriously?” he said.

  I tugged my jumpsuit back on. My hair was still wet. I turned over and began to rub it with the towel.

  “What’s up with you?” said Jason.

  “Nothing,” I said. But I dashed out of our room as quickly as I could. Maybe I was feeling a little turned on. But it was only because Jason had been coming on to me. If I got away from him, it would go away. And I wanted it to go away, because the last thing I wanted was the creeps who were keeping us locked up here to watch me having sex. The thought was utterly repellent.

  I jogged down our hallway, through the main room, and onto Jude’s wing. It seemed important that I got there as soon as I could.

  Once there, I busied myself with running my hands over the dead end on his wing. I forced myself to concentrate, but snatches of Jason’s naked skin kept running through my mind's eye. He had really gorgeous shoulders. They were big and when I ran my hands over them, my hands seemed so small. I thought about them with droplets of water clinging to him, glistening—

  Dammit.

  Why did Jason have to do that to me?

  Because maybe I was more than a little turned on. Maybe I was a lot turned on. My body was starting to respond in embarrassing ways.

  The wall , I thought at myself. Concentrate on the wall.

  But the thing was, it had been about five years since Jason and I had been able to be physical regularly. We’d had one night together before being in a coma for nine months. It had been quite a while since then. A really long while.

  Thinking of that night made my whole body clench up. Jason was my first lover, and it was like he never did anything wrong. Other guys might have dated some other chick who thought it was great to be pinched or something, and they would try it with me, and I’d have to tell them to do things differently. But I’d sort of trained Jason. He knew everything I liked, and he did it perfectly. And I couldn’t help but think about his hands on me, the way he knew his way to all the places that undid me.

  And I wanted—

  Hey. There was something here. This whole wall. There was a seam. It wasn’t a wall at all. It was a door. This was the way they came in.

  “Zaza?”

  I whirled.

  Jude was standing in the doorway to his room. His voice had a rough edge to it. It made me think of sex, too. Jesus, what was wrong with me? Why was I turning into a complete nympho all of the sudden?

  I gulped. “Jude.”

  “What are you doing down here?” He took a step towards me.

  Wow. Jude was really attractive. I mean, he looked like Jason, and I was in love with Jason, but I’d never really looked at Jude like that before. And he was standing in front of me, all close and everything. “I, uh, was exploring more.”

  I felt this strange urge to get closer to him.

  His adam’s apple bobbed. “You shouldn’t be here right now,” he said gruffly. “You should be with Jason.”

  I shook myself, unable to tear my gaze from him. I couldn’t believe how good he looked. “Why? Is something going on right now?”

  He ran a hand over his face. “Get out of here.”

  “Jude?”

  He backed into his room, but I could tell he was moving away from me with effort. He shut his door.

  Okay. Well, he was right anyway. I needed to tell Jason about what I’d found on Jude’s wing. I headed back towards the main room. I opened the door to see Boone standing inside, sweat pouring from his brow. He’d unzipped his jump
suit, and I could see the planes and angles of his chest.

  It was mesmerizing.

  Good God, Azazel, I thought. Get hold of yourself. He’s a teenager. You’re waay too old for him. And you have a boyfriend.

  Boone looked at the door I’d come out of and then back at me. He raised his eyebrows. “You were in his wing?”

  “I was, um, checking something out.” I rolled my head around on my shoulders. God. I felt so tense. I needed to loosen up. I reached up to rub at my muscles. The touch of my fingers against my skin was explosive. I sucked in breath. “Whoa.”

  Boone zipped up his jumpsuit.

  So I knew it was a little weird to be trailing my own fingers over my cheek, but I didn’t seem to be able to stop. I tangled one hand in my hair, massaging my scalp. “What’s going on, Boone? I feel weird.” I took a step toward him.

  He held up his hands. “No way, lady. Keep your distance. Your boyfriend would murder me.”

  I was running my hands all over myself. I knew it wasn’t appropriate, but I wasn’t stopping either. My body was exploding with sensation, and I was enslaved to it. I couldn’t help it. It felt so good, and I was feeling really out of control. “Boone, is it weird if I want to touch you?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck.” He looked around, swallowing. Then he turned on me, and he growled, “Where the hell is your boyfriend anyway?”

  “In his wing, I guess.”

  He reached out and put his hand on top of my hand, where I was rubbing my jaw. He stepped closer to me. “You should find him,” he choked out.

  The door to Grace’s wing opened.

  I jumped, moving away from Boone.

  “Did they heat up your wing again?” Grace asked.

  Boone turned to look at her, and there was agony all over his face. “Go away, Grace.”

  “You’re all sweaty,” she said. She walked over to him slowly. I could swear she was sashaying her hips.

  Boone’s gaze swept over her body, taking her in all over. Then he wrenched it away, flattening himself against the wall. “Yeah, they cranked the heat. It was hell in there. I had to leave. But go. Get away from me.”

  “My wing is comfortable,” she said.

  “That’s where they want me to go,” said Boone.

  “Maybe I want it too,” said Grace.

  “You’re just a kid.”

  “I’m not,” Grace said. She approached Boone. She reached up and touched his face.

  Boone groaned. He slapped her hand away. “You are.”

  I was still tangling my hands in my hair. I felt like my body was heating up. I thought I was feeling horny before? Ha! It was nothing like this. “What the hell is going on?”

  Boone looked at me. “Aphrodisiacs. They put them in the food randomly. They’re trying to breed us.”

  I stopped moving for a second. They were what? “That’s horrible,” I said.

  “Come to my wing, Boone,” said Grace.

  Boone went to the door of his own wing and rattled the door knob, but it was locked. “Would you get her away from me?” he asked me.

  “I...” I looked at Grace. “You’re trying to get him to, like, do it with you?”

  The door to Jude’s wing burst open. Jude was covered in sweat, just like Boone had been.

  “Motherfucker,” said Jude. “Whole wing’s a sauna.”

  “So, you talk,” said Boone.

  “I talk,” said Jude. His gaze caught mine. I looked into his eyes. They were like Jason’s but different. And Jude was really sweaty, which, for some reason, was totally the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I licked my lips.

  Jude lurched at me.

  “They never did this to you before? Burn you out of your room?” Boone asked.

  “Not in a while,” said Jude. “I’m guessing they didn’t think they could convince me to try anything with Emma.” He was still looking at me. “But you’re here now.”

  “Uh huh,” I said. “But Jason...” I rubbed a hand over my jaw, trailing my fingers down my neck and over my breast. What was going on? I was losing my mind. Jude was standing right there, and he was beautiful, and there was a sheen of sweat all over his dusky skin, and he was intense and male and so damned close.

  And I...

  Jude closed the distance between us, his hands grabbing my hips, crushing me against him.

  I moaned at his closeness.

  “No,” I whispered. “I don’t want...”

  “Jason’s gonna kill me,” said Jude, his mouth coming for mine, his hands roaming over me.

  It felt amazing being close to him. Amazing. But I wasn’t myself right now, and I couldn’t...

  And then Jude wasn’t on me anymore.

  Something had ripped him away, thrown him up against the wall.

  I looked up to see Jason’s face. He was breathing hard, and his hands were clenched in fists. He looked like an avenging demon, like there was an angry beast inside him, trying to claw its way out. And I had never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.

  My body convulsed. A line of burning pleasure connected my breasts to something alive and hungry between my legs. I ran at him, leaping off the ground.

  Jason caught me in midair. He pinned me against him, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. His hand came under my bottom, supporting me.

  I kissed him, and his mouth was liquid, hot pleasure.

  He made a rasping noise in the back of his throat and carried me back into his wing. The door shut after us.

  I heard Boone in the background yelling, “Fuck you both!”

  But I didn’t pay him any attention. I was too busy ripping Jason’s jumpsuit off. I was desperate to get at his skin.

  He tore open my clothes, baring me to my navel. He pushed me up against the wall, my cheek pressed into its cool grayness.

  I gasped.

  His mouth was at my ear. His breath tickled. “You’re mine,” he snarled, peeling my jumpsuit away from my shoulders.

  I twisted to get my lips on his. “Yours,” I agreed.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The morning dinner bell cut into my dreams, wresting me awake. I raised my eyelids with effort. I was lying on the floor in the middle of the hall of the wing, my limbs twined with Jason’s.

  He grunted over me as he moved away.

  I tried to move, and I understood why he’d made the noise. My muscles screamed at me. My body was so sore.

  Jason managed to get himself into a sitting position, resting his back against the wall. He rubbed his forehead.

  I looked up at the cameras. So much for not putting on a show for them. We had. I searched for my jumpsuit, and then spied it, halfway down the hall. I crawled to it. But when I picked it up to put it back on, I realized it was no good. There was a huge tear down the front of it, running parallel to the zipper. I sat there, surveying it.

  “Sorry,” said Jason. “I don’t know what...”

  “Aphrodisiacs in the food,” I mumbled. “Boone says they’re trying to breed us.”

  Jason made a face.

  I clutched the jumpsuit to my chest, trying to shield my nakedness from the cameras.

  We didn’t say anything.

  Jason got up. He fished his jumpsuit off the floor at the other end of the hallway. It was a little bit torn too, but, when he put it on, it covered him well enough. “I’ll get breakfast,” he said and stumbled down the wing.

  Jason returned with two breakfast trays and two new jumpsuits. “These were in the food door with the meal.” He helped me put it on, but I felt violated knowing that whoever was watching us would know I needed one. Maybe they sent them to everyone. I didn’t know.

  His fingers brushed my skin gently. “You’re bruised all over,” he said. “Looks like it’s healing already.”

  I zipped up the jumpsuit, wishing it went all the way up over my neck.

  “Sorry,” he said.

  I put my hand on his cheek. “No. It’s not your fault. Anyway, at the time... I was into
it.”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Me too.” He looked up at the cameras. “If I didn’t feel like we’d been sort of assaulted, I’d say that last night was awesome.”

  I drew in breath sharply. “It was, um, intense.” That was putting it mildly. It had been heated and crazy and animalistic and prolonged. Actually, I felt embarrassed. I’d never done anything like that before. And even though it was Jason, the evening had taken me places I hadn’t even been aware I wanted to go.

  I went and got one of the trays and pulled back the plastic. Bacon and eggs.

  He got his own breakfast.

  We ate in silence, cross-legged on the floor. I let Jason’s last words tumble around in my head, bouncing through my mind. Awesome? “You thought it was awesome.” It wasn’t a question, more like a resignation.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Well, if it hadn’t been forced on us against our will and recorded on like six cameras, then yeah. I mean... you seemed to be having fun too.”

  I pulled my jumpsuit aside to look at one of my bruises. Jason was right. It was healing. I stared at the faint purplish mark on my skin. “You know who used to say you gave her bruises? Lori.”

  “Lori?” He gave me a blank look.

  “You know, your head concubine in Jasontown?” I poked my eggs, but I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry.

  A heavy sigh from Jason. “I thought we weren’t going to do this jealousy thing.”

  I shrugged, still looking at my breakfast instead of him.

  “You know, when I found you last night, you were wrapped in Jude’s arms.”

  “I couldn’t—”

  “I know,” he said. “But it’s not an image I’m likely to ever get out of my head, whether it was your fault or not.”

  “It’s not about jealousy,” I said. I looked up at him. “Is that how you... like it? Would you rather be having really rough sex all the time?”

  His eyes widened. Then he became deliberately interested in his bacon. “No.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I said.

  “Jesus, Azazel.”

  “Is that the way you got it on with all those girls in Jasontown? Why Lori said she was relieved I was sharing the ‘burden’ of having to fuck you?” My voice was rising.