Knocked Down

by Nikki Ash

  “Griffin.”

  “Here’s your phone.” He drops the phone on the chair in front of me along with the box of condoms I had put in my purse. “Wanna tell me why the fuck you have a box of condoms in your purse when we don’t use them?”

  His dark blue eyes are glaring at me, and even in the darkness of the night, I can see the hurt and anger marring his features. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

  “Ava, I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. So, what’s going on?” His voice is softer now, only hurt evident in his question. He sits down on the chair between my open legs, facing me. “Talk to me.”

  “I went to the gynecologist today…” I rub my hands up and down the tops of my thighs suddenly nervous. When I picked them up, I didn’t consider the fact I would have to explain myself. “She had to give me a complete work up because we’re having unprotected sex. It made me think…I know you said you wouldn’t cheat on me, but what if something happens and you do before you are able to break things off with me? If we’re using protection, I won’t have to worry about catching any STDs.” I avert my eyes to the fountain in the middle of the pond, not wanting to see the look on Griffin’s face.

  “Are you fucking serious?” He grabs my chin, demanding I look at him. “I can’t keep doing this with you.” He shakes his head. “Jesus, Ava. You’re the damn prosecution, judge, and jury all rolled into one, and there’s not even a goddamned trial. You’ve already found me guilty.”

  “No…it’s not that. I just think it’s better to be on the safe side. You weren’t the one who had to tell the doctor, twice, you’d been cheated on.”

  “Ava, I don’t want anyone but you. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I didn’t like the way things ended on Easter.”

  “When we agreed to have fun?” I clarify.

  Griffin takes a deep breath then releases it slowly. “I didn’t agree to that. That was all you. That entire conversation was one-sided. I don’t want that at all. I want the commitment. I want to hold your hand and kiss you whenever and wherever I want. I want to go to bed with you and wake up with you. I want to spend every day with you.”

  “We do that.”

  “Only when my son isn’t around. I’m tired of you leaving before the sun comes up like you’re my dirty little secret. Because that’s not what you are. You, Ava Milano, are my everything.” His words squeeze at my chest because that’s exactly how I feel about Griffin and his son. My breathing picks up, my nerves frazzled. His words are everything I’ve wished for and nothing I want all at the same time.

  “Every time you sneak out, you’re cheapening what we have. I’m not a man who brings women around my son. As a matter of fact, I never bring women around him. But it’s different with you. I want him to see us together. Watching you with him tonight”—Griffin’s strong hands take mine—“you’ve become a significant part of our life. I want him to see me happy and in love. I want him to know what that looks like. But more importantly, I want it to be with you.”

  “I can’t.” I look down at our hands, at our fingers entwined. “I hear what you’re saying but I don’t want any of that. I’m sorry.”

  Griffin nods slowly in understanding. “Then I think it’s best we end things.” I hate this. I hate what he’s saying, but I get it. It’s not fair to string him along knowing he wants more than I can give him. More than I can give his son.

  “I understand,” I say, quietly. I squeeze his hand and it hits me, this is it…this is the end. The last time I’ll touch his hand. “Would it be okay if I still saw Levi?”

  Griffin’s jaw clenches and his eyes squeeze shut, but he nods. Clutching my cell phone in my hand, I get up from the chair and walk toward the door. “I’m sorry, Griffin.”

  “Yep.” Grabbing my purse, I see myself out. Once I’m home, I remember my phone had been ringing. Seeing I have several missed calls from my mom, I call her back.

  “Ava,” she says, answering on the first ring. “Mi cosita linda.” Her words are watery. She’s been crying.

  “Mami, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s your dad. He had a heart attack.” My hand flies to my mouth, and my heart feels like it’s about to explode.

  “Is he okay, Mami?”

  “We don’t know. We’re at the hospital.” I’m about to run out the door when Maverick makes himself known. Shit! I can’t bring him to the hospital.

  “Okay, I’m on my way.” I know what I’m about to ask Griffin is completely unfair, but I’m too worried about getting to my father. I clip on Maverick’s leash and run over to Griffin’s place.

  “Ava?” he asks when he opens the door. His tone sounds confused mixed with a tinge of hope and I feel like the worst person in the world.

  “Can you watch Maverick?”

  He cuts me off before I can explain why. “Are you serious?”

  “My dad had a heart attack. I need to go to the hospital and I can’t bring him.” Once he processes what I’ve said, he grabs Maverick’s leash.

  “Of course, I’m sorry. If you need anything…”

  “I know. Thank you.” I raise up on my tiptoes and give him a kiss on his cheek, immediately pulling back when I remember that’s not who we are anymore. “I’m sorry…I—”

  “It’s okay. Go. Let me know how he is.”

  Twenty-Three

  Griffin

  It’s been four days since I’ve seen Ava. Four days since she chose to walk away from us instead of committing. Four days since her dad had a heart attack and she asked me to take Maverick. I’ve come to a few realizations these last four days. One, Levi and Maverick are inseparable, and I’m almost positive he’s going to resort to kidnapping him before he gives him back—I’d prefer to kidnap Ava because that would mean we get her and her dog. Two, I miss that taco-loving woman like crazy. It’s the longest we’ve gone without spending time together. It’s the longest I’ve gone without touching her and kissing her and holding her, and I don’t like it one bit. And three, my brother is a fucking pain in my ass.

  And to support my third realization, I’m currently sitting in a booth—with said pain in my ass—in my bar along with Lilly and her friend, Holly, who is in town visiting. She’s crashing at their place for the weekend and driving Sean nuts. So, what does he do? He brings her here! Why? Because Levi is spending the night at the Cooper’s with all the kids, and because according to him, he’s worried about me being alone. I call bullshit on the second half. Because as I sit here and listen to the ditsy blonde go on and on about how embarrassed she was to be caught wearing last year’s boots, I know my brother just needed the moral support to get him through this dinner. Worried about me, my ass!

  I’ve gotten so good at blocking the woman’s voice out in the last hour and a half, I don’t hear my name being called, but when I hear Lilly say, “Hey Ava,” my head shoots up. And sure enough, standing there is Ava with another guy.

  He has his arm draped over her shoulders and he’s sporting a huge smile of perfectly straight teeth I want to knock the fuck out.

  “I heard about your dad,” Lilly says. “Is he okay?” Ava nods and shoots a glance my way before looking back at Lilly.

  “Yes, he’s stable now. The doctor expects him to make a full recovery. He’ll need to start eating better but my mom will make sure he does.” She smiles but it’s forced. The guy she’s with pulls her into his chest and gives her a quick kiss to her temple, and it takes everything in me not to stand up and throw the fucker out of my restaurant. And what the fuck! Of all places, she comes to eat at my restaurant with another guy.

  “Would you like to join us?” Lilly asks and Ava shakes her head no, refusing to look my way.

  “No, thank you. I actually just came by to let you know I’m home now, and whenever you get home, I can get Maverick from you. Thank you for watching him.” The entire time she speaks to me she’s looking past me.

  “No problem,” are the only words I can force out of my mouth.

/>   “Okay, well we better go.” Ava says goodbye and the fucker she’s with gives us a slight wave.

  Once she’s gone, Sean and Lilly stare at me, unsure what to say. Because really? What the hell is there to say?

  “I need to get out of here.”

  They both nod in understanding and I take off. I consider going to get Levi, but not wanting to ruin his night, I decide instead to head home. At least there, I can drink and pass the fuck out.

  When I get to my door, I see Ava and the guy she was with at my restaurant standing in her doorway. He gives her a quick hug and tells her to lock the door behind him. She agrees and closes the door. As he’s walking away, he catches me eavesdropping and stops in front of me, putting his hand out to shake mine.

  “We didn’t have a chance to properly meet. My name is Samuel Milano. I’m Ava’s brother.”

  “Brother,” I say, stunned I got it all wrong.

  “Yeah, brother. The one who’s going to kick your ass if you hurt my sister. Got it?”

  “Yeah, I got it.”

  “Good. I need to get back to my girlfriend. Ava’s tire blew out, and of course she didn’t have a spare in her trunk like she should’ve. I had to leave it parked in the lot.”

  “I can get it taken care of tomorrow. Do you have her keys?”

  Samuel gives me a look of uncertainty but pulls them out of his pocket. “It would help me out since I’m supposed to be heading back to school in the morning, but are you sure the woman you were with tonight won’t mind?” He raises his eyebrows.

  “Excuse me?” I’m not sure I heard him right.

  “The woman you were sitting next to at dinner…”

  “Your sister is the only woman who means anything to me, and if she would stop being so damn difficult and have a little faith in me, we would be together. She’s the only woman I want to be with. That woman you saw me with tonight is a friend of my sister-in-law’s. That’s it.”

  Samuel drops the keys into my hand. “You seem like a good guy. I hope you’re able to knock those walls of hers down, and if you do, I’m sure I’ll see you again.” He pats my shoulder, and with a two-finger salute, he heads down the hallway.

  I watch him walk away and then I’m heading straight for Ava’s door. I knock several times in a row, frustrated as fuck and taking it out on the block of wood. “Is everything—oh,” she says when she realizes it’s me at her door. “It’s you.” Her hand goes to her hip, her mouth twisting in angry defiance as she prepares for a fight.

  “Yeah…it’s me. The guy you lead to believe that you were on a date with another man.”

  “I didn’t do anything. Maybe it was your guilt leading you to believe that.”

  “Guilt from what?”

  “Umm…” She taps her pointer finger on her chin, pretending to think. “How about the fact that you were asking me for a commitment four days ago, then when I said no, you couldn’t move on fast enough?”

  This woman has lost her mind. “There you go again!” I shout. “Finding me guilty of shit that isn’t even true! You just assume. You assume I’ll cheat. You assume I’m into ditsy stuck-up chicks. You assume I’m on a date. Stop assuming!” Ava recoils at my loud voice but I don’t care. I’m so pissed and I have so much to fucking say, I can’t stop myself.

  I step closer to her, my body towering over hers. “Don’t you see how jealous you got when you assumed I was on a date? Huh?” I don’t wait for her to respond. “You were jealous because you want me, just like I want you, but you’re stuck on this cheating shit, lumping me in with the little boys you were with. And yes, I say boys, because that’s what they are. A real man doesn’t cheat on a woman. He’s faithful. I’ve been with several women and I know what’s out there, and I know those boys were stupid as fuck to ever let you go. There’s nothing out there that would make me stray from you if I had you, but I can’t make you trust me, and without trust, we have nothing.”

  Ava’s eyes glimmer with unshed tears. “I’m sorry. I just—can I maybe have some time, please?” She looks broken and lost and all I want to do is scoop her up into my arms and kiss and hug her, but I have to respect her wishes.

  “Take all the time you need, sweetheart.” I dip my head down and give her a kiss on her forehead, my lips lingering a few seconds too long, wishing I didn’t have to let her go, but knowing I don’t have a choice.

  Raptaptap! Raptaptap! I hear the same sound several times, my head pounding as I beg it to stop. “Bro, I know you’re in here!” I sit up on my couch where I passed out after drinking all the liquor I have in my place. “Griffin!” Standing up too quickly, my head goes fuzzy and it takes a minute for the room to stop spinning. “Coming!” I yell, making my headache even worse. I open the door, the light from outside forcing my eyes to close.

  “Shit! You look as bad as I feel,” Sean says as he walks past me into my living room.

  “What time is it?”

  “Eleven. Lilly is going to visit her mom. She said she can bring Levi home if you need her to.”

  “Thanks.” I pour myself a drink of water, guzzling it down then refilling it. “I had a little too much to drink last night.”

  “I can see that.” Sean grabs a beer from my fridge that I must’ve missed last night, pops it open, and brings it to the couch with him. He takes a swig of his beer before he slams it down. I don’t bother to ask what’s wrong, knowing he’ll tell me when he’s ready. Sean is the type of guy who needs to sort shit out in his head before he can put it into words.

  Several minutes later he turns toward me, tears brimming his lids. I can’t remember the last time I saw my brother cry. “Bella and Marco announced she’s pregnant again.” Sean swallows thickly. “What if…what if Lilly can’t have a baby because of me? Like, what if it’s God’s way of punishing me for what I did to our old man?”

  “What the fuck, Sean.” I’m shocked and pissed he could ever think something like that. I look into his eyes and see that even though it’s been close to ten years, he still carries the guilt of killing our father. Killing a man who abused our mother, who beat her down—emotionally and physically. A man who put a gun to our mom’s head and threatened to blow her brains out.

  Grabbing the closest thing to me—a ceramic vase Lilly bought for the place—I chuck it across the room. It hits the wall with a loud thud, smashing into pieces. “Don’t you ever fucking say that bullshit!” I say harshly to my brother. I hate that he feels this way. I hate that he has to live with the guilt of killing our dad, and on top of that, the guilt that our mom chose to commit suicide not even a year later. He never should’ve been in that position. I should’ve protected him! I should’ve been the one to pull the trigger, not him! But I didn’t. I failed at protecting him. I failed at protecting our mom. Fuck! I failed at protecting Rebekah, the mother of my son.

  Kneeling down in front of Sean, I grab his face. “If God is punishing you for saving our mother, for defending her, for killing an abusive asshole, that’s not a God I want anything to do with. But I don’t believe it. Not for a damn second. I don’t know why you and Lilly haven’t gotten your baby yet, but you will. Somehow, someway, you guys will get your baby. Maybe it’s not biologically. Maybe it’s through adoption. I don’t know. But you will. And once you do, you guys will be the best damn parents. God isn’t punishing you. So stop thinking that shit. Fuck! I should’ve protected you and Mom.”

  “No.” He sniffles. “Don’t go there. I’m sorry. I’m just having a bad time with this. I love her, Griffin. I love her with everything in me and I want to give her everything of me.”

  “You are. You’re giving her, you. You guys will get through this. You hear me? You will get through this.” He nods and I pull him into a hug. “Go get your wife. Plan a vacation before you have to start training hard and spend some time just loving each other.”

  “Thank you, bro. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  We separate and stand, and I walk him to the door. Wh
en I pull it open, Ava is standing there with her hand in the air about to knock. “Oh! I’m sorry.” She darts her gaze between Sean and me. “I heard something crash and I was worried.”

  “Everything’s okay.” I give her the best smile I can muster up, then I give my brother another hug. “Call me later, and tell Lilly I’ll swing by and get Levi myself. Go get her and spend some time together.”

  Sean agrees and says goodbye, and then it’s only Ava and me standing in my doorway.

  “Can we talk?” she asks.

  Twenty-Four

  Ava

  I don’t know what I just walked in on, but it’s obvious Sean and Griffin were both upset and maybe even crying based on Griffin’s red-rimmed eyes. Now may not be a good time to talk to him but I ask anyway.

  “Sure.” He lets me inside. Looking around, I see several empty beer bottles, and on the floor where I heard the crash is a broken vase.

  “What happened?” I turn back toward Griffin.

  “Sean is having a bad time. They’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and it hasn’t happened yet. He’s blaming himself.”

  “Did the doctor say it’s his fault?”

  “No, he thinks it’s not happening because he doesn’t deserve something good to happen to him like having a baby.”

  “Well, that’s ridiculous. Why would he think that?”

  “Growing up, my dad was a mean drunk. He would drink to the point where he would black out, but before he blacked out, he would beat on my mom. Sean and I would try to stop him, and usually we could, by taking the beating for her. When Sean was sixteen and I was eighteen, he walked in on our dad with a gun to our mom’s head. Our dad had lost his mind. He got a shot in but missed and Sean wrestled with him for the gun. He went to take another shot, but Sean moved the gun in time and shot him in the neck, killing him.”

  I hear myself gasp but quickly try to compose myself. “I-I don’t know what to say.” Griffin sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him for me to join him.