Betrayal of the Band

by Sarah Tipton

  Sawyer’s mom stepped into the hall. Her gaze traveled down, and her eyebrows inched up.

  Heat climbed her neck. Zoey hugged her arms around Sawyer’s shirt trying to hide it. This had to look bad. Really bad. Worse-than-what-Chey-thought bad. As if Lexi could think anything worse. But she was a mom. It was worse.

  “Zoey. I didn’t know you were here.”

  “Uh, yeah.” Goody, that sounded intelligent. But she couldn’t exactly say, yeah, been here since about two a.m. That would only support the thoughts registering on Lexi’s face.

  “So...” Awkward silence swallowed Lexi’s word. “You hanging out here for a while?”

  “No. Actually, I need a ride home.”

  “I’m heading for work, but I can drop you off on my way.”

  “Thanks.”

  Lexi knocked on the bathroom door. “I’m leaving for work and giving Zoey a ride home.”

  Zoey walked into the living room missing Sawyer’s response, but it must have satisfied Lexi.

  “C’mon.” Lexi waved her hand toward the door and breezed past.

  Dragging her feet, Zoey followed. Lexi was cool and probably wouldn’t ask any questions, which was why Zoey called Sawyer last night—not that she had any other decent options. But Lexi was still a mom who had just found a girl hanging around her son’s room wearing his clothes.

  Maybe she should’ve attempted walking home.

  In the car, Zoey fastened her seatbelt and waited for Lexi to start driving. But after the engine roared to life, Lexi gripped the steering wheel staring through the windshield for several seconds.

  “OK, what happened?” Lexi twisted to face Zoey, the demand in her voice and eyes. “I know about the kiss, but Sawyer’s been hanging out with Chey and you’re Justin’s girlfriend, so what’s going on?”

  Something blazed inside Zoey’s chest. Had someone tattooed “Justin’s girlfriend” on her forehead? They’d broken up! She was just Zoey. “Nothing happened. I got into trouble last night and needed someone to...rescue me.”

  “What kind of trouble?”

  She ducked to avoid Lexi’s hard stare.

  “Look, I can see it in your face, and the fact you came here last night instead of going home.” Lexi let out a sigh. “Drinking, drugs, whatever it was, I’ve lived it.”

  She peeked around her curtain of hair. A parent admitting to those things?

  “I wasn’t in a band—Sawyer got his talent from his dad—but I met Toby Sawyer at a club where his band was playing. I know what that culture can be like.” Lexi’s voice faded and then returned stronger. “But you and Justin, you’ve always been good kids and a good influence on Sawyer. I don’t want him—or you—to lose that by getting into trouble. My kind of trouble. Understand?”

  She nodded. Yeah, she understood all right, but it was a little too late. She’d already lost Justin and her “good kid” status. Her heart shattered again. How many times could a heart break?

  “But if you do need rescuing again, don’t hesitate to call Sawyer or me, OK?” Lexi pulled away from the curb.

  What would she need rescuing from? No band. No friends. No future. Her dreams were destroyed.

  For once, she was glad Mama wasn’t around.

  41

  Collapsing

  Sawyer picked up his phone for the millionth time, stared at the blank screen for a few seconds, and tossed it back on his bed. If he called Chey, what would he say? He shouldn’t need to apologize for rescuing a wasted friend. Chey should apologize to him for jumping to conclusions.

  But judging from the look on her face right before she fled, she wouldn’t be speaking to him anytime soon.

  He grabbed his sticks and started drumming. The rhythm usually helped straighten his tangled thoughts. But today, more than just his thoughts were tangled. His life was tangled.

  Across the room, Chey’s keyboard, still shiny-new, sat silent and accusing. If they’d been playing at her house, would she react like Justin and dump his drums at a transfer site?

  His hands froze. Why was he bothering to play anyway? He’d destroyed his band this summer—not once, but twice. Even if what he and Chey had wasn’t really a band, it was close enough. And what good was being a drummer without a band? Worthless.

  His chest cracked open and whatever hope he’d had oozed out. He was worthless.

  Sawyer stood and paced down the hall and back to his room, twisting the sticks in his hands. Now that Zoey was done with Aurora Fire, she’d be back with Justin in a week, two weeks tops. Because Justin was the good guy, the honest guy, the worthy guy. He’d forgive Zoey, and they’d play together again.

  But Sawyer was finished. When Justin and Zoey reformed their band, Sawyer wouldn’t be invited. And Chey hated him, but she’d probably end up joining Justin and Zoey’s band.

  He walked back into his room and picked up his laptop. He no longer needed his drums.

  ~*~

  When he heard the front door open later, Sawyer grabbed the flier and met Mom. “I’m taking the car.”

  “OK.” She closed the door and dropped her purse on the table. “Where are you going?”

  “Rhythm and Notes. They close in half an hour.”

  She arched her back stretching out the kinks of delivering plates of food for eight hours. Then she spied the paper in his hand. “Wait. What’s that?”

  “Nothing.” He turned the flier so she couldn’t see.

  “It’s something.”

  “I’ll be back in an hour.” Sawyer stepped around her, and she snatched the flier out of his hand.

  “You’re selling your drums?” She sounded disconnected, as if she didn’t understand what she was saying. “Why? What happened?”

  “Nothing.” He grabbed for the flier.

  “Not nothing.” She held it out of his reach and blocked the door. “You’re not going anywhere until you explain this.”

  “They’re my drums. I can sell them if I want.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. But you selling your drums is like...” Her head twitched back and forth searching for the right words. “Like me selling you.”

  “Huh?”

  “You love those drums more than anything. So why are you selling them? Do you need the money?” Her eyes widened, and her voice raced higher. “You accepted one of those credit cards that comes in the mail, and now you owe hundreds of dollars.”

  “No.”

  “Thousands of dollars?”

  “Mom, stop it. I don’t owe any money.”

  “That’s a relief.” The horror faded from her face. “Then why do you need the money?”

  “I don’t need the money. I just...don’t need the drums.” The confession tore a hole inside, and he avoided meeting her gaze.

  “That’s a lie.”

  “C’mon, Mom, let me go before the store closes.”

  “Not until you tell me the truth.”

  He groaned. Didn’t she see how hard this was without the third degree? “They’re my drums. I can do whatever I want with them.”

  “Yes, you can.” She hid the flier behind her back clearly not caring about his privacy. “And I let you do a lot more than most mothers would. Those gauges in your ears? I still think you’ll regret them in about ten years, but I let you get them. You remember why?”

  “Because I asked?” What did that have to do with selling his drums?

  “No. I let you because when I asked you why you wanted them, you told me the truth. You thought it was cool. Not a great reason, but an honest one. And you’re not leaving this house tonight unless you tell me the truth. Why are you selling your drums?”

  “Because I don’t have a band, so what’s the point?” Saying it out loud ripped the hole bigger.

  “What about Chey? You two sounded good yesterday.”

  “She came over this morning, but when she saw Zoey...” The hole filled with pain. He swallowed and stared at the floor. This hurt. “Anyway, Zoey will get back with Justin, and Chey will probably
join them. So why do I need drums?”

  “But—”

  “Don’t.”

  The sympathy in her voice tugged at the pain-filled hole threatening to pull it to the surface and spill its ugly guts.

  She sighed, a sound long and sorrowful. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” His voice was gruff trying to hide any hint of hurt. He yanked back his flier and walked out the door.

  When had everything fallen apart anyway? The night he’d kissed Zoey or the night she’d confessed? Sawyer glanced at the price he’d listed for the drums. Six hundred dollars or best offer—that’s what his betraying kiss was worth.

  But it cost him everything.

  42

  What I’ve Overcome

  Relief mingled with Zoey’s guilt. The house was empty. Maybe she should’ve asked Sawyer’s mom to take her to Livvy’s car. If she drove it home, she might get away with no one else finding out about last night. But she still wasn’t in any condition to drive, since climbing the stairs left her light-headed and exhausted. Maybe she’d come up with a plan after a nap.

  She crawled onto her bed and passed out until a knock woke her.

  “Huh, what?” She pushed up on her elbows and stared at the door.

  “Hey, you’re home.” Livvy stepped into the room, wearing a frown like a question mark. A gray streak—Tiger—darted through the open door. “Where’s my car?”

  A chill rolled over Zoey, waking her up completely. Did they have to talk about that before she was coherent? “It’s at the club.”

  “At the club? Why?”

  Zoey sat all the way up staring at the swirl of colors on her quilt. She needed some excuse, some explanation that wouldn’t get her into trouble.

  “Zoey, baby.” Livvy joined Zoey, and the mattress sagged. “What happened?”

  Maybe it was the fear in her sister’s voice or maybe it was how much like Mama she sounded, but suddenly, sobs exploded from Zoey. After all the tears she’d shed in the past two weeks, she’d expected to be all dried out. But these came from somewhere deep inside, the place where she’d locked up her deepest fear—failing Mama. Last night, she had.

  Livvy cradled her until the shaking and bawling slowed. She brushed back the hair clinging to Zoey’s tear-streaked cheeks. “Can you tell me now?”

  She sucked in an uneasy breath. “Vance kicked me out of Aurora Fire.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  “Because...” She didn’t have the strength to say anything but the truth. “I couldn’t perform last night.”

  “Why not?”

  Zoey raised her head. Sad lines were etched around Livvy’s eyes. Like Lexi and Sawyer, she seemed to already know. “Because I took something...and it made me pass out.”

  “Took something?” Livvy’s voice jumped an octave. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  “You don’t know? How could you?” Livvy jerked back, face red, eyes on fire. “That’s how people die, Zoey. Die! As in dead. Gone forever.”

  “I know, I know.” The tears started again, and she buried her face in her bent knees.

  “Oh, Zo.” Livvy sagged against her. “I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”

  “What?” Had she understood that? Zoey’s tears dried up. First Lexi admitted to drinking and drugs, now Livvy? What next? Would Justin call her up and confess to getting high on the weekends?

  “After you came home late this week, I got suspicious, but I didn’t know what to do.” Livvy twisted her hands in her lap. “I didn’t want to rat you out to Dad, and I really hoped you were telling the truth about falling asleep.”

  Goody, now she felt a million times worse. How was that even possible? “It was the truth.”

  “Really?” Livvy’s tone held no belief. “You just fell asleep?”

  “After having a beer,” she added in a small voice. Instead of feeling a weight lifted, the confession seemed to push Zoey down.

  “Oh, Zoey.” Livvy groaned.

  “Well, if you knew I was doing that, why didn’t you stop me?” Maybe if her big sister had stepped in sooner, she wouldn’t have been kicked out of the band.

  “I didn’t know how! No one was able to stop me.” Shame gripped Livvy’s words. “All I could think to do was pray God would intervene in some way before you ended up messing up in a way you couldn’t undo, like I did.”

  Seemed like God intervened about five minutes too late. But she was more curious about Livvy’s mistake than talking about her own. “How did you mess up? You’ve always been the responsible, grown-up one.”

  “Don’t you remember?”

  Zoey shook her head, not knowing what she was supposed to be remembering.

  “I wasn’t there the night Mama died. I was at a party, drinking and doing other...stuff. The cops raided it, and four hours after Mama passed, Dad was bailing me out of jail.”

  Zoey’s mouth hung open. This whole parallel universe thing was freaking her out. Was no one who they seemed to be? She searched the dusty corners of her memories. “I remember you and Dad fighting and lots of crying, but I thought it was just because of Mama and what was going on.”

  “It was more than that.” Now Livvy was crying. “While you couldn’t spend enough time with Mama, I couldn’t deal with watching her die. I missed out on her last few months of life, and I can never get those days back.”

  Suddenly, getting kicked out of Aurora Fire didn’t sound so terrible.

  “But her death sobered me up, and along with that grief counselor Dad made us see, I realized that while I couldn’t relive those months, I could learn something from it and live my life better because of it.”

  “I sort of remember you not being there, but Mama just said that you had friends and a life outside of the hospital. And we shouldn’t hold that against you because she didn’t.”

  “It took a lot of visits with that counselor before I didn’t hold it against me.” Livvy wiped the tears from her cheeks.

  Zoey shifted backward on her bed to lean against the pillows along the headboard.

  Livvy scooted next to her.

  “You think Mama’s disappointed in us?” Zoey stared at the aurora painted on her ceiling, too scared of the emotions on Livvy’s face to look at her.

  “Right after she died, I thought so. But later, I started thinking that if she knew her death was what straightened me out, she was probably pleased to know some good came from the timing.”

  “I failed her though. She always said I’d become famous with my singing, but I couldn’t survive in a real band.”

  “What do you mean ‘a real band’? What about with Justin and Sawyer? You did fine with them.”

  “But we weren’t really a band. Not yet. Aurora Fire had fans and venues. Justin, Sawyer, and I only had our friends and families and a church fellowship hall. How would we ever get famous with that?” Zoey sank into the pillows. “I blew it.”

  “Let me ask you something.” Livvy faced her. “Did you have fun singing and playing bass with Justin and Sawyer?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And what about with Aurora Fire? Did you have fun singing with them?”

  Fun? The lyrics that threatened to choke her? “No.”

  “You are an amazing singer, Zoey.”

  She struggled to believe that. Amazing didn’t seem to be the right adjective today.

  “Mama had faith that one day others would see that too.” Livvy’s conviction stirred up hope inside Zoey. “But she never intended for you to force it to happen by doing something that makes you miserable.”

  “Well, it doesn’t matter now.” If hope were a candle flame, reality was the wind blowing it out. “I don’t have anyone to sing with.”

  “What about Justin and Sawyer? I know you and Justin broke up, but don’t they still need you?”

  “We broke up because Sawyer and I kissed.”

  “Oh.” So many unsaid thoughts weighted Livvy’s simp
le word that it practically sank into the middle of the bed.

  She chanced a glance at Livvy out the corner of her eye. No disappointment, no sadness, no judgment. Some of her guilt eased.

  “Why’d you and Sawyer...”

  Zoey let the unfinished question fade before answering. “I don’t know. I was crying—big surprise, huh? I don’t think I’ve cried this much since Mama died.” Her mouth twitched with an almost-smile. “Anyway, he was being nice, hugging me and trying to reassure me, and...I kissed him, he kissed me. Then he turned all Sawyer on me swearing and running off.”

  “So are the two of you together now?”

  “No. He says it was a mistake.” She twisted to face Livvy. Now she’d admitted the kiss, she could finally pour out all her questions. “But I don’t know if I agree with him. I felt something when we kissed—something that was missing when Justin kissed me.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like excited.” Heat crept up her neck. “Like my toes curled, and I didn’t want him to leave. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?”

  Livvy sat quiet a moment, her mouth knotting to one side. “You know what Mama told me about boys when I started dating?”

  “No.” Zoey snapped the word, a little hurt by the reminder of mother-daughter moments she’d missed. “How could I?”

  “Good point. I probably should’ve shared this with you before. But she told me that I shouldn’t base falling in love on how attracted I was to his looks or how my heart fluttered when he spoke to me or the way my stomach flipped when he kissed me. Love is more than that. She told me to read I Corinthians 13 so I’d know what love really was.”

  “That’s the love chapter, isn’t it?”

  “Yep. And it says nothing about curling toes or fluttering hearts. It’s all about love being patient and kind, not being jealous or bragging or rude or crabby.”

  “In other words, love is everything Justin is and Sawyer is not.” Zoey flopped back against the pillows. “I really messed it up, didn’t I?”

  Livvy slipped her arm around Zoey’s shoulders. “Not necessarily. After all, if you’re not willing or able to show that kind of love to Justin, then maybe you should’ve broken up with him.”