Bending Over Backwards

by Samantha Hunter

  Her mother also had asked for a second bowl of her lobster bisque. Her mother had always been strict on monitoring calories, always focused on pleasing her father and fitting in with her fashion-conscious friends.

  Now, she’d gained a little weight, true, but it looked good on her. Especially since the last time Jasmine had seen her, Darla had been painfully thin. And crying. All the time.

  Jasmine hadn’t realized how much she’d missed seeing her mom smile. She’d almost forgotten how nice it was.

  “Thanks, honey. You do too. Can you take some credit for my little girl’s healthy glow, Leo?” her mother asked with a wink in Leo’s direction.

  Jasmine almost laughed at the stunned look on his face, but then he recovered easily, with a smile in her direction.

  “I’d like to think so, but Jasmine is good at taking care of herself.”

  Ouch.

  “Oh, she’s always been like that. Just like her father.” Darla made the comment offhandedly, as if it was a given.

  But Jasmine coughed, choking on the bite of salad she was eating. Conversation came to a halt as she got her breath back and no one had to deliver the Heimlich.

  “I am not like Daddy at all,” she stated when she could, still aghast.

  She didn’t consider herself to be anything like either of her parents. She’d worked to be her own person. What other choice did she have?

  “Oh, you’re only thinking of those later years, but if you knew him when he was younger, and when you were a baby, you’d be able to see I’m right. Both fiercely independent, wanted to do everything themselves. They don’t let people in, not easily. They make you work for it, Leo, let me tell you that. But it was worth it. When I was dating Wallis, sometimes I wondered if we’d make it. It was so hard to get him to open up, to let anyone else share the journey.”

  Leo looked at Jasmine curiously. “I bet he was very single-minded and driven to success,” he added.

  Jasmine felt the heat rise up in her cheeks. He was one to talk.

  “Oh, he was. And unfortunately, as the years went on, I became used to the lifestyle that his drive created for us, but we became even more distant. In that way, I blame myself for what happened. He thought he was doing what was best, but he wasn’t there for us for a long time.” Darla reached across the table to touch Jasmine’s arm.

  Jasmine froze, putting down her fork, unable to take another bite. She didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Leo, with Leo. It was private. Her mother didn’t seem to feel the same way.

  “But now I know that I’d stopped being there for him too. We both abandoned the ship, so to speak, and we both created a horrible situation that caused Jasmine so much suffering. I wasn’t there for you either, honey, when things fell apart. But I can be now. It’s why I showed up unannounced. I knew if I waited for you to invite me, it could be forever, and if I told you I was coming, you’d make some reason it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t blame you for that, but it was time.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom. It’s just been so busy,” she stuttered, wanting to change the subject desperately.

  “I know. You’ve done wonderfully for yourself. This house is beautiful, Jasmine. And all yours. I’m so proud of you. Though having someone to share with is important too.” Darla sent another happy smile in Leo’s direction.

  Jasmine wanted to dive into her soup and hide.

  “So what do you do, Leo?” her mother asked, changing the subject, finally.

  “I was an investment broker in New York, but right now I’m between jobs. Sort of figuring things out.”

  “Really? Well,” Darla said. “Didn’t you like it? The work that is?”

  “From what I can remember, I loved it. I slept, lived and breathed it, but it’s done now. I’m moving on to other things.”

  Jasmine realized too late what was coming next and failed to intercept.

  “Good for you. How I wish Wallis had done that. He was so successful on Wall Street, but you know about how that all ended. It doesn’t go that way for everyone, of course, but a person needs perspective in their lives.”

  Jasmine saw Leo’s confusion for a few seconds about her mother’s assumption, and then saw the realization on his face.

  “Your husband was a stockbroker as well?”

  “Oh, yes. A successful one. He started out young, but he eventually owned his own firm and was at the top of the pile back in the eighties and nineties. But then, well, it all ended, and better not to speak ill of him. He was a good man who went down the wrong path, but it was almost like a sickness, his need to always have more.” Darla sighed sadly. “But what do you mean, from what you remember?”

  Jasmine was unable to breathe, staring at her salad dish, wanting more than anything for this to be a dream. Leo was quiet, too, and she saw him frowning, as if he was thinking through what her mother had told him.

  “Wallis Stanford,” he said under his breath, as if finally putting two and two together.

  Of course he would remember—it had been huge news in the investment world when her father had been accused of insider trading, screwing his investors, and worse. Then there was the suicide, the media. Her mother’s breakdown.

  When she met Leo’s eyes, he stared at her like he knew her soul.

  It rattled her, because maybe he did.

  Then he turned back to her mother, as if remembering she’d asked him a question.

  “There was an office shooting. The trauma caused me to lose most of my memory about everything having to do with my work,” Leo said simply, refocusing on Darla, whose hand went to her throat in surprise at his words.

  “That was you?” she gasped. “I watched that all on the news. So much violence and hatred in the world. I’m so sorry. But your memory has come back? You’re well?”

  “For the most part. There are still some blank spots. Maybe they’ll come back in time, maybe not.”

  “What a terrible thing to go through. How did you happen to end up here?”

  “I needed to get away and reassess things. And I met Jasmine. She was helping me with my physical therapy.”

  Jasmine felt like she could feel the sexual undertone in his words, though it was probably only her.

  “Well, I guess that goes to show how even the bad things can help us get to something better.”

  “No. Bad things are just bad,” Jasmine interrupted harshly. “What happened to Leo can never be seen as a good thing. Why try to spin it? We’re not lucky. What happened to us is not a good thing—we’re all survivors, that’s all.”

  Her mother looked shocked by her outburst.

  “Jasmine, that’s everything.”

  Her mother’s quiet, intense words shook her, and Jasmine stood abruptly. “I have to get the roast before it burns.”

  In the kitchen, she stood by the counter, gripping it with both hands, shaking from head to toe.

  “Do you need some help?” Leo asked softly from behind her, and she figured he wasn’t talking about the casserole.

  “How dare she bring all of this up now?”

  “It sounds like she’s learned from hard experience, fought her way back like you have, and she’s trying to reconnect with you. You’re right. You both survived, and part of that is moving on.”

  Jasmine swallowed hard, shaking her head. Her eyes burned, to her humiliation. She was happy to see her mother, but scared to death that none of this was real.

  This woman at her dinner table wasn’t the mother she had grown up with—not the status-seeking missile that had crashed and burned when her father left them alone. The pathetic, weak-willed woman who had abandoned Jasmine to deal with the aftermath of their lives.

  At least Leo didn’t know what had come after—that for a while Jasmine had gone a little wild, had done some questionable things, including screwing every rich guy she met, hoping to get back what she had. Until she realized it was all gone, and she’d never get it back. That’s when she’d come here. That was when her life had st
arted again.

  She didn’t want him to know about that. She’d done some pretty reckless, unadmirable things in those days.

  “I’m sorry about what happened with your father. I was getting out of college then, but I remember it. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you,” Leo said, putting his hand on her back, rubbing lightly.

  Jasmine stiffened. “No, you can’t. But maybe it helps you understand why I’m not about to put my life, my future, in anyone’s hands ever again. When he died, he left us with the mess—me, really—because Mom escaped into a nervous breakdown.” It all came tumbling out. “I made my way back on my own. By myself.”

  Leo nodded and then looked at the roast on the counter.

  “Why don’t you let me bring that in? You take a few minutes to relax, and we can talk later?”

  She took a deep breath, thankful he wasn’t going to push for more.

  “Thank you.” She didn’t turn around, didn’t look at him, but closed her eyes until she heard him leave the kitchen.

  When she got herself together, she took a breath and returned to the dining room, hoping to be able to get control of the situation and make the rest of dinner more bearable. But when she rejoined her mother, she saw Leo’s chair was empty.

  “Where’s Leo?”

  Her mother watched her through wise eyes—Jasmine never remembered her mother having that particular “mom” kind of look before.

  “He said he had something to take care of, and that he’d see you later. I think he was making polite excuses so that you and I could talk,” her mother said. “This roast looks amazing. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

  “On my own. Like I did everything else.” Jasmine’s tone was bitter. She paused and took a breath. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t called for.”

  “No, it was. And it’s just as well we have some time to finally air it out. I don’t blame you for resenting me, honey, but I hope we can find a new way forward. I want that more than anything.” Her voice broke slightly as she gripped Jasmine’s fingers in a tight, desperate hold.

  Jasmine’s head was spinning. Her mother had called her that morning to announce that she was here for a visit, and now it felt like her whole world had turned upside down. She had Leo to deal with, and the vandalism at the store, and it was all too much.

  A paradigm shift in her otherwise very routine, stable life.

  But what she knew from her yoga practice was that no one could hold the same position forever. Everything moved, shifted. Balance adjusted. It was the nature of life.

  “I know, Mom. I know. It’s just…a lot.”

  It was the best she could do.

  “Leo was telling me about the store, what happened, when you were getting the soup. I’m so sorry. But it sounds like it’s going to be okay?”

  Jasmine nodded.

  “Well, let me know what I can do to help. And he seems nice. Special. I like the way he looks at you.”

  “It’s a summer thing. He’ll be back in New York before the end of summer, I imagine.”

  “And how do you feel about that?”

  Jasmine was quiet for several minutes. “It’s okay. It’s his life. I knew it was coming.”

  “That doesn’t always mean it’s easy. If you care for him, Jasmine, you can find a way to make it work.”

  “Not with him, Mom.”

  “Why? Because he’s a broker?”

  “It’s not that simple. It’s not only his job, it’s who he is. I won’t let happen to me what happened to you.”

  “Honey, it happened to us both. Thing is, I wasn’t there to help you through it like I should have been, but I am now. I’m only sorry it took me so long. I was so embarrassed. I thought you’d never want to see me again. And I didn’t want to come see you until I could face you with some sense of self-respect. But I may have waited too long?”

  “No. I’m glad to see you. I’m happy you’re here.” Jasmine said the words mechanically, but as she did, she realized she meant them. “I’m glad to see you doing so well, too. I really am fine. I got through it in my own way.”

  “Thank you. But I don’t think you did. You survived, you built a new life, but you haven’t gotten past it. Not by a long shot. Not if you’re still letting what happened with your father determine what happens in your own life. Especially not if you let it keep you from love.”

  “I don’t love Leo.”

  Something whispered in the back of her head that told her she was lying. Or at least she was lying about the possibility.

  “You mean you won’t let yourself.”

  “Maybe,” Jasmine said, sitting back in her chair. “But what about you? You’ve recovered, made yourself whole again. Would you risk it all?”

  Her mother smiled nervously. “Well, that’s the other reason I needed to see you sooner than later. I know I’ve struggled over the last few years, but I haven’t made such progress alone. There was you, and Aunt Maggie, of course.” Maggie was Jasmine’s aunt. Jasmine always liked her, but hadn’t seen her in a long while. “But I…I met a man.”

  Jasmine’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  Her mother smiled, as if unable not to, her eyes sparkling.

  “His name is Peter. He owns a marina in Rhode Island. I met him at one of Maggie’s charity events last year, and we hit it off. He’s different from Wallis, so different. But he’s good to me, and I love him. We’re getting married, Jasmine. I was hoping you’d like to meet him before we do. I hope you’ll like him. Give us your blessing.”

  Her mother was clearly nervous, and Jasmine wasn’t sure she could handle one more shock, but life just kept piling them on.

  “Married?”

  “Yes. Next month. Only family. I was thinking it might be nice if you would be my maid of honor. But if you don’t want to, I completely understand. I know we haven’t had much time to bond over the last few years, and that this must be a lot to put on you all at once.”

  Jasmine wasn’t sure what to say. Her mother had fallen in love and was remarrying a marina owner named Peter. She wanted Jasmine to be in the wedding. It was surreal.

  But she had to say something.

  “I’m…happy for you, Mom. I am. But this is a lot to take in. I’d love to meet Peter, but I need some time to process all of this, if that’s okay. Are you in town for long?”

  “I’m meeting Peter in Nantucket tomorrow for the weekend, and so that he can share the news with his family there. If you like, we can come back, spend another day here so you can meet him, too.”

  Jasmine was suddenly exhausted. She wanted to go crawl into bed and pass out and not think about anything for days. That wasn’t possible, so she agreed to meet her mom and her prospective stepfather after the weekend. After a bit more talk, she hugged her mom good night before heading directly upstairs.

  The dishes could wait until morning, and if the food went bad, so be it. She didn’t really care if raccoons came in and cleaned the whole place out at this point. Have at it.

  But when she got undressed and crawled into bed, her mind wouldn’t stop churning over everything. She twisted and turned in the sheets, unable to sleep.

  Her thoughts went to Leo, and she reached for her phone, then set it down again.

  Why had he left?

  She wanted to call, but was afraid of what doors she was opening if she did.

  He knew about her, her life, her past. And he didn’t even know some of the more ugly bits. He wanted more from her. He’d as much as said so before her mom had showed up. A shiver of desire worked down her spine, remembering how he’d been. Possessive. Insistent.

  But she had no idea what his plans were—for all she knew, he was heading back to Wall Street any day now. He’d quit his job, but that could be reversed in a second. The firm wouldn’t let one of their star brokers walk away, and she knew how persuasive that lifestyle and the money could be.

  Sitting on the side of the bed, she spotted one of his shirts on the dresser
, left behind from a night he’d spent there. She picked it up, held it next to her, inhaling the subtle scent, looking at the phone again.

  She wanted him, but the idea of needing him was hard to accept. He was becoming her comfort, her safety.

  But he wasn’t. Not when she didn’t know—not for sure—that he wouldn’t pull the rug out from under her after she’d given him her heart.

  She wouldn’t call, but she did bring the shirt back to bed and slipped it on to wear as she lay there. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to help her sleep, eventually.

  Chapter Twelve

  Leo kept his distance from Jasmine for a few days. As much as he missed her and wanted her, she didn’t need him pushing her at the moment. Now that he knew what she’d been through and who she was, he had things to consider as well.

  He remembered the news coverage and had gone back to reread the articles. One picture of her at nineteen, leaving the hospital—alone—ripped at him. There was another of her partying too hard with some guy who looked mean, on the cover of a tabloid. Leo could only guess what happened after she’d been left on her own to deal with what her parents had done.

  It was as if she’d been hollowed out, but she seemed ready to tear the reporter who took the photo a new one. So much spirit and so much pain.

  That pain had had years to cure to a hard finish. Her shell. The two people she’d counted on most had not only left her to figure things out on her own, but had made it impossible to do so.

  But she’d done it anyway. As she said, alone.

  He’d lost his mother, but Leo never felt alone. Not like Jasmine must have. When he was younger, his mother had always been there for him, and later, he carried that with him. They’d been a unit. He still felt like she was with him, most of the time, in spirit.

  But maybe, looking back, he had used his work to fill the gap after she’d died. He’d never thought of it that way, but he certainly hadn’t made room in his life for anything else. That would probably still be the case if it hadn’t been for the shooting derailing his life.