“She’s in Room 517 in ICU. Take the elevator to the fifth floor, when you get off turn left, and they will help you at that desk. Good luck.” She gives us a sympathetic smile this time and Cooper just nods.
“Thank you,” I say while he is pulling me away from the desk toward the elevators. We step inside and he hits the button for the fifth floor causing the doors to close. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. He puts his arms around my shoulders keeping me close. “I love you, cowboy.” He kisses my head.
“I love you too.” We pull apart once the doors open and rush over to the desk. “Mary James,” he says to the nurse sitting at the computer. She looks up and smiles at us.
“Cooper?” A wave of relief washes over me when I realize Mary most have been talking when she got here.
“Yes. How is my mom?” She gets up, walking around the desk toward us.
“Hi, my name is Larni, and I’ve been helping your mom. I’m going to page the doctor to come and talk with you. How about you guys come sit in the waiting area? He’ll be in to speak with you in just a few minutes.” I follow her, but Cooper stands in place.
“I’d like to see my mother. I don’t want to wait around for the doctor in a waiting room; he can talk to me after I see her.” Nurse Larni looks back with that smile still in place.
“If that is what you would rather, I’ll show you to her room.” He nods and we follow her down a few doors. “Before we go in, I want to warn you she’s not doing great right now. She lost a lot of blood forcing her heart to work much harder. She’s hooked up to several machines, and she has gotten several stitches in each wrist so they are bandaged up. We’ve given her a sedative to get her to relax and sleep. She was not willing to cooperate with the help we are trying to give her. She’s been asleep for a while, so she could wake up soon. Just make sure it is a non-stressful environment she wakes up to.” Cooper looks ill when Larni tells him all of this. He doesn’t say a word, just pushes past her into the room. I give her a forced smile.
“Thank you.” She squeezes my arm.
“It’s going to be a long road sweetie, so be ready for that.” There is nothing I wouldn’t do for Cooper, so those words don’t even phase me. She walks away and I take a deep breath of courage before walking into the room.
The first thing I notice is the smell. I hate the smell of hospitals; it’s a mix of cleaners, medicine, and Band-Aids. I look over at Cooper who is bent over the bed with his arms wrapped around her waist and his head buried in her stomach. I slowly move toward him and that’s when I notice his shoulders shaking. I start to cry and make my way over to him. Mary is hooked up to a few machines and they are beeping. She has an IV in her arm and her wrists are both wrapped in white gauze. She looks incredibly pale, thin, and sick. It is hard to look at her, to be honest. I focus on Cooper, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his back. He begins to cry harder, so I hold him tighter. I’ve never hurt for someone else the way I am hurting for him now. I can actually feel his pain.
Suddenly, he stands up and turns to face me. He holds me so tightly to him that it’s difficult to breathe, but if it helps him even the slightest bit, I’ll take all the shallow breaths necessary. “Emma, what am I going to do? I can’t lose her too, I can’t. It hurts so fucking bad.” He lets out a sob that shakes his huge body. My tears are uncontrollable at this point. Seeing him in this much pain, so helpless, is my breaking point.
“She’s going to be fine. We will see her through this. I’ll be by your side the entire time, I promise you.” I have no idea if she is going to be alright, but I sure as hell wouldn’t tell him that. I will be his strength and care for him just like he’s done for me.
“Excuse me.” Cooper let’s go of me and quickly wipes his eyes with the heels of his hands before turning to face the doctor. “Hi. I’m Dr. Cummings. I’ve been treating your mom. Can we talk somewhere else? I promise not to take up too much of your time with your mom.” Cooper looks at me and I hold his hand.
“Sure,” I say for him.
“Thank you. We are just going down the hall.” He turns to walk out and we follow him. He holds open a door to a small conference room, and he asks us to have a seat. He puts the folder he is holding down on the table and folds his hands on top of it. Cooper still has a hold of my hand, and I hope it is giving him some comfort. “Thank you both. You must be Cooper.” He just nods. Dr. Cummings looks at me next.
“I’m Emma, Cooper’s girlfriend.” His eyes get wide for a second before he clears his throat, looking back to Cooper. What the hell was that? He looks at me again and smiles.
“Nice to meet you, Emma. Cooper, I want to make you aware that normally we only give information to immediate family. If you want Emma to stay, that is your decision, but I want to make you aware that things I’m going to say may be difficult to hear.” Well, obviously it will be difficult to hear, and that’s why I should stay. What a tool this doctor is. Cooper looks over at me.
“I’m staying. I told you I’ll be by your side the entire time.” He looks a bit relieved and looks back over at the doctor.
“I’d like Emma to be here.” He just shakes his head and opens the folder in front of him.
“Like I said, that is your decision. I’m going to be blunt with you, Cooper; your mom is in serious condition right now. When she was brought in, she had been bleeding for a while. Thankfully, someone went to check on her and found her when they did. If it had been just a little longer, you would have lost her already.” I’m listening to the doctor but looking at Cooper. He’s got a mix of emotions flashing across his face--pain, sadness, regret. He’s going to blame himself; I can see it already. I squeeze his hand reassuring him I’m here. He squeezes back, which makes me feel a bit better. “Her heart rate and pulse were almost nonexistent when she arrived. We had to work quickly to get her heart rate back up. Once we were able to do that, she went into cardiac arrest. It was a lot on her heart. However, she did finally open her eyes and speak to me. She actually became extremely mad that I had saved her.” He looks at me with sympathy, and I lower my eyebrows confused as to why he would look at me like this. “She told me she wanted to go be with your father.” Cooper lets the tears roll down his face, and I want to climb into his lap and comfort him. “That’s not all. She said that you chose Emma over her and there was no point in saving her life. She said that Emma took you away and she has no one any more. She tried to rip the stitches out of her wrists, and that’s when we had to give her the sedative.” Holy fuck. I feel like the wind got knocked out of me. She did this because of me. She really believes I’m stealing Cooper from her. I think there is more going on with her then just dealing with the loss of her husband. She’s a very sick woman and she needs professional help. “She left a note for you. I’ll give it to you, but please read it when you’re ready.” He hands Cooper a note that has dried blood on it. “As for now, we are going to keep monitoring her heart. When she wakes up I must tell you, if she tries to hurt herself again, I’ve given the nurses orders to sedate her again. When she is strong enough, the psychologist will be in to talk with you and her. In my professional opinion, I believe she will need to be in a psychiatric hospital after this.” Cooper drops my hand and stands so quickly his chair falls back.
“My mother is not crazy. She is depressed. My father died only four years ago and she has struggled with it greatly. When she leaves this hospital, it will be to come home with me.” Fuck.
“Cooper, relax. Let’s just worry about right now.” He turns his now angry eyes at me.
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do, Emma. She’s here because of you. I should never have left this weekend. I should have been here for her. Instead, I was trying to fucking make sure we were alright. Now look, she almost died and it’s because of you.” Holy shit, if I thought I had the wind knocked out of me before that was nothing compared to this. I cover my mouth to hold back the cry that wants to come out; I can’t, however, hold back my tears.
“I am not your fucking son.” He kicks the chair out of his way and leaves, slamming the door behind him. It’s a struggle to breathe right now as I’m crying so hard. I can’t believe this is the same man that just hours ago was leaving love bites on my breasts, fucking me raw, and telling me I’m his.
“Emma?” I look over at the doctor and he hands me a tissue. “I think the best thing to do for tonight is to go home. This is a lot for Cooper to handle right now, and honestly, he needs to be here and if you not being here is going to help the situation, I think it’s best. I’m sorry.” My stomach churns and I feel the bile in my throat. I rush over to the garbage can and vomit. It’s all too much to handle. I sit on the floor by the trash for a bit until Nurse Larni comes in with a glass of water. She rubs my back, causing the tears to begin to fall again.
“Sweetie, I told you it was going to be a long road. Just be there for him when he’s ready. Now drink some of this water.” I reach a shaking hand out and take the cup from her, drinking the entire thing to get the horrible taste out of my mouth. I slowly start to stand and Dr. Cummings and Nurse Larni help me to a chair. “Emma, do you have someone you can call for a ride home?” I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone.
“Yes,” I croak out. I pull up Rowan’s number and press call.
“Well, hello. How was your weekend? You pregnant yet?” She laughs but it makes me cry harder. “Holy shit, what’s wrong?” I take a few deep breaths to compose myself.
“I’ll fill you in later. Can you pick me up at the hospital? I’ll be out front.” I can hear her grab her keys and slam her front door.
“I’m on my way. Are you hurt?”
“Not the way you’re thinking.” I begin to sob, unable to control it at this point.
“I’m on my way, Em. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Hang on just a little longer.” The sweet way she is with me makes me ache for Cooper. Not the man he was a half hour ago, but the man I fell in love with. “Em, I’m almost there.”
“Okay. I need to hang up. I’ll see you in a few.” I stand up and notice Dr. Cummings left, but Nurse Larni is still here. “My best friend is almost here.” She stands up and gives me a hug.
“Take care sweetie.” Complete strangers are nicer to me then my own boyfriend. I make my way out of the conference room, trying to keep myself together. I don’t want to make a scene in the hospital. I make it to the elevator and step in. I keep swallowing to hold my cries in, because when I rode up in this elevator, it was in Cooper’s arms. The door opens and I rush out of the hospital to wait for Rowan.
I’VE BEEN CRYING, SITTING HERE with my mom. I haven’t cried since my father died. I hadn’t experienced pain like that since. This, it is just as bad. Not only am I at the risk of losing my mom, but I think I may have already lost Emma. I exploded when the doctor told me what happened with my mom. I can’t handle the fact that she is lying here because of me, because of Emma. I wasn’t here when she needed me and this is what happened. She’d rather die than face the fact that I’m with Emma. I’m so fucking torn right now. I love Emma more than anything, but how can I jeopardize my mom like this? I don’t even know where Emma went; I’m guessing she went home. It’s best that she did, because when my mom wakes up I sure as hell don’t want her to see Emma in her hospital room.
I check the clock for the tenth time in fifteen minutes. When the fuck is she going to wake up? As if she can hear my thoughts, she starts to open her eyes. I rush over to her. “Mom? I’m right here; I’m not going anywhere.” She opens her eyes fully and looks up at me.
“Cooper?” I go to hold her hand but she yanks it away. Shit, it probably hurts.
“Yea, Mom. I’m here. How are you feeling?” She tries to sit up, but the bed is lying flat. I press the button to lift the back of the bed slightly. She looks over at me and smiles.
“Better now that you are here. I just wanted to see your dad, but the doctors wouldn’t let me go.” Damn it. She needs me more than ever.
“Well, I’m glad they didn’t let you, Mom. I want you here with me.” I kiss her forehead and she smiles at me.
“What about Emma? She wants to take you away from me. If you are going to be with her, I might as well finish what I started.” I close my eyes realizing I’m going to have to make a choice here. As much as I don’t want to lose Emma, if I stay with her, I will lose my mom, permanently. With my heart broken into a million pieces that will never be put back together, I force a smile.
“No, Mom. I’m not going to be with Emma anymore.” She gives me a huge smile. We talk for a while before the doctor comes in to check on her. He said that her heart looks good, but he wants to keep her in ICU for the night just to make sure. He said tomorrow she will be moved to a different floor. The relief I feel is enormous. The doctor said he’d like her to get some rest, so after about a half-hour I head home, promising to be back first thing in the morning.
Once I get home, I carry in all of the bags from the weekend, including Emma’s guitar and mine. It hurts more than I thought possible, but I can’t do it to my mom. She needs me; I’m all she has. I don’t even get a chance to sit down, and there is a knock on my door. I open it and Levi is standing there with a pizza. “Hey man. I figured you and Emma probably didn’t eat so I brought you guys some pizza.” He walks into the kitchen and I want to fucking punch a hole in my chest to rip out my heart. It would be less painful than this. “How’s your mom?” I walk into the kitchen and take two plates out of the cabinet. I grab some pizza for us both and we stand eating in the kitchen.
“Mom is doing better. The doctor said she should be able to move to a different floor tomorrow. I don’t think I’m going to be able to be with Emma anymore. It’s what caused all this.” He shakes his head finishing off his pizza.
“Coop, we’ve been friends for a long fucking time. I’ve seen you at your worst and at your best. Emma was your best. I know why your mom says she did it, but honestly, man, I think she did it so this exact thing would happen.” I go to interrupt him because he is fucking pissing me off, but he won’t allow it. “Just fucking listen to me. After your dad died, you and your mom hit rock bottom. You climbed out, and she never did. She may have good days, but she’s still at the bottom, man. I don’t even think at this point her episodes are because of your dad; I think she’s got a lot of problems and when you aren’t around she shows up. I know you never noticed it, but I have. Whenever you have something good going on, she suddenly has an episode.” I’m beyond furious with him. I can’t remember a time I wanted to punch him, but right now I want to punch him right in his mouth for what he said.
“Levi, get the fuck out of my apartment. You have no idea what you are talking about. My mom is depressed from losing her husband, the love of her life. She needs me and I sure as fuck won’t let her down.” He shakes his head at me.
“Coop, I’m just being honest with you. If you want to lose the best thing that ever happened to you, the love of your life, well, maybe I’ll be taking care of you when you get episodes later in life when your mom is gone.” This time I don’t hold back. I punch him right in his jaw.
“Fuck you, Levi. Get out. NOW!” He walks to the door holding his jaw and opens it. He turns around to look at me.
“Don’t deny your mom the help she needs so that you can keep on believing everything is fine. When the doctors want to put her in the psychiatric hospital, fucking do it. As for Emma, I hope like hell that she is able to find a real man to take care of her.” Just as I push off the counter to go after him, he slams the door. What a fucking asshole. I can’t believe he would come here and talk such a load of shit to me. Who the fuck does he think he is? I know my mom needs help, but she doesn’t need to be in a fucking psychiatric hospital. She needs me. As for Emma, the thought of her with a
nother man makes me see red. I will fucking kill someone before they touch what is mine. “FUCK!” I punch the cabinet so hard that it makes my knuckles bleed. She’s not mine anymore.
I wake up the next morning with a headache and a fucking sore hand. I take a quick shower before I head to the hospital. I stop to grab a coffee and bagel on my way. I haven’t stopped thinking about everything that happened last night with Levi. He’s got my mind all fucked up and my heart hurting worse. It’s becoming more than I can handle, but I’ve got no choice. I need to be with my mom and get back to the bar for opening. I’ve pushed off my responsibilities on Roy too long as it is.
I get up to ICU and head straight to my mom’s room. When I walk in, she is laughing with the nurse. It makes me smile for the first time. “Cooper.” I go over to give her a kiss.
“Morning, Mom. How are you feeling?” She rolls her eyes and looks at the nurse before looking back at me.
“I’m fine. I think I should be able to go home, but they say I need to stay a while yet. I told them everything was fine now that I had you back, but I guess that’s not good enough.” I laugh at her and sit down to eat my bagel.
“Mom, be nice to everyone. They are just trying to help you. We have to make sure you are healthy before you go home.” I finish up my breakfast and we talk about the bar and her favorite TV shows. After about an hour, the doctor comes in.
“Good morning.” He pulls up a chair to sit down and I raise my eyebrows at him. “I want to talk to the both of you about a few things. First of all Mary, all your tests came back great. Your heart has no damage done and you are extremely lucky for that. Normally, it is much worse. Your wrists will heal and the stitches will need to be removed in two weeks. Any questions so far?” He looks from my mom to me and I shake my head. Why the fuck would I have questions? This is all great news. “Alright, we need to talk about a few more things.” Just then another doctor and two nurses come into the room. “This is my colleague, Dr. Leppin, and this is Nurse Becky and Nurse Tina. I’ve discussed your case with them, and they are here to do a few tests before we continue. Alright?” What the fuck is this? I’m starting to get a bad feeling about all this.
Dancing Hearts Page 18
